i would like to remind everyone that you'll never be funny than my little brother
so, things my little brother joey has said
a thread

"which one of you fucks was playing CHRISTIAN MUSIC in my satanic household?"

my sister: if blue is for boys and pink is for girls
who is black for?

"edgelords"

"why is it bts? why not jin and the non-jins?"

"i want a divorce."
deadpan at the dog when she stole a pizza roll

"why do i have to throw it back for a real one? fake ones are just as beautiful! im gonna throw this ass for motherfucking bigfoot"

"plus sides of being the middle child, i can do THIS and mom won't notice"
proceeds to default dance behind my mom's crying form

"homophobes really be afraid of words that sound the same. felt that"

*slithers across the floor with envelope in mouth*
"SNAIL MAIL BITCHES"

everytime he's asked to do chores
he says "assassins, ill pay you extra if you move in NOW"

i dont have context
but he was arguing with my dad and yelled "YOU DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE CONNECTIONS TO THE MAFIA"

he was cleaning and accidentally threw a shoe in my dad's face and yelled "TRICKSHOT"

"fornite in real life
where you try and protect yourself with cardboard boxes and i just demolish you with a bazooka."
my brother at a bunch of second graders

girl from down the street: you're so funny

"my sister says it's the internalized issues i haven't gotten therapy for yet"

"im not saying i welcome death, im just saying he do be looking kind of thicc lately"
my brother, high on anesthesia

during an argument
"YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE GAY TO SUCK DICK, YOU JUST HAVE TO BE BROKE"

me: joey, are you a simp?

him: maybe

other brother: maybe?

him: i do be respecting women