Dear @VictoriasSecret,

You are fucked.

Allow me to explain.

Your brand is irretrievably associated with sexual objectification and predation, something which was, until recently, not a problem at all.

In 2020, it is.

Now, let's add in that your brand has grown increasingly downmarket, which means you are selling cheap, slightly cute underwear to people who are noticing Target is also selling them cheap, slightly cute underwear. There is no cachet in your brand to consumers.

A company has only two assets; its brand and its real estate.

Your brand is fucked and your "real estate" is rented spaces in malls.

Don't know if you noticed, but malls are dying.

So you're, what, doubly dying?

Lucky for you, Court Jester knows the way out for you.

It is the only way out.

I'd say, "Sadly, it's the only way out," but most of your upper-echelon seems demonstrably terrible and maybe the death of Victoria's Secret should not be avoided but hastened.

Well, I don't have a pillow to hold over its mouth, so here's your solution.

Monday morning, everyone above Regional Manager is fired.

Gone.

Yes, some blameless people will be fired but terrible people tend to hire terrible people, so everyone must go. Stagger the firings, if you must, to keep things going but, let's be honest; you're in a death spiral.

Now, having cleaned out EVERYONE, you rehire and you pick women.

I know, I know; "We can't do that!"

No. You can't officially do that. The few men you hire will be gay.

You figure out how to discern that.

You also hire about half as many people as you had, because this shit is bloated.

Now, all the stores close for a week for "Radical restructuring." It will get you some goodwill and I've walked past your stores; it's not as if you're going to lose any real sales.

Now, with these women and gay men who, ideally, have worked in companies known for transparency and integrity, you start the rebrand to "VS."

Victoria's Secret was where your kid sisters shop. It's sexy the way Olive Garden is Italian.

VS is clean, bright, honest. The VS woman is an attitude of confidence and humor, no matter her size. Feathers in your ass-crack aren't sexy, knowing yourself is.

Adults - people with disposable income - were never lured in by 18 year old models duck-lipping in the window.

(Oh, we're now body-proud. Look at how much of your money @SavageXFenty has taken from your pocket by limiting sizes and being on record about being sizest, you dummies)

You are now utterly and completely transparent, some might say to a fault. We know exactly how much money each executive makes, we know how much each item costs to make, we know where it's being made.

Why?

Because you used up all the bullshit available to you.

Look at @Everlane; they are convincing people to buy standard items from them they could buy somewhere else because they are well-made and because the consumer can follow the jeans from cotton field to store, should they choose.

Right now, honesty is intoxicating.

People will pay money to feel good about something they own.

In the week of "Radical restructuring," you strip out the pink, the black, the exhausting performative sexuality masquerading as empowerment in the store. Victoria's Secret is dead. Long live VS.

The new VS may not make it forever but you just desperately want someone to buy this corpse anyway. What I am suggesting you do creates a product which would buy you a lot of attention, a fair amount of goodwill for even trying and a company with a positive valuation again.

@VictoriasSecret, I'm remarkably stupid.

But I'm not wrong.

You have no other way out.

Signed,
Has Money, Won't Buy Your Shit

They didn’t do this.

But they should have.