"Mom can I have a saw?"

omfg this is going to be a long ride parents.

"Please don't eat cake with your bare hands"

"Mom, these games are not amusing"

"Mom, I miss going to restaurants"

"Mom, can you supervise me doing this? I think it's kinda risky."

"Mom, you don't say anything when you are dead."

"Mom, it's like symbiosis. I take a bite and if it's not the kind I like I feed it to you."

Mom, what does skepticism mean?

It means being doubtful that something is really true.

Hmmmmm… are you sure?

"Mom, don't worry, I'm going to eat all the green beans but first I'm going to dissect them and eat the beans and then their bodies."

"Moms, did you know that in 2100 it will be as hot as five million years ago?

I'm glad all of us will be dead by then because I don't want to be in that heat.”

"wow World War II has a lot of doubleues."

"When I have a phone my number is going to be 92457 because those are all my favorite numbers."

"mom, can we have a compost bin for animals too?"

"mom, my tree climbing skills are going to go bad because of quarantine."

"the tooth fairy can come because I don't think germs [and viruses] affect magical creatures."

"Mom, can I tell you my five favorite bakers? It's aunt @dinahwinnick, bubbie, you, @foodwishes and chef Clare who makes gourmet things at Bon Apetite."

The 6-year-old has a list of favorite bakers.

"Mom, all the Playmobil minifigs are always smiling. Look, school, smiling, hospital, smiling. Everyone is smiling all the time. If there was a funeral they would be smiling too. smh"

"it's funny how bad guys have tantrums. That's how you know: Darth Vader, Kylo Ren, Lord Hordak, they all tantrum"

"If someone died that you really loved. That's a good reason to tantrum I think"

"mom, if you were to go to Canada, what would you bring? I'd bring my 100-color markers, the Lego catalog, the iPad and a sleeping bag."

"Mom, whoever invented fish is awesome. Not fish in general, this fish with capers and butter."

"Mom, have you noticed that tomatoa and tomatillo are almost the same word?"

Mom, if I was a songwriter I would have a song named Banana Blow.

Ok. Why?

Because I like banana bread and if you put dinamite in a banana bread it would explode.

Right...

Well, if you put dinamite on anything that's how it works. Maybe it should be Everything Blow.

"Mom, are you SURE it's Monday?"

I raised a New Yorker.

I'm not even joking.

"Mom, I wish I was a wild animal like a deer, because I could eat anything and poop in the woods. Also, I wouldn't get Coronavirus."

"Mom, Wawa sounds like a wookiee name. Yeah, Wawa, would be a bounty hunter wookiee. Like a furry Boba Fett."

"Mom, I hope I wake up after I sleep"

"Mom, why is it called Ghost World? There are no ghosts, it's just two girls doing things. It should be called Friends."

The kid is on a roll

"Mom, don't freak out but, can I have more asparagus? I know, I know... kids are supposed to hate it but I'm almost 7 now. And it tastes good."

"Mom, I want to try to be an acrobat. I feel like taking risky chances in sports. Like on the trapeze, maybe with one hand, maybe my eyes closed, you know."

"Mom, this is very frustrating."

"Mom, everything is made of math if you look close enough. Like angles! *strikes voguing pose* "

Mom, I wish there was an ATM.

What?

An Automatic Tattoo Machine.

"the ocean and the desert are most different because there is no water in the desert and non cacti in the ocean."

"wait a minute, there is water in cacti!"

"Mom, can I have Pocky and some Oreos? I need to build a Hubble Telescope I can eat."

I have no idea, but she has a vision so, sure why not.

The Three Hubbles

ICYMI https://twitter.com/livlab/status/1253660244418461696?s=19

"Mom, MOM!
M-O-M!

If we dip this hubble in milk to eat it's like the Hubble Telescope in the Milky Way!

Get it?
GET IT?
G E T I T?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Mom, what's a shoe pie cap bra?

A what?

A *squints* shooo pie cap bra?

A chupacabra?

Yes! What is a chupacabra?

"Mom, the Powerpuff Girls are not mammals. They were not born from a live birth and they are made from chemicals."

I just received this trophy from @tinyLIpsum for being a good mom.

"Mom, what is GDPR and why does it say reject cookies. I want cookies."

"Mom, 7 is a good age. I hope it lasts a very long time."

Kid just lectured me on the relative goodness of Sith Lords for 25 minutes and is now making me a chart because "you don't get it".

She got some reference books out.

Gird your loins.

"Mom, to understand the Sith you need to understand the Jedi."

Welcome to her TED Talk.

It's been more than an hour. The commitment to this cause is astounding.

To be continued... Sith apprentices still have bedtime.

Kiddo surprised us with a song she wrote to celebrate our anniversary.

I found out @tinyLIpsum calls it a Waffle Printer.

I'm not mama. Just sayin'.

"Mom, the radius of this table is a kid's arm plus a cheese stick."

"Mom, I noticed you pronounce Mace Windu weirdly."

Mom, what is th behind looker made off?

The what?

The behind looker on the side of the car.

Oh. Plastic, metal and mirror. And it's called a rear view mirror.

Terrible name mom.

Mom, why don't you like screen media before noon? Why do you have this rule?

Because it makes the window of time you ask me for screen time narrower.

Yeah, I can pretty much media all the time. Any time.

