Namjin AU - Pulling a book from a shelf at his favorite bookstore, a note fall out of it with 8 words written on it.

Let’s get to know each other.

Yes/No

Looking around Joon is sure someone is pranking him, and yet, curious, he circles YES and puts the book back in its place.

Returning to the bookstore a couple of days later, Joon is certain the note will either still be there (if the book itself is) or that the note will be gone without being replaced by another. He isn’t even sure why he cares so much. It’s silly and yet he’s intrigued somehow.

A green note falls from the pages this time—the original one was pink—and in the same handwriting it says:

:) I didn’t think anyone would ever say yes. Thank you. Let’s start with something easy. Which do you prefer:

Green/Blue.

Joon circles green and adds

will you stop if you won’t like my answer?

He slips the note back into its place and goes home. That night over some soju he tells his best friend, Yoongi, about the notes. Unsurprisingly he says it’s dumb yet encourages him to continue.

I guess you’ll have to wait and see to find out ;) I prefer blue, btw. Do you like pets? Or rather dogs?

Yes/No, I’m a monster

That sounds rather ominous. Also, it’s hard to say no if it means admitting to being evil, isn’t it? Rest assured I’m not lurking under your bed.

Joon doesn’t realize how his answer sounds until he’s home and the store closed. He buries his face in a pillow and laughs at himself.

Thankfully his new friend thinks he’s funny and draws a little doodle of a dog on the note. Joon wonders if he wants to keep it as memory.

He doesn’t, too afraid his new friend might come by before he’ll have the time to replace it and think Joon is already over it. If anything he’s only more intrigued. It feels old timey, like having a friend you write letters with yet don’t even know what they look like.

“Did you at least ask about his age?” Yoongi asks him a few days and notes later.
“I didn’t think about that,” Joon admits earning him /that/ kind of look from Yoongi, one that looks similar to the exasperated one he wore when Joon broke his glasses two weeks ago.

Joon contemplates asking about his new friends age, or what he does for a living, yet finds himself too nervous in the end. It makes no sense at all but he can’t help it.

Why Jung’s Map of the Soul?

he writes instead. Perhaps that’ll give him some of the answers he desires.

A friend recommended it to me, so I read it. But, that’s not the answer your looking for, is it?

Yes/No

Perhaps his new friend is a supernatural being and can read his mind. But wouldn’t he have to know who he is to do that?
Wait—
What if he’s watching him right now?

Looking around Joon finds that there’s no one there besides a very bored cashier and an elderly lady looking at cook books. Joon shakes his head and thinks he should have less caffein tomorrow.

He circles the No and hesitates before adding: will you tell me your name?

Yes/No

There’s excitement bubbling in Joon’s stomach as he walks into the store on Friday. Perhaps he’ll finally get at least a name, get a little closer to finding out who his mysterious stranger may be.

He pulls out the book and catches the note before it falls.

Nothing.

Oh...

Unwilling to give up on his new friend just yet, Joon doesn't allow himself to ponder the possibility of having scared him off after all. So, the following day, he comes back again but the note Joon filled in is still there.

Four days later, there's a small ache in his chest.

Just over a week passes and Joon decides to give it one last try. If his note is still there, it means fate is telling him to let it go even if that thought makes him sad. Perhaps he’s being irrational in wanting to hold on to this, but life is hard and /he/ made him smile.

Taking a deep breath, Joon reaches for the book and pulls it out. He catches the note—it’s purple—and watches as two more fall to his feet like snowflakes. Huh? That’s different. After putting the book away, he picks up the other notes.

For some reason he’s nervous to read them.

I’m sorry, the first one reads, nothing more than that. If there weren’t two more notes, Joon would think it’s a goodbye. Then again, that could be on the other ones just as well. Though, if it were so, why bother?

Quickly he switches to the next note instead of overthinking it.

I owe you more than that, though people might say I don’t. We’re just two strangers exchanging notes after all, but I still consider you my friend. Maybe I’m a loser for that, but it’s true.

Then I guess I’m a loser as well, Joon scribbles below it and adds a wonky smiley.

I’m sorry for being so wasteful and chewing your ear off. You signed up for yes or no questions and silliness after all, right? Perhaps one day I’ll tell you exactly why I didn’t return for a week, but for now I’ll share my name instead. I hope that’s okay.

Hi, I’m Seokjin.

Next to the name is a doodle of a waving sheep or alpaca. It’s really cute.

Nice to meet you, Seokjin-ssi, Joon whispers with a smile on his face and feels just a bit silly for it. After worrying for a week, there’s a certain happiness making him feel a little bit lighter now.

