Instead of writing the next great Canadian novel, I am going to watch this 36 DVD Terry Funk compilation I've been sitting on.

I'm-a start this now. Mute this thread if you don't care about Terry Funk. Also, get some dang taste.

We start in 1973. About seven years into Terry's career. These are just silent clips of Terry and Harley Race (RIP) taking on Abe Jacobs & Mighty Zuma.

Terry and Harley bump around like superballs before taking charge with a pair of piledrivers and a neat-o gutbuster. Terry starts working the leg, locks on the spinning toe-hold and.. your winner.

That match seemed to keep going afterwards, so maybe it was 2/3 falls? Either way, Terry and Harley won.

And now there's some silent clips from a 1973 match with these two fellas.

This one has Jerry Brisco working a headlock FOREVER. But eventually Terry breaks free and backdrops him on the top rope? Twice?! Why not!

At one point Funk starts laying in some headbutts and Brisco sells them like his skull has been caved in. Twitching all over the place. Also, some cigarette smoke wafts by to remind us that this is the 1970s.

Brisco gets out of the spinning toe hold and slaps on a figure four. In the midst of selling it like death, Terry also takes a VERY Terry Funkish bump.

Eventually both men fuck up their legs something fierce. Funk slaps on the spinning toe hold and that's all she wrote.

Next up is the first match with SOUND. What a concept! It's Terry & Dory Funk vs. Giant Baba & Jumbo Tsuruta from October, 1973.

Baba is still pretty spry here, and Terry sells big for his lanky offense. He also misses this elbow on Tsuruta in dramatic fashion.

The crowd seems amused by Terry yelling "JUNIOR!" while his brother is in distress.

It's kinda weird that both Funks are still alive, while both Baba and Tsuruta have been dead for a while.

Also weird? This 1981 album cover.

Apparently it's just a single, with Jumbo's (rockin') theme as the A-side. But the gold is here on the B-side.

I translated one of the comments on that YouTube video and it's poignant while still being incomprehensible.

Baba cleaves Terry's skull open with a chop before following up with an admittedly impressive dropkick.

Jumbo then hits a tremendously shitty dropkick, but saves face with a nice German suplex to win the first fall.

Second fall is kind of messy, with the lowlight being a botched rolling cradle from Funk. That was probably supposed to be the fall, but we get this nice O'Connor roll instead.

Third fall is all about fucking up Terry's leg. Jumbo slaps on the Boston crab with Terry reaching the ropes and turning it into a pin (which is then reversed) in this great sequence.

Also nice is Dory Funk faking out Jumbo on a hiptoss and turning it into a perfect backslide.

Here's a picture of the Funks from 2013. 40 years after this match.

Look, Terry Funk and Jumbo Tsuruta are both all-time greats, but they managed to fuck this up something fierce.

Terry Funk gotta Terry Funk

Look how nice Terry looks here.

Here's Terry Funk in a Coors Extra Gold commercial.

Crowd is getting hot because time is running out. Baba hits the sloppy Shake, Rattle and Roll but it's too little, too late. Time limit draw.

Next up is 1974, where "son of a plumber" Dusty Rhodes takes on "texas bronco" Terry Funk in a bullrope match.

This is only a few short, shaky clips, but I bet everyone bled!

Next up is another Funk Brothers vs Baba/Tsuruta 2/3 falls match, but I'll watch it tomorrow. However, I will leave you with this guy's pronunciation of Baba and Tsuruta's names.

It's two years later, but Tsuruta falls for the same missed-hiptoss-into-a-backslide counter from Dory.

This is from St. Louis, but the Funks are the heels here. But the BIGGEST heel is referee Bronko Lubich.

First fall is mostly just trading headlocks until Baba hits a BIG drop kick before botching an Argentinean backbreaker. It's ok, though, because he takes Terry's head off with a BIG BOOT to win the fall.

Lubich counts slower than those old ass lucha refs.

