THE CRIMINAL MINDS MARATHON IS BEGINNING

I have decided to start from the very beginning because why not

I appreciate the first episode is set in seattle, so they were like "gotta have rain! lots of rain!"

except it's a downpour, which almost never happens in the PNW, and everyone is carrying umbrellas like nerds

throwback https://twitter.com/vanetti/status/100382722882666496?s=20

made it to the second episode, about the college-campus arsonist

I hate this episode so much though, so I'm gonna skip it

#sorrynotsorry

shemar moore is too good-looking to be a government worker

no one that good-looking would ever have a normal-people job

the way people keep talking about reid like

LoOk HoW yOuNg hE iS

is extremely, extremely relatable

kf, bb

the most frustrating thing about this show is how, the moment they save someone, they hug someone

like no, if the unsub was a dude who kidnapped a woman, you probably shouldn't be trying to hug that woman gideon

I know it's cheesy, but I love gideon talking about how being about to empathize with horrible people is the key to diffusing bad situations

BAU: "we need to relieve pressure on the unsub, we should remove all uniformed officers from the streets"

cops: *sit in the most conspicuous-looking, all-black sedan ever, with a giant computer mounted on the dash in full view of passersby*

I too, as a non-cop, like to sit with a friend in an all-black sedan for hours, on a street corner in a neighborhood I don't live in, with a laptop on the dash

it is one of my favorite pastimes

I appreciate that almost every "criminal minds" profile starts with "a white man, ages 20 to 40"

so helpful

so specific

really narrows down the suspect list

how is it possible that none of the people the BAU picks up immediately go "I want a lawyer", even when they have white-collar jobs and turn out to be innocent

lawyer lawyer lawyer lawyer lawyer

I extremely like aaron hotchner the character which is why it's so frustrating that thomas gibson the actor is apparently a terrible person https://variety.com/2016/tv/news/thomas-gibson-criminal-minds-fired-violent-incident-1201836440/

I remember when I was growing up, I was always like "garcia is so smart! she is so cool! she is so pretty!" and now I feel like I could do all the realistic parts of her job with ease, which is so confidence-inspiring

skipping the chili episode of "criminal minds" because I may have to eat some chili over the next few weeks

I am garcia, looking for my morgan

HELP I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH

extremely hate the subplot where hotch gives his lead position to morgan

like 75% of why I even watch this show is the garcia-morgan banter

why did the writers deprive us

will is such a good husband

the supportive partner we all deserve

"I need you to work this case with me"

why are all the goths written into criminal minds ~troubled~ somehow

why are the criminal minds writers so normcore

I have made it to late season 5 and the garcia-morgan banter is back on

I love that garcia's resume is pink

(so is mine)

not sure what it says about me that when I watch criminal minds and think about their jobs, I'm like "god, can you imagine being on-call 24/7 *indefinitely* like that? for years? not even a weekend off?"

anyway working in ops has been great highly recommend 10/10

I'm nearly done with season 7 out of 15

probably 50% of the time, I'm just thinking "man they can't even sleep with their phone on airplane mode? for years?"

other 35% is "garcia is so so great"

other 15% is "shemar moore is offensively good-looking"

at the point where reid has a girlfriend he's never seen or met

they're supposed to be extremely smart, but they're bad at dating, and the writing is terrible

reminds me of the time in my early 20s I matched with a phd at berkeley who was really into competitive chess tbh

not criminal-minds-related, but as an aside: trying to do okcupid in oakland was a nightmare

I think I matched with like six straight phd candidates at berkeley in math, physics, computer science, whatever

it was so demoralizing and made me feel so bad about myself

have reached the end of season 8

blake's husband is so good

such a supportive partner

the ideal 40-something married couple

I appreciate that they kept the same child actor as hotch's son for the entire series, even though he never actually gets good at acting

kid just yells all of his lines with no emotion whatsoever

googled him and he never did act beyond criminal minds which checks out

whoever did the costumes for season 10 of criminal minds really went wild

matthew gray gubler, a literal runway model, in multiple layers of chunky sweaters during early fall? inspired