More than okay, Joon writes on the third note though there isn’t much space left. I’m Namjoon. :)

Throughout the weekend Joon’s mood is on a positive high he’s barely familiar with. He cleans his apartment and smiles most of the time, even work doesn’t seem so tiring either.

Their exchange of notes turns regular again and neither brings up Seokjin’s absence again. Instead they go through more questions and conversations about movies they’ve enjoyed, some song Seokjin claims won’t leave his head, and something that made Joon laugh earlier that day.

It’s so...easy. Much easier than talking to most people Joon encounters in his everyday life.
He talks about it with Yoongi, who thinks the anonymity plays a big role, the lack of expectations and visuals, which, even if you try to stop it, will always matter one way or another.

Joon jokes about how he sees Seokjin as the little alpaca he draws regularly onto his notes after Joon tells him how cute it is. Of course he’s curious, but in a way, he doesn’t care. However Seokjin may look, he’ll still be his hyung, this friend that makes him incredibly happy.

At some point Joon approaches the cashier and says he wants to buy the book him and Seokjin have been using while asking for it to remain in its place. To his surprise, Seokjin long beat him to it. Perhaps he cares about this as much as Joon. It makes him feel warm and tingly.

Next time Seokjin warns him that he might not respond for a couple of days and Joon is grateful but still worries, wants to ask if he’s okay or needs help, but finds himself too afraid and unwilling to pry. Unless Seokjin tells him, he won’t ask or say anything. He can wait.

Yet still Joon walks into the bookstore the following Wednesday after work to check just in case Seokjin came by quicker than anticipated.

His heart falls with worry as he spots a stranger standing in their aisle and pulls their book off the shelf.

“I think I saw him today,” Joon tells Yoongi later that day, his mind still racing with questions and thoughts, most of which he doesn’t feel quite ready to consider quite yet.
“Who?”
“Seokjin hyung.”
Yoongi lightly nods as though considering that answer and its implications.

Joon tells him about the man he watched replace their note with a new one, and about the smile Joon noticed on his face, though he couldn’t see it in its entirety. He never really turned in Joon’s direction.
Yoongi listens and let’s Joon just talk, his words like a waterfall.

“What now?” Yoongi finally asks once Joon finishes his tale and turns quiet. He merely tilts his head, unsure what Yoongi means by that. “Will you tell him? Does you knowing what he looks like change anything? And didn’t you say he’d be gone until the end of the week?”

Joon doesn’t have any answers to those questions. He doesn’t even know yet what the new note says since he rushed out of the bookstore as though afraid of being seen. Like Seokjin would even realize who he is. That realization hadn’t hit until a few minutes and streets later.

The following day Joon returns to the bookstore and is met with another drawing of the cute alpaca. There’s a small speech bubble that says “hope you’re having a great week, Namjoonie”.

If someone were to ask, Joon would never admit how much that nickname made his heart race.

He needs to get a grip, he knows that. He’s in way too deep and he isn’t even sure how he ended up here. Months have gone by and he is far too attached to this not quite so faceless stranger of whom he doesn’t even know his full name or phone number or what he does for a living.

With the note in hand he walks over to the small reading corner and for a little while he just sits there and looks at the drawing pondering what he should do. Isn’t it odd that Seokjin never even mentioned ever wanting to meet him or exchange numbers? Isn’t he curious as well?

Before he knows it, Joon’s mood dips and his prior happiness fades away like the last rays of sunshine before the night begins. Seokjin cares, otherwise he would never continue for so long, but what if this is were it ends? If they’ll remain essentially strangers forever?

Perhaps Yoongi was right, visuals will always matter even if only because they make things so much more real than just these words on different colored pieces of paper. But just because it’s real, that doesn’t mean it’s bad. Perhaps it’s good? Or could be?

“Excuse me?”

Surprised, Joon looks up to find a guy standing before him.
“You’re Namjoon, right? The notes guy?” he asks, his voice deep and his eyes kind thought his curly hair falls into them. Joon merely nods, confused and unsure. “Great. I have something for you from my hyung.”

It’s a book, a picture book to be precise, or perhaps a graphic novel, Joon isn’t too certain on the distinction. With another smile and a polite bow the stranger turns away and leaves while Joon feels only a tenfold more confused. Is he a friend of Seokjin’s? He must be, right?

Quickly he folds their note and puts it in his pocket before having a closer look at the picture book. The cover is light colors and brush strokes with smiling characters and a vague nature scenery.

Something about the art style seems familiar to him.

𝘒𝘪𝘮 𝘚𝘦𝘰𝘬𝘫𝘪𝘯

Oh?

Joon opens the book and decides to read it, curious, his hands ever so lightly trembling while his thoughts race with questions and wonderment. It’s beautiful, every page done with obvious care and devotion to detail, the characters unique and distinct, and the story quite cute.