In-between falls, here's Andre the Giant vs Frankenstein

Old nut Dory Funk Jr. tries to give Giant Baba a butterfly suplex but when that fails he gives him a dangerous looking piledriver instead.

Terry hits a vertical suplex and tags in Dory to.. uh.. hit another vertical suplex to win the second fall.

Business starts to pick up deep into the third fall with Tsuruta getting an O'Connor roll for a nearfall before Terry breaks his skull trying to headbutt him.

The ending is fucking BONKERS. Dory tries to suplex Jumbo into the corner(?!), but somehow this ends up putting Jumbo into a pinning position. Terry tries to break it up but fails spectacularly.

A month later we're back in Japan for one more Funks vs Baba/Jumbo match. The Destroyer and a baby Genichiro Tenryu look on.

Jumbo and Terry trading kip-ups. Dang spot monkeys are ruining the business.

Terry hits a flying.. whatever the fuck that is.

Terry kills Jumbo dead with a piledriver on the floor. In 1975!

Dory wins the first fall with a suplex (and throws in an elbow for good measure). Baba couldn't drag his lanky ass over to break up the pin.

Between falls, enjoy this awesome picture of Giant Baba and Bruiser Brody.

Terry takes a big-ass bump from a Baba boot, ending up outside, upside down and with his legs on the timekeeper's table. It's awesome.

Terry eats Baba's boot and also eats the three count to lose the second fall.

This is still the first disc, btw.

The big boot may have hurt Terry's ear. How do we know? Let's have a listen.

The ending of the match is a bit anticlimactic, with Jumbo reversing a vertical suplex into a pin (again) and Terry dramatically leaping into the ring WAY too late.

An upset Terry Funk hilariously threatens to give referee Joe Higuchi a suplex after the match, but eventually relents (after seeing The Destroyer heading his way).

That's all for now (i'm already bleeding followers for doing this) but please enjoy this gif of Terry Funk hitting Abdullah the Butcher's dick.

Next up is Terry Funk vs Cowboy Bill Watts from 1975.

Bill Watts is the notorious genius behind Mid-South Wrestling in the 80s. But MY first exposure to him was the shoot interview where he throws around homophobic slurs, so fuck that guy.

Watts may be a piece of shit, but he did have great worked punches. Terry Funk (predictably) gets tangled in the ropes and becomes a wonderfully wobbly punching bag.

Watts hits the big Oklahoma stampede power slam to win. Not much to this, but the crowd is loving it.

Next up are some silent clips from a 1975 Battle Royal in St. Louis. Since my knowledge of 70s wrestling is spotty at best, here's who is in the ring.

Whoever is manning the camera here *loves* Bob Backlund. But I don't, so here he is getting tossed.

Here's Pat O'Connor (with Bobby Heenan on his shoulders) getting eliminated by a Terry Funk dropkick. Not a fan of battle royals, but Terry Funk won this one so FIVE STARS!

And the final match on disc 1 is Jack Brisco vs Terry Funk from 1975.

I hesitate to mention that the WWE misspelled the word "December" here.

This is just clips starting from about 20 minutes in (according to Gordon Solie on commentary). Also, some of it is in slow motion, which is *wonderful*.

Pro wrestling can be quite beautiful in slow motion. As proof, here's Kenta Kobashi turning "Dr. Death" Steve Williams' face into mush.

Terry reverses Brisco's figure four to win the NWA World Heavyweight Championship. This would begin a 14 month title reign!

And not to belabor the point, but Dr. Death *did* end up getting his revenge for that face chop.

Here's Terry's post-match interview with Gordon Solie. "I'm countryfied and I'm Texas's pride".

I wonder how long a Twitter thread can be? Anyway, Disc 2 kicks off with The Briscos vs The Funks

This one is joined in progress with Gordon Solie announcing. Dory locks on the spinning toe hold but Gerry Brisco turns it into a figure four, with Jack Brisco hip-tossing Terry onto his own brother. The nerve!

Dory Funk Jr. taps and that's all she wrote.

