Jane Austen Characters during COVID - a thread

Fanny Price - Valiantly disinfects all the doorknobs three times daily but knows she's only buying time.

Edmund Bertram - Offers thoughts and prayers.

Mary Crawford - Goes viral with a dark humour TikTok that sees extreme division between people who laughed and people to found it offensive.

Henry Crawford - Uses the need to repopulate Earth as an excuse to forgo wearing a condom.

Mrs. Norris - Goes to 'check on' all her neighbours. Touches everything and steals their disinfectant wipes.

Lady Bertram - Immediately puts herself into quarantine with fifty bottles of wine despite no evidence of exposure and Venmos $50 to anyone who needs to buy dog food.

Sir Thomas Bertram - Absents himself from the public sphere after recently spending obscene amounts of money on a vanity campaign for public office.

Maria Bertram - Books a bottom-dollar last-minute holiday and brags about it.

Mr. Rushworth - Insists he's not going to let fear stop him living his life and goes out twice as much as before.

Tom Bertram - Posts an inaccurate YouTube tutorial video on how to make DIY hand-sanitizer out of cheap vodka before ending up in the ICU.

Julia Bertram - Cries because Coachella was cancelled.

Marianne Dashwood - Saturates herself with all the tragedy and terror to the point of being too stricken to do anything positive until a brush with pneumonia snaps her out of it.

Elinor Dashwood - Focuses so single-mindedly on doing practical things that she briefly loses sight of her compassion for others.

Mrs. Dashwood - Spends the whole of her time in isolation napping and crying.

Edward Ferrars - Panic-buys an obscene amount of pasta, then comes to his senses and drops it off at a food bank.

Colonel Brandon - Provides free groceries and medicine to all who need them.

Mr. Willoughby - Starts a fundraiser to help the staff at his favourite pub during their shut-down but somehow all the money gets eaten up by 'administration costs'.

Mrs. Jennings - Delivers things to those self-isolating, gossips to everyone about what she's dropped off and for whom.

John and Fanny Dashwood - Post on social media about working together as a community but don't actually follow through.

Lucy Steele - Fakes symptoms to get tested.

Emma Woodhouse - Donates to your GoFundMe if you're cute. Gives more liberally to uggos after Mr. Knightley calls her out over FaceTime.

Mrs. Weston - Is a healthcare policy expert preparing local hospitals' pandemic response.

Mr. Knightley - Works to push through practical safety net support measures for people immediately harmed by the economic impact of COVID-19.

Mr. Woodhouse - Seals himself in his palatial bathroom with 50 packs of toilet paper. Will only eat boiled eggs for the duration.

Mr. Elton - Spends all his time on social media telling people to do the right thing while neglecting to call his grandmother.

Mrs. Elton - Posts crying emojis every time a rich celebrity tests positive.

Harriet Smith - Wrecks all her clothes by bleaching them with the best of intentions.

Robert Martin - Practices extremely good hand hygiene and does not once touch his face.

Frank Churchill - Talks a good game about social distancing but still insists on keeping his haircut appointment.

Jane Fairfax - Has an underlying condition.

Miss Bates - Is a gig worker supporting her elderly mother and can't afford to isolate.

Catherine Morland - Bingewatches pandemic movies while working from home and convinces herself she has a fever.

Mr. Tilney - Makes Cathy call the non-emergency line so a health professional can talk her down.

General Tilney - Is mostly concerned with what kind of bail-outs mega-corporations can expect to offset the economic impact.

Miss Tilney - Gives out masks and hand sanitizer to her elderly neighbours.

Isabella Thorpe - Is inconsolable because all her favourite clubs and bars have shut down.

John Thorpe - Trolls people from a bunker.

Mrs. Allen - Gets into heated internet debates over the efficacy of home-made fabric masks. Swears by muslin.

Anne Elliot - Is working back to back to back nursing shifts and on the verge of burnout.

Elizabeth Elliot - Says she's working from home but spends all day doing face masks and complaining that her favourite restaurant doesn't deliver.

Sir Walter Elliot - Keeps taking off his oxygen mask because it's leaving unsightly marks on his skin.

Mary Musgrove - Tells everyone she was one of the first COVID-19 cases but it was seasonal allergies and it didn't stop her going on a Groupon spa weekend.

Captain Wentworth - Is an emergency medicine doctor.

Captain Benwick - Keeps working through a depression spiral exacerbated by isolation.

Louisa Musgrove - Is determined to live her life as normal. It does not stay normal.

Mrs. Clay - Offers to deliver things to vulnerable people, then invoices them for it.

William Elliot - 'Reassures' everyone that only the elderly and those with underlying conditions are at-risk.

Lady Russell - Gives dubious essential-oil remedy advice.

Mrs. Croft - Devotes herself to sharing positive news and self-care tips.

Mrs. Smith - Has a compromised immune system.

Elizabeth Bennet - Shames people at the store for panic-buying, including accidentally going after a healthcare worker trying to stock up on the last of the gloves.

Jane Bennet - Stops Lizzy from murdering Lydia on day three of isolation at Longbourn.

Mr. Bennet - Obnoxiously rejoicing introvert.

Mrs. Bennet - Tries to get all her daughters tested for COVID-19 so they can meet doctors.

Lydia Bennet - Asymptomatic carrier who spreads it around the neighbourhood.

Charlotte Lucas - Works from home so efficiently she gets promoted.

Mr. Collins - Says COVID-19 is a judgement from God.

Lady Catherine de Bourgh - Fucks off to isolate in Rosings Park and that's that.

Mr. Wickham - Price gouges Purell on Amazon.

Mr. Bingley - Gives liberally to every laid-off worker he encounters.

Miss Bingley - Doesn't tip the person delivering her massive grocery order.

Mr. Darcy - Independently funds a research team to develop an effective treatment and doesn't mention it, ever.

Georgiana Darcy - Has severe asthma.

Lady Susan Vernon - Will marry the last billionaire standing.