Thread by @danajaybein, I've lost my mind.I wrote Coronavirus Rhapsody:Is this a sore throat?Is this [...]

I've lost my mind.

I wrote Coronavirus Rhapsody:

Is this a sore throat?
Is this just allergies?
Caught in a lockdown
No escape from reality.

Don’t touch your eyes
Just hand sanitize quicklyyyyy
I’m just a poor boy, no job security
Because of easy spread, even though
washed your hands, laying low
I look out the window, the curve doesn’t look flatter to me, to me

mama, just killed a man
i didn’t stay inside in bed
I walked by him, now he’s dead
mama, life was so much fun
but now I’ve caught this unforgiving plague

mama, oooooh
didn’t mean to make them die
if I’m not back to work this time tomorrow
carry on, carry on as if people didn’t matter

oo late, my time has come
sends shivers down my spine
body’s aching all the time
goodbye everybody, I’ve got the flu
gotta leave you all behind and face the truth

mama, oooooh
I don’t wanna die
I sometimes wish I never went out at all

I see a little silhouette of a man
what a douche, what a douche
did he even wash his hands though
security is tightening
very very frightening me
Gotta lay low (gotta lay low)
Gotta lay low (gotta lay low)
Gotta lay low masturbate
Masturbate O O O O

I’m just a poor boy, facing mortality
HE’S JUST A POOR BOY FACING MORTALITY
spare him his life from this monstrosity

Touch your face, wash your hands, will you wash your hands?
BISMILLAH NO WE WILL NOT WASH OUR HANDS! (WASH YOUR HANDS!)
BISMILLAH NO WE WILL NOT WASH OUR HANDS! (WASH YOUR HANDS)

BISMILLAH WE WILL NOT WASH YOUR HANDS! (WASH YOUR HANDS!)
WASH YOUR HANDS! (never, never, never wash your hands oh oh oh oh oh oh oh)
No no no no no
Oh mama mia, mia (mama mia wash your hands!)
COVID-19 has a sickness put aside for me, for me

So you think you can stop me and just shake my hand?
So you think we can hang out and not break our plans?
Oh baby, can’t do this with me, baby,
Just gotta stay home, just gotta stay home with my fever

oooooh

Curving can get flatter
Anyone can see
Curving can get flatter
Curving can get flatter, you’ll see

Just look out your windows….

FLATTEN THE CURVE

My dream is to give back to the people around me, to take care of the people in my community.

I want to lift up the vulnerable.

If you take anything from this parody, take care of each other.

I hope to be able to use this virality to help my friends.

Let's do that.

DJB

It would mean a lot to me if you donated to this @gofundme
My wonderful and hilarious friend @crankyface is kicking cancer's ass and I'd love to help her.
Link here: https://www.gofundme.com/f/shannon-fights-cancer

Shannon Fights Cancer organized by Shannon Connolly

Most people know I've had a hard year. In November 2019 shortly after Will and I were married,… Shannon Connolly needs your support for Shannon Fights Cancer

https://www.gofundme.com/f/shannon-fights-cancer

It would mean a lot to me if you donated to my coworkers at @inmanoasis who are out of work during the pandemic. You can send money to their @venmo account: @inmanoasistips

It would mean a lot to me if you helped my friends at @TheComedyStudio by donating to the @gofundme set up by @birbigs & @GaryGulman
Here's the link: https://www.gofundme.com/f/tip-your-waitstaff-the-comedy-studio?fbclid=IwAR2eNIcLzT7xR2tSlyUm4gVRoUpDnQZbQ4mz-lM9hjUH8YR6I8vQe5DK4qc

Tip Your Waitstaff: The Comedy Studio in Boston organized by Mike Birbiglia

Hey it’s Gary Gulman. The Comedy Studio in Boston is one of my favorite… Mike Birbiglia needs your support for Tip Your Waitstaff: The Comedy Studio in Boston

https://www.gofundme.com/f/tip-your-waitstaff-the-comedy-studio?fbclid=IwAR2eNIcLzT7xR2tSlyUm4gVRoUpDnQZbQ4mz-lM9hjUH8YR6I8vQe5DK4qc