Next up are some silent clips of Funk vs Jack Brisco from March, 1976 in St. Louis. Here's the full card for that show.

Speaking of Jack Brisco, here he is versus Antonio Inoki showing how a lockup into a headlock should be done.

The quality on this is pretty shaky, but check out Jack Brisco's broken-neck sell of Funk's piledriver.

Hangman's neckbreaker wins the first fall for Terry. Brisco gets the second fall with a figure four.

Here's a fun bit with Brisco reversing the spinning toe hold into a figure four, but Funk turning THAT into a small package (like how he won the NWA Title). Brisco kicks out

Funk rolls through the O'Connor roll for the three and the win.

A king.

Doing this ridiculous project really helps with my anxiety, so let's continue with more silent clips.

This time we have Terry Funk teaming up with Bob Backlund to take on Gene Kiniski and Roger Kirby from 5/15/76 in St. Louis.

Here's the entire card for that show.

Here's Terry running away from "Canada's Greatest Athlete" Gene Kiniski, who was in his late 40s at this point.

This match seems like a whole lot of fun with Kirby bumping all over the place.

Funk locks on the spinning toe hold, but Kiniski rolls him up for the win.

There is indeed a melee after the match with Funk getting posted and bleeding. Thank you for your service, Funker.

GENE KINISKI: CANADA'S GREATEST ATHLETE

Next up is a big one. Terry Funk vs Jumbo Tsuruta 2/3 falls from June 11th, 1976.

I've seen this one before, and it's great. Let's watch together:

My wife told me to stop, but CAN'T STOP, WON'T STOP. We're back to T. Funk v Jumbo, and Terry is rocking an iconic look.

I love the pomp and circumstance that came with a big ol' All Japan main event. Everyone gets flowers, Baba gets a trophy and, let me tell ya, Jim Crockett Jr. struggled hard with Jumbo's last name.

They are going long, so the first fall mostly involves Jumbo working over Terry's arm. Terry tries to get out of it by throwing Jumbo to the floor, but there's no fucking way that's happening.

End of the first fall is great with the DREADED O'Connor roll almost getting it for Jumbo, before going right into a sunset flip for the three. Look how happy he is!

Terry is now *pissed off*, which means he's gotta smash Jumbo's neck for a bit. This involves a dynamite piledriver that sends Tsuruta into the ropes.

He also tosses him outside, gives him a snapmare, and then dropkicks him because he's both *pissed off* and *crazy*.

Uh-huh. Ok.

Look, a rolling cradle looks goofy as hell, but it's also done so rarely that I'm always glad to see it. Funk reverses a cobra twist and takes fall #2.

Funk hits a bowling shoe ugly Saito suplex, but Tsuruta gets up and hits a much nicer looking one.

Here's Jumbo Tsuruta advertising.. rice, I guess?

If you ask me, nothing beats a great German suplex. This ain't that, but it's 1976 so it's still pretty awesome.

Funk wins the match with a sweet hotshot that pretty much decapitates Tsuruta. The crowd (which was going nuts) are appropriately deflated.

Terry Funk: Bled frequently in his 50s.

https://twitter.com/ByMikeMooneyham/status/1246641585779085312

After the match Funk gets a giant trophy, but since this is Japan instead of smashing it over Jumbo's head he just raises his hand in mutual respect.

Next up is Funk vs Dusty Rhodes from Florida in 1976. Dusty and Gordon Solie are doing voiceovers on the footage. Rhodes is *mostly* incomprehensible, but wonderful nonetheless.

SWEET LUCY!

Terry gets dumped to the floor and The Missouri Mauler tries to interfere, but Dusty takes him (and the ref) out with a dropkick(!).

Another ref runs in and Dusty hits the big elbow for the pin! YOUR WINNER AND NEW NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION..

Hold the phone! It's DUSTY FINISH TIME. The original ref had called for the bell before the three count, so Funk keeps the belt.

For those unfamiliar with a "Dusty Finish", this Urban Dictionary definition gives you the general idea.

