https://www.twitch.tv/videos/554378079 CHESKA????

how did i not know she did a livestreaming ama... this is so juicy she literally didn't want to debut but had to bc of the contract

SHE'S SHIT TALKING THE MEMBERS THE GROUP AND THE COMPANY DESPITE SIGNING AN NDA????? yes i will livetweet

she said they all felt like slaves bc of the contract but they were also loen's first group so mistakes were bound to be made

"they told me if i debuted i wouldn't be able to go to my dad's funeral, my mom's funeral, anyone else in my family's funeral" THIS LOEN CONTRACT?????????

the way she's playing ldr songs between questions is killing me... she's talking about company debt and the reason boy groups are debuted more often bc they're more likely to make money lksjdlkjsfd but we knew that

she didn't get credit for writing some lyrics and also didn't like what they recorded like that's bc you left right before things got good but also vista was a classic wtf cheska

- basically saying that companies are loan sharks bc of how they put idols into debt
- she wasn't interested in kpop but she became an idol for some reason and they "scammed" her by saying she'd be the second boa lmaaaaoooo

she had no friends and was backstabbed and bullied i feel like she's gonna get specific about who soon

HER FAV PART OF BEING AN IDOL WAS MEETING HER BF AS A TRAINEEEEEEE also she doesn't know what an nda is jesus christ

SHE SAID SHE SIGNED AN NDA BUT SHE DOESN'T THINK IT WAS REAL?????? oh my god cheska they were not trying to fuck with your brain there are legal issues

"i saw your video of your message to zelo on weekly idol. that was cute" "THAT WAS FAKE i never really liked zelo" lkjsdflksjdfl

she hasn't said much that's illuminating or juicy so far like she's talking about sexual harassment in the industry and how it's esp bad for young girls... there's a reason everyone links that clip of sistar telling idols to stay at home

literally the only fiestar concept she liked was sea of moonlight and now she's talking about how she was a loner in the group and how she felt like none of the members liked her here we go

i remember she made an ig post already where she talked about the members not liking her and the issue wasn't her fitting in it was just them disliking her... she left bc she wanted them to get along but it was all about competition

cheska's saying she talked to jei about trying to get closer as a group so they could function better and have each other's backs and jei pulled the "we're not here to make friends we're here to do business" line on her omg

tangent about her being a pervert but she didn't leave bc of the sexy concepts, she left bc of the members

"i'm talking crap about them but the people they like, the people they care about, they will treat them really well. it's just how they treated me was completely wrong. i don't know why they treated me like that" SHE JUST SAID ONLY SHE CAN HATE THEM

THE WORST WAS THE MAKNAE cheska says she tried to talk to yezi and get to know her but yezi didn't like her and cheska knew that... she had to make the other girls feel better about themselves and think she was trash in order to survive in the group jesus

btw for anyone popping in this is all 1. literally just cheska talking so no confirmation from anyone and 2. she's violating the hell out of her NDA but let's keep going

she says any future idol should make sure they get along with the members and if they don't, go to another company if you really want to be an idol that much

no surprise but they had no creative input and also the commenters are randomly shit talking cube klsjdflkjsdf it's killing me

she can't think of anything sweet a fan did for her bc they weren't allowed to get close to the fans due to security guards

"they didn't believe that i would really leave" and cheska whined about needing to get along and leaving but after she left she thinks the members realized they needed to get closer to succeed "but then they disbanded so now i don't care anymore"

when she left the company gave her 2 options: to never make music in korea or to give them money so she paid them money to avoid going to court and borrowed money to get out of the contract

SHE'S SAYING IF YOU SHOW HER A GROUP SHE CAN ANALYZE IF THE MEMBERS GET ALONG AND HOW THEY INTERACT this bts body language analysis meme tweet energy

her analysis of slave contracts is a mess can the ama move past this lkjsdfkljskdfl now people are asking about their favs and if they get along

loen forced her to get double eyelid surgery when she didn't want to

the original price to get out of her contract was 1 million (i think usd??? she says dollars) but she apparently negotiated it down to 15k after explaining all the things the company forced her to do when she didn't want it idk

the happiest moment of her kpop days was iu shouting out her name on twitter since iu was the reason she wanted to join loen in the first place... iu visited the vista mv filming and apparently one of the members was being mean to cheska but she's not naming names now???

there was a photo time after they finished filming vista and cheska wanted to take pics with her group but a member was like passive aggressive and told her to take pics with iu instead since they were "close" AND CHESKA SAID SHE WAS MAD ENOUGH TO PUNCH SAID MEMBER LKSDJFKLJSDF??

