a breath of snow and ashes: a first read thread. šŸ“– ā„ļø

#ABOSAA
Diving right in with mysterious deaths and doctor Claire rockin and rollin all over this joint?! #ABOSAA
Iā€™d accept a spin-off of CSI: North Carolina, starring the Fraser Family.

ā€œDo you think it was the mushrooms that killed them?ā€

ā€œI believe so. Of all the choices for a final meal, this one certainly doesnā€™t look... FUNgi.ā€

YEEEOOOWWW *guitar riff*

#ABOSAA
I get the connection to the future house fire being made here, but the mood is very heavy for the first 20 pages of this book.

I swear to god if Diana kills a single Fraser/MacKenzie in this house fire, Iā€™ll light these fuckin books on fire in solidarity and GIVE UP. #ABOSAA
ā€œanyone ever told ye what a comical fellow ye are, uncle Jamie? Because youā€™re not.ā€

OH IAN MY WEE LAMB HOW IVE MISSED YOU SO ā¤ļø šŸ˜­ #ABOSAA
Brianna chucking a potato at Roger's head is a big ass mood. #ABOSAA
I get that Brianna's existence is just another way for DG to jerk it to her love for Jamie (since shes just a female version of him) but I H A T E that she subjects us to reading Bree having sex.

Im here for Claire and Jamie. Their kid is my kid. GROSS. #ABOSAA
Roger standing in the doorway stark naked while the wind "stirs the dark, curling hairs of his body" makes me think his entire body is covered in long, billowing hair like bigfoot.

Makes this garbage at least slightly entertaining. #ABOSAA
Jamie sitting by a roaring fire, cleaning his already spotless gun while talking to a redcoat is my favourite version of Jamie. #ABOSAA
JAMIE SPEAKING IN GAELIC AND CLAIRE UNDERSTANDING HIM CAN I GET A FUCK YEAH šŸŽ‰ #ABOSAA
Claire: *getting visibly pissed off at someone*

Jamie: *smirks* *does nothing*

TAKE NOTES, FRANK. #ABOSAA
oh my god. Ian's full name has a nod to Murtagh?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? #ABOSAA
Ian wakes up and the first thing that comes to mind is ā€œWow aunty Claireā€™s surgery STINKSā€ hahahahaha #ABOSAA
Iā€™m a huge fan of everyone referring to Adso as Claireā€™s cat. Not sure why exactly. Just tickles me. #ABOSAA
Fergus taught Germain to be a pick pocket and Bree has to remind herself to frisk the kid for contraband ahahahah I love this family so much. šŸ˜‚ #ABOSAA
Holy shit Germain got Jemmy drunk and shrugged it off with ā€œhe was thirsty, mā€™dameā€ IF HE AINT HIS FATHERS SON HAHAHAHA šŸ˜‚šŸ˜­ #ABOSAA
Why... is consent such a foreign concept to Diana. Why is Roger insisting on having sex when Bree specifically said no several times but now sheā€™s just gonna ā€œlay back and enjoy itā€.

Why. Why why why. FUCK.

#ABOSAA
Youā€™d think all the money Diana gets from such a successful television show might afford her some decent therapy for the rape fetish sheā€™s been suffering from for decades.

Not really relevant to the book but Iā€™ll tag it regardless. #ABOSAA
Hard to believe this book series started with delicate euphemisms for sex and has since evolved into quotes like ā€œOh youā€™re going to let me be on top?ā€ and ā€œI enjoyed riding Jamie, all right.ā€

Canā€™t say Iā€™m mad about it šŸ‘€ #ABOSAA
What kinda dirty shit was he gonna do to her - and not for the first time - when he told her to hold the bed post?! Why would she be so appalled that he wants to do it when thereā€™s company?!

JESUS, JAMIE. YER WIFES TIRED. #ABOSAA
Claire all "look I may be homies with John now but that does not mean I don't have a crazy gay-dar and he's FULLY being nice to this dude because he has a thing for him"

I need so, so much more Claire and John in my life. #ABOSAA
Claire: WHY WOULD YOU SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE THAT?