We would see this finish a LOT in the 1980s. A lot a lot.

This isn't on the DVD set, but after the match Funk cut a kinda confusing promo on Dusty while wearing a fetching shirt.

The Mauler wants his $10,000, but Funk is NOT SATISFIED.

A bit later in 1976 Funk calls out Rhodes on the house mic and it's ON LIKE DONKEY KONG (Donkey Kong would be created five years later).

This only lasts a few seconds. Dusty comes out, gives Funk a bionic elbow, and then Funk grabs his title and hightails it out of there.

Check out Dusty's happy dance after delivering the elbow.

In anticipation of his match against Harley Race in Toronto on February 6th, 1977, Terry cuts this great promo.

"I went ahead and I damaged partial vision to one of his eyes in a Russian chain match."

Here's an ad for that card. Funk vs Race in the main even. The Sheik vs Bobo Brazil in the semi main.

We join the match already in progress.

Here's the same pair 40 years later.

Funk is getting in plenty of offense, but Race hits a snapmare into this really sweet kneedrop. Funk sells it like death.

I like kneedrops, ok? Sue me.

Funk traps Race in a headscissors and when Race tries to roll to escape, Funk.. drops him on his head in a short piledriver? Pret-ty clever!

After escaping from two spinning toe holds, Race locks on an Indian death lock and Funk fights and fights and.. gives up! For the second time, Harley Race is NWA Heavyweight Champion!

Here he is. A fan actually runs in the ring and gives Harley a hug, but Harley doesn't kill him, so he must be in a very good mood.

Next up are some silent clips of Terry Funk taking on Chavo Guerrero in L.A. in 1977. A good opportunity to listen to The Mountain Goats.

Here's Terry Funk facing his greatest enemy: The ring ropes!

Let's finish up Chavo Sr. vs Terry Funk. This one is clipped up pretty bad, but it looks like Chavo submits Funk to win the first fall. Second fall has a bunch of brawling on the outside until.. SOMEBODY STOP THE DAMN MATCH!

Funk takes the second fall (natch) and Chavo comes up wearing a crimson mask. The end is a double noggin knocker that had Chavo falling on Funk for the pin.

Afterwards, Terry flies out of the ring like a maniac because he's Terry Funk..

It's December 2nd, 1977 and what's Terry Funk done? He's only gone and cut off his lovely locks!

The reason? His first credited acting role as "Frankie the Thumper" in Sylvester Stallone's PARADISE ALLEY!

Enjoy this lovely picture of Terry Funk in the role. This would be the beginning of a sporadic acting career, including roles in OVER THE TOP, ROAD HOUSE, THE ADVENTURES OF BRISCO COUNTY JR...

And a recurring role as Sgt. Nuzo in 1992's "Tequila and Bonetti"!

Here's Terry Funk and Stallone on The Mike Douglas Show https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4kjt57 

But for now Terry's teaming with his brother Dory against a spry Genichiro Tenryu (27 here, and recently transitioned from Sumo to Pro Wrestling) and Rocky Hata.

This is All Japan's Open World Tag Team Championship Tournament Day 1.

Not the cleanest sequence, but this is the first time Funk has pulled out a flying headscissors in this collection.

Tenryu gets sick of being pushed around and pulls out some Sumo offense to a big pop.

Funny to think that Tenryu was only starting out in pro-wrestling here, and retired five years ago, while both Terry AND Dory Funk Jr. still occasionally wrestle!

Here's Tenryu in the 2017 videogame YAKUZA KIWAMI 2.

The Funk brothers beat the shit out of Rocky Hata but he still kicks out of a HUGE atomic drop. A visibly frustrated Terry Funk yells "SUNOVABITCH!".

Tenryu looks good in this, but the Funks lay a big beating on Hata who eventually submits to the spinning toe hold.

Hata was just back from his American excursion at the time, and would stick around in All Japan until 1986. He passed away at the age of 43 in 1991.

The tag league tourny continues on December 6th with the Funks taking on Billy Robinson & Horst Hoffman. EVERYONE GETS FLOWERS!