"this member was always like that, she would always tell me to do something and i had to go do it" NOW YOU WON'T NAME NAMES????

confirmed sweet girls according to cheska:
- hello venus lime
- stellar hyoeun

OH MY GOD

"linzy was nice, linzy never bullied me. i like linzy

cao lu

IS A TWO FACED BITCH" AND THEN SHE LAUGHED KLJSDLKJSDF but she said cao lu never bullied her

"hyemi? she's cool i really liked her" ok so basically cheska doesn't like cao lu yezi or jei and said that jei and yezi bullied her and that they're messed up jesus christ girl your NONDISCLOSURE AGREEMENT IS IN SHAMBLES

cheska feels like she was taken advantage of by the company and by jei/yezi god i want to clarify with each tweet that this is just cheska saying things don't assume everything is true about the members

literally the only reason i can get through this is i'm watching at 2x speed

;LKSDJFKLJSDF SOME FAN WAS TRYING TO BE LIKE i think mamamoo's company and big hit care about their idols!!! and cheska just says "no companies care about their idols. what they do care about is the money. that's it." that might be the only confirmed thing she's said so far

it's nice that she's stating this is unique to her experiences bc she says other korean-americans have come to the industry and definitely had more positive experiences and met good people but cheska just went through the worst

she doesn't have a favorite song or video since it's all bad memories and her only good memory is iu shouting her out on twitter

she said she gained no skills from her kpop career and was more creative and skilled before she became an idol skldjfsdf

basically as a trainee they wanted to mold her into their exact vision so she completely changed her dance style, singing style, etc. and replaced it with what they wanted

she didn't tell her parents about her hardships bc she didn't want them to know so she lied about everything but now they know about everything and she's crying bc she's talking about her parents

oh this commercial is using a sufjan stevens song get those royalties king

she loved music, it was basically her life before an idol and she was even a freestyle dancer. freestyling was her thing.

when she first came to korea, loen took her mp3 player and erased all the american songs on there and replaced them with korean songs??????

and that's the reason she lost interest in music.

she wasn't allowed to speak english like she tried to speak in english with alex from high4 bc they were trainees at the same time but she was forbidden from it

after debuting she was on some show or w/e where she had to speak english and she was afraid to speak bc of her trainee years and the members were like "you're american just speak english"

"they can do anything with whatever you have because you're under contract. they can fuck you if they want to. and then you can sue them!" and then she laughed this is surreal

she was forced to sign her contract. since she was an only child (her brother died when she was younger), she felt like she needed to take care of her parents better. the person who had her sign the contract messed w/ her by saying "think of your parents who lost a son"

that guy isn't in the company anymore also she's been crying a bunch bc she cries about her parents but she was also crying when signing the contract

she didn't train for that long bc she already had a background in dancing and singing and all the company had to do was take that out of her and swap out the style they wanted

she keeps reiterating that she thinks she just has really bad luck in terms of going through all this esp as a korean-american and she knows that others have def gone through better and i just now noticed she has one of those steampunky e-cig rigs lkjsdklfjsfd

she got scouted to be "the second boa" and didn't want to be in an idol group, she thought she was gonna be a solo artist

she never listened to kpop and had no knowledge of it besides boa so she didn't know what she was getting herself into. she just tried her best for her parents

her only friends rn are her boyfriend's friends... girl

she was thinking about trying out for american idol before all this since she wanted to be a soloist but she thought korea would be her best bet since she never saw asian-americans on american idol

she had no backup plan when she joined the company

she doesn't want to become a solo artist bc she already tried and she just left to go get a package???? she's just getting packages rn what

someone asked if she wants to go back to school or take courses and she said after training for so long and debuting and being in the industry for a while she feels worthless (she said she doesn't want to speak for other idols) jesus girl do not stream in this state of mind

she feels like that bc she spent so much time trying to be a kpop idol and training for one thing and not being that so she's scared about other things, like trusting people, she suffers from depression and anxiety, she has adhd, she doesn't know if she could do school

from when she was 4 to about 20, all she had was music. but when making music became her job in the kpop industry, it was all ruined for her. now she's getting into her solo career

she has issues w/ the korean music industry and is giving this as an example SO IT IS NOT REAL

say she released something on the same day as a big group like exo. exo fans would rate her song one star and talk shit. idol fans will sabotage the ratings just to get their favs to

the top and it sucks bc ratings are important for people to discover music and she keeps clarifying this is an example (not real!!!!) bc lord knows she doesn't want fans to actually come for her but basically fans boosting their favorite groups will sabotage others

her songs ratings are like 2.5 or so and she doesn't know why

she knew when she released her last song that it would be her last bc she doesn't like the industry and the rating sabotage isn't for her "like fucking listen to the music if you like it, if you don't move on"

people sabotage the shit out of melon streaming especially lksjdfklsjds but these experiences basically ruined music for her

SOMEONE SAID THEY LISTEN TO ONE OF HER SONGS LIKE DAILY AND SHE WAS LIKE "oh that wasn't my favorite song" lKSJDFKLJSDF