The further he reads the more he smiles, endeared, something happy blooming inside of him as though the simple story is able to heal something within him.

Pulling out the note, he lays it next to a page showing all the characters and, well, it’s undeniably the same art style.

Looking at the alpaca Seokjin always draws, Joon had wondered if he is simply good at doodling or perhaps if he does something for a living involving art. He never considered something like this, though it’s a curious revelation.

The book doesn’t explain much, but it’s a start.

All the way at the end he finds the ‘about the author’ page and there he is, the man he’s certain he saw a while ago who exchanged their notes. This popular author and artist—this Kim Seokjin—is his Seokjin hyung.

Below his biography is a cellphone number written with a pen.

Leaning back in the armchair, the book open in his lap, Joon takes a deep breath, calms himself. He wondered why Seokjin never asked for his number, or if he should bring up the topic himself, and now, like he magically could sense Joon’s pondering and inner turmoil, it’s there.

It’s confusing and odd, yet Joon is so happy. Relieved. He was so close to giving this up and now...

But, one thing he really doesn’t understand is how Seokjin knew Joon would be here today, and at this time, if he hadn’t planned it? And knowing this, why didn’t he come himself?

Well, there is only one way to find out the answers to my questions, Joon reasons on his way home from the bookstore, the newly acquired picture book resting between his notebooks and laptop. Finally there’s a way for him to talk to Seokjin more directly.

Sure, now it’ll be words on a screen instead of handwritten notes, but that’s still that little bit closer. Thinking about it, Joon still can’t quite wrap his head around Seokjin being an author who spends his time writing and painting beautiful stories. Then again, it suits him.

Finally, after arriving home, taking a shower and scarfing down some dinner, Joon sits down on his sofa with his phone in hand and thinks about what he should write. It all sounds painfully awkward no matter how he phrases it.

And people say he’s good with words, yeah, right.

Your art is beautiful, Seokjin hyung, he types and, while it still sounds awful, cheesy and awkward, it’s sadly the best he can come up with. Especially with how nervous he feels, his heart beating quicker, more forcefully and noticeably, and his hands weak and unsteady.

I was wondering if you’d text me, Namjoonie, but I’m really glad you did, comes a reply a minute or two later. I hope my brother didn’t say anything odd when he gave you the book.

Oh? That was his brother? It certainly explains a few things, though not necessarily many.

For a little while they talk about their day, and how nice it is to not have to wait days for a reply, how much they can say without running out of space. He yearns to ask Seokjin about so many things, find out more and get to know him better, but he’s far too overwhelmed.

A solid week passes full of texts and even a select few pictures, including a selca each under the pretense of needing them for their respective contacts. Even if asked, Joon will never admit how much time he spent marveling at Seokjin’s handsome face and beautiful eyes.

Eventually, the curiosity gets to Joon. It takes him half his break at work to figure out which question to ask first. In the end he settles on ‘how did you know I would be at the bookstore that day?’

The idol you’re working with on his next song.

Joon frowns, unsettled. Huh?

What??

I’m sorry, that must sound awful, please let me rephrase and explain, Seokjin types back within seconds.

Joon swallows unsure while he watches the dots dance as Seokjin types his explanation though Joon’s mind conjures up all sorts of weird, likely unfair, scenarios.

My brother’s better half is idol Park Jimin.

Joon’s been on Jimin’s team ever since he was preparing for his debut. He watched him grow up, win his first trophy at a music show, and was there when he won his first daesang. Though had he really mentioned Seokjin to him?

Jimin mentioned his lyricist and producer to Taehyung a few times, Seokjin continues, and how this guy apparently obsessively visits this one bookstore for months now. Curious, I asked for the producers name. I didn’t seriously think it could be you until he said Kim Namjoon.

Had he really been so obvious? Clearly he had. Heat rises to Joon’s face and he slouches on his sofa while wondering if he ever said something embarrassing that Jimin might’ve told Taehyung, and subsequently Seokjin, about.

How long have you known? he asks once Seokjin is done.

Please don’t be mad.

Will I potentially have reason to be?

I showed the selca you sent me to Taehyung and Jimin, who confirmed that you really are the producer in question.

Oh. That’s not too long, though in a way, it’s still a little unfair. Well, it’s done and over now.

Are you mad, Namjoonie? I’m sorry.

Biting his lip Joon types back I’m too weak for you calling me that to be mad. Very unfair.

Is that so? Interesting, very interesting.

There’s something I’d like to ask you but I don’t want to overstep any lines, hyung.

Should I be worried?

No matter how worried Seokjin might be, Joon is certain he’s far more. He knows he shouldn’t be, the question inevitable, simple and obvious, and yet he can’t help it. Though there’s something calming about Seokjin that takes the edge off his nervousness like no one else does.

