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Day 1 of work lockdown. WFH in my pyjamas because why not? Boy still at school, kind of understandable, kind of not.
Day 2. Actually got dressed this morning. Boy (still) at school. Dorts asleep on me. Work completed so far today? None.
Day 2 (part 2). They've cancelled @Eurovision. Shit is getting real now.
Day 3 in the madhouse. Only going to get madder once the boy is off school. Some good news - Ocado delivered 4 bottles of tonic water last night so I'm stocked up for a few days.
Day 4. Last day of school for S, potentially until September. I don't feel too guilty about stealing the below.
Day 5 dawns. So which pricks were in a pub last night? Idiots.
Day 6. The slower you all are in realising that social distancing MUST happen, the longer this goes on. I've hardly left the house in 6 days, I don't want this extending longer than necessary because British people are fucktards. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-51994504
And Happy Mothers Day. For the love of God (Allah, Flying Spaghetti Monster, Buddha, whatever your "allegiance") - don't physically go and see her today. Call, Skype, video call. Stay safe.
Day 7. Day 1 of home schooling a 5 year old, entertaining a 1 year old and working all day.
Send gin.
Send gin.
Time to listen, clowns.
Stay. At. Home.
Stay. At. Home.
Day 8. Day 2. Day 1. Take your pick. Can still hear far too many cars on the main road nearby.
Stay.
At.
Home.
The NHS? Heroes. All of them. Much love to you all. Xx
Stay.
At.
Home.
The NHS? Heroes. All of them. Much love to you all. Xx
Day 9/3/2.
This made me chuckle this morning.
This made me chuckle this morning.
Day 10/4/3.
Double figures! Don't forget the #clapforNHS #ClapForCarers happening later. 8pm folks!
Also, giving some serious consideration to Disney plus. Thoughts? Not you @lauramaysharp, I already know your response
Double figures! Don't forget the #clapforNHS #ClapForCarers happening later. 8pm folks!
Also, giving some serious consideration to Disney plus. Thoughts? Not you @lauramaysharp, I already know your response
Day 11/5/4.
Beginning to lose track of the days of the week. Think it's Friday because I'm in need of alcohol.
Am I allowed to not feel sympathy that our Dear Leader has The Virus?
Beginning to lose track of the days of the week. Think it's Friday because I'm in need of alcohol.
Am I allowed to not feel sympathy that our Dear Leader has The Virus?
Day 12. I'm not working so it must be the weekend. The Boss has dictated that we tidy the house and sort the kids toys out. That's now done, so time for a drink.
Day 13. I have a bad feeling about this.
Day 14. Just realised that yesterday was my 1 year anniversary of the 
that does at least mean there will be no C19 babies in this house! 
that does at least mean there will be no C19 babies in this house!
Day 14/6/7. Home schooling was abandoned at about 10 this morning. Children in detention. Teacher in rehab. #notagoodday #homeschooling
Day 15. Now googling "how to prevent world war 3". #homeschooling
Day 16. March is finally over. It's been a helluva geological era but we must move on. Another week of lockdown and hopefully we'll be turning a corner. #TESTTESTTEST
Day 17. I think. Losing track of when I last posted. Not that anyone's reading so I guess it doesn't matter. Anyway, @RadioX have just played @QueenWillRock and One Vision. Really want some fried chicken now.
Day 18. Just lost The Game. Dammit. Thank you @branston_matt
Day 33,753. True test this weekend as to whether Brits are sensible or stupid. I think I know the answer and it isn't the first one. Ffs, I don't care if the weather is going to be good or not. Stay the fuck at home!!
Day 20. This. https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-52172035
Day 21. I don't like the chap but I don't wish Boris any more ill will. Also, to my neighbour who thought it was a good idea to have a house party last night? You, Sir, are a cunt.
Day 22. Feel a bit like the Stasi for grassing my neighbour up but then his mates shouldn't have woken me up at 2am yesterday morning. He probably shouldn't be dealing drugs either but hey ho 
Day 23. See some are calling for reparations from China for economic damage caused by #COVID19. Really think they ought to read up on British history before suggesting that. Spoiler: it's not good.
And now some RATM! Yes!!