"melon is huge. if you hit no. 1 on melon, you make so much money" but she wants to clarify that melon didn't kill her dream, everything combined (including melon) is what did it

when she came to korea to pursue her ""dream"" (she did airquotes) people told her that being a trainee was really hard. no matter how much information is out in the public about the industry, like the dark sides, the industry still won't change because "that is how korea works"

they don't care about what people think they care about money. and thankfully she's clarifying that it's business literally anywhere not just korea lksjdfkljsdfkljfsd eat the rich

she doesn't do anything related to music nowadays and she hates music. she tries her best to not hate it but her memories of working in the industry killed her for it. she just listens casually but doesn't care about it and never listens to kpop bc she just never liked it

she thinks the training system will get worse because they make so much money. since bts is making so much money, companies in the industry are gonna be like "oh shit we need to step up the game" and it's gonna get worse and worse and worse

"my thoughts on k-rap? there are some rappers that are really good! but mostly they all suck" SLKDJFKLJSDF

someone just asked her if she was in sistar i'm gonna scream

she's telling a story where she was supposed to perform with sistar at some festival. she was going to the bathroom to smoke cigarettes since she couldn't let her company know she smoked and she was waiting in line for the bathroom and after she came out she told hyolyn (who was

next in line) that she could use it and apparently hyolyn scoffed and made a bunch of faces idk how to explain it???? but bitch faces and cheska said it's bc she wanted to smoke a cigarette

and then she said soyou was nice

oh girl this is the shit that will get you in trouble

but she said a bunch of people make shitty faces and expression to her in the industry not just her... it was a very weird experience

"i quit smoking cigarettes but i still vape" nobody has questions about kpop so this is what we're getting

bc she always tried to put herself down and make herself bad at dancing to make others feel better, she still has a weird vibe about it but she uses just dance to make herself have fun while dancing #notsponsored

she's talking about drugs but it's all in korean klsjdflksdf i think she's saying doctors can prescribe like xanax but everything else is illegal and oh god there's coronavirus discourse get back to kpop

"i tried a lot of methamphetamines" ????? she can't remember the names she just guessed DMX i'm gonna lose it

she thinks she'll like music again when she has kids if her kids want to pursue music

people keep asking her about drugs she wants to talk about kpop lskjdflkjsdklfsfd

idr who her bf is but they've been dating for 9 years and are still going strong so that's nice i get

her love for music was replaced by gaming

league is her fav game okay i don't care about this part she's playing yakuza and monster hunter and wow and she doesn't like overwatch

she keeps coughing girl i think it might be bc you smoked for 9 years and then switched to vaping and are now vaping regularly during this stream but go off

someone asked what her 5 year plan was and she said since she was taken advantage of by the industry and signing a 7 year contract she just goes with the flow and plans ruin her feelings

her career plans are full time streaming

she thinks if you're as talented as ariana grande you should become a kpop idol so she can stan you but that's the only reason anyone should become an idol

she wants to have like 6 babies and she's talking about her height and weight omg this is supposed to be a kpop ama does anything else happen

2 hours in she clarifies that this is not about kpop in general, this is about her specific experiences as a kpop idol yes good lord i have been live tweeting for longer than i should but thank god for 2x speed

she wouldn't keep any of her shoes or outfits from her time as an idol bc they were all ugly and honestly she's right have y'all seen the we don't stop styling

if she could delete a song she sang with fiestar she would delete all of it

people in the comments are trying to give her advice on how to specifically birth a girl this is the worst

she keeps saying that her only happy memory was getting an iu shoutout on twitter no matter what people ask

BACK TO KPOP QUESTIONS the company wanted her to rap bc she was an english speaker and she became kind of interested in rap and hip hop bc of that but wasn't interested at all before

she was talking about how she met steak and i had no fucking clue what it meant but it's her nickname for her bf aka lil boi from geeks??? and she met him at some cypher thing in hongdae

her bf was the only one there for me and kept her from killing herself during her time as an idol, she thinks the fans could've been there for her but the company prevented her from ever connecting with them

based on her experience, idols in groups can be competitive over the stupidest shit. she keeps saying "a member" in this story but it's yezi

basically yezi was jealous over cheska's english abilities but of course she was bc she was raised in the states

so yezi tried to be better at english than her. since they were both rappers (but cheska was forced to be one vs. yezi wanting to be one) they would write their own lyrics. cheska would use a lot of english in hers but yezi wouldn't bc she didn't know english that well so she

asked yezi to help write lyrics in english for her and then got mad at cheska for being good at english???? "it's hard to trust bc it's so stupid but it happened"

she would get bullied if she got compliments from the higher ups. it wasn't a competition to cheska

"not all but a lot of them were competitive. the group i was in was competitive"

when she left fiestar, she didn't rly have hard feelings bc she just wanted the best for them. yezi called her after to ask for help with writing rap lyrics in english