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Last year this guy started coming to the gym every day right after I got there. Without fail he would show up within 5 minutes of my arrival. It was like he had a tracker on me. I was annoyed with this because he had this infuriating habit:
Dude would go to the front desk, ask for the TV remote, and then go and change the channel of all 12 TVs in front of the treadmills to Fox News. Every day. And then he wouldn't even watch them. He was just being a Fox News evangelist.
No one ever stopped him because we're all just a bunch of weak ass losers who are more comfortable complaining on Twitter than actually asserting ourselves in person.
So one day I noticed he started at least asking the people on the treadmills if he could change the channel before doing it. I don't know whether someone had snapped at him or what.
But he would go treadmill by treadmill and ask each person one-by-one whether they were watching the TV in front of them and whether he could change the channel. Well no one ever opposed this because does anyone actually watch the TVs at the gym?
Even if you are watching it, no one ever really cares enough to actually stop someone from changing the channel. So even though he was now asking permission, we still ended up with 12 TVs on Fox News every day. UNTIL:
One day I saw him come in. I had just started running on a treadmill. And I was like "ok Eli. Today is the day you stand up against this tyranny." I was near TV #10 and I decided when he got to me, I would tell him I was watching the TV. That wasn't really true. I wasn't watching
But I wasn't going to put up with this anymore. I practiced what I was going to say in my head as I watched him go treadmill by treadmill asking for and receiving permission to change the channels. Finally he got to me and said "are you watching number 10?"
I yelled much louder than I needed to, "YES! I AM WATCHING TV 10." People looked over, probably because I was so loud. But I was full of adrenaline. I felt so alive. I had stood up for TV 10. I had carved out one tiny place in this gym for myself. I was proud.
The man conceded and stepped over to the next person to continue his quest. Just then TV 10 went off of a commercial break and that's when I finally noticed that the program I had just publicly declared I was watching was something that looked like Teletubbies.
It wasn't Teletubbies. But it looked like maybe a new version of that type of show. I don't know. I'm a 35 year old man without kids. All I know is a bunch of furries were singing a song about sharing.
The point is, for the next however long I was on the treadmill, I had to A) pretend to be into "Teletubbies," and B) pretend to be SO into "Teletubbies" that I was willing to shout at a stranger to stop him from changing the channel at the gym.
At least I didn't have to watch Sean Hannity.
