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It's Tuesday night, The Athletic app is on and boy do Man Utd have a PR release for you. https://twitter.com/juicysushi/status/1234801706275352577
Left behind by their rivals Man Utd are assembling an analytics department to try and catch up and the Ornstien and Chapman podcast is going to tell us all about it.
Apparently it's important top note that this is a "research group" and not meer analysis. Which Utd already do lots of thank you very much.
"Only be sure always to call it please, research."
Also "I've been told that you've got to point out..." is probably a clue about the level to which this story was fed to our heroes.
Anyway, crack 8 man team doing "research" currently being assembled by Headhunters. Lets move on.
Headhunters.
Sorry, sorry moving on now.
"The deep analytics, the expected goals and the meassuring of ... all sorts of minutia."
Oh god.
Oh god.
There are some concerns that Man Utd will will spunk a load of money on an analytics research group and then sideline it so it has no real effect on their decision making.
You know, like Arsenal.
You know, like Arsenal.
I may be paraphrasing slightly there.
Long bit on Ian Graham and Liverpool and how great they are and boiy would Man Utd like some of that headline action. And hey, if the math nerds do something useful once in a while that'll be nice to.
Ok, they do make the point that this has to be intergrated properly and that the current decision making structure at Utd is prehaps structured suboptimally.
Also a reminder of that other PR story they leaked about having 50 scouts watching millions of hours of video as an example of smart they are. You might see a connection here, I couldn't possibly comment.
Ornstien's got an example of how analytics would improve Utd's decision making here and it's ... well it needs some unpacking. First off I'm pretty sure it's an example he's been given but it's still a mess.
So the theory goes that because he's such a defence focused player Aaron Wan-Bissaka should have gone to a mid table club first (for around 25 million), learned how to be an all round fullback and then moved to Utd as a complete player.
David, should you ever stumble across this tweet I would like to suggest that no, analytics will not help a team let a great young fullback be signed by someone else for a tiny fee.
That's literally the opposite of what it's supposed to do.
That's literally the opposite of what it's supposed to do.
Though it might give you a better understanding of what exactly said great young fullback does and thus not have daft expectations that lead you to say something stupid about him later. Possibly.
Moving on!
"Yeah he's really good but I think we should let Everton get him for 25 million and then buy him for a massive fee in a few years. It's just maths innit!"
Fucks sake.
Fucks sake.
Back to how this is supposed to work. Apparently the team is going to answer to John Murtough, who I absolutely know.
Head of development. I knew that. Who didn't know that?
Which puts them what, about two rungs down and shunted off to one side of the decision tree at Utd? I'm sure that's fine.
But wait, could this be leading to the fabled Man Utd director of football? If it is you're doing this exactly the wrong way round.
Oh, it's ok no one thinks that's actually ever going to happen.
Hang on, Ornstien's said something weird again.
There is a school of thought that says by bringing in these analysts you are actually diluting the power in a way that means you don't need to appoint a sporting director. Apparently.
Yes, it's fucking Ed Woodwards school of thought and look how well that's been working the fuck out.
If you're wondering why I'm banging on about this being a fed story that right there should be the answer.
Anyway, Americans love analytics, the glazers are american, how come the american Glazers haven't introduced analytics to the club before now?
It's because they don't give a shit so long as they get their 20m at the end of the year. Glad I could clear that up.
I'm obviously hating on this a lot but they do actually get what an evidence based process is supposed to do for the club. They're spot on about how it can help you spot talent early. It's just that when they try and talk about the how they cause me physical pain.
Alright they're talking about Haaland now, I'm done. Utd say they are getting into evil numbers wizardry. Doesn't seem like it's going to make an impact on how decisions are made but by god they'll get to say ANALYTICS a lot.
That's 20 minutes of podcast I managed to rant on about for an hour. You people are bad for me.
