STOP IT STOP OT STOP IT STOP IT https://twitter.com/maryinviolet/status/1239754327759216642

i honest to hod want to die

i see nothing in front of me but death and i want it already

please

i want the strength to do it

thats all i ask for

haha i read their entire TL to where i stopped last time around a month ago!!! this is fuckin self-harm!!!!!! i want to doe sonfuxkimg badly!!!!!!!!

oh my.god o eamt to fuckimg tjrow myself out of a brodge so fucking much

im so tored of crying im so tired of feeling likr thid

i miss you so fucking mucj it hurts a lot

i camt live like this im so so tired

i eamt to stop i wwnt thos to stop

GOD WJY AM I ALIVE JUST FUCKIMG END ME ALREADY

fuck i eanr tonthrow my fucking phone into a wqll

its been two months today i dodnt even notoxe it

i thought it was supposed to hurt less but im fuckimg crying as much ws i dod in the first day

youre everything to me and i dont think thst woll ever change

i fuckin hate it

i hate ever meeting you fuck you

fucl you fuck toy ricl you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you

i feel sl bad wishing your death but o cant take this anymore

if incanr be gone so at least you should

i hate how much you impacted my life i hste how you permeated into every crane pf my life i hate how fuckimg important you are to me

i fuxking hate it all eo much

why
why
why
wjy
why
why
ehwh
wjy
why
wjy
why
whwhy
why
why
whw
why
why

why are you so spexial to me why why why ehy

everyone else pales in comparison everyone is nothing but you you fucking arent

i dont car eabout people i dont give a flying fuck sbout others
i can easily detach myself from others

i barely care about the people i left a year ago and i care just as much about the ones i abandoned two months ago

BUT NOT FUCKING YOU WHY

WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYEJYEHEYWHYEHY

WHY I FUXKING HATE YOU

you were my only friend

in 19 years the first friend i ever had

am i scared of connecting to others? or is ot just thst i know no one will ever compare to you and im scwred of realiziamg tjst?

i am nothing wihtout you

i am nothing with you

but at least i could pretend otherwise

imreally really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really sorry

if only i hadnt done that

of only i wasnt suxh a fucking selfish asshole disgisting

im tired tired tiree toree tired tired

hey do you know how easy would ot be for me like create a new identoy and just meet you again that way?

i can do it easily making new personalities is my forte

ive wonderong doing it ever sonce we broke up

but that feels really unfair for both you and especially mr

i think otd judt hurt ke far more in the long run

do you know howany different twotter accounts i have??? quite a bit wnd every very different fr.m the other

why are my intrusive suicidal thoughrs always about me emcraving my bodi with a knofe?

is that related to you i wondrr? you always liked stuff like this

man docyou remember how anxious i was at first when we met

you messaging me on discord wasnthe attraction of my day

i was feeling extremely lonely back then (not as much as rn) so the mere fact you took your time to waste it with me kade me extremely happy

i always felt bad that you had to waste ot woth someone as worthless as me.but i still really liked it

you http://introdiced.me  to w new geoup of froends thay too made ke really haply

oh you alsonmade me realize i was trans too it was our forst conversation in fact

spendomg tome worh you since the beginning was a great pleasure

it's why id basically do anything for you

making you happy made me even happier

after we staryed dating we essentially nspend all day together ot was really really incredible we even slept together

those days are my fondest memories

i know they dont mean as much for you since you dod ot for me but.... thank you

it made me really really really happy

once i warmed up to you it was wonderful

took a while but injever felt so comfortable around another person

you got ke into XIV a game i love

playing together woth you was wonderful too

im so sorry by the emd my depression got tje best of me and i didnt have motivation to play woth you or lulubo anymore

im really sorry lulubo for hurting you somich

it was so spexosl to you and i completely trampled on it

watchimg lamen rider double and john wick together were incredible too

im sorry for hurting you for not wanting to http://watch.OOO  anymore

im really really really sorry

im sorry anna flr making your life miserable i wqs duch a fuckimg bitch

i understand why you hate menso much but hate os probably too steong of a word whatever

ivknow you only dodnwhat you thought was the b st for her

i appreciate that

ans im sorru for being sicj a massive boring disappointment prime truly the dullest

im really likee you too and i was kust so fucking boring nregardless

rn i wouldnt say i like you as much as her but at the time definitely

and you... im really sorry flr hurting you so mich im so so so sorry

ismt ot funny how i tried my best to match to you your every interest, tonne er be confrontational smd never a problem

i wanted to be your safe heaven

someone you coulr be with woth zero fears

someone who wouldnalways lend a ear, be intimate, and just made yourself comfortable

no problem

i did succeed... well i think i dod at leasy

shame it backfired ugly latrr on

around october you..... staryed to sloely drift away

more and more with each week

it was.... devastating tonme
i dosnt know how to handle ot

i was scared of telling you about it because 1. i dodnt want to be a problem 2. i knew its because you made new friends and that made ke really happy indidnt want to ruin it

i thought incould just bottle it up

after all indod it many times before you eveb always told me o was emotionally steong

i could take it

bit every time i reached the tipping point od do something srupud likr all the times i asked for a break

i just couldn't nbear it anymore inwanted to get away tonget away from ot to get away from you

that ofc always playing into your trauma even of unintentionally

until ot culminated wotj me breakinf uo with you

in the most disgusting bway possible

i cried all day after the fact
the relief i thought od get never came, quite the opposite, it was far far far worse

so the jext day i apologized

i was scared but there wqsnnothing else notnworhout you

qnd..... that happened

i dont i ever cried so hard before

it hurtnlike hrll like fuckin hell

sonmych that she came to be and then the next day begged in my stead for you to rethink it

shes still here of you were wondering

anywyw ibhad to wait untol tjen third month - whocj would be today funnily enough
how fixoimg ironic

but i couldnt handle it a week without you was hell horriblenthe worst

so o contacted you over and over again which myjust msde the situation worse

i jever contacted you directly aside from that tome because anna scared me so o alawya made her do it

is that even a thing anymore? i think yiure pretty much ober me already which os fantastic

im haply for you

its why i dont really oolant to recontact you once the time comes

im nithing but a relic of the past that shouldnbe just forgotten

im also scared really really scared

i think noe more than ever

itll be obvious jow boringf, uniterestinfx dull, and apathetic o am https://twitter.com/maryinviolet/status/1238436810008690691?s=19

youll just scorn at mr rightfully so

i am just a husk and have always been

im not 100% what ks this feeling

but i do love you ashley

thsnk you for being someone i could love for over a year i never felt likr that before

and i have my doubts if i ever will again