This is the final match of disc 2.

Let's finish this one off.

First five minutes of this is great with Dory locking on a cravate on Horst Hoffman and refusing to let go, even through a bodyslam and backbreaker.

Billy Robinson gets the "Never mind that shit, here comes Mongo!" when he gets tagged in. Robinson was pushing 40 here, but remained a notorious shooter and real-life tough guy.

Here he is delivering a hangman's neckbreaker on Terry.

Here's a story about a fight between Billy Robinson and notorious Newfoundland wrestler Sailor White (aka Moondog King).

Sailor White *may* have run off to Newfoundland after giving Robinson a cheap shot and beating the shit out of him, but that's still pretty good for a Newfie. Especially one who looked like this.

I don't really know much about Hoffman, except that he was apparently a shooter in his own right. Also, he destroys Dory's face with this great jumping knee.

Robinson comes in and does this CRAZY dangerous piledriver on Dory here. What the fuck, Billy?

Dory starts eating European uppercuts from Robinson and decides to peace out in a very amusing way.

But we're not here to see Dory being a scamp. We're here for TERRY FUNK. Terry and Robinson trade dropkicks on the floor before coming back so Terry can do some VERY wacky selling.

Billy Robinson obviously elicited strong reactions from other performers.

Here's Billy Robinson and Dory Funk Jr. being dope as hell.

Dory and Robinson continue to be really fun during the home stretch. Hurling elbows before Dory shoots in to lock on the spinning toe hold (which Robinson rolls out of)

But then the bell rings. It's a time limit draw!

Lots of bad blood between Billy Robinson and Terry Funk in this match, but they shake hands after the match. Isn't that nice? I love a happy ending.

Speaking of happy endings, that's it for disc 2. On disc 3, the tag tournament CONTINUES!

It's December 14th, 1977 ( @Tarpo's first birthday!) and the tag tournament continues with the FUNKS taking on Giant Baba & Jumbo Tsuruta

This version on YouTube looks a lot nicer AND has audio coming out of both channels. So I'm going to watch THAT.

Giant Baba is sporting a very impressive head of hair in this match. My wife sometimes tells me I obsess over people's hair because I'm terrified I might lose my own. But she's probably being WACKY.

First ten minutes are all about the Funks working over Jumbo's arm while keeping him away from the hot tag. Dory gets tagged in and hits this roll-up with authority. I like it.

GIANT CHOP!

The crowd pops big for Dory hitting this big-ass backdrop on Baba.

What can I say? It's been a Dory-heavy match so far!

Enjoy this commercial featuring Giant Baba and a massive ice cream cone wearing glasses.

Terry starts softening up Jumbo for the spinning toe hold and throws in some weird ankle manipulation because he's Terry Funk!

Terry takes advantage of a distracted Joe Higuchi to pull Jumbo closer to his corner.

The crowd cheers this because they appreciate someone being a tremendous cock.

We're past the 30 minute mark and shit is starting to break down. A shaken Terry Funk runs into his nemesis (the ring ropes) while Baba delivers a big ol' dropkick.

Terry hits a piledriver on Jumbo, but he gets his foot on the ropes. Terry goes for a second and WHOOPSIE DOODLE.

I love Baba, but a lot of his kicks looked like hot garbage. Thankfully, Terry Funk has no regard for his own well being.

There's less than three minutes left in the time limit, btw. I'm thinking the writing's on the wall.

When time is running out, you do desperate things. Like try and give Giant Baba a piledriver.

As expected, this thing ends in a 45 minute draw. Was all action in the home stretch, but you could tell from the beginning they were going long.

No more Tsuruta and Baba on this disc. INSTEAD..

We have The Funks vs ABDULLAH THE BUTCHER and THE SHEIK from the very next day.

Shit breaks down immediately and I, for one, am here for it.

The Sheik was a spry 51 years old at the time of this match, and he starts bleeding almost immediately.

Also, I had to show my wife how to block this thread.