how do dudes go on about how sci fi has this NEW SJW AGENDA when in the first 10 min of StarTrek TNG there’s a speech about how stupid militarisation + imperialism is, which Picard agrees with, then a crew member who looks like he plays football walks by in a uniform with a skirt

in 1987.

yeah I finished Nightflyers so I needed more space shenanigans urgently

I’ve never seriously watched any trek except discovery but I keep recognising things from memes

how long have yall been keeping tasha yar a secret from me

the MoJ 2025

[pause to get more brownies]

wes crusher spliced recordings of picard so he could pretend he was ordering him around good LORD

I cannot believe they tried to make out Tasha is a heterosexual. This is appalling.

au where tasha yar is captain phasma

so good he wore it 2 episodes running
https://twitter.com/jaymc82/status/1226529342966071297?s=21 https://twitter.com/jaymc82/status/1226529342966071297

netflix stop asking me to skip the TNG intro why would anyone do this

oh god this is the 80s-unitard-sex-planet episode

what could possibly go wrong in such an Eden

Picard angrily doing the Hamlet monologue at Q. Now that’s some good shit.

Q and Riker, sitting in a tree

there hasn’t been a single episode so far that hasn’t been at least like 60% ridiculously horny. everyone’s into everyone. planet spandex. Q!Riker summoned Worf a Klingon babe in an 80s Cher outfit, and turned Wesley into Rocky and LaForge was like, hello

like, calm down for five minutes, enterprise. you’d all shag if you didn’t have to work together, we get it. does starfleet forbid sorting yourself out or something.

data there, a messy bench who lives for drama

“could you please continue the petty bickering?”

hi tasha love what you’re doing with your hair

data’s brother is a butthead

trek update: a matriarchal planet made riker wear this spangly satin number with one tit out and troi and yar are making fun of him

[klingon sneeze]

RIKER PLAYS THE TROMBONE. AND HE CALLS IT A BONE.

wardrobe goals: deanna troi. well-fitting one-pieces with cool belts, in a range of colours.

Picard’s ex has beamed aboard and his new twink is a fucking inspector HIGH DRAMA

oh gosh the Vulcan woman is Cute and rocking some excellent tweeds

“it’s a good thing you’re cute Wesley or you could really be obnoxious” bold of her to assume one can’t be both

the away team are stuck on a planet and Dr Crusher fell down a hole and now LaForge is separating the ship and going to the battle bridge

this funeral scene is not fucking cool not cool at all

oh boy I love me a good Time Distortion episode. though I do keep thinking...

Riker just wondered aloud how the heck humans survived the 21st century and, like, same.

shdhfbf some rich arsehole got cryogenically frozen and woke up on board the enterprise like I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER sit down pal jean luc does not have time for this

RIKER HAS A BEARD

“doctor pulaski” excuse me whomst

she called data “datta” I don’t like her

so! fucking! rude!

I have a bad feeling about this

Captain Picard has never played with puppies?? remedy this at once. put the creepy child out the airlock and devote the rest of the episode to a Picard buzzfeed puppy interview.

god I bet the creepy child sabotaged the containment thingies I HATE THIS EPISODE

I KNEW it

*bangs fists on table* airlock! airlock! airlock! airlock!

I have to say I adore Wesley’s new uniform in the grey-blue with the knit shoulders. Is this special “boy genius” department colours or sth.

now 2x02 didn’t start with captain or first officer’s log I am uncomfortable

I’m not criticising jean luc for a second but I’m just saying that if I was captain of the enterprise I would have doctor pulaski on report and on a diversity awareness course if not in the fucking brig

mr worf get her off my bridge

this Okona prick is what some people honestly seem to think Han Solo is like

I wasn’t able to tweet along as I was watching on my phone on the bus but rest assured I was Furious about dr pulaski’s shit-talking data almost leading to Moriarty taking over the Enterprise.

