JOHN WICK: [shoots fifty dudes]
WINSTON: jonathan you’re expelliarmus. I have no choice but to instigato you to the syndicaticus
HOT LADY: thats right
[she tries to kill John Wick]

GUY WHO PLAYED THE LIEUTENANT ON SEASON ONE OF THE WIRE: good evening mr wick
JOHN WICK: hello [tips him a single pirate coin] I have an ‘appointment’ for some ‘business’ and I need some ‘guns’ to ‘shoot people with’
WIRE GUY: very good mr wick. let me show you to our gunsman

GUNSMAN: you’re john wick
JOHN WICK: I’m john wick
GUNSMAN: may I recommend the house shotgun
JOHN WICK: [sniffing shell like a cork] excellent. I would also like sixteen kimber warriors [pays with a single pirate coin]

[john wick escapes from a gunfight into a room where, unexpectedly, the queen of england is]
JOHN WICK: ello guvnah
THE QUEEN: cheerio, john
[he pets one of the corgis]

[cool secretaries with tattoos typing up big sheets of paper that all say something like ‘John Wick, confidentio pluribus unum. tenebris lux confitamus $10,000,000’]
[across town, John Wick is beating a man with his own shoe]

A SKARSGARD: john wick gives my nightmares nightmares. he is the baba yaga. I shit in my pants to even say his name
[his desk phone rings]
GOON: john wick is here
A SKARSGARD: kill him

JOHN WICK: privyet. khorosho. spasibo, nyet priyom
A SKARSGARD: [slowly reaching for gun taped to underside of desk] da. moskva bolshoi sokol dyen, John
JOHN WICK: eto shto ‘baba yaga’ zavod [shoots him]

JOHN WICK: [doing the thing where he punches a henchman with his gun and shoots him at the same time]
CHARACTER ACTOR: [pulls some kind of exotic weapon like a janbiya] salaam john
JOHN: [nods respectfully]
[they knife fight]

CHARACTER ACTOR: [badly beaten] john I respect you as a fellow samurai. take my kris. salaam aleikum john wick
JOHN WICK: [punches him unconscious in a way that makes clear he has left him alive, because of mutual respect]

LAURENCE FISHBURNE: im the king of all of the rats. every hobo works for me. i’m hobo god. I run hobo new york. now you come to me for hobo favours
JOHN WICK: [nods]
LAURENCE FISHBURNE: [laughs uproariously]

[every hobo in the place pulls immaculate FN five-sevens on john wick]
JOHN WICK: [frowns]
LAURENCE FISHBURNE: you don’t think a hobo king protects his hobo crown, john? gaze upon my magnificent pigeon hutch and know what it is to live hoboliciously
JOHN WICK: i’m confecticamo