i love the concept that love is a choice not just a feeling because it’s true. biologically, you can get used to someone & it’ll manifest as being tired of them or having the grass is greener effect on you. they could be doing everything right. that’s where the choice comes in.

on a fundamental level, you can grow to love anyone as long as they’re not a complete asshole/abomination. which is also why arranged marriages work for some people. aside from that though, realizing love is a choice in love and friendship did a lot for me. i get bored easily.

a lot of people like to live in this unrealistic cloud that “if they’re your soulmate though it won’t feel like a choice” yeah ok sally keep that same energy but pipe down a sec i’m talking to the realists. as i’m typing this someone just dropped a binder & it scared me. i’m mad.

anyways, the person you are now is not the person you will be 10 years from now & (hopefully) this is the same case for your partner (if they don’t grow, let them go). learning to adapt to not only your evolved self but also theirs, is a challenge in itself. it is a choice.

i have been dating the same person w/o breaks for 6 yrs. if there was a line graph of our relationship with an axis showing my state of being “in love” you could see how much it fluctuated over the yrs. first 2 years being the highest. love is a process quite like everything else

finding someone who genuinely just wanted to be with me because they thought i was awesome & didn’t focus on my “potential” was so cool. i didn’t even think it was possible to garner this much respect from a single human being but there he was and here i am.

not to fucking mention we never had the mentality of like “you’re my person” that’s cute to tell someone on a surface level sense but if you actually believe someone belongs to you bc of a bond you share then #judginu.

we are codependent on each other at times but we are self aware enough to realize where and why and how to move away from that. the interventions never stop. growth is a process.

i see some people are confused so i will try my best to simplify. the choice in love is not to simply decide i’m in love & i’m staying but the choice to work each and every day to nurture, care for and restore the same passion that you had from the jump.

the choice is not simply getting bored and leaving because most times it’s not just boredom. there’s something missing from one or both sides due to lack of effort. the grass is not greener on the other side. it was green here once, it can be green again.

if you learn you and the person were never compatible and lying to yourselves the whole time that’s a WHOLE other ball game that i’m not referring to... this thread is solely for people who WANT to be together who are in love & hitting a rough patch full of cognitive dissonance.