Jamie: why tf are you talking to yourself in here?

#ABOSAA
this conversation must be a complete dream for Claire. medical talk about hemorrhoids, making Jamie slightly uncomfortable with her bluntness, and gossiping about John's sex life. Never change, Claire. #ABOSAA
ā€œYouā€™ll die nine times before you rest in your grave.ā€

*ONLY* 9? Dude has lost his parents/brother/godfather, was flogged near to death, was violently raped and tortured, lost Faith, lost Claire and Bree, almost died at Culloden, and THATS IN ONLY 2 OF THESE 8 BOOKS?!

#ABOSAA
Jamieā€™s thinking about how he held Murtagh while he died at Culloden. Oh god.

NOW LISTEN. Iā€™m lookin at you, show runners. Dont you dare. DONT. YOU. *DARE*.

#ABOSAA
Jamie playing a game of ā€œhide the sausageā€ with these random women in his bed šŸ¤Ø if I wasnā€™t so appalled Iā€™d find this quite funny. #ABOSAA
OH MY GOOD LORD CAN WE BE DONE WITH BONNET ALREADY. #ABOSAA
Man, when I heard there was a ā€œwhoā€™s your daddyā€ line I deeeefinitely thought it was going to be a decidedly more fun quote in context. God I feel betrayed. #ABOSAA
ā€œI love you, I like you, I worship you, I have to have my cock inside you.ā€

Oh my good god I love this ridiculous couple so fucking much. #ABOSAA
I really love how vengeful Claire can be. Like, ā€œoh some grasshoppers are gonna destroy MY garden?! WELL IM GONNA BURN THOSE BASTARDS ALIVE.ā€

A real life icon. #ABOSAA
Claire: *has been to an actual witch trial and almost died*

Also Claire, when the new tenants arrive at the ridge and the field is on fire:

#ABOSAA
Well. šŸ‘€ If I have to see Sam deliver the line ā€œon your knees. Now.ā€ with my own eyes I think Iā€™m... probably going to die on the spot. Wow. W o w. #ABOSAA
Jamie writing a letter to John like ā€œmy wife and daughter are fucking witches and people are gonna lose their marbles if they see the shit theyā€™re doing behind closed doorsā€ THESE WOMEN, I TELL YA. Just itchin for a good burning.

#ABOSAA
Tv show Frasers: isnā€™t it playing god to perform medical procedures from the future? Tampering with time is bad!!

Book Frasers: Bree wants to invent indoor plumbing and matches, Claireā€™s performing medical miracles, and Roger made a toy car for Jemmy.

#ABOSAA
If John is using this Higgins guy for anything, itā€™s for sending his love letters and gifts of admiration to Jamie and nothing else. I hope for Higgins sake heā€™s at least getting some ass outta this deal. #ABOSAA
Something about Claire standing above Jamie - in public - while he squeezes her thigh to get her attention has me feelin some sort of way. #ABOSAA
McDonald thinks he can ruin my perfectly content domestic Fraser moment by moving Jamieā€™s sleeping head off of Claireā€™s leg for no good reason? HES GOT ANOTHER THING COMIN. HE CAN CATCH THESE HANDS. šŸ‘Š šŸ¤› šŸ¤œ #ABOSAA
So I guess weā€™re making a habit of having Jamie return to Claire by grabbing her, kissing her, and telling her how he needs to bone down before his balls explode. What a guy. #ABOSAA
I canā€™t even find this sexy. Jamie fantasizing about splitting Claire in half is SO FUCKING FUNNY. šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ #ABOSAA
Like, thatā€™s the kinda stupid lusty shit I say about Sam or Henry Cavill or whoever. ā€œSplit me in half, daddyā€ LIKE COME ON JAMIE. I KNOW YOU WANNA LAY SOME PIPE BUT THIS IS JUST HILARIOUS WORDING. šŸ˜‚ #ABOSAA
ā€œDidnā€™t you tell me once that abstinence makes... things... grow firmer?ā€