Seokjin hyung, why’d you leave that note in the book? As author I’m sure you don’t have a shortage of possibilities to meet people, so why that?

The message appears as read within seconds but the dots indicating that Seokjin’s typing do not.

Oh no.

Then, his phone rings.

At first Joon just looks at the screen proclaiming INCOMING CALL - SEOKJINNIE HYUNG transfixed by the mere sight, but also the implication and impending realness of hearing Seokjin’s voice for the first time.

Their first conversation outside of papers, pens and screens.

Oh.

The ringing continues and finally pulls Joon out of his thoughts enough to tap the accept button and turn on the speaker instead of holding the phone to his ear. A warm and soft giggle fills Joon’s living room followed by a gentle: “Hello, Namjoonie.”

How to words? How to speak?

“Hi,” Joon manages to say, his voice shaky even on those two simple letters. It’s embarrassing, and he’s being ridiculous, but he can’t help it. This is a big deal, at least to him.
“For a moment I thought I’m being too forward and should’ve asked beforehand,” Seokjin adds shyly.

“No, hyung, not at all, I-I just...”
“Is it mean of me to say I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s nervous?”
And just like that, with this simple question, part of Joon’s nerves melt away, his worried mind soothed and calmed, reassured in a way. He laughs a little before saying:

“It’s really nice to finally know what you sound like, hyung.”
“Likewise, believe me.”
Joon smiles, giddy, and looks to his ceiling somehow feeling like he’s a teen again talking to his first crush. Oh. Oh?

After that their conversation flows easier, pleasant and less hesitant.

It isn’t until a good twenty minutes pass that Seokjin remembers the actual purpose of his call, Joon sitting up a little straighter again, listening attentively and curiously. It’s easy to hear the nervousness creeping into Seokjin’s voice, the slight hesitance.

“Hyung?”
A short pause. “Yes?”
“You dont actually have to tell me now if you don’t feel like it’s the right time after all, or this requires for you to say more than you’re ready and willing to at this point. If I knew this is a sensitive topic, I would’ve waited. I’m sorry.”

TW // mention/brief discussion about anxiety/mental illnesses in a broader sense, it’s nothing major or anything but I thought I’ll mention this just in case - I’ll mark the moment it’ll be over

“Is it foolish of me to say that I feel like I can trust you?” Seokjin wonders after another slightly longer pause.
“No,” Joon says and lightly shakes his head even though he can’t see it. “For what it’s worth, I feel the same.”
“I...I have really bad social anxiety...”

Oh.
“It’s why I disappeared for that week the first time, and why I said I’d be gone once again last week,” Seokjin continues while the puzzle pieces move into the right places in Joon’s mind. OH. “I’ve tried meeting people the ‘usual’ way, but it ended badly a couple times...”

TW over

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Joon says after Seokjin turns quiet, “I’m sorry that people didn’t meet you with kindness. I’m glad you’re comfortable enough to tell me. Thank you. I was worried about you, which I’m not saying to make you feel bad, I just mean that it all makes sense now.”

“Are you...”
“Am I?” Joon waits patiently as Seokjin moves around, a quiet rustling emerging from the speaker like he might me moving a blanket perhaps.
“Are you disappointed?”
“I see no reason why I should be, Jinnie hyung.”
“I like that name.” Joon swears he can hear him smile.

“So,” Jimin says and looks at him with a glint in his eyes that Joon isn’t certain what to make of, “the bookstore, huh?”
Joon is fairly certain he’s blushing like an idiot and quickly tries to think of some kind of explanation or answer but comes up with nothing.

Well, at least nothing he wants to tell the idol. Jimin always reminds him they’re friends, but it’s still different. Jimin never told him much about his private life or Taehyung either, just mentioned a ‘boyfriend’ in passing who was nameless and faceless for years.

“TaeTae told me Seokjin hyung looks happy, which makes TaeTae happy and in turn me,” Jimin continues. “Be nice to him.” He’s smiling and yet it still sounds like a threat. Joon nods again and smiles. He can’t imagine being anything but nice, good and sweet toward Seokjin.

Now that they’ve upgraded to texting he’s the first and last thing on Joon’s mind when he wakes up and is about to fall asleep. Seokjin’s words fill his day and Joon wants to tell him about everything and anything he sees or that he thinks Seokjin could like or laugh at.

Occasionally, though getting there took quite a while, they even FaceTime each other. After Seokjin explained how phone and video calls even with his friends make him anxious at times, it makes Joon cherish his trust and these moments and precious hours only so much more.

Knowing Seokjin is laughing and actually seeing and hearing it, they’re two very different things. The latter is definitely better.

