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My exhausting life pinned
This as an opening https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/status/1221466933465247744?s=19">https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/...
What an amazing thing i did in the first of february https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/status/1223030755124580353?s=09">https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/...
Yes please https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/status/1218554509120561153?s=19">https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/...
Related with I am a coward tweet, duh ofc me miserable https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/status/1221467509401849856?s=19">https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/...
I give up https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/status/1222013089291235329?s=19">https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/...
thanks old me https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/status/1204788160200237056?s=19">https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/...
Jonghyun, you are a great person, still are https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/status/1207133255641645056?s=19">https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/...
today people are really nice, i woke up really exhausted but felt better when asked to get out, also people are just fun to be with
I guess, i should add today as an exhausting day. Yesterday was bad enough, tiring without a rest. Now, still the same. I keep doing all this works for what, I am not sure anymore
My head hurt but only a little. I could this is my worst state though. All my body aches, i am scared i& #39;ll mess up if I cant do any back up
Oh, i am sick. Literally
But i dont even have time to get sick.
Sadly, of course nobody understand. My own fault that i didnt tell them though. I still have to show support :)
But i dont even have time to get sick.
Sadly, of course nobody understand. My own fault that i didnt tell them though. I still have to show support :)
I am such a miserable thing. I keep feeling sorry to everyone for not helping when i am sick to the point i cant help anymore. Even when i am getting better. This is toxic. I should accept the fact that i get sick and it is okay to rest and not work. You can comeback anytime
But, of course my brain is kinda weird in its own way. It thinks i am a burden when i just rest for like two days. And refusing to someback bcs i am such a failure. Now stop feeling sorry and just work can you?
Also this https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/status/1238095765664198656?s=19">https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/...
Also this https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/status/1238095765664198656?s=19">https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/...
i am fucking thirsty for this boi fuck
I was all mushy in love, soft love, cute love and shit, right. But suddenly today happened.
I was all mushy in love, soft love, cute love and shit, right. But suddenly today happened.
So, it was me being miserable dumbfuck who miss my boy, i know hes not mine fck, and looking through his insta. And there he is, cute, hardworking, handsome, familiar, im just so in love. And suddenly this pic of him wearing nothing but short showed up
Well fuck him
I wish i could, fuck
I am so fckin disgusting. He is my friend above anything else, i should not have this thought. But man i have imagination and it is running wild man. My brain is wildin and i cant really control it. Although i really should.
I wish i could, fuck
I am so fckin disgusting. He is my friend above anything else, i should not have this thought. But man i have imagination and it is running wild man. My brain is wildin and i cant really control it. Although i really should.
I am in that state of stress
It is really hard to push yourself through this when nobody is really around
It is really hard to push yourself through this when nobody is really around
I really have no desire to just live
Me on my own would have ended this a long time ago. But the sound of jonghyun saying how scary it is to kill oneself reminded me another reason i am still alive. I wonder if finally i am past that, what will happen
Me on my own would have ended this a long time ago. But the sound of jonghyun saying how scary it is to kill oneself reminded me another reason i am still alive. I wonder if finally i am past that, what will happen
i am really sorry that you have to see the weakest of me. a cry of help is the simplest thing i can do right now
I have aproblem this week and this is it. It makes me unbale to do anything at school im dissapointed honestly but im trying to recover. https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/status/1242800569187594240?s=19">https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/...
So i sent the message right like i said before it was nervewrecking. And this person gave me strength to get better just by replying and saying please get better. I just omg
I really want me to stop overthinking. I love and hate everything about today but still im thankful for my friend :) thanks really aku sayang kalian
Also if we are not that close i could be having crush on you seriously, fortunately i saw you as a friend and sibling even
Also if we are not that close i could be having crush on you seriously, fortunately i saw you as a friend and sibling even
I took a bath
I don& #39;t if this is significant or not to other stressed people but to me it is an achievement after being too tired and lazy to even take a bath and eat
I don& #39;t if this is significant or not to other stressed people but to me it is an achievement after being too tired and lazy to even take a bath and eat
Also today I did something great, i chatted a doctor and it didn& #39;t go well but anyway as long i am strong enough to try and solve my problem i think it is a great step already
So, i was really doing important things today! Wow, great job. Now it& #39;s okay, take little steps and you& #39;ll be fine. You& #39;ll be strong as always. You know you& #39;re the most resilient person you& #39;ve ever known right? Rare go through things like this and go out doing such a great job!