ā€œIf it gets any firmer, Iā€™ll faint from a lack of blood to the heid.ā€

AAAAAAHAHHAAHA. HOLY SHIT. I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED. PLEASE GOD LET THIS BE IN SEASON 6. #ABOSAA
Claire ā€œIā€™ve never owned a vaseā€ Randall would be blown away to know her future included the words ā€œokay so hereā€™s where our OTHER house will go, hows the view?ā€ #ABOSAA
Petitioning right here right now to hear CaitrĆ­ona Balfe say the phrase ā€œgives me the whim-whamsā€ #ABOSAA
ā€œDā€™ye ken weā€™ve been wed this time twice as long as the last?ā€

COOL THIS IS FINE. šŸ’” #ABOSAA
I really didnā€™t need the knowledge that Claire farts in her sleep. Thanks for that one. #ABOSAA
Bree screaming about not being pregnant and Jemmy being like ā€œSHUT UP AND LETS EATā€ thank you, little man, for your service. #ABOSAA
okay....... this book went to some very not cool places. very. very not cool. I actually said out loud to myself, upon reading that part 4 was called "abduction"

"Wait, who is getting abducted?! Oh duh. Claire. Who else."

HA. HA HAAAA. fuck. #ABOSAA
And you know, I always thought it was weird of Jamie and Claire to discuss her potential for baby-making at such length in TFC. We all know she *could* get pregnant. But it's not like she was gonna let that happen, right?

I SEE I HAVE BEEN PLAYED THE FOOL. #ABOSAA
and now EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE and I SEE NOW that we're probably gonna have S5 end with Claire being fucking abducted and we're gonna have to WAIT A WHOLE *GOD DAMN YEAR* TO SEE IT RESOLVED. oh god.

I cant watch this. WITH MY OWN EYES?!

#ABOSAA
but man Cait and Sam are going to D E S T R O Y this plot. Its gonna be their bitch. *IM* gonna be their bitch after this masterclass in acting. PHEW BABY.

okay Im done screaming now, I'll post actual reactions from here on out lol. #ABOSAA
ACTUALLY NO. HOLD ON.

CAN WE NOT, DIANA? WITH THE RAPE. Can we not with the pretending this is the first time Claire has ever been assaulted? I've HAD it. I'm DONE. There is no reason to make us watch this shit. They can rewrite it or they can fucking KEEP IT.

#ABOSAA
I dont know if Claire actually gets pregnant yet, but even if she does. NO. CUT IT OUT. REWRITE IT.

There's no fucking reason for rape to be the only thing that these women ever experience in their plot. NONE. ZERO. COME UP WITH SOMETHING ELSE.

#ABOSAA
Claire's first major plot in 2 fucking books, and its her being beaten and sexually assaulted by several men? THAT'S her great purpose in this story? To be assaulted over and over while occasionally being a doctor?

Fuck you, Diana Gabaldon. Kiss my ass. #ABOSAA
Okay Iā€™m back. Iā€™m less mad. I got genuine reactions Iā€™ve been saving up for this little beast of a thread. So LETS DEW IT. #ABOSAA
ā€œYour hair. Itā€™s... thereā€™s a great deal of it...ā€

Direct quote from Tom Christie or me? Weā€™ll never know. #ABOSAA
This image of Claire standing at their bedroom window looking down at Jamie as he prepares to leave has made me REALLY sad. Him looking longingly up at her, looking at the faded C scar on his hand and feeling like he canā€™t breathe. Her blowing him a kiss. My god. #ABOSAA
ā€œShe has an oath upon her. She may not kill, save it is for mercy or her own life. It is myself who kills for her.ā€

ā€œAnd I.ā€

NOW THAT. IS WHAT IM *FUCKIN* TALKIN ABOUT. #ABOSAA
ā€œWhich of them? How many?ā€

