since some people are doing this now, i feel like this is the perfect time for me to delve deeper into yuki's character because, unbeknownst to a lot of people, he's one of the most mysterious characters to crack in a3. and there are a lot of reasons for this. (thread)

so some disclaimers:
-i had a draft thread for this saved in my tablet. bc im on pc rn and my tablet is charging, i have no choice but to update the thread tweet by tweet.
-i got everything from the yaycupcake wiki. if you wish to contribute a bit more stuff, feel free to do so!

-i'll be slow in doing this thread
-this thread will be divided into three or four parts. as yuki's issues were only touched on the surface level, it will literally be more on analysis and connecting the pieces together.

i'll post my sources and stories at the end of this so don't worry about it!!

so we're going to start with the very first part of this analysis which is what we know about yuki by far and why he's the only one without a solid or clear backstory.

yuki rurikawa as we all know was first introduced in act 1, episode 16. and as the title of the episode and basically the entire act 2 and succeeding stories suggest, he's very much foul-mouthed and blunt towards others.

the early parts of act 2 suggest that yuki is rather....off and much ruder to those who are strangers to him. this is mostly shown in his early interactions with tenma. despite finding out that he's a famous actor, it doesn't stop yuki from being really rude to him.

obviously, this goes on for most of the story from early days of training to summer camp.

and then we're brought to act 2, episode 23 where we see the very surface or the first touch of yuki's own issues.

the entire episode actually touches just that: the bullying yuki got from the students who were making fun of him for crossdressing. although yuki has managed to handle that in the end, it still doesn't erase the breakdown after that, meaning that this happened more than once.

but this is where the first speck of mystery regarding yuki comes in.

whereas kazunari, muku, and tenma who were shown to have problems got their own resolution arc, yuki never actually got one for himself.

the same could be said for misumi. but that's because misumi got his own resolution arc during captain sky pirates when his memory of his grandfather finally became more clear and he found his greatest treasures (which are his friends)

and although kazunari's issue on being true to himself has been partially resolved in act 2, it only got its actual spotlight during SHINOBI Misadventuring. same with muku whose self-confidence issues have been resolved in both act 2 and the floral prince event.

of course, we can never forget about tenma who not only conquered his fear of being on the stage in act 2 but also managed to work out his leadership skills in the same story AND act 6.

but yuki never had that resolution arc for himself. no momentary flashback for him. no "portrait of yuki rurikawa" (but god i wish there is). not even a single word from him about his past except for some rather eye-catching details which will be discussed later.

then we're brought to "search for sardines" which is supposedly yuki's arc except, unlike most characters (actually all) who came to a realisation in the end, yuki ended up remaining the way he is now.

"search for sardines" tackled on yuki's own art slump which became the source of conflict from not only finding out ideas for the costumes to his breaking point, which is when kazunari told him that the costumes don't look right.

interesting thing to point out is how what yuki played as, shiro's own character (his tendency to depend too much) is yuki's exact foil (his tendency to shut himself too much). and shiro being yuki's foil was what made the latter struggle in actually playing as him

whereas shiro's strong point is bringing people together (as evidenced by how he managed to bring mikke and tama outside of the cat manor), yuki's total reliance on himself is what made the conflict possible in the event story.

it was kazunari who called him out for this one.

and as response, yuki said:

we're saving this piece of evidence for later once we finally discuss the last runway because it will show just how important yuki's talent in making clothes is to him.

but going back, it was kazunari's action of extending his hand to help yuki that made the costumes they have now possible. it was yuki allowing himself to depend on someone that solved the conflict of the costumes, allowing the play to proceed into success.

now, the usual formula for these kinds of stories especially in franchises like a3 is that the conflicted character will always have some kind of realisation shown by the end of their dilemma. some great examples of this would be from captain sky pirates and ofc, act 2

but after the entire conflict in the search for sardines, yuki didn't voice out about the realisation that he needs to depend on others. nor did he show it in action by apologising to everyone for making them worry. instead, the play went on, kazu and yuki bought gifts. the end.

so although this was supposed to be a yuki-centered story, he ended up as someone who bit into the cake for a tiny bit only to draw back because if there was any sort of change in yuki, the epilogue at least could have shown it. it could be through depending on kazu for smth else

but instead, it was kazunari who still depended on yuki for the gifts that they bought for their members + izumi. so by choosing to go through that path, it would almost make it seem like that point in the climax where yuki could have changed was rendered somewhat useless.

and so far, both act 2 and search for sardines were the only stories that attempted to corner yuki into admitting something or bringing out something in him, both of which have had failed attempts.