I listened to To My Youth and there is this part where she sings, maybe someday i will shine, that& #39;s why i still fight.
And I was just bawling my eyes out because thats exactly what I was doing all this time but i have been hurt so much adn torn apart, i can no longer stay
And I was just bawling my eyes out because thats exactly what I was doing all this time but i have been hurt so much adn torn apart, i can no longer stay
I cant believe im back to one year ago version of me, the one crying helplessly everyday, with dead eyes and slumped shoulder, keep looking down, afraid to be outside even for a second, have too much anxiety. I thought i was getting better
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290320
i was really bad this morning? Like very bad, it was hard to breath, muscle pain and all. then, I asked a good friend of mine to call me. We called for 5 hours lol, that was gold. I felt better in an instant. I know it wouldnt last ofc, but at least i feel happiness for a while
I know calling someone like her a good friend is not enough. As I stated before, she is an important part of my life. A very dear part of me. We have been through a lot and in each other we feel safe.
She is special to me, she& #39;s a saviour and a person i want to save. A friend who will listen to my worry, whose well being i always care about.
We shared a lot of things in common. She is a friend who i let to see my actual self. I am thankful of her.
We shared a lot of things in common. She is a friend who i let to see my actual self. I am thankful of her.
I am trying to be back bit by bit
I think at least i can start by doing everything silently, i cant face people yet but i can do something by myself
I think at least i can start by doing everything silently, i cant face people yet but i can do something by myself
I was trying to push myself today
I dont know, maybe it was a wrong step?
I can& #39;t do it at all.
I ended up crying. I want to die instead
I dont know, maybe it was a wrong step?
I can& #39;t do it at all.
I ended up crying. I want to die instead
I am dry heaving, wow, this is too much.
I don& #39;t think it& #39;s good but idk. I was only talking to myself that i& #39;ll be back tonight. But I guess it too much already?
I don& #39;t think it& #39;s good but idk. I was only talking to myself that i& #39;ll be back tonight. But I guess it too much already?
Guess what? Time to be back on this fucking thread
It& #39;s 7 am, I& #39;ll have class at 8, it doesn& #39;t matter.
I& #39;ve been avoiding the meeting for a month... I can no longer do that. This is so fucking scary.
I& #39;ve been avoiding the meeting for a month... I can no longer do that. This is so fucking scary.
I want to throw up again, fuck anxiety will be the death of me. I even avoided my therapist bcs i was so scared to say anything. What the fuck...... I really should try to do something. Stop hurting myself or something
The class is over bitchhesssss but hey why do i still have anxiety... I am having insomnia, so annoying! I want to at least enjoy living when I am forced to do it
Also :) i keep thinking abt future... It& #39;s not gonna end well, but i just can& #39;t stop thinking about my future and how the now me will affect it, mess it up. I want it to stop. I am so selfish too, i get angry if people don& #39;t understand how tired it was for me to just live
Nah that is for today update i guess, it& #39;s been a month since i write here. I am getting better tho!
I did all of my exams even when it& #39;s so hard for me here& #39;s the qrt! https://twitter.com/haechanies_/status/1260777616388182017?s=20">https://twitter.com/haechanie...
I did all of my exams even when it& #39;s so hard for me here& #39;s the qrt! https://twitter.com/haechanies_/status/1260777616388182017?s=20">https://twitter.com/haechanie...
I made moments but idk what i am going to do with it? ashdkashjka idk what& #39;s the difference with this thread, maybe i& #39;ll post the positivity there? I& #39;ll find out later https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/status/1269174180819300354?s=20">https://twitter.com/hanaiku_/...
Well, hello again this thread it& #39;s been a while since ive been here, writing to you. Idk but you are like a good friend to me lmao, even though you are just a mere thread. I missed here, but i certainly dont miss the feeling of helplessness whenever I am here, like right now
Feels great to feel nothing at all for a long time, but damn if id be lying if i said i dont cry anymore for every single night and morning ill have to face.
At least now I& #39;m knowing myself better, what i hate, what i don& #39;t hate etc
At least now I& #39;m knowing myself better, what i hate, what i don& #39;t hate etc
It& #39;s not like I don& #39;t want to die anymore as well, I still want to, but it got less stronger than before, it& #39;s like my brain saying "okay then, today seems okay, let& #39;s live for today only idk tomorrow maybe ill kill myself tomorrow."