During breaks at work and in the evenings at home Joon does research on social anxiety so he can understand Seokjin better and be there for him.

He even goes as far as asking Yoongi’s boyfriend Hoseok about it, since he’s a child psychologist.

Whenever Seokjin opens up about his struggles, Joon listens and tries to help him feel like it’s okay, that he’s okay, and assured him that he’ll never judge him for any of it.

“I finished the final copy edits for the book,” Seokjin tells him on a rainy Thursday evening. He hasn’t told Joon much about the plot or the new character he decided to introduce. He doesn’t mind though even if he’s very curious. But he gladly waits like everyone else.

“That’s amazing, Jinnie hyung,” Joon says smiling, proud, and looks at the ceiling.
Sometimes he wonders what it’d be like if Seokjin would sit next to him while they talk, what it would feel like to hold his hand or see the smile bloom on his face without a camera and screen.

“Actually, there’s something I wanted to ask you.”
It isn’t unusual for Joon to hear nervousness in Seokjin’s voice, but it sounds different this time. “Ask whatever you like.”
“I...um...”
“Would you prefer to type it?” Joon offers knowing that made it easier in the past.

They end the call and Joon tries his best not to freak out while he waits for the text. Seokjin types on and off as though he’s reconsidering his words again and again, too afraid or shy to type and send them. He’s gotten more comfortable around Joon, but it’s a process still.

Seokjin once told him he even gets anxious before texting his own brother at times despite how close they are. Joon assured him that it’s okay, that he gets it, and that he doesn’t mind Seokjin needing more time to be comfortable and confident.

Joon likes him a lot regardless.

There will be a small launch day event at ‘our’ bookstore for my book and I was wondering if you’d like to come?

I’d love to! <3

Joon only realizes what that invitation really means after they’ve long said goodnight.

Oh.

OH.

He’s finally going to meet Seokjin in person!

The day of the launch event approaches quicker than Joon thought it would. Between adding finishing touches to Jimin’s songs, working on some side projects, and texting Seokjin, Joon didn’t have much time to think about it but now, the day of, he already wakes up freaking out.

“What if I make an idiot of myself, Yoongi hyung?” Joon asks.
“If that were supposed to happen it long would’ve. You’ll be fine.”
“But...”
Yoongi shakes his head adamantly. “No ‘but’. It’ll be like talking on the phone, just without said phone.”
“So literally nothing like it.”

“I’m older so I’m right. Now go get ready and text me when you get there so I know you didn’t chicken out.”
No matter how nervous he may be, he would never do something like that to Seokjin.
They end the call and for a while Joon tries to figure out what to wear, like it matters.

It’s not a date or anything, he’ll just be another face in the crowd, and yet he wants to make a good impression on Seokjin. He’s been very quiet all day, his responses bare minimum and far between, but Joon understands it. An event like this is quite nerve racking for Seokjin.

Joon wishes he could share his burden, help him somehow, but besides showing up and sending encouraging texts, there is nothing he can do. He sends Seokjin a selca with ‘fighting! ’ beneath it but isn’t surprised when the text switches to read but no answer arrives.

The bookstore is already relatively crowded when Joon arrives. There are families with kids, groups of teens, and a couple of people around Joon’s age or even older. Banners advertise the event and Seokjin’s new book, the cover gorgeously designed and even more magical.

Somehow Joon manages to get a seat in the second row. There’s an excited energy lingering in the air. And then, finally, it’s time.

The MC for the event—Taehyung—steps onto the small makeshift stage and introduces his brother and his book. Once he’s done, Kim Seokjin enters.

Joon’s mouth turns dry. The selcas and few FaceTime calls really didn’t do Seokjin justice because somehow he looks even more stunning and handsome in person than Joon thought he would. Despite his radiant smile and cheerful appearance Joon can see the nervousness in his eyes.

And yet, as he talks about his book, answers a few questions, and eventually reads a couple of pages, his voice doesn’t waver even once. His voice is steady, calm, and so pleasant to listen to. Looking around Joon realizes just how captivated everyone is following his every word.

Seokjin turns to the page introducing the new character, RJ. Surprised Joon realizes that it’s the alpaca he used to draw for Joon. Part of him wonders if Koya taking care of their new shy and insecure friend is an analogy to Seokjin and him, but that’s too far fetched, right?

“You did amazingly, Jinnie hyung,” Joon says and hands his book to Seokjin so he can sign it. He’s the last in line, most of the crowd having left by now while others linger yet don’t pay them much attention.
Seokjin’s pretty eyes light up and he bites his lower lip. Cute.

“Hi, Joonie,” he answers, and really, Joon thinks if one were to turn his voice saying his name into honey, it’d be the sweetest and most delicious one. “I’m glad you came.”
“I’d never miss this. RJ seems like a very sweet character, I’m sure people will love him.”