It would mean a lot to me if you helped out my beautiful friends at @1369coffeehouse by donating to their staff fund to help them recover their lost wages.
Here's their @gofundme : https://www.gofundme.com/f/provide-relief-for-service-workers-during-covid

Provide Relief for 1369 Baristas During Pandemic organized by Jamie Davenport

Due to the corona virus 1369 Coffeehouse has had to shut our doors fo… Jamie Davenport needs your support for Provide Relief for 1369 Baristas During Pandemic

https://www.gofundme.com/f/provide-relief-for-service-workers-during-covid

It would mean a lot to me if you considered supporting the comedy theater that made me the comedian I am. Please consider donating to @improvboston - they're a wonderful non-profit comedy theater. I wouldn't be me without them.
https://improvboston.com/portfolio-item/sponsorship/

It would mean a lot to me if you helped my friends in the #Boston theater community salvage their losses by donating to the Theater Community Benevolent Fund.
Click the link here: http://tcbf.org/?page_id=13

Donate

TCBF is able to provide assistance to the theatre arts community through funds raised via the Boston Theatre Marathon, our May Day, Any Day campaign and individual donations. Every Bit Helps —…

http://tcbf.org/?page_id=13

It would mean a lot to me if you helped out my friends in the restaurant / bar industry in #Cambridge #Somerville and #Boston by donating to the @GregHillWEEI foundation's
Restaurant Strong Fund
Link here: https://www.thegreghillfoundation.org/donations/restaurantstrongfund/?fbclid=IwAR1Y7Jn_pAFnyFslt9s981_i1JYE2r0SxOpYiWtqBAUZjJVhZGkmxwJL_ig

It would mean a lot to me if you could help out my friends in the #Boston music industry by chipping in to the Boston Music Maker Relief Fund: https://www.therecordco.org/relief?fbclid=IwAR3AFOQgqGzxWIEMin9276SD6iIlAZHk1-7J0emrVGtv81AqGkWHkvxVhDQ

Boston Music Maker COVID-19 Fund — The Record Co.

As of Thursday March 12th The Record Co. has established a fund to provide financial relief to Boston area music makers affected by lost revenue as the result of performance cancellations related to...

https://www.therecordco.org/relief?fbclid=IwAR3AFOQgqGzxWIEMin9276SD6iIlAZHk1-7J0emrVGtv81AqGkWHkvxVhDQ

It would mean a ton to me if you supported the following #Cambridge #Somerville #Boston businesses in any way you can:
@bukscambridge @FieldPubDrink
@AllStarPizzaBar @moonarestaurant @BrattleTheatre @trinastarlite

@lordhobobrewing
@RebelRebelWine @LaughBoston
@distractionbeer @RockwellThtr @americanrep @mfaboston
@nickscomedystop @NewAllianceMA @DorchesterBrew @TheRiotTheater

@improvasylum @biddysboston
@bukscambridge @pourboston
@McGreevysBoston @BostonPedicab @TheFreedomTrail @730MassAve
@csflorist @tresgatosTV @BillsBarBoston @booksmithtweets @thecoolidge

I can't forget my people in #WesternMA
@thecrestroom @MajesticWSpfld
@SpfldMuseums @SonsofErinWstfd @PlatterpusToo @dirtytruthbeer

Look at the beauty that all of this became:
http://www.danajaybein.com/coronavirusrhapsody.html

My beloved second home @inmanoasis is closing indefinitely. I'm selling DJB t-shirts to benefit my IO family while they're out of work.
Please support me by supporting my friends. I love you. https://www.bonfire.com/djb-tees-for-inman-oasis-1/

DJB Tees for Inman Oasis | Bonfire

My Inman Oasis family is out of work indefinitely. All t-shirt proceeds go to them.. Proceeds benefit Inman Oasis Staff Who Are Out of Work

https://www.bonfire.com/djb-tees-for-inman-oasis-1/

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