ā€œI donā€™t know. It was dark.ā€

ā€œKill them all.ā€

Jamie is me. I am Jamie. #ABOSAA
So weā€™ve been back at the ridge long enough that Jamie thinks he can suggest having sex with Claire to somehow solve her potential pregnancy problem, cuz thatā€™s appropriate šŸ™„, but NO ONE HAS SAID IF MARSALI IS OKAY?? HONESTLY. WHAT THE FUCK. #ABOSAA
ā€œItā€™s still you, isnt it?ā€

OH IAN. YOURE MAKING YOUR AUNTY CRY *AND ME* #ABOSAA
ā€œThatā€™s Jamie Fraserā€™s WIFE, for Christā€™s sake!ā€

YOU BET YOUR ASS IT IS, AND YOU BETTER STOP FUCKING KIDNAPPING HER, YOU SONS OF BITCHES. oh my god Iā€™m so stressed. #ABOSAA
I colossally fucked this thread up. Yā€™all are gonna have to forgive that some of the reactions are outta order šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚
I understand Claire has this whole Hippocratic Oath thing going for her, but Iā€™d personally love to see her blow Lionel Brownā€™s head off his shoulders. #ABOSAA
ā€œClaire, it was you. Itā€™s always been you, and it always will be.ā€

Iā€™m far too emotionally unstable for this right now. #ABOSAA
Okay no no no she got attacked A COUPLE DAYS AGO sheā€™s not puking and puffy and pregnant now. Nope. Thatā€™s not how this works. NO. N O. I REFUSE. #ABOSAA
ā€œHow extremely fortunate that I am not pregnant.ā€

Yeah thatā€™s right. And donā€™t you fuckin forget it, Fraser. No babies up in here. Nope. No sir. #ABOSAA
So Claireā€™s gonna... help this man... who tried to kill her... and didnā€™t give a shit about her being brutally attacked or raped........ because....... ā€œitā€™s her duty as a doctorā€.........

Cool. Yeah. Okay. Whatever. šŸ˜’ #ABOSAA
MRS BUG FOR MVP! OUT HERE AVENGING CLAIRE WITH NOTHING BUT A PILLOW AND AN IRON WILL. CHEERS, YOU BAD BITCH šŸ„‚ #ABOSAA
oh for fucks sake. I thought, of all the couples in this book, that I was safe from ever seeing Fergus suck on Marsali's breasts BUT HERE WE GO. WHY WOULD WE WANNA CHANGE OUR CREEPY FETISHES NOW, HEY DIANA?

WHY NOT LET CLAIRE WATCH HUH? DISGUSTING.

#ABOSAA
"Fergus paused now and then to murmur something ridiculous to Marsali in French."

Now THATS the couple I fell in love with. That's what Im talkin about. Fuckin Diana, trying to ruin this for me. I won't allow it. #ABOSAA
HENRI-CHRISTIAN WELCOME TO THE FAMILY MY MAN āœŠšŸ¼

Is Diana gonna piss me off by being offensive about this? Should I be pre-angry? #ABOSAA
Oh so weā€™re just gonna name a bunch of cars from the future right in front of Marsali, like thatā€™s not completely absurd to her? #ABOSAA
This image of Jemmy sitting up cheerfully in bed, red hair wild, while he calmly says ā€œsomeoneā€™s knockingā€ while Bree hides and groans about being awake is SO FREAKING FUNNY. Like thanks Jem. We didnā€™t notice. #ABOSAA
Roger: damn Bree sure doesnā€™t like to wake up in the morning. I wonder what thatā€™s about.

Roger: *looks across the table at Claire, whoā€™s half asleep, detangling her hair*

Roger: Oh. Okay.

#ABOSAA
Claire: Mrs Wilson is dead?!

Roger: yeah, probably her heart. She musta been 80.

Claire, unimpressed: she was 5 years older than me.

Roger:

#ABOSAA
roger you FUCKING CREEP. stop mooning over your mother-in-law and hoping your wife ages as gracefully as she does. WE GET IT. YOU HAVE A RAGER FOR CLAIRE. GO AWAY. #ABOSAA
Claire is speaking in Gaelic. Jamie is biting his lip as to not laugh at how Gaelic sounds with an english accent.

