journaling and self-inquiry led me to a lot of knowledge about myself that i didn't have to look for anywhere else. just creating safety for myself to be truly honest and not exaggerate my experiences, blame anyone else, or escape feeling pain. i am grateful for how i show up.

not needing villains in my life story keeps me in my power. i can acknowledge how i have been hurt and still not make their actions center stage for why i didn't take my power back when i always had that choice. i prefer empowerment over all because it keeps me alive and going.

i don't care how others go about their healing because that wasn't my pain. i don't resonate with staying in pain because i need movement and change or else i'm sabotaging myself and that's a disservice to me because i know i deserve more than to always feel like a victim.

from my own perspective, i don't involve myself in a lot of spiritual community stuff because it becomes another identity to uphold and i'm not interested in making my life story a lesson for other people when i just want to live and share if i feel like it.

and i don't always want to be seen as someone to look up to because you don't know what i'm going through and that makes me feel like you don't see me when you try to separate me and make me above you just because i have the will to live. that is my only choice. it's not heroic.

i either keep going or i check out. there is no middle ground because i don't just have myself to think about. i have an entire village that i'm a part of and if i stop doing my part, that's not fair to me or them because i promised that i would always try.

i don't need pedestals, praise, any of that. i'm here doing what is natural to me. this is how i live. not a performance. not a show. just how i live because i wanted my life to align with my values and desires. not something for other people to gawk at and "goals" .. like ew.