“You’re not mad that I used him in the story even thought I originally created him for you?” There’s something hesitant in his voice, honest worry.
“I hope Koya will be able to help him and be a good, special friend for him, along with the other characters.”
“RJ likes him a lot.”

Joon tries his hardest not to read anything into those words, the whole exchange. They are just characters, nothing more.
They continue talking while helping the bookstore staff clean everything up. It’s nice, easy, and seeing Seokjin smile and laugh—much better without a screen.

“It was...” Seokjin begins but trails off, his eyes looking away to the side shyly. Something about it is unfairly endearing and makes Joon want to hug him, even if he’s nervous all of a sudden himself as well.
“Wait,” Joon says too quickly and looks for a pen and paper.

Seokjin watches him with a confused (and cute) frown lingering between his brows as Joon scribbles a few words onto a blue note hoping they’re legible. He hands it to Seokjin along with the pen a moment later.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO FOR A COFFEE WITH ME? :)

YES/MAYBE ANOTHER DAY

That evening Joon lies on his bed and reads Seokjin’s new book. He isn’t upset that he declined going for a coffee, even less so since Seokjin sent him a lengthy text an hour after they parted ways explaining why.
After all his research, Joon gets it. Besides, they have time.

The illustrations are gorgeous, the colors a little lighter, softer, than in the previous ones, and the story truly beautiful. There isn’t much text, but what’s there is more than enough. He can feel Seokjin in those words, the messages he wants to convey through his art.

Friendship, self acceptance and love, kindness, and finding the people that’ll make you feel safe, cherished, and home. Seokjin told him how much he struggles with some of it himself still, and if he can help someone else even just a little, that’ll be the greatest gift.

Seokjin said the truth, RJ does like Koya a lot by the end of the story. There’s something so gentle about them, enough so that it makes Joon think about him and Seokjin again, this thing they’ve steadily been growing between them. It’s fragile yet strong at once, he thinks.

Flipping back to the title page Joon looks at Seokjin’s signature and the few words he wrote next to it.

To Namjoon, the most extraordinary and kind person I know. Thank you for circling YES.
Yours, Seokjinnie

Perhaps his vision turns a little blurry by the end of it.

They go back to texting and exchanging a couple pictures and videos, and without Joon truly noticing it at first they start to FaceTime more and talk on the phone whenever the other just feels like hearing the other’s voice. It’s exciting and, okay, maybe it’s time.

Joon admits, though only to himself for now, that he’s definitely fallen for Seokjin. And sure, he would completely accept it if they’d stay friends and nothing would ever happen, yet admitting and accepting that fact makes him...lighter?
Seokjin simply makes him happy.

Jimin’s comeback comes and goes, Joon watches him on TV as he wins awards at music shows with pride. He earned it, and seeing him perform the song they’ve worked so hard on makes it all so very worth it.
Jimin earned this, the awards, the countless number ones across the globe.

On his free day Joon goes to the bookstore. It’s been a while, he misses it, and also Yoongi asked him to pick up a book he ordered since he doesn’t have time today to do it himself.

A sense of familiarity overcomes Joon as he walks up to their self and picks up their book.

He can’t quite believe it’s still there, that Seokjin didn’t simply take it home once they stopped using the notes. A surprised gasp escapes him as a green note falls from the book and drifts to the floor. Joon doesn’t even have to pick it up to recognize Seokjin’s handwriting.

Dear Namjoonie,
While I’m writing this it’s been exactly half a year since you replied the first time. I never expected for our exchange to grow this far, for you to make yourself a little home in my heart, or, really, for you to still like me once you’d know the truth about me.

I’m happy all of it happened, and I’m grateful to call you my friend. I don’t know if you think it’s strange that we’ve so far only met once. I feel a little bad for it, I’ll admit. But, unfortunately, these things aren’t so easy for me. I’m sorry, though I can’t change it.

Believe me, I truly want to spend more time with you without screens and phones and distance. Would you like that, too? I hope so. And I hope you’re not tired of me just yet.
There’s something I’d love for us to do once you’ll find this note. I’m nervous at the thought of it.

Then again, many things make me nervous, especially around you. But that’s due to other reasons. Perhaps one day I’ll tell you all about them. Either way, if you’d like to give my idea a try, even without knowing what it is, text me your answer.

YES / NO

Yours,
Seokjinnie

On a late Friday afternoon, the sky as though set on fire, Joon comes to a halt in front of a small cafe. Checking his phone Joon makes sure he’s at the right place, the name definitely the same one Seokjin texted him.

Taking a steadying and calming breath, Joon goes inside.

