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IF GLEE WAS STILL ON AIR, THIS IS WHAT I WOULD IMAGINE SOME PLOTS AND SONGS WOULD BE:
a thread. (1/19)
a thread. (1/19)
Rachel Berry, after having a baby for Klaine (actually canon lol), has her own baby fever but Jesse is unsure. To “spice things up” (her words, not mine), she sings a slowed-down rendition of “Senorita,” and it leaves everyone going “...uhh” (2/19)
Tina Cohen-Chang is on a bender after her acting career plateaus and she sings “bad guy” while she has a glamorized drug montage. She, of course, faints in the end and bumps her head and then decides then to be sober. (3/19)
Emma Pillsbury sings a mashup of “S&M” and “Don’t Call Me Angel” while she explores her newfound love of BDSM. (4/19)
Quinn Fabray didn’t learn from her first accident and texts again while driving. She gets in a horrible crash and while in the hospital learning what it’s like to have another disability for one episode, she sings “Fight Song,” with special guest Zoey Deutch. (5/19)
Holly Holiday is BACK and this time she’s here to teach the kids at McKinley about the wonders of anal. She demonstrates how to give a man an internal orgasm while hollering Demi’s “Sorry Not Sorry.” (6/19)
Artie Abrams does “212.” ????
(7/19)
(7/19)
Will Schuester, accompanied by Troutymouth, does “Old Town Road” at the Sadie Hawkins Dance and NO ONE likes it at all. But we do see a new teen get their first over-the-pants-handjob while the song plays. (8/19)
Santana, in the face of PC culture is the only character who can do “Malamente” and “Mi Gente,” but neither really make sense for either scene contextually? Like one she’s just like braving a public stall? And the other she like treated herself to brunch? idk. (9/19)
Burt Hummel decides to throw Lima Heights’ first gay pride parade, but when he’s met with some pushback he convinces everyone with his show-stopping production of T-Swift’s “You Need To Calm Down.” (10/19)
The new glee club of McKinley gets a lesson in “Historicality” and then they go on to do a strictly “Hamilton” based set at sectionals. They do not move forward despite ending their set by actually shooting a glee club member on stage. (Sue switched the prop gun :P) (11/19)
Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson are going through a terrible and messy divorce. As Kurt is signing the papers, everything slows down and a pole is lowered onto the lawyer’s table. He looks up and knows what he has to do. He gives his damn best to FKA Twigs’ “Cellophane.” (12/19)
Blaine can’t get enough of stealing. He turns to grave robbing. He sings “thank u, next” to his beautiful child (he got custody), at first upbeat but then he begins to break down, as he is digging up a grave and finding jewels. (13/19)
Mercedes Jones is just in her home and belts Whitney’s “Where Do Broken Hearts Go,” just because she knows she can. It’s just, ugh, heart-shattering & gorgeous. (14/19)
Will, on a road trip to scatter the ashes of the glee member who was lost to the “Hamilton” set, finds April Rhodes washed up & working at a restaurant called “the Pie Hole.” There, she sings “She Used To Be Mine.” Lee Pace is nominated for Outstanding Guest Actor. (15/19)
Mike Chang is in a precarious situation this season. He & 20 other Joffrey Ballet dancers have been taken by international diamond smugglers. He has to dance for their freedom so, duh, he does a routine to Normani’s “Motivation.” His fate is still unknown. (16/19)
Becky Jackson is IN JAIL. (17/19)
Brittany Pierce finally gets to do her cover of Robyn’s “Dancing On My Own” that was cut from the earlier seasons (actually canon) in a moment of seeing Santana with an older woman. That woman? Oh. Sue Sylvester. That’s fucking right. Wait or is it...? Or is this a dream? (18/19)
Slowly, we see each characters fate be re-enacted by Sue. The audience realizes she’s been imagining the lives of characters while huffing on a school’s gas pipe. Nothing was real. Series ends with a fevered Sue singing “Don’t Stop Believin” backed by a children’s choir. (19/19)
...oh and that children’s choir? Want to know who they are? They are the kids of the pregnant teens of McKinley who danced while Quinn sang “It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World” from S1E21. Sue stole all those kids. They are led vocally by Beth. (bonus/19)