Day 25. One death is one too many but terrible journalism doesn't help. BBC reporting another 866 deaths in England but actually, only 117 were yesterday, down from an initial 140 (I think) the previous day. Is there an actual daily "toll" anywhere that isn't just those ...
...that are reported that day? If it's plateauing, or indeed falling, then that should be some good news in these troubled times. Appreciate that the 117 won't be the final "toll" but it's lower than what was initially announced for the previous day.
Day 26. More bad news of deaths, although no notes so far on when they all died, just reported in the last 24 hours.
Son is struggling with not seeing his friends, mood swings etc., although he's aware of why. Anyone got any ideas to help?
Son is struggling with not seeing his friends, mood swings etc., although he's aware of why. Anyone got any ideas to help?
Day 27. Joys of the world being peaceful this morning. I heard a woodpecker in the trees of suburban Nottingham.
Day 28. Again the reporting of deaths is lagging, which is understandable, but I fail to see these later deaths being taken into account on the various charts, which surely isn't helping. Although maybe it's helping the gov't massage the numbers in its favour...
Day 29. Into week 5. We heard the woodpecker again on our walk this lunchtime. Kids are currently screaming but when they're in a good mood nothing beats it...
Day 30.
Food stocks? Ok.
Soap stocks? Ok.
Alcohol stocks? Somewhat depleted.
Need a holiday when this is all done. Don't mind where, just somewhere that isn't here.
Food stocks? Ok.
Soap stocks? Ok.
Alcohol stocks? Somewhat depleted.
Need a holiday when this is all done. Don't mind where, just somewhere that isn't here.
Day 31. Sun shining again. Pleased for this Captain Tom for raising £12m for the NHS but the fact remains that he shouldn't have to - it should have been properly funded by the Tories over the last decade.
Where's the £350m a week Boris? You promised!
Where's the £350m a week Boris? You promised!
Day 32. Cases and deaths both up again. Ffs UK, stay at home. They're managing it elsewhere, you're just all fucktards. Although that does explain Boris and Brexit so guess I shouldn't be too surprised.
Happy Friday!
Happy Friday!
Day 33. Meh.
Day 30-something. Furthest I've been from the house in 30-something days today. Went with the boy (5) to the footbridge over the M1 about 3/4 mile from our home, waving at all lorries and receiving many honks in response! Keep on trucking!
Day 30 something. 35 I think.
If heaven calls, I'm coming soon.
If heaven calls, I'm coming soon.
Day 36. Didn't get out yesterday, won't today. Work commitments getting in the way. Tempted by a solo walk once the kids are in bed though. I say solo, probably with a tinny or two.
Day 37. Been for a wander with the fam today. Bluebells out just round the corner.
Day 38. Non-stop on Teams from 9am to 4.30ish today. Lunch a fleeting moment whilst on mute.
Could murder a proper chippy tea roght about now.
Could murder a proper chippy tea roght about now.
Day 39. Trump really is a 70 year old man with a 3 year old at the helm isn't he? That said, if you take disinfectant or bleach via injection (or otherwise) then 100% you won't die of Covid-19...
Day 40. Good news! Sebastian has watched and enjoyed Muppet Treasure Island!
Day 41. Sprinkler in the garden. Not sure who's having more fun but I maintain that I would have made a world class hurdler.
Day 42. An IFRS 16 kind of day.
Day 43. Week 7 begins. It's wet out.
Day 44. Note to self.
Do not get involved in Twitter "spats" with covidiots, racists, Brexit voters, Trump supporters, Sun readers, Mail readers.
Although, they're pretty much all the same group of people and this tweet could have been shortened to simply say "morons".
Do not get involved in Twitter "spats" with covidiots, racists, Brexit voters, Trump supporters, Sun readers, Mail readers.
Although, they're pretty much all the same group of people and this tweet could have been shortened to simply say "morons".
Oh, and it's still wet out; and feeling a bit more successful today - yesterday was the first day in 10 (and only second in about 3 weeks) without alcohol! Go me!
Day 45. First time I've put socks on in about 45 days... also got jeans on which - as anyone who knows me will testify - is highly unusual for me between March and November.
Day 46. Friday again! Had a beer delivery earlier in the week from @Adnams so looking forward to that!
Day 47. Another day dawns. One day the kids will sleep past 6am...
