Thread by @kurt_cocaine19, After conducting almost 500+ interviews on all sorts of positions, I am [...]

After conducting almost 500+ interviews on all sorts of positions, I am thinking of starting a thread here instead of LinkedIn. Mainly coz no one gives a fuck and you have to maintain an aura for God knows what. I hope this will help someone get a job.

Few tips before getting started: (Some of them are shit but they are true so please do bother..)
Tyaar ho k jao like you're going on a dinner - not shaadi or date but dinner.
Put a smile on your face regardless of what you are feeling or going on in your personal life

Corporate world is cruel so you have to learn to hide your emotion. So be a nice joker and put a decent smile on your face. Everyone loves a good smile - kuch ka dil bhi ajata hai.
Stop flashing your expensive phones and jingling your car keys, its you dad's not yours.

Do ask for a glass or water or tea. Its perfectly fine. Helps you calm your nerves and puts a good impression on the interviewer seeing you are feeling comfortable.
Take a sip or two during answering questions. THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.

jaisay honay walk saas k samnay soch k boltay ho similarly, think twice before u open ur mouth in front of the interviewer.
Its their job to make you uncomfortable and see you tremble, so be ready for that.
Salam karain, make a small talk before u start talking about urself.

Always stick to AoA, how are you? blah blah. If they ask any question like hows the weather or how are you doing? politely say that you are fine and its all good. No need to write a love letter write there. Save your energy you will have time to speak your lungs out.

Remember its just a conversation. He/She doesn't know you so just keep this in mind that all this is a conversation. All you have to do is to make sure at the end of this meeting, he likes to have you in the company.
Learn to listen, if you don't know that, learn it. Its a skill

Few things while applying:
take some time out and make a decent looking resume. Put out the things you can defend. If you see you know football, make sure you know about it. If its any programming skill or management skill, make sure you can defend that before putting it out

Zehmat karain aur cover letter likhain. Tell him why you would like to have that particular job. Simply saying ap ki company achi hai rakh lain mjy isn't gonna help you. Be the doer and spend sometime on it. I'll IA explain how to write a good cover letter soon as I get sometime

Q/A:
Introduce urself: For the love of God stop worrying about this question. Stop overthinking it. Stop reading useless pointless overly complicated articles on the net. Just tell him. He doesn't know you so all he is asking is to get to know you.

Be professional and abstain from telling personal things like your taste in life partners and all or any other bongi. think of urself in his place, and ask the same question, apnay ap ko introduce karo. btao what sort of a person you are? briefly, what have you studied?

A bit of experience that you have. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY THE THING THAT WILL SEPARATE YOU FROM THE REST. Like I always I am an excellent learner. How? I have done materials engineering and I am working in IT industry as a product manager. Smj ajaye get usay k larka chezain pick

jaldi karta. Similarly, find what makes u different, what makes u stand out. And dont say mjy ni pata. Pata karo. Find it out. Socho what makes u good at something? Flirting, humour, juggatain, they dont count. ever done a project? ever led a team? good at presenting?

It has to be something. If there isn't, then find something to be good at. Everything they are looking for is a skill, angraizi is a skill, making a convo is a skill. Please tell him what you are really good at. Dont be cocky but don't be timid.

have faith in urself and ur ability. AND KEEP THEM INTERESTED IN YOU. You want them to ask you questions. So just a brief intro and then stop talking. Let him ask the questions. Jitna sawal ho utna jawab. Again, story dalo but itni ni k agla bakchod smjna start kar dai.

Q/A 2: Your weaknesses and strengths.
Ok one thing here, your personal shit doesn't matter. Most of the managers, they really don't have time to listen to your problems so they switch their minds off when you ramble on that doesn't concern you. So? What to do then?

Lie. I know it's not what you were expecting but please do that. there is a video named 'Fake it till you make it' watch that, please. Whatever you are going to name as your weakness, trust me they will cross-question. If you can't defend it, they will make u sweat and blah blah

So? Lie, please. Lie like you mean it. Like your life depends on it. Everyone has weakness but you need to know how to hide it. That is all they are looking for. Don't say you trust people easily, you get friendly, you are short-tempered, you put extra hours to work, etc. etc.

A very decent answer someone told me years ago while I was busting my ass to get a job in ME was to present ur strength as your weakness. It worked sometimes but also didn't too. But one answer that always worked for me was that I am a meticulous person and it costs me time

Everyone likes a detailed oriented person. So they'll say its a good thing. then you need to say yes it is, but it costs me time which is not ideal so I want to improve things as I go rather than spending time after I have done everything. Agile way you can say.

Acha one more thing, the interviewer knows that you are lying. He knows you have learned it from somewhere. He knows that. but say it with a straight face without any stupid emotion. And don't argue with him coz most of them ain't mature enough to have the condo with you

convo*
So now about strengths, please please please choray ni hona. Jitnay hain smbhaal k rakho. Learn to be humble. If you are that good, they'll hire you so apny mou say mat cheekho.
He asks about your strengths, simply say you learn things quickly, you adapt quickly,

u feel comfortable working with people, u are ok working with the remote teams (VERY IMPORTANT FOR IT PEOPLE THESE DAYS) and then stop talking. They wont ask anything usually. If they do, give a good example - short and succinct.
Dont give long answers. Simple and short.

Change the answer in your own words. Practice it, like a million times. You dont send a text without reading first to someone you have a crush on, right? Similarly, practice before you say that. Say what you are comfortable with. Another way of saying the same thing is

I am comfortable working in the new environment. A friend of mine is in Jazz, some director level position. He once told me that they look for someone who is like a plug n play. They dont want to spend time n money to train you, they want u to work from the get-go. So, you can

say that. U can use that to ur advantage. Remember, they know u r faking a lot of the things, u r lying about most of the things, but how well you lie and hide the casual mistakes that will decide. That's all the corporate world is - A huge fat ass lie.

Q/A: Where do u see urself in the next 5 years?
This 1 question has so many stupid answers (rightly so) that I cant imagine.
Please, I beg you, dont ever say, I see myself at ur place. PLEASE PLEASE DONT. If you do, you might as well walk out of that room with some dignity.

This is where most of us get cocky. Plz dont.
The best 1 is 'I just want to learn as much as I possibly can, as quickly as I can. I'll leave my growth to my seniors/employers. I am sure they will look after my growth.'
Is say bara TC jawab ho ni skta. Thoray chuk laina please.

Quick tip, try avoiding answers to such questions. Try avoiding arguments. Sometimes u cant win it, most of the times they wont let u win it. so avoid conflicting answers. All managers want TC people, its the hard truth, so thoray say please chuk laina in k. that'll make ur life

Q/A Why we should hire you?
Think and think again.
DONT say u r smart, u r pretty, u get by, or such things.
Say, you have a good experience, u understand the job requirements, u adapt pretty quickly, and most importantly, u learn very fast. Bang on! Then stop talking!

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