another interesting thing to point out is that all the characters up to this point have voiced out at least a tidbit or jist from their past. and this would usually be because of a certain conflict or breaking point which will corner them into admitting something from their past.

from there, the character would use that struggle in the past to work up their way to that character development. omi is a great example of this. in his portrait, he told the story of his dead friend who wanted to be an theatre actor. and out of the guilt, omi pursued acting.

but it was because of his yearning to be on the stage that omi now claims the dream of theatre acting as his own as well.

in yuki's case however, all attempts of cornering him into changing have become more or less unsuccessful.

this unsuccessful attempt of cornering yuki has resulted to him being able to escape from ever opening up about his past.

now, why is this so?

it's simply because yuki is the only person who still doesn't want to open up until now.

we only ever knew about the rest of the characters' pasts because they were cornered to opening up. and as we all know it, opening up would always mean the person has allowed themselves to be vulnerable to others.

for yuki however, his own subtle and unconscious conflict now isn't about him being ostracized by society (although it's a big part of it). it's his own hesitance of allowing himself to be open to others due to some present fear of being extremely vulnerable.

if this wasn't the issue, yuki would have already spilled at least a part of his sob story to kazunari when he was already cornered in the sardines event. but all he did was give hints of his pride on being a costume maker. (which i will emphasise again later).

if this wasn't the issue, yuki would have also spilled a part of his sob story to muku when he broke down in act 2, ep 23. and in a3 fashion, if this wasn't the issue, yuki would have taken the usual route and told his sob story in order to amend his total self-reliance issue

interesting enough, yuki doesn't take that route. and as mentioned, it's because his major conflict is hesitance in opening up to others. and it's only a matter of when and where yuki would finally break that character development will finally happen to him.

until then of course, we can only rely on the rather eye-catching details that can serve as evidence to what yuki's past might have been like.

and this is where the second part of my yuki rurikawa ted talk comes in.

we're gonna start off with the one source that speaks the most when it comes to his own past: his solo song, minority.

another interesting thing to take note of is that if you've heard all of the summer troupe's solos (including kumon's which oot but it's a good song. please listen to it), they always deal with themes of either merriment, overcoming something with success in the end or both

kumon's and yuki's respective solos mainly deal with overcoming a certain something. but here's the striking difference between their solos: whereas kumon's song ends with something of success, yuki's ends with the same sad stanza he's been repeating since the beginning

and this pretty much parallels with how their stories of overcoming their own issues turned out; whereas kumon's struggle which is his psychological reaction to nervousness was defeated because of the support of everyone else, yuki never even had the taste of resolution at all

this obviously suggests that whatever past issue yuki has that could be beyond the bullying can't be resolved just like that nor will it take a day to figure it out because it's something that's been carried with him since childhood.

and whereas people found their answers by the end of it, yuki's will always remain to be a long process, maybe even a lifetime since it's been with him for as long as he can remember. and it will prolong if yuki continues to hesitate opening up.

to better understand this, it's best to of course go through his entire solo, not by line but by stanza.

the first stanza gives some kind of imagery. it's clearly obvious from here that yuki talks about the time he and his family moved to another place

(*there's this one bit but i forgot the story already where yuki told taichi that he and his family moved out because of his father's work. because i cant find it anymore, however, im not going to mention any of it in the thread)

in talking about yuki's past, we can never forget about his shared life with taichi from when they were kids.

as hinted multiple and countless times, from act 3 to midsummer's sparkle memory, fire up mantou fist, and recently the last runway, yuki and taichi used to be together

before taichi figured out that his first love was yuki this entire time, he'd always end his tale about his first love with that person suddenly disappearing or moving away.

but now that fire up mantou fist and the last runway have confirmed that his first love is indeed yuki, it's safe to say that the first stanza talks about yuki reminiscing the day he and his family moved away.

another interesting take here is that while taichi has expressed so many times how he felt about yuki moving away to the point of having two separate portraits of that event in both acts 3 and 7, we never heard about what yuki thought of it.

although it's justifiable because yuki forgot more things than taichi, the first stanza highly suggests the pain that yuki was feeling. and although he didnt emphasise on it further, there's a tone of indescribable pain attached to it.

but what's even more questionable is with the following lines:

"Casting a haze of the red traffic light over me
For some reason, it reminds me of myself - I hate it"

seeing a red traffic light means that you have to stop. the fact that yuki is comparing himself to something that means caution or stop whilst hating himself for it is already telling of something that he's currently doing to which he's still regretting to this day.