It’s cozy and not too crowded, a steady hum of voices and soft music playing over hidden speakers, the air filled with coffee and different sweet pastries. Looking around Joon soon spots Seokjin across the cafe standing near to the cashier and having a conversation with him.

He looks amazing dressed in a dark gray coat and black pants, Joon’s heart skipping a beat as Seokjin turns and their eyes meet, a smile pulling at Seokjin’s lips, his face lighting up beautifully. How did I get so lucky, Joon wonders, mesmerized, as he approaches him.

As it turns out the cashier—Jungkook according to his name tag—is a friend of Seokjin’s, the two having worked together once in the past.
“Order whatever you’d like, it’s on me,” Seokjin says but, when Joon asks what they’ll be doing, he merely shakes his head a little shyly.

With a cup of coffee each they step out of the cafe, the sky a little darker by now. Seokjin pulls out his phone and attaches some adapter to it with two pairs of headphones connected to it. Joon doesn’t miss how Seokjin’s hand visibly trembles as he hands him one of them.

“I don’t know if it’s any kind of consolation but I’m nervous and excited as well,” Joon says and smiles at Seokjin in a way he hopes looks kind and friendly. Seokjin averts his eyes, lightly bites his lower lip and then, a hesitant nod.
It’s impossibly endearing.

“I’m-I’m not good with words,” Seokjin begins and Joon has to stop himself from disagreeing, “but I wanted to show you things about me, music I like and small places that mean something to me. I don’t know, maybe it’s a bit stupid...”
“Not at all,” Joon assures him.

“I’d call it thoughtful, sweet even.”
There’s something special in the way Seokjin blushes so much his ears turn red, his eyes shy and a smile on his lips. Joon could look at him for hours, listen to his voice even longer, and never get bored, ever. Fine, perhaps he’s got it bad.

They put in their headphones and Seokjin presses play on the playlist he prepared. A moment later after exchanging glances and smiles, they begin to walk. Joon has never done something like this before. They easily fall into step next to each other, the music soft.

There are acoustic songs, something played on a lone piano, others a little happier and upbeat. It almost feels like an exploration of every emotion and trait that makes Seokjin, well, Seokjin. It’s interesting how music is able to do these things, Joon thinks.

He produces it for a living, but the feelings and imagery Seokjin’s playlist creates is something completely different, exciting in a way Joon can’t explain.
They stop in front of different places and sights, Seokjin lowering the volume as he tells Joon about their significance.

His childhood home, a little community library, a playground, a tree on a small hill in a park, all of them a small piece of Seokjin. They grew up differently and yet Joon feels like somehow he’s known Seokjin far longer than he really does, that warmth in his heart growing.

“Can I ask you something, hyung?” Joon asks as they stop at a crossing and wait for the lights to turn green. Seokjin nods. Joon tries to calm his heart—and fails—before asking: “Is this a date?”
Perhaps it’s a stupid question, the answer obvious to everyone but him, and yet.

Of course Joon hopes the answer is yes, his hand almost physically itching to reach for Seokjin’s even if only to know what it would feel like, his heart yearning to even as much as hug him, but if the answer is no, that, too, would be okay.
Joon would never want to ruin this.

“I—,” Seokjin tries, the single letter coming out a little quiet, unsteady. Oh no, had he messed up by asking? Overwhelmed him? Too much, too fast?
“It’s okay, I get it,” Joon says quickly. “Come on, the light is green.”
Joon smiles, hopes they’re still okay, and begins to walk.

He doesn’t even manage a step before a hand wraps itself around his wrist and stops him. Joon’s eyes dart to the single point of contact and then up to Seokjin’s face, his eyes, nervousness loudly and brightly written across them.
“I-I’d like that, if it could be one, I mean.”

“Seokjinnie hyung,” Joon says, fond and relieved and about a million other things at once. “I’d like that as well.”
Seokjin let’s go of his wrist, takes Joon’s hand, their fingers intertwining. It’s warm and soft and Joon thinks he’s never been this happy and in love before.

They continue walking around until the moon sits high in the sky, the playlist starting its second, or third, run through, and their feet are aching, their hands though remaining together the entire time. Eventually they arrive in front of the building Seokjin lives in.

For a little while they stand and talk a little longer as though Seokjin is just as unwilling to let their date end just yet. But it’s late and Joon knows he should go home and sleep considering he has to get up early tomorrow. But how can he when Seokjin smiles shyly, cutely?

When he looks so happy? The sight makes his heart jump a little with a warm kind of joy that spreads through his entire body. He squeezes Seokjin’s hand a little, thanks him for the lovely evening, for showing him so much, though his words will never be quite enough.

“I’m glad you liked it,” Seokjin says quietly. “And you’re sure it wasn’t too much? I didn’t ramble too much?”
“If it were possible I’d listen to you talk about whatever you’d like until the morning and then some,” Joon assures him hoping it’ll calm his anxious mind a little.

