Someone coughed at school dropoff this morning and one of the mums did the “Quarantine!” joke.

We laughed, but in 2-3 weeks, the mum will be painting a red cross on the cougher’s door, and getting her husband to stand watch outside with a stick.

At the end of the road, a man caught stealing toilet paper from an Ocado van swings gently back and forth in his gibbet.