Day 48. Super excited about a trip to B&Q this morning. Whether they should be classed as "essential" and therefore open is a question certainly, but it was the first time I'd been off the estate in 7 weeks.
Day 49. Week 7? Completed it mate.
Short day at the start of a short week. Wife (or The Boss as me and The Boy call her) has an online speed awareness course this afternoon. That'll teach her! (Admittedly that's the idea... lol).
Happy Star Wars Day! #MayThe4thBeWithYou
Short day at the start of a short week. Wife (or The Boss as me and The Boy call her) has an online speed awareness course this afternoon. That'll teach her! (Admittedly that's the idea... lol).
Happy Star Wars Day! #MayThe4thBeWithYou
Day 50. Seriously hoping I'm not "only" half way to 100 here...
Day 51. View from my office window suggests that social distancing and lockdown measures have ceased. At least for the house behind us anyway 
Day 52. All this talk of our Almighty Dear Leader lifting restrictions on Sunday is wrong.
For a start it's (probably) too early (although I'll caveat that with stating I'm not an epidemiologist).
Secondly there's a big bunch of people who will see that as a pass... 1/2
For a start it's (probably) too early (although I'll caveat that with stating I'm not an epidemiologist).
Secondly there's a big bunch of people who will see that as a pass... 1/2
...to do what they want this bank holiday weekend which will not help. I call them twats.
Although, to be fair to The Exalted One, at least he's not announcing it all tonight.
Although, to be fair to The Exalted One, at least he's not announcing it all tonight.
Day 53. Got the BBQ out!
Turns out the bloke across the road was extending his fence so he could hide their VE Day piss up. To be fair to him we can't see it. But we can bloody well hear it!!
Turns out the bloke across the road was extending his fence so he could hide their VE Day piss up. To be fair to him we can't see it. But we can bloody well hear it!!
Day 54. Nearly forgot. Night.
Day 55. You're welcome.
Day 56. Our Great and Wise Overlord Sir Boris of the House of Manykids, First of His Name, Hopefully the Last, Protector of the Rich and Ignorant of the Many apparently gave a speech last night.
Everything is now as clear as mud. Some think you can now see families (you can't);
Everything is now as clear as mud. Some think you can now see families (you can't);
Some think the parks and outdoor areas will be rammed (they will);
Some think you can go to the coast / the lakes / the peaks now (you shouldn't).
All because R0 is a indeterminate number somewhere between 0.5 and 0.9. That's a big range!
We need clarity. Now.
Some think you can go to the coast / the lakes / the peaks now (you shouldn't).
All because R0 is a indeterminate number somewhere between 0.5 and 0.9. That's a big range!
We need clarity. Now.
Day 57. Start of week 9.
Please read this.
Please don't go out to places you could, but probably shouldn't, go to.
https://m.facebook.com/ConistonMountainRescueTeam/posts/3781575878550340?__tn__=K-R
Please read this.
Please don't go out to places you could, but probably shouldn't, go to.
https://m.facebook.com/ConistonMountainRescueTeam/posts/3781575878550340?__tn__=K-R
Day 58. Looks like it'll be until August. Tempted to start counting down but no guarantee.
Day 59. Going to hire the parents as cleaners. Should then be able to have them over.
Day 60.
Day. 60. Urrrgh.
Chippy tea tonight though, so every cloud!
Day. 60. Urrrgh.
Chippy tea tonight though, so every cloud!
Day 61. Had another trip out today. Shame it was to A&E with the little one 
she's okay but UTI aren't fun in a 19 month old. Temp all over the place (35 to 40 is today's range...). Plus side, in and out in just over an hour, never seen A&E so empty.
she's okay but UTI aren't fun in a 19 month old. Temp all over the place (35 to 40 is today's range...). Plus side, in and out in just over an hour, never seen A&E so empty.
Day 62. Sunday. Again. Wife and boy are out exercising whilst I stay at home with the poorly girl.
Day 63. By my reckoning that's the end of week 9.
Week. Fucking. Nine.
I'm really going to need a holiday at the end of all this. As much as i love my kids, probably with different people to those I've spent the last 9 weeks locked up with...
Week. Fucking. Nine.
