#vminau

"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I DON'T FUCKING WANT YOU OKAY?", the hurtful words were thrown into his face just moments after confessing his feelings. They had known, had known since the very beginning that their souls belonged together. that they weren't complete without the

other. and they had told themselves they'd be friends. Best friends. /soulmates/. Through thick and thin, joined hands and shared secrets till they grew old.

but getting to know someone on such a meaningful level always left something behind, no matter if it was a resonating

feeling of belonging or comfort or the desire for it to be just M O R E.

they knew everything about each other. had been friends since nearly a decade now and still the feelings Taehyung felt just seemed to grow with every day. half an ounce more, every single day.

he had tried confessing a handful of times already, but it had never stuck. never felt right and more often than not he had simply chickened out. afraid. but he had never thought that the reaction would be this bad. that his body was capable of feeling this kind of pain and not

immediately shutting down.

He had planned it to perfection. Had waited till they were nice and relaxed, giggly even. and then he had uttered the words.

"I love you"

he had felt so light in this moment, as if he could just fly away right this instant.

but Jimin had just giggled. "I love you too Taehyungie", and almost...almost he had chickened out again. too afraid to ruin what they had, too afraid of losing Jimins blinding smile that was the only source of light in his usually dark life. Jimin had always had this effect on

him. had always taken him by the hand, exclaiming "it will be alright, Taehyungie. As long as we're together it will be fine"

But right now it didn't feel fine. Jimin looked confused from the serious look on his face. "No. I mean...i /love/ love you, Jimin", Taehyung explained

and the reaction came hard and fast. "What. you don't mean that", the other muttered confused and pulled away out of their embrace like he had been burned. as if Taehyung were capable of LYING to his soulmate. The person he shared the precious sign with. Soulmates even though

they were supposed to be extinct DECADES ago. Just a myth in these times. People sharing one and the same soul.

"I...I do mean it. I love you. and i just..i can't hide it anymore", they knew everything about each other. Knew about their darkest secrets, their biggest regrets

and this moment might be soon one of Taehyungs. "How..how can you SAY that. don't you get it? That. we're FRIENDS", Jimins voice took on a dangerous edge, Taehyung knew what it meant. He was getting angry. and angry Jimin was always a sight to see. "We can't BE TOGETHER", the

older boy replied trying to stay calm. His voice wavering a little from trying not to scream.

"Jiminnie..you know i don't mind anything that happened in the past. I trust you, I....Jimin I /LOVE/ you, don't you understand?"

The smaller male moved away even further. "DON'T /YOU/ UNDERSTAND? I DON'T FUCKING WANT YOU OKAY?", and Taehyung felt like he had been punched square in the face. he couldn't understand, Jimin was gay, society was okay with two men together after decades of fighting for this.

Confused he watched the older edge even further away from him. from his SOULMATE.
"Jiminnie...", he tried once again. Hurt obvious in his voice but he was willed to try, to push through it. he knew they could make it out alive. he wouldn't be able to live without the other boy.

"Don't call me that! Don't fucking TOUCH ME", Jimin flinched away once Taehyung had tried to take his hand. Taehyung himself stumbled away as if he was punched. "Don't touch me and..and don't talk to me I....I can't even stand to /look/ at you right now..oh god", the tiny fingers

of Jimins hand quivered while carding through his hair. Taehyung couldn't speak. His body wasn't able to form words or thoughts he could possibly press through his lips. "you can't LOVE me. I don't allow it. I don't /want/ you to"
when he was five he broke his arms while going

down the slides, he had to wear a cast for almost 6 months and had thought he had to DIE.
But even this pain couldn't compare to the hurt that was pulsating through his veins right now.

He had always been a quiet kind of hurt. The kind of hurt where there wasn't a big screaming

match and slur words but instead it crushed your heart and you felt tears prickling in the back of your throat. Your heart startet to simultaneously beat faster and slow down and the hot pain spread out over your jaw into your temples. The kind of hurt where you couldn't speak

louder than a whisper in fear of shattering the last of your glass thin heartmuscles.

"...o-oh..."

on autopilot he took a step back. away from his soulmate. and it hurt. physically hurt to step away from someone you loved so much. Jimin didn't /want/ him. He didn't want him

"...I...", his mind was racing and still the only words present in his head seemed to be "I don't want you".

Another step back, he couldn't even look at the other boy. "I u-understand. I'm...I'm so sorry", his voice was barely more than a whisper. Jimin must be disgusted by him.