and given the context of his life, it could mean a lot of things. it could mean stopping himself from expressing what he really felt towards taichi before he moved (hence the "for some reason", the feeling that he should have done something but he forgot about it).

it could also mean, in a more general context, stopping himself from being more vulnerable or opening up about what he really felt. this could mean that deep down, yuki did want to express his own baggage. but the fear instilled in him is what's stopping him from doing so.

and all of this is brought on by him being too cautious about how he appears in front of others and how he holds himself every single day.

this next stanza is easy enough to understand: that yuki in the end chose to be himself despite everything because he knew that what he is now is the "thing that's been missing from him" (will be discussed later as well)

now here's the highlight of the song: the chorus.

although yuki prided himself so much in being himself, he still has those moments where he'd think if what he's doing and what he likes are really wrong in all aspects, as evidence by the lines:

"It’s not wrong for me to say that
I love the things I love, right?"

now here's another very striking part of this particular stanza:

"The truth is, I’ve always been searching
For a place that will accept me for who I am
I’ve been lonely all along— what a joke, right?"

normally, you wouldn't say that it's the truth unless there has been some form of denial seeping in you for quite some time. this could mean that as yuki grew up, he's been denying about actually....being sad and lonely for the state he was (and is probably still) in

which would evidently make sense. if you live in a traditional environment where you're not only picked on by people for dressing in a non-conservative manner, there's a high chance that you'd grow up believing that you can't be depressed because unlike others, you're blessed.

in yuki's case, this is seen in the structure of his life. he still has his parents. he still has his sisters. he grew up in a typical household and was never abandoned. he's still being put through school. he still has a roof under his head. he still has something to eat at home

and with all these conditions, it would make sense for yuki to convince himself over and over that he can't be that depressed--because it's only one part of his life that's making him sad. he probably used the concept of counting his blessings to show that he isn't sad at all

but a later point in life would make yuki try to accept the fact that he is depressed. that just because he has these blessings doesnt make him less valid for being sad and lonely, to top it off.

the inclusion of "what a joke, right?" can mean that yuki has been fooling himself to think that he shouldnt be sad for so long that when he finally accepted it, he /loathed/ the fact that he had lied to himself all this time.

next two stanzas interconnect, hence why im going to talk about them together

the first part of it is quite obvious: that the bullying yuki went through made quite a number of traumatic events in his life that they've become "wounds that never fade away" or scars, in short. and it must have been this bad that he's basically traumatised now.

the second part of it doesnt speak for itself much as the first does. but it simply means that whatever scars yuki shouldered still affect his life even up until today. the "blue" he metaphorically sees on the raindrops simply represents his own sadness.

this second part also connects with the very beginning of the song where he says that "raindrops are wiped away from the windshield".

raindrops necessarily dont disappear because of the windshield. they only lose their form of being a dew drop but they'll still remain.

the (blue) raindrops, in this case, could represent yuki's sadness. no matter how much he tries to "wipe them off with his own windshield", even if it isn't obvious to others because his clear sign of him being depressed (the dew drop) is gone, no one would know that it's-

-his depression unless they know where the smudge of water came from. in short, yuki has managed to keep up his depression well wrapped, not obvious to others unless they do so end up trying to decipher his character and figure him out.

now, here we have a different variation of a chorus with only the last three lines remaining the way they are. and this is undoubtedly my favourite part of the entire song for one good reason

yuki's depression isn't something that can only be brushed off as "he got bullied, he's sad". everything bad that came into his life has paralysed him so much that even his daily routine was strongly affected.

his nights meant for sleeping would turn into nights of probably overthinking and hating himself. and his own anxiety and baggage are what keep him up until the morning would eventually come.

"the mornings where i can't get up" could mean that it was because of this cycle of depression in his life that yuki lost totally his will to live. and that's how bad Bad the depression he felt was. it tormented him as a person that almost everything he does is rooted from that.

