In one of the most believable Birmingham stories ever told, DOLPH LUNDGREN is staying in my building for the next month.

In hindsight, I think I was on the elevator two days ago with DOLPH. There was an older, tall blonde guy in workout clothes & he got in the corner & was rubbing hand sanitizer on himself. I honked at him 2 blocks down because he didn’t go on green and we ended up on the elevator.

I’m like 85% sure DOLPH is at my usual bar. And he’s sitting in my usual seat!!

I took a creeper photo. People don’t think it’s DOLPH. I still think it’s a hard maybe.

False alarm. Not DOLPH. This was Christoff, who is very, very clearly with DOLPH and these other two dudes I rode the elevator with earlier that got off on his floor.

DOLPH was spotted at Surin West last night fwiw. Not by me. Assuming that he was in search of crab Rangoon, things of that nature.

Definitely just saw DOLPH outside. Some dudes were filming him or something. But he was like half a block away and walking inside. @Krindiggler confirms this as a definite DOLPH sighting.

What if I spent tomorrow posting fliers around the block that read “MEATBALL PARTY! IN THE LOUNGE! TOMORROW! 1 PM!”

Do you think I could break out my crock pot and get Ivan Drago to come enjoy delicious meatballs with me while we watch reruns of Sportscenter and shoot pool?

I definitely feel like if news crews keep showing up, he’s gonna be onto this thread. Shouting stuff at his manager like “ITS COMING FROM INSIDE THE BUILDING.”

You can play this extremely Birmingham mad libs game at home!

“I saw [celebrity from 1989-1999] at [nice Birmingham restaurant, but not TOO nice] because he/she is in town [filming a pilot for a cable show].”

Let’s try.

I saw Candace Bergen at Fish Market.

BELIEVABLE.

This game is different in, say, Nashville. Gotta be a musician you haven’t thought of in years trying to revive their career. And the destination can’t be LoBro.

“I saw John Parr at Santa’s Pub.”

Seeing reports of DOLPH spotted today at the Chipotle in Trussville. I was worried that he gave up on us after four consecutive months of rain, but the dream of chicken fighting with DOLPH at my pool is still alive.

DOLPH just posted an Instagram PSA about coronavirus from what appears to be my pool.

Oh, yeah, he says his movie was shut down. No idea if that’s permanent, if he’s hanging out until it’s over or what.

DOLPH posted a two minute long workout video on Instagram from my pool patio. He’s doing something called the “Arnold press.” No donkeys present.

Dolph’s current Instagram story takes place at Railroad Park.

The Lundgrens may be leaving us tomorrow, gang.

The Lundgrens are still in Birmingham, just not my building. Can’t quite figure out what the new building is from the Instagram photos.

Look, I’ve been able to pin it down to the exact complex, but I won’t be that specific. I will say that Dolph’s new Birmingham home is in Liberty Park.

Ok, that spot was incorrect. Here’s a photo that Dolph’s daughter posted on her Instagram story from her morning run.

DOLPH and his daughter Ida drove to my birthplace of Montgomery, Alabama today.