"I don't...I don't WANT you, Taehyung", the slightly more high pitched voice Jimins filtered into his head again. the younger boy whimpered softly. "I know..i..i understand i....I'll go and i'll...i won't...i don't...", he was full on stammering right now. he couldn't contain -

himself anymore. "Taehy....." - "NO!", he disrupted Jimins calling for his name. he didn't want to hear it again. "It's...i understand", tears were rolling down his cheeks and he hadn't even noticed before. His eyes hadn't left the ground in so long. even though they longed to

get one look..one last look at Jimin. His beautiful soulmate. A small, vulnerable noise came out of his throat at that thought. and it seemed to break something.

suddenly there were hands surrounding his face, Taehyung tried to shy away, get away from the hands that were so obviously Jimins. "Tae I'm...no please don't cry i..", he hadn't heard the older boy stutter in almost 2 years now. and Taehyung didn't know what was happening anymore

"How can you do this to me...how...you know what i did. what...what kind of person i am. how can you do this. how can you say you /love me/", his friend started to speak up again but Taehyung wasn't ready to talk. Sobs wrecked his body. it was like that thin little connection

that soulmates shared had snapped in two. At least Taehyung felt like it did. "How can you say you /love/ me after what i've DONE", the other spoke up again, sounding thicker and a little more watery at the same time.

"Because...because I do. I just do. I love you..so much"

and it hurt. it hurt so much to say it again, to know Jimin didn't want him. why was he still here, why hadn't he ran away already? "but /why/", whispered between two sobs and Taehyung angrily rubbed at his eyes and unsuccesfully shoved at Jimins chest. "Because..because you're

/YOU/. You're amazing and caring. You love rubber ducks and dumplings and you look like an angel when you sleep. I've never..i NEVER thought ill of you. That...what happened back then that wasn't your fault you couldn't have changed it you were still a god damn KID!", Taehyung

was practically wheezing in effort to breathe and get his speech off of his chest. "But..you said you don't want me..and..and i try to..to understand it but..but you need to give me time...i...it hurts so bad", the tears didn't seem to stop falling and again he rubbed his eyes.

"it's a lie", he heard the quiet mumbling and reared back as if slapped across the face. He didn't lie! but Jimins face didn't look like he was speaking to Taehyung but more to himself. "It's...it's a lie.", he repeated himself. The younger didn't know what to think anymore

"It's a lie ok", a little more agressive on Jimins part. "I want you so bad. I've...i've always wanted you but...i shouldn't. I shouldn't taint you with my..." - "bullshit", Taehyung was practically fuming and a hairs breadth away to defend Jimin from himself.

"I wanted you the moment i first laid eyes on you", Taehyungs heart seemed to skip a beat. "you looked like an angel, all blonde hair spread out on the grass. Looking up to the sky and singing a song about bunnies on the moon. I wanted you..i want you so BAD. it scares me"

He watched Jimin pushing his hand through his hair again. "I'm sorry. I...I didn't want to hurt you i was..i am so scared. what if i hurt you? what if i kill you. i can't lose the most important person in my life AGAIN", and slowly...just slowly Taehyung seemed to connect the

dots inside his head. "I can't live without you anymore." - "then don't"
Was all he had to say. The tears had stopped and he was sure he looked horrible like a puffed up demon with red eyes. "don't live without me anymore. just..be with me. nothing has to change. i just...

i just wanted to tell you. because it weight so much on my heart that i love you SO MUCH."

it felt good. saying it again. a little. still tender but on the good side.

"what if i want something to change?"

Confused he cocked his head to the side to look at the other. "What...if i want to change...well...one aspect at least", the other seemed sheepish. Even though there was still a slight sighting of panic etched in his movements. "What do you mean", his words were careful. this day

had been a roller coaster so far and he wasn't prepared to get destroyed again.

"I didn't lie when i said i wanted you", the slight lilting of the words, the foreign dialect that still sounded so homey to Taehyungs ears. It made his thoughts slump into the gutter immediately.

"w-what?", his voice pitched a little higher than usual. He watched Jimin bite his lip coyly. there were hands on his hips and Taehyungs head started to spin. "how long do we know each other now", Jimin asked slowly and glanced up to the slightly taller male. forever. he wanted

to reply but the words were stuck in his throat. "seems like forever...for years i've watched you change, watched you shower and run around in panties all day...and i /want/ you. do you understand?", Jimin seemed to get closer, not a lot but just enough. "I want you, Taehyung"

and this voice just wouldn't stop whispering in his ear. about how he wanted to bend him over their new couch when they got it, or how he looked so god damn pretty in his lacey underwear he liked to wear a year ago.

Taehyungs body seemed to melt under Jimins words.

Thankful for his arms to keep him close to his body and in an upright position. another whine edged itself out of his throat...this time because of a completely different reason.

"Jimin", he rasped out and curled his fingers into his shirt. "take me...t-to the bedroom..-

..please", he whined out when the words didn't stop to fog up his head. The filthy smile Jimin wore made him swallow around the sudden dryness in his mouth.

"...why bother", almost like a purr before his back hit the mattress.

--the end--

this is for @revnoire because she doubted my ability to make it angsty and then horny.
you're welcome.