Society has taught women that relationships are about them.

That men don’t deserve any form of romance, love, etc because they should be focused on just them.

It’s not hard to see why a lot of them go into relationships entitled and why a lot of men die on the hill of hard guy.

Especially in this part of the world.

The truth is that men would rather eat rocks than be vulnerable with women. The sheer lack of emotional intelligence is why the typical woman will take something that was shared at a point of vulnerability as ammunition in her next fight.

But if you dare flip the script and act in the exact same way, you’re evil and you hate her.

There’s alot of toxicity that is normalized in the typical African relationship and it needs to stop. Some of you go into relationships like it’s world war 3 you’re being recruited for.

What’s the issue?
That’s why my thread on gifting pissed a lot of you off. That’s why a lot of you were subtweeting me. Looooool it’s laughable.

You’re too prideful to learn, so when someone says something that’s a direct attack on your toxic behavior you lash out.
Truth is hard

Relationships are about two people, not one.
It’s two people showing up to give each other, not one giver and one taker.

Next thing you start to wonder why your man never tells you anything. Why would he please?

You don’t create a safe space for him to open up.

You don’t listen, you lack empathy. Why will he open up?

You have to understand that deep down men are scared too. The world has told them to “be a man”.
For everytime they’ve hit a dead end or attempted to even express anything “be a man”.

They become emotionally stunted.

A good number of them lack the ability to process basic human emotions. Cannot admit when they are sad, struggling mentally, cannot process grief, the list is endless.

Do men need to do better and learn?
Yes they do and this is not excusing them.
But first, empathy.

Understanding why they even act the way that they do.

Create a safe space for the person you’re with, be open to correction, learn how to handle conflict that doesn’t involve you dragging him to the place you already came from, stop speaking in anger and tearing him down.

“Ehn if you shout at me, I’ll shout back!
You don’t know meeeeeeeee!”.

Are you a bus conductor? What’s this behavior?

You teach people how to be by being. Set the ground rules of engagement in that relationship.

“You cannot shout at me. If you’re angry take a time out”.

“You will not speak to me with fowl language. I do not accept it”.

Then go ahead to be.

I saw this thing;

“be with someone that respects you in all mind states”.
Some people replying “omg yes, men need to learn this”.

But you’re the same ones who shout too.

You think “be with someone who respects u in all mind states” was only talking to men?

Drink water sis. They were dragging your shirt too.

To respect someone in all mind states doesn’t happen by mistake. It takes conscious unlearning and learning, it takes growth.

Will u grow?

Will you make the effort to do better?
Or is the relationship just about you?

Men are so used to toxicity that when they meet someone who isn’t all of these things It’s hard for them to process it. She wants to just love me?
OMG
like we don’t shout to resolve conflict?

There’s alot of unlearning and learning to do.

You are not the only one in a relationship.

If you need to shout to resolve conflict and you’ve corrected but nothing changes.

Stop dating bus conductors.

If your vulnerability is used as ammunition nonstop DONT NORMALIZE IT.

Relationships should be mutually beneficial.

You deserve love that is soft and intentional.
Men and women.

You deserve love that puts you first, unlearns consistently, so it can learn to give you better soil to germinate.

Take my courses, one on one sessions, let me teach you.

Today’s thread was born from this.

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