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A quick thread about trauma, because maybe if I write this out Iāll be able to sleep. #COVID19 is a pressure cooker of trauma: a set of circumstances that trauma researchers call āinescapable shockā, where we are overwhelmed and afraid AND unable to get out of the situationā¦
Our brains are amazing at keeping us functional while we get through trauma. We have all these built in ways of shutting down terror and pain to be able to Get Shit Done and Run Away From Lions, but when the lions are viruses and we canāt actually run away we can get stuck!
Dissociation is one of the ways our brains keep us safe in scary circumstances. Itās a kind of hardcore compartmentalization where you donāt feel āinā your body. The āflowā state that folks chase is a positive version; but when youāre scrolling through #COVID19 that aināt flow.
Dissociation has a couple of sub flavors that itās worth calling out, because they are so distinct: depersonalization and derealization. Again, these are ways our brain tried to keep us safe and functional when we are totally over our emotional and experiential limits, as now.
I first learned about depersonalization in the summer of 2017 from a blog poet by @ZJemptv about how trans folks experience it around gender dysphoria (links: https://genderanalysis.net/depersonalization/">https://genderanalysis.net/depersona... ). I had just left a horribly abusive relationship, and then got mugged. That spring was a lot.
(Side note to that particular exās new wife: if he ever says so much as an unkind word about your body, youāre not alone, and he hasnāt gotten better. Iām so sorry.)
Zinniaās blog post gave a name to what Iād been experiencing: depersonalization is the feeling of moving through the world as if youāre an observer of yourself. I experienced it as if I was walking though life with that over-the-shoulder POV you have in video games. Unsettling!
Itās not the gentle compassionate witnessing that mindfulness teaches; depersonalization is alienation and distance. Like youāre in the hypervisor but cant quite get back into the OS. Itās a detachment from your own sense of identity, and a loss of self.
Derealization is similar, except instead of detachment from your self, itās a detachment from the world. That feeling like youāre watching a movie about this horrible scary thing weāre all going through? Thatās trauma. Thatās derealization. Youāre not alone in feeling this.
(Unless youāre watching Contagion, in which case thatās actually a movie, it just happens to be wildly similar to what weāre dealing with)
So hey, how the heck do we get through this? https://twitter.com/roach/status/1240184051828314113">https://twitter.com/roach/sta...
The two things I know about not getting stuck in trauma are these:
1) social support reduces traumaās stickiness. Thatās what Iām doing here, in writing this thread. Talk about the struggle with your beloveds, with your friends. Be real that itās hard. Because it is.
1) social support reduces traumaās stickiness. Thatās what Iām doing here, in writing this thread. Talk about the struggle with your beloveds, with your friends. Be real that itās hard. Because it is.
2) find ways of making yourself feel physiologically safe. Remember the lion at the start of the 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="š§µ" title="Thread" aria-label="Emoji: Thread">? Itās a metaphor from @emilynagoski & Amelia Nagoskiās brilliant book āBurnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycleā. We need activities & rituals that tell us weāre safeā¦
? Itās a metaphor from @emilynagoski & Amelia Nagoskiās brilliant book āBurnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycleā. We need activities & rituals that tell us weāre safeā¦" title="2) find ways of making yourself feel physiologically safe. Remember the lion at the start of the https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="š§µ" title="Thread" aria-label="Emoji: Thread">? Itās a metaphor from @emilynagoski & Amelia Nagoskiās brilliant book āBurnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycleā. We need activities & rituals that tell us weāre safeā¦" class="img-responsive" style="max-width:100%;"/>
Because the lion weāre running from isnāt going away anytime soon. These rituals can look like: Exercise. Laughing. Dancing. Hugging someone (within your quarantine zone, for now https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="š" title="Loudly crying face" aria-label="Emoji: Loudly crying face">). Positive social interaction. Tensing all your muscles and the releasing them, even.
). Positive social interaction. Tensing all your muscles and the releasing them, even." title="Because the lion weāre running from isnāt going away anytime soon. These rituals can look like: Exercise. Laughing. Dancing. Hugging someone (within your quarantine zone, for now https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="š" title="Loudly crying face" aria-label="Emoji: Loudly crying face">). Positive social interaction. Tensing all your muscles and the releasing them, even." class="img-responsive" style="max-width:100%;"/>
So definitely read Emily & Ameliaās book for more on processing stress https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="š¤Æ" title="Exploding head" aria-label="Emoji: Exploding head">
Get real in the groupchats & zooms & hangouts & facetimes with those you love. The tiny invisible lionshttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="š¦ " title="Microbe" aria-label="Emoji: Microbe"> weāre all running from will be around for a while, so letās help eachother get through it https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="šŖ" title="Flexed biceps" aria-label="Emoji: Flexed biceps">
Get real in the groupchats & zooms & hangouts & facetimes with those you love. The tiny invisible lions
Two more pointers if you want to go further down this rabbithole: the polyvagal theory & the refs I this tweet, for one of the physiological theories of how trauma settles into us: https://twitter.com/tummybadger/status/1240193968144445445">https://twitter.com/tummybadg...
& this long and complicated read on trauma: https://twitter.com/hypatiadotca/status/957796893790150656">https://twitter.com/hypatiado...
Ok Iām really going to sleep now. Stay safe, friends https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="ā¤ļø" title="Red heart" aria-label="Emoji: Red heart">
What Alice said https://twitter.com/alicegoldfuss/status/1241570412133322752">https://twitter.com/alicegold...
This is one of the coolest things we& #39;ve learned recently about trauma (and to stop it) imo https://twitter.com/framweard/status/1243586720148238337">https://twitter.com/framweard...