KILL. ME. #ABOSAA
Jemmy perched on Jamie's hip while he leans into Claire to call her "grandma" is just REALLY TOO MUCH FOR ME. God I'm way, way too soft. #ABOSAA
Claire stop ignoring your grandson he is seeing some VERY IMPORTANT THINGS like DEAD PEOPLE OPENING THEIR EYES?! #ABOSAA
Ooooh I never thought about Jamie wanting to convince John to switch sides in the war. Shit man. How can we convince the gay best friend to ditch the red coat??? #ABOSAA
ā€œYour most affectionate friend and humble servant, J Fraserā€

Why donā€™t you just dot your eyes with little hearts and add a few xoxoā€™s while yer at it Jamie my guy. #ABOSAA
Jamie like ā€œIā€™d consider letting these Indians take our horses but if Claire finds out I lost Clarence sheā€™d whoop my assā€ god I love Claire. #ABOSAA.
I sympathize with these two native boys. The last thing Iā€™d want if Iā€™m tryna steal something is to get caught, let alone by a crazy huge white dude whoā€™s butt ass naked and screaming while he tries to kill me. #ABOSAA
Jamie thinking about how heā€™ll never return to Scotland genuinely just made me cry. My heart aches for a country Iā€™ve never even seen, just because I love these characters so much. JUST GO BACK HOME JAMIE šŸ˜­šŸ’” #ABOSAA
ā€œThis wife you have, did you pay a great deal for her?ā€

ā€œShe cost me almost everything I had, but worth it.ā€

WHY AM I SO WEEPY TONIGHT. GOOD LORD. šŸ˜­ #ABOSAA
This McGillivray bitch attacks Claire in her own bedroom and Jamie doesnā€™t even shoot her?! Tsk tsk. The lack of realism astounds me. šŸ”«šŸ”«šŸ”« #ABOSAA
ā€œWorking from homeā€ has turned into ā€œtech-issues and waiting from homeā€ so Iā€™m back to ABOSAA after so dang long.

LETS GET THIS JAMIE AND CLAIRE BREAD
ā€œThere was enough edge in his voice to remind me forcibly that we were not in my world - nor ever would be.ā€ Well damn, James, donā€™t have to put such a fine point on it šŸ˜’ #ABOSAA
Oh cool. So weā€™re gonna just destroy the whole ā€œJamie whipped Claireā€™s ass but apologized and grew in his relationshipā€ because 30 years later he wants to remind her how she deserved it, more than once šŸ™ƒ

COOL. THATS FINE. WHATEVER. #ABOSAA
I wonder if Diana thinks this is a fun callback to the first book. Does she think this is cute? Jesus fucking Christ what a hopeless woman. #ABOSAA
Oh as *IF* Ian fucking Murray could ever beat Jenny. AS IF JENNY WOULD EVER DO ANYTHING WORTHY OF AN ASS WHOOPIN. If anything itā€™s Jenny who tans Ianā€™s hide and WE ALL KNOW IT. #ABOSAA
Oh so Jamie thinks he can compare beating Claire to Jenny liking a good crack on the ass in bed. As if this situation is remotely the same.

God I HATE how cute this conversation is trying to be. YOU CANT BEAT YOUR WIFE JAMIE. YOURE NOT BEING KIND BY AVOIDING IT. FUCK U. #ABOSAA
Iā€™m diving back into reading and I forgot where I left off so THIS SHOULD BE A GOOD DAY šŸ™ƒ more reasons to curse Dianaā€™s existence.

Ugh. Okay. Letā€™s do this. #ABOSAA
ā€œLaoghaire drove me mad wiā€™ great regularity, but it never once occurred to me to trash her.ā€

ā€œWell, how very thoughtless of you.ā€

Oh yeah. He didnā€™t ā€œcare enoughā€ to beat her. So romantic of you, Diana. #ABOSAA
James Fraser you do NOT *own* Claire, and Iā€™m not afraid to beat your ass for thinking so. #ABOSAA
Jamie is reminding Claire that he can do whatever he wants to her at any time and, naturally, Claire is aroused instead of being horrified šŸ™ƒ naturally. Of course. No doubt.