I'm really going to need a holiday at the end of all this. As much as i love my kids, probably with different people to those I've spent the last 9 weeks locked up with...
Day 64. Wow. People required to "bring in the harvest". Wonder who's fault that is?
Those that voted for Brexit "because immigration innit" should now be literally reaping what they sowed.
Those that voted for Brexit "because immigration innit" should now be literally reaping what they sowed.
Day 65.
I was robbed by 6 dwarves yesterday.
Not happy.
I was robbed by 6 dwarves yesterday.
Not happy.
Day 66.
Should have been in Paris today, albeit with work. Needless to say I'm not.
Which is fine, Paris smells of BO and dog dirt anyway, so prefer not being there!
Should have been in Paris today, albeit with work. Needless to say I'm not.
Which is fine, Paris smells of BO and dog dirt anyway, so prefer not being there!
Day 67. Wife has set up a quiz for some friends this evening in which I am partaking (I haven't seen the questions, honest Guv!).
Need some ideas for inappropriate quiz names?
Need some ideas for inappropriate quiz names?
Day 68. One rule for the masses, one rule for Reichsführer Cummings?
Why am I not surprised.
Why am I not surprised.
Day 69. Apparently someone is showing some of these to my parents. Guess I should start getting a bit more sweary then. Fine. Lol.
Cummings is a cunt and Boris is a spineless unkempt toerag.
Cummings is a cunt and Boris is a spineless unkempt toerag.
Day 70. 10 weeks into this shit and another Bank Holiday.
Paddling pool is out. Wish we could be at the coast but we're using our common sense. Hope everyone else is too but I doubt it. Lockdown is creaking and I expect it will collapse in the coming days.
Still hate Cummings.
Paddling pool is out. Wish we could be at the coast but we're using our common sense. Hope everyone else is too but I doubt it. Lockdown is creaking and I expect it will collapse in the coming days.
Still hate Cummings.
Day 71. Might finish my bank holiday "to do" list this evening.
Alternatively I may just finish my @LEGO_Group Yoda instead.
Alternatively I may just finish my @LEGO_Group Yoda instead.
He looks a bit odd without a head...
Day 72. Anyone else get the feeling that Boris is going to announce a big relaxation of the lockdown tomorrow solely to steer flack away from Big Dom rather than waiting perhaps another week or so to see what are we get to?
Such a shame there wasn't a PMQs today.
Such a shame there wasn't a PMQs today.
Day 73.
Cue a big relaxation of the lockdown to divert attention from Cummings. What a surprise*.
No-one will take any notice of the "from Monday" bit.
*see day 72.
Cue a big relaxation of the lockdown to divert attention from Cummings. What a surprise*.
No-one will take any notice of the "from Monday" bit.
*see day 72.
Day 74. Well and truly lockdown lifted. Been to get a chippy tea (Cods Scallops, yum) and not seen so much traffic on the road in months.
Thanks Dom. Lets hope in 2 weeks there hasn't been an upsurge in cases, but I'm not holding my breath.
Thanks Dom. Lets hope in 2 weeks there hasn't been an upsurge in cases, but I'm not holding my breath.
Day 75. Time for a haircut...
Day 76. Convinced I saw a pair of Red Kites twirling around the Nottinghamshire skies yesterday afternoon, not 200 yards from home 
Not to mention the infamous Strelley lions.
Day 77. End of week 11.
For those that don't know, my Mother in Law's restaurant opens again tomorrow (takeaway only). If you're Nottingham based please check out Ania Polish Restaurant on Facebook and Trip Advisor.
For those that don't know, my Mother in Law's restaurant opens again tomorrow (takeaway only). If you're Nottingham based please check out Ania Polish Restaurant on Facebook and Trip Advisor.
Day 78.
Farcical scenes in the Commons today. The Honourable Member for the 19th Century clearly being an absolute pillock. No electronic voting is just bonkers.
As for the US. Well, I have 3 words. Followed by 2.
Black Lives Matter.
Fuck Trump.
Farcical scenes in the Commons today. The Honourable Member for the 19th Century clearly being an absolute pillock. No electronic voting is just bonkers.
As for the US. Well, I have 3 words. Followed by 2.
Black Lives Matter.
Fuck Trump.
Day 79. Anyone else getting bored of this rain already?
