Read on Twitter
Stop giving relationship benefits to someone who doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. If they want to be treated as a priority but treat you as an option, it’s time for you to realize that their “maybe soon” means “never” and their “reasons” are really just excuses.
Stop falling for someone who expects you to act like their partner but refuse to be your partner, someone who wants you to commit without offering the same in return, someone who believes they can have it all without worrying about giving back to the other person involved.
Many people (read: women) assume if they give the relationship benefits to a partner, eventually the partner will accept the responsibilities. But why would someone suddenly take on the all the responsibilities of something if they have already experienced the benefits for free?
Everyone would take the benefits without the responsibilities if it were possible but healthy relationship cannot exist without both. It’s the joining together of the two which allows a relationship to flourish.
I mean, if you’re that someone who’s looking for a committed serious relationship, you should be with someone who is looking for the exact same thing and you shouldn’t waste any more of your energy and time with someone who isn’t ready to walk along the same path with you.
Everyone has baggages and issues that they carry around from their past relationships, every one. And sure, after numerous failed attempts at healthy and happy relationships, it’s normal to be afraid to commit to another person and another relationship.
That’s why it’s very important to have the talk: the “what are we” talk. The honeymoon phase, no matter how sweet it feels like, will someday faded out. And as much as you would love for that phase to stay forever, it wouldn’t. Relationships are more than just being in love.
If your special one keeps avoiding the talk with excuses and maybes, perhaps it’s time for you to draw a line. Waiting for someone to be ready to commit to you is not wrong, but are you sure that they are worth the wait? And even if they are, how long can you really wait?
Would you be okay knowing that they are still flirting around with other people while claiming that you are theirs and they are yours? Would you be okay with being loyal and committed to someone who doesn’t see their future with you? Would you be okay to stay in this gray area?
Would you be okay to always be readily available for them whenever it’s convenient for them but find yourself desperately seeking for their attention and time whenever you need them? And you can’t be mad at them because deep down you know, they aren’t even yours to begin with.
I know you’re terrified of losing them, but aren’t you more afraid of losing yourself solely because you love them? Don’t lower your standards just because you’re frightened of not finding someone else as perfect as this person. Because here’s a simple truth: nobody is perfect.
Your love for this imperfect person that makes the relationship perfect. And to quote my mom’s words, “Always go for someone who loves you rather than someone that you love. You can’t force someone to love you but you can always learn to love someone who loves you.”
Alright, alright. My mom said it in Malay, so it sounded like this: “Kome kalau bercinta, carilah orang yang sayang kome, jangan yang kome sayang. Yang kome sayang belum tentu sayang kome, yang sayang kome udah tentu tentu sayang kome. Tinggei kome je nak belajo sayang deme.”
With that being said, if you’re looking for a serious relationship, now is the right time for you to stop investing your time, energy and love into someone who isn’t willing to do the same for you. Don’t beg for someone to stay in your life if they don’t want to.
Fooling around is fun, sure. But how much longer can you stand being a fool for love? And to those who keep on using someone in the name of love, man up and let them know if you aren’t looking for anything serious at the moment. It will hurt them but it will also free them.
Don’t keep on taking the benefits of a relationship while avoiding the responsibilities that come with them. People have feelings and it would be nice to have some decency not to toy with their pure feelings. If you aren’t ready to commit, stop acting like you are.
Let’s end this thread with you picking up your phone and reaching this special someone of yours and have the talk. Sure, they might lead to difficult conversations and tough fights, but they are way better than spending your time wondering about the what ifs. Best of luck! 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="♥️" title="Heart suit" aria-label="Emoji: Heart suit">