Controlling and violent men are sexy, right? šŸ˜’ #ABOSAA
Thank fuck that horrific conversation is over. If I see a hint of it on my tv screen next season Iā€™ll march to the writers room with a pitch fork. #ABOSAA
Jamie: *sees a harmless snake*

Jamie: NOT TODAY SATAN. GET OUTTA HERE.

#ABOSAA
Malva: you know they say your wifeā€™s a witch?

Jamie, whoā€™s been spreading that exact rumour for damn near 30 years: WHY WOULD ANYONE SAY SUCH A THING ABOUT MY PERFECT WIFE šŸ‘€

#ABOSAA
This Tom Christie back story is getting messy and hard to piece together šŸ¤” whatā€™s going on here šŸ¤” #ABOSAA
Bree telling Jamie she loves him šŸ„ŗ #ABOSAA
Jamie: *yeets his grandsons into a pool of water*

Brianna: JeMmY caNt SwIm WHAT THE FUCK R U DOING

Jamie: teaching him how to swim

Brianna:

#ABOSAA
Jemmy getting scared to swim and Jamie helping him by getting him to jump on his back and swim together šŸ„ŗšŸ„ŗ THERES SOMETHING IN MY EYE. #ABOSAA
Jemmy tracing the scars on Jamieā€™s back and asking what they are šŸ„ŗ Germain saying grandpere is a silkie because Fergus told him so šŸ„ŗ Jamie telling stories to his grand babies and talking about Scotland šŸ„ŗšŸ˜­

ITS TOO MUCH. #ABOSAA
Oh fuck me I have to draw Jamie piggybacking Jemmy home while holding Germains hand. Oh god damn it. AAAAAHHH. #ABOSAA
JEMMY. KISSED JAMIE ON THE BACK. TO MAKE HIS SCARS FEEL BETTER. OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN.

OH MAN IM ACTUALLY CRYING. #ABOSAA
So someoneā€™s been šŸ‘€ digging up graves šŸ‘€ and casting love charms with dead body parts šŸ‘€ that can only be a good time for the ridge šŸ‘€ #ABOSAA
The entirety of North Carolina knows not to fuck with Jamie Fraserā€™s wife because of how fiercely he loves her. Meanwhile Roger breathes near another woman and everyone assumes heā€™s cheating on Bree.

Methinks someone is a shitty husband. #ABOSAA
Some child is screaming in agony because of appendicitis and Claireā€™s all ā€œWOO I GET TO KNOCK SOMEONE OUT *AND* CUT EM OPEN. YEE HAW.ā€ What a fuckin animal. #ABOSAA
This is an awful lot of Bree and Rogerā€™s POV that I really donā€™t care about. Can we get back to Claire for the love of god. #ABOSAA
Bree sitting on her porch with Jamie while Claireā€™s singing can be heard from their window in the big house? Now THATS THE KINDA SHIT IM HERE FOR. #ABOSAA
CLAIRE AND FRANK TOOK BRIANNA TO DISNEYLAND EVERY SUMMER?? Okay now this is something I never knew I needed. Oh my god. OH MY GOD. #ABOSAA
Claire using her wedding ring to seal the wax on Jamieā€™s letter? Adorable.

Claire using her left hand... that has Frankā€™s plain gold band instead of the intricately designed silver band on her other hand...? Weird flex.

#ABOSAA
alright lads, weā€™re going back to River Run, where itā€™s All Drama At All Timez. #ABOSAA
BRIANNA PAINTED MINI PORTRAITS OF CLAIRE AND JAMIE OH IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND šŸ˜­ #ABOSAA
Is master Raymond... a mother fuckin time traveller?! IS MASTER RAYMOND JUST BOPPIN AROUND TIME? DID HE KNOW ABOUT CLAIRE???! oh my god. #ABOSAA
BONNET HAD A BULLET SHOT THROUGH HIS TESTICLE HAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHA

Honestly though wouldnā€™t it like... burst or something? How do nuts work? #ABOSAA
Claire found a new syringe and itā€™s made for penises yaaaaayyyyy šŸ˜‚ #ABOSAA
Mrs Bogues: oh mistress fraser! Tell my husband not to go deal with the rioters! Theyā€™re going to tar people! Itā€™s dangerous!

