Heterosexual/hetero-apparent marriage exploits women, period. The model of monogamous man-woman marriage was literally institutionalised to advance patriarchal agendas at women’s expense. Y’all mad at gay men for doing the same shit you happily sign up for with straight men. How?

Please don’t misquote me as ‘justifying’ the exploitation of women via wifehood. My point is that a wife exists to be exploited, regardless of her husband’s sexual orientation. So being particularly/exclusively upset by gay men’s exploitation of their wives is...homophobic.

If you hate women’s exploitation within marriage, then dismantle marriage. But there’s no harm a woman experiences within marriage to a gay man that she can’t experience with a straight man. The emotional abuse, deception, cheating, whatever - it’s not orientation-specific, dear.

“He lied.” “He never actually loved me.” “He cheated.” “He put me at risk.” “He married me for reasons besides romantic attraction.” “He used me.” “He’s emotionally unavailable.” “My marriage is a sham.” Which one inside all these issues is unique to gay-straight marriages, pls?

There’s too much harm being done to people trying to survive patriarchy for feminist politics to be based on who suffer pass. If there were anything particularly special about women’s suffering in marriages to gay men, such marriages wouldn’t fly so easily under the radar.

Feminists don’t want gay men marrying straight women? Reject and dismantle the institution of marriage altogether. Then we can talk. Because in God’s big 2020, we can’t still act like we don’t know the centrality of heterosexual marriage to patriarchy and its endless offshoots.

But you can’t defend women’s right to access fuller humanity via the respectability of marriage, then vilify gay men for copying that move. It’s the same tactic; y’all just think (cishet?) women are the only ones who should legitimately survive patriarchal violence in this way.

I don’t engage these conversations much anymore because #reasons, but I’m optimistic for the day when online feminist politics round these parts evolves beyond “I’m rooting for me & my girls.” These analyses are prejudicial and it would be nice if we could just move forward. Ah.