She smirks the whole time she’s saying it as if she’s just imparting some time honoured wisdom that these kids will come to understand in time, about how data is far inferior to humans and it’s cool to tell him all the time I HATE IT

“take my worf” is the funniest line on this show so far good job data

who’s the bigger douchbag riva or the dude who acts as the “voice of his libido” or what the fuck ever

run deanna run

this next episode is called “the schizoid man” which bodes, uh, badly

“did you damage your face data?” I honestly just made a terrible sound on the bus home

are the whole crew going to have beards by the end of the series

“a fine, full, dignified beard, one which commands respect and projects thoughtfulness and dignity” im DYING

“when I stroke the beard thusly, do I not appear more intellectual” fffffffffffffffff

oh fuck is this a trolley problem episode please no

update it isn’t but it IS another episode where loads of people continually ask data a load of rude questions and openly chuckle at his efforts to be more human and I’m quite cross about it tbh

also it’s yet another episode where the gang meet a rich and powerful man who is blatantly a complete arsehole and whose ego and hubris puts people if not planets in serious danger. and people still hearken back to this as the days before sci-fi was “political”

this one is an Intellectual

motherfucker you get you creepy ass consciousness out of data right now

guys I love data so much. I know nothing is going to happen to him but. nothing better happen to him. you know?

ohohohohoho its time for dr pulaski’s evaluation is it? well captain I have some feedback

[opens PowerPoint]

[urgently taps pointer at first slide, which says SHE’S MEAN TO DATA in comic sans]

they couldn’t have sent Worf as the exchange student with the Klingons??

he’s eating something wriggly to impress a Klingon lady enterprise come get your man

the Klingons all have daddy issues is this the episode we’re finally going to find out about Riker’s

“I’m your captain now”

jesus was the Klingon exchange student episode the single one in this season where data gets a fucking break

jean luc don’t you dare let this dreadful man take him away and take him to bits and keep calling him “it” I swear to god

data has a hologram of tasha yar in his belongings oh nooo I shouldn’t have watched this in the office

this whole courtroom’s out of order and it hasn’t even been convened yet

o fuck me that was all a lot

once I’ve calmed down I’ll probably have a lot of opinions about how a judge heard the appeal against her own summary ruling, forced a friend of the defendant to prosecute him, then accepted dinner (and probably a bit more) from the defence after ruling in his favour

the episode is called “The Measure Of A Man” and I kept thinking of the line in Scrooge’s song at the end of Muppet Christmas Carol that goes “and if you want to know / the measure of a man / you simply count his friends”

the enterprise crew are such good friends guys nobody look at me

ooooh Picard just straight up hung up on a Romulan captain in the middle of the neutral zone

trek update: the enterprise found some floating rubbish with NASA logos on it, now the away team are trapped in a casino. Data is wearing a Stetson.

I am so far away from being able to watch Picard and this already has me https://twitter.com/startrekcbs/status/1230945286358470656?s=21 https://twitter.com/startrekcbs/status/1230945286358470656

jfc they couldn’t have warned Picard before asking him to come down to the shuttle bay and look at his half-dead evil twin? that’ll fuck you up.

guys have you SEEN this magnificence
https://twitter.com/chloecumming/status/1230777735544541184?s=21 https://twitter.com/ChloeCumming/status/1230777735544541184

Troi is telling Picard off for yelling at himself

holy shit jean luc

he shot himself I screamed

his other self not, like, himself but it was STILL A LOT TO DEAL WITH

well in the next episode Riker is clearly not taking this new job but I’m clearly anxious about it anyway

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

riker‘s dad: hi I’m proud of u son
riker:

me and that lowly transporter room ensign:

and Worf just bitched out Wesley this episode is HIGHEST DRAMA

Dr Pulaski totally banged Riker’s dad I am deceased

“with all due respect... BEGONE! ... sir.” I’m stealing this Worf line you never know when you’ll need it

Riker is literally fighting his father, in a ring, with their eyes covered and with some sort of broom - fucking hell Riker just told him he should have died instead of his mum this is brutal

oh now they’re talking about their feelings and hugging

neat how the doors on the Enterprise know when someone wants them to open and when they’re just hanging around nervously right outside like a dork

neat how twitter crops the captions off preview images so it just looks like I’m super excited about Guinan’s hat. I mean, I am, but not JUST that.

Q what the hell is your problem

THAT EPISODE WAS VERY EXCITING

aw I love it when Picard’s all grumpy

wait so Picard .... literally has a broken heart

update: he broke it in a bar fight. which he started.

so after the last few SUPER EXCITING AND INTENSE episodes TNG decided to lighten things up and have the captain nearly die on an operating table

O’Brien is a good dude. He just does his job and doesn’t get involved in any drama.