Mom, the top five foods good for double-eat are: green beans, long pasta, string cheese, large potato chips and broccoli.

Double-eat?

You know, when one person bites from one side and the other person bites from the other side.

Mom, in Spiderman Into The Spiderverse, do you think the dimension that has Spiderpig also has a character called HAM-ilton?

*wink wink nudge nudge*

*laughs uproariously at her own joke*

(no, she does not care it's called SpiderHam)

Ugh mom, SHOMDOMS!

Uh, what?

It's a new word I'm using to mean SHIT or DAMMIT when I'm feeling frustrated because those words are not nice.

"Mom, we need bananas, my teeth are weak. They have calcium. You do the math"

"Mom, if I learn more about technology, can I build my own telescope?"

"Mom, Betelgeuse is my favorite star. Did you know it might explode? It could be in the next second or hundreds of years from now. I hope it's while I'm alive."

"Mom, we can't have a big Thanksgiving at bubbe's house this year, can we? Everyone is going to have to make a kid's table at their own house"

Kid just slid into the room in socks and underwear only, Risky Business style "what? it's hot".

"mom, I want to try some hot pockets."

"It's Chemistry Tuesday mom."

"Mom, this book is too intense. Can you hold my hand? I'm anxious and excited."

"Mama, fiction is fake and science is real so how can it be science fiction?"

"Mom, don't talk about nopales on your taco. My cactus is in this room."

"Mom, look, I'm frozen in Carbonite"

"Mom, it could be a wormhole to another place in space." https://twitter.com/livlab/status/1291125654080172037?s=19

"Mom, I am really looking forward to starting second grade and making new friends."

So, Apple Jacks or Froot Loops for breakfast?

Mom, that sounds great. But how about toast with cottage cheese and black salt?

Mom, for lunch can we have open faced tuna melts with lots of capers?

How about I just reheat that mac 'n' cheese with peas?

That's fine. But maybe instead you could make open faced tuna melts with lots of capers?

Current status

Mom, have you ever been abducted by aliens?

Mom, I really miss churrascarias.

Mom, when mama doesn't answer a questions does that mean yes or no?

Mom, are there more muscles on your lips or nose?

Mom, are there girlscouts but for boys too?

Mom, this toy would be great for when you are bored at the airport waiting.

Mom, this month feels like a year to me.

Mom, hale is really nature's ice machine.

Mom, my ice cream cone incident is a great example of erosion.

Mom, all cursive writing is like #AnneLister's crypthand to me.

This is fine.

Hey mom, I have an idea!

Oh yeah?

Yeah, but I'm not gonna tell you.

Mom, is there a thing like English Pickles?

What do you mean?

I just want a pickle as large as an English cucumber. Bigger than my arm. Is that a thing?

Mom, help.

What's up?

I need a leotard. Right now.

Today @tinyLIpsum had her first music class in school this term and couldn't wait to tell her teacher she now plays guitar.

And then offered to play for the class.

"science, it's true"

"I'm not snacking on it, it's dinner time, I'm dinnering on it".

Mom, can I go outside to throw this grape at the wall?

*stares in mom*

I have a hypothesis and I need to test it.

Mom, failure.

What?

The hypothesis failed.

Oh?

Yes, it takes 4 throws to make a grape explode, not 1. The hypothesis was wrong.

Sounds like your experiment was a success. Good work.

Well, now we know.

Yelled from another room: "Ugh, cryptozoology is so frustrating!"

Overheard in art class (she has headphones so I can only hear her):

What's this song?

Wow. I like it a lot.

Can you tell me who does it?

Hold on, can you say it again slowly please.

Thank you Ms VW.

OH in Spanish class:

"No Ms Sanchez, the moon is not dangerous, there is no coronavirus there. You only need a mask here."

Art class today was focused on Yayoi Kusama's work and that is a genius season-appropriate choice.

Mom, do you know The Magic School Bus?

Tell me about it.

You know, it has a lot of good science and facts in it but also this bus that transforms into anything they need and making things tiny that is very unrealistic.

Kid chanting "CAT TAX! CAT TAX!" with her classmates via Zoom until their teacher shows them her cat is 2020 culture if I ever seen it.

I had a 35-minute meeting and in that time kid has somehow flooded her entire surrounding area.

I asked what happened and she explained she saw an ant and didn't want it to approach her while she was in class so she made a moat by pouring her water bottle all around her.

Mom, would you prefer to be a vegetarian wolf or a carnivore cow for the rest of your life?

The kid has wanted to whistle since she was two. She's finally crossed over the threshold from blowing to actually producing sound. She's so proud. I am proud of her.

So she's been whistling every moment that she is awake. I am glad none of you can visit us right now.

I am working upstairs and the kid is in class downstairs and I just heard her yell "Towanda!"

I have no context and I don't need it. #Proud #InternationalLesbianDay

Mom, I need to know what are the weakest spots in the human body.

Huh, why?

It would be useful to know while being a spy. It's relevant information for sword fighting. Many reasons!

Mom, how many years ago did quarantine start?

Mom, when you drink something very cold and eat, that food loses all its personality and it just tastes cold.

Mom, what's in this?

Allspice.

That sounds like the name of a store that sells spices not a real spice.

It's a real spice.

Sure mom... Thanks for putting allspice in my allapple. You are messing with me, aren't you.