Claire: This has nothing to do with me

Mr Bogues: your husband is holding off the crowd single-handedly right now

Claire: EXCUSE ME WHAT

#ABOSAA
The way people who donā€™t know Claire still recognize her and hesitantly look towards Jamie before considering fucking with her is my absolute jam.

Try it, bitch. Youā€™ll get yer ass whooped by Mrs AND Mr Fraser šŸ¤œšŸ¼ #ABOSAA
Claireā€™s sweat is always running down her breasts and no where else. Youā€™d think a man wrote these books, honestly. šŸ™„ #ABOSAA
A print shop on fire *and* a prisoner has escaped? Am I experiencing dƩjƠ vu? Or is Diana just unoriginal? Stay tuned. #ABOSAA
Jamie, sleepily: what are you thinking about?

Claire: the impending war and how itā€™s time for you to switch sides before you get yourself killed. You?

Jamie: how youā€™d make a really good whore.

#ABOSAA
Roger: wow my catholic in-laws came to my first sermon. How nice. How supportive.

Roger:

Roger:

Roger: okay so Claire clearly thinks this is hilarious. Thatā€™s good.

#ABOSAA
Jamie every single time he sees a snake for the rest of his damn life:

#ABOSAA
Malva best be staying the FUCK away from Ian or Iā€™ll throw a chair at her. #ABOSAA
Lizzie: please stop cursing maā€™am, the babies can hear you!

Claire: I was cursing??

A woman after my own heart. #ABOSAA
Why are all the Claire-centric plots in this book so damn nasty? Violence, injury, or explosive-murderous diarrhea arenā€™t a good time, man. CAN SHE JUST HAVE A HAPPY MOMENT? PLEASE?? #ABOSAA
Claire has sulphuric acid in her surgery šŸ˜¬ Claireā€™s talkin about how the only use an ordinary person has with sulphuric acid is to throw it at someone šŸ˜¬ I donā€™t think so. I DONT. FUCKIN. THINK SO. #ABOSAA
All this pandemic stuff on the ridge is a little too close to home and I hope it ends soon. Iā€™m tryna escape my own pandemic thankyouverymuch. #ABOSAA
Claire is tripping some maaajor balls. what the fuck is happening?? WHY IS MY BABY SICK. SOMEONE CURE HER. #ABOSAA
WHAT. THE FUCK. THEY *CUT HER FUCKING HAIR OFF*???!!

Oh no no no. This wonā€™t do. I DONT THINK SO. NO NO. NO. Oh my god. ohM Y GOD.

IM HAVING A MELTDOWN. #ABOSAA
No no no no no no no this is not how this works. NO. NO. oh my god Iā€™m gonna cry NOT HER UFIOXXKKS FUCKING HAIR??!!!?ā€™vnv #ABOSAA
Oh my god. Iā€™m in mourning. Oh dear god DONT LET IT BE TRUE. IM IN DENIAL.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO. I refuse. No. NOPE. Oh the pain. Oh my GOD. #ABOSAA
*THIS IS WORSE THAN THE FUCKING ABDUCTION AND I WONT STAND FOR IT* #ABOSAA
Man. I can feel myself going through the five stages of grief. Iā€™m so sad. I donā€™t think Iā€™ll ever get to the acceptance stage.

Claire sweetie Iā€™m so sorry this ugly woman did this to you. Itā€™ll grow back. šŸ˜­ #ABOSAA
On the plus side, Claireā€™s gonna have a cute little curly bob when her hair does grow back out. That makes me... kinda feel better šŸ˜­

At least cait would look hot with a buzzcut šŸ˜­ itā€™ll be okay right šŸ˜­šŸ˜­ #ABOSAA
Which devil children tried to drown my sweet boy Henri-Christian they better line up for their ass whoopin. LITTLE DEMONS. #ABOSAA
Ya know. Maybe Iā€™m okay with Roger. The way he saved Henri-Christian. The way he prayed over Claire and cried and told her she was beautiful. Maybe heā€™s okay.

