Being told not to say "I can't" feels uncomfortably close to being told not to say "No". Saying both is asserting my own boundaries / limitations, and is important for my wellbeing and for not being pushed into things that are harmful to me. "I can't" is a truth, and is good. https://twitter.com/dreamsofskies/status/1225975604568154112

This is why I dislike things like, "You can do everything you put your mind to!" and other such "positive attitude" sayings. Not only are they clearly inaccurate (no-one can do everything) but they often promote ignoring our limitations and corresponding needs.

There are plenty of things I can't do. Some of them are things no human can do (fly, for example). Some of them are specific to me and to being disabled. They are all valid, reasonable limitations and need to be respected, not pushed at as though they're negotiable.

"Can't" is not a defeatist term. It is simply a truth, a neutral statement.
This is especially important for a lot of disabled people, because people either ignore our "can't" and push at our limits, insisting we can, or acknowledge our "can't" but only in a pitying way.

There are things I can do, and there are things I can't do. This is normal, even if the specifics are a bit different for me compared to most people. And these are neutral statements, not positive or negative attitudes on my part.

And they are non-negotiable.

Trust me, most disabled people have probably spent years or decades of our lives trying to negotiate with our minds, our bodies. Because we were trained to think of each "can't" as something to negotiate with, or worse to push past as though it's unreal. It. Is. Harmful.

I don't know everything about my body and mind yet, but I think I'm getting pretty good at understanding what I can and can't do. Certainly better than some random person who has not lived in my body, my mind. Do not treat either my "can" or my "can't" as excessive or false.

If I tell you I can do something, do not scoff or assume that I must be wrong. Astonishingly, I am capable of many things.
If I tell you I can't do something, do not tell me I'm being negative or assume I'm just not trying. Astonishingly, I have limits.
I am human.

"I can't" is important on so many levels, mental / emotional, physical, sexual. Positivity movements spend so much time on the "I can", but it's just as important to get a realistic, self-accepting understanding of our "I can't".

It is not defeatist or negative to say that I can't do something. It is neutral and it is positive, the former because having limits is just plain human, and the latter because recognising and asserting my limits / boundaries is a sign of valuing myself.

I have worked damn hard for my "I can", for recognising my abilities, skills, the things I add to my own life and the world.
I have worked damn hard for my "I can't", for allowing myself rest, boundaries, and the idea of myself as acceptably non-superhuman.

Don't deny me either.

They are both self-care.
They are both about having a full, compassionate, insightful, realistic understanding of my fully human, fully disabled, fully nuanced self.
They are both vital.

They are both non-negotiable.

@threadreaderapp unroll, please.