Day 80. Think I forgot yesterday. Sorry folks.
Still raining.
Still raining.
Day 81. Plus side: day off today! Whoop!
Day 82. 76 years since forces of Britain, the US, Canada, Free French and a dozen or so other landed in Normandy to begin the liberation of Europe from Facist terror. So many gave their lives to end that.
So why is it raising it's ugly head once more?
So why is it raising it's ugly head once more?
Day 83. Polish takeaway today! Whoop!! Able to get out of this mad house on my own for the first time in weeks to go and pick it up. Really appreciated having 30 mins to myself and listening to some shouty music! 
Day 84.
However much of my "to do" list I tick through each day, it's only getting longer...
However much of my "to do" list I tick through each day, it's only getting longer...
Day 85. #solidaritea is such a British hashtag.
Day 86. Bin day. So I was the first on our street to put the bin out last night. I usually wait because I just follow everyone else. I really hope I've guessed correctly as it appears all our neighbours have copied me this week!
Day 87. Date night. And I'm cooking for a change! Having a gin (or two) too.
Still raining.
Initial estimates of "6 to 12 weeks" seem to have gone completely out of the window. Plus side, I may get a day in the office soon.
Still raining.
Initial estimates of "6 to 12 weeks" seem to have gone completely out of the window. Plus side, I may get a day in the office soon.
Day 88. Wife has made beef stew for dinner and now gone to work. I want a Chinese though. Dare I? Vote below!
Day 89. I didn't dare. Life isn't worth disobeying Her Ladyship.
Day 90. Had to order a replacement part (the door) for our outdoor log burner the other day. They sent a whole new burner and have said they don't want the old one back. Makes you wonder on the profit margins!!
Day 91. Back to school for the boy today! Hopefully he'll be ok with the changes. Tried to explain them to him but he's super excited to see his friends. He's already lost c.40% of his first year at school - we didn't want him to lose anymore.
Day 92. Another u-turn from Boris. Nothing surprises me anymore with that charlatan.
Day 93. Massive thunder storm over Nottingham right now. Least it saves me watering the pots, but our street does now resemble a river...
Day 94. Treat night! Curry later. Can't wait!
Day 95. "I think I'm quite ready for another adventure". Enjoy Valinor Bilbo.
Day 96. Wine, a fire pit and chocolate.
Perfect way to spend the 6th anniversary of my last night of freedom!
Perfect way to spend the 6th anniversary of my last night of freedom!
Day 97. A wet wedding anniversary thus far. Hopefully it dry up and warms up a bit!!
Day 98. Not a lot has happened today. 5 at school; 1 had a meltdown as she wouldn't eat her dinner. 35 still working. Same old.
Day 99. I finally have a date where I can go and get my hair cut!
Oh. Wait.
Oh. Wait.
Day 100. Ton up working from home!
Please please please let some form of county cricket start, it's so socially distant it has to be safer than football. Or the pub.
Also. Hot.
Please please please let some form of county cricket start, it's so socially distant it has to be safer than football. Or the pub.
Also. Hot.
Day 101.
Can I throw Covid and lockdown into Room 101 please?
Least it seems that a lot of people have done just that, with lockdown anyway. Fucking cunts on the South coast again today. 33 tons of rubbish in Bournemouth yday apparently. Take it home with you, lazy bastards!
Can I throw Covid and lockdown into Room 101 please?
Least it seems that a lot of people have done just that, with lockdown anyway. Fucking cunts on the South coast again today. 33 tons of rubbish in Bournemouth yday apparently. Take it home with you, lazy bastards!
Day 102. Wife in a grump all day, no idea why. I've had the day off, perhaps that.
Remember now why I don't take days off unless there's something planned for it. #tedious #wouldratherbeworking
Remember now why I don't take days off unless there's something planned for it. #tedious #wouldratherbeworking
Day 103. Really, really, really need a holiday. Plus side I can now book one. Probably ought to let the wife have one first though otherwise I'd only get moaned at (again).
But hey, what's new?
But hey, what's new?
Day 104. Lazy Sunday. Been no further than socially distanced drink in next doors back garden. Kids had fun!
Day 106. Halfway through the year. Recently wondered how / when I'm going to end this thread that no-one reads... guess I could just stop?