“Can I hug you?” Joon asks after a moment of silence. Seokjin looks up, his eyes widening ever so briefly, Joon nearly missing it. But then, he smiles and nods, yes.
It feels right, Joon’s arms pulling Seokjin close, like they were made like two perfectly fitting puzzle pieces.

There are no grand declarations, no kisses, just holding hands and a hug before saying goodbye, yet Joon swears it’s the best date he’s ever been on.

The next day when he tells Yoongi all about it, he chuckles and says Joon is whipped in a way he’s never seen him be before.

A couple of days go by, Joon and Seokjin occupied by work but still exchanging texts and FaceTiming in the evenings. Joon looks forward to it every time, the couple of minutes when he gets to see and hear Seokjin the highlights of his days.
He even adds a to Seokjin’s contact.

“Would you like to visit me at the studio?” he asks Seokjin two weeks later. He’s seemed a little off since the previous day, quiet, his answers short and suspiciously far between. Seokjin is probably having ones of those days, or it’s the beginning of one of those weeks.

If there’s any kind of way Joon could help, if Seokjin will let him, he’d like to try. So far Seokjin preferred to just be alone, retreat into himself until the low would pass, but perhaps? He’s allowed Joon this far into his life and heart, maybe there’s enough trust?

“You wouldn’t mind?” Seokjin asks, voice small, unsure. If he could, Joon would pull him into a big hug.
“I’d love some company, and, well, you’ve shown me things important to you, so now it’s my turn. If you feel up for it. But don’t force yourself, Jinnie hyung.”

It takes an hour until Seokjin arrives. Joon meets him in the lobby so he doesn’t have to interact with anyone. Quickly he leads him to the fifth floor and his studio. It isn’t particularly big nor does it looks special, but it’s one of Joon’s favorite places.
“Welcome to Rkive.”

Curious he watches Seokjin have a look around, his eyes wandering over the few pictures on the wall, the covers of Jimin’s and a few other idols albums, and a couple of figurines Joon collected.
“Oh,” Seokjin says and carefully touches one of the pictures like it could break.

Joon feels heat rise to his face and he bites his lower lip. “I hope you don’t mind? Looking at it gave me strength.”
Seokjin’s ears turn red. “I’m glad.”
The picture is of Seokjin, actually, standing with the night skyline of Seoul behind him, a beautiful smile on his lips.

For the next couple of hours Seokjin sits on the couch and watches as Joon works, rearranges parts of a song though none sound quite right. Occasionally he asks for Seokjin’s opinion, listens to his feedback, and tries again. At some point Seokjin moves to a chair next to him.

Time passes, Seokjin’s hand somehow finding its way into Joon’s free one, his head resting against Joon’s shoulder, the atmosphere that comfortable quiet that doesn’t need to be filled at all. This is nice, Joon thinks and leans his cheek against the top of Seokjin’s head.

“Thank you, Joonie,” Seokjin says as the song fades out.
“For what?”
“Inviting me here,” he clarifies. “I-I wasn’t well but coming here, spending time with you, it helped me calm down, get out of my head, and just relax instead of letting the anxious thoughts consume me.”

“Thank you for trusting me enough to come,” Joon says with a happy smile which only grows so much larger when Seokjin squeezes his hand and then kisses his cheek.
Oh.
Oh that’s nice.
Turning in his chair, he pulls Seokjin into a hug, their knees bumping against each other.

The position is awkward but neither really cares. They stay that way for a little while, Joon wondering if Seokjin can hear just how hard his heart is beating. Perhaps he does since he moves his hand enough so to place his open palm right above it. Somehow it beats even harder.

“Namjoonie,” he says and raises his head to look at Joon, the expression in his eyes searching, hesitant, but also something else Joon can’t quite decipher. Or perhaps he’s too afraid to.
“Yes?”
“I-I’d really like to kiss you.”
“Are you sure?” Joon asks, surprised.

He wants to make sure he’s certain so he won’t regret it.
“Like never before,” Seokjin admits and perhaps Joon’s heart skips a beat, maybe two. “And you?”
“I really like you, hyung, a lot actually. I’d want nothing more, but I don’t expect it of you, okay? I’m happy either way.”

The air seems charged as Seokjin’s eyes flick from Joon’s eyes to his lips and back, his trembling hand moving from above Joon’s heart to his neck. When their lips finally meet, it’s gentle, light, yet enough to make Joon feel like he’s on fire, crave more, and happier than ever.

{to be continued - don’t bookmark this tweet}

Thoughts? Reactions? Please do share them with me.

Thank you so, so much for reading!

G’night!