Maybe Iā€™m fragile right now. Hmm. #ABOSAA
Oh Fergus šŸ„ŗ oh my sweet son. WHY IS THIS SECTION SO SAD. MY HEART KEEPS BREAKING. šŸ˜­ #ABOSAA
Brianna, bursting into Claireā€™s bedroom: YOURE NOT ALLOWED TO DIE!

Claire, sitting in bed doing absolutely nothing: well shit okay if u say so.

#ABOSAA
Claire all ā€œDonā€™t worry, Tom, no one will be outraged by the sight of my hair anymore! Cuz I donā€™t have any! šŸ™‚ā€ freakin hilarious shit mate #ABOSAA
Now wait. A god damn minute.

So Claire clearly didnā€™t have the flux. Since she just kinda dropped dead and spent a week hallucinating before waking up with all her hair chopped off.

And Tom Christie. Was also sick with something other than the flux.

No. No way.

#ABOSAA
DID THAT. LITTLE BITCH. TRY TO KILL CLAIRE. AND KILL HER FATHER.

DID SHE FUCKING CUT CLAIRES HAIR OFF BECAUSE SHE WAS PISSED SHE DIDNT DIE?

Oh itā€™s about to go down. If that little skank tried to kill Claire IM GONNA LOSE MY DAMN MIND. #ABOSAA.
ā€œYou are not allowed to kill yourself, do I make myself clear?ā€ Aaawww Jamie your so freaking cute when you try to be bossy. #ABOSAA
Jamie: Iā€™m taking all your clothes out of this room so you are forced to stay here.

Claire: I canā€™t wait for the entire ridge to see me climb out this window butt ass naked.

#ABOSAA
ā€œIt gives me the same feeling, Sassenach, to hear ye rustling about in your surgery, rattling things and swearing to yourself. If ye were no longer there - or somewhere - then the sun would no longer come up or go down.ā€

Iā€™m glad Jamie and I are on the same page. #ABOSAA
Claire is scared to cuddle Jamie because her hair is too short and bristly GOD DAMN IT MALVA LOOK WHAT YOUR SKANKY ASS HAS DONE. IVE HAD IT. šŸ”« #ABOSAA
Jamie šŸ˜¶ had a dream šŸ˜¶ about Claire going back šŸ˜¶ we all know šŸ˜¶ about Jamieā€™s dreams šŸ˜¶ oh no šŸ˜¶ oh no no no. NO. I DONT THINK SO.

HAVENT I SUFFERED ENOUGH?! #ABOSAA
I donā€™t want Fergus and Marsali to move THIS SUUUUUUUCKS. the whole point in the ridge is having their family together!! DID I MENTION THIS SUCKS? #ABOSAA
Well I guess the buzzcut was short lived but NOW CLAIRE HAS A LITTLE BUNDLE OF CURLS ON HER HEAD AND THATS JUST ADORABLE.

Okay. I feel better. If I donā€™t think about it too hard šŸ™‚ #ABOSAA
Aaawww all the babies are crying because they donā€™t want the Fersali Frasers to move. This is so sad JUST LET THEM STAY šŸ˜­ Ugh my heart. #ABOSAA
As someone who had their hair cut short/shaved, Iā€™d like to point out that it should take at least a year before Claireā€™s hair is getting in her eyes - longer since itā€™s curly - but hey Iā€™m glad weā€™ve discovered another one of her super powers. #ABOSAA
Canā€™t believe I was genuinely upset, thinking sheā€™d spend years with short hair. Nah. Give it a few weeks and weā€™re back to normal.

Have I mentioned I hate Diana? #ABOSAA
I dunno if twitter is gonna let me tweet while itā€™s glitching, but Iā€™ll try to continue this thread. Cuz IVE BEEN THINKIN.
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