"It was right for me to have
Refused to lie to myself, right?"

this was at the point where yuki finally accepted that truth of him being sad. even so, that acceptance left him in a state of emptiness. so he accepts that he's sad. but is that really going to change anything?

now this part expresses yuki's true desire: the desire to be able to love himself despite that, the desire to be proud of who he is without crumbling down into pieces

however, this wish is nothing but a dream that yuki believes he cant achieve. and why is this so?

if the song ended at that point, then it would mean that yuki can and Will achieve that desire no matter what.

however, the first chorus is repeated. and as i've mentioned when i talked about the difference between his solo and kumon's, it only means that unlike kumon who was given space and resources to change, yuki himself doesnt know where to start which is why he's stuck in that state

the bottomline of this song is that while yuki wants to change into someone who he can be proud of, he's held back so much by all his trauma in his life that everything to him now seems confusing. he knows that he's sad. but he doesn't know /how/ to fix it.

and yuki, having been lonely in his life, isnt used to being with people, hence the tendency for him to shut himself away from others. he's relied on himself so much because of his loneliness that even he alone isnt enough to fix whatever damages are in him now

and until yuki realises and learns that he /needs/ to let people into his life, then he'll remain this sad and traumatised forever.

another major eye-catcher would have to be this specific backstage story of "etoile boy" yuki rurikawa which is basically a rushed sum of what i've been discussing in relation to his solo

as i've mentioned in a different thread, the stuffed bear mirrors yuki's own wishes and desires (because this is yuki's dream) which is why yuki felt so much sympathy towards the bear and even too determined to the point that he made banri get 25 more friends for that bear.

because the stuffed bear mirrors yuki, his bear now having 25 more friends is simply symbolism that yuki's loneliness has been (partially) solved ever since finding everybody in mankai--that yuki now feels a little less lonely because of everyone in the company

i mean come on. yuki doesnt have to lie??? it's obvious that all those bears are meant to mirror the other members of mankai lmao

with that set, two conclusions can be derived from them:

1. MINORITY is the sum of yuki's feelings pre-joining mankai. except these feelings still remain because trauma never goes away. and unless yuki chooses to open up, the emotional baggage he has will never be reduced.

2. despite this though, yuki has learned (and is still learning) to enjoy the company of others. the trauma may never go away. but it doesnt mean that yuki doesnt acknowledge the fact that he's felt a little less lonely with everyone in mankai as his friends now

(it's really just the opening up of his unresolved emotional baggage part that's his problem now. yuki when will you learn that you need to let people into your life dear god-)

and with this, we move to the third part of this analysis which will be all about what clothes making means to him, especially growing up.

while act 3 (when he promised to remake those torn clothes no matter what) only gets the surface of it though, "search for sardines" digs a bit deeper into it

one of the things that people barely touch about when it comes to his character is his feelings towards making clothes. and this sense of dedication yuki has when it comes to clothes is more than insane. it's something that he will make it seem like his life is on the line.

this pretty much explains the frustration he had all throughout "search for sardines"--the art slump, the feeling of being criticised for something he's been doing for so so long.

the last runway, however, puts this on a deeper /deeper/ level.

for this part, you really need to read the entire "the last runway" to get it. so i'll be linking the story here for you to be guided. (but i'll post screenshots when necessary)

https://yaycupcake.com/a3/index.php?title=The_Last_Runway/Episode_1

the real story starts with an invite coming from a professional (yuki's older sister's acquaintance) to yuki for a free college class trial on fashion designing. and with the inane passion yuki has for fashion design, yuki willingly accepts it

however, it's when yuki comes to the class itself that he feels some kind of pressure coming from seeing the other participants

this pressure eventually carries onto doing the costumes for the play that he ends up designing something that is on the professional level but out of something that taichi could fit into

and just like in "the search for sardines", yuki completely loses his shit over it, showing to us once again how hard he is trying in striving for the best design that he could come up with

it's by spending time with taichi however that yuki finds the confidence to open up about the kind of pressure he experienced during the trial class and, also, his role as mankai's costume designer and not a fashion designer of something or someone else

in the next episode however, we're taken to a flashback where rlly Rlly young yuki ends up making a scarf for taichi which obviously means that making clothes is something that's been w him his entire life

so what can be derived from this?

that growing up, yuki's talent for making clothes has been The emotional crutch he's used for so long that he's prided himself w it. and bc it's his emotional crutch, anything that can go against it will be easily detested by yuki

that's why yuki's insane devotion to clothes making becomes more understandable in that sense. but it also serves as the final piece to the bigger picture of what yuki's past really Really is. and it can be painted in this way:

yuki's history of being bullied his entire life has made him shut himself so he could use making clothes as his only drive and push to live the following day. but it doesn't erase the fact that yuki has been shitless traumatised by everything life threw at him since childhood.

his trauma runs so deep that not only does he not know how to be with people but he's succumbed into a severe case of depression due to the traditional mindset and neighbourhood(s) he grew up in

he's denied his own sadness left and right that it unknowingly broke him over and over. and when he finally accepted that sadness, it left him in the shambles he is in now because not only does he not know how to fix himself but his overdependence on himself-

-has led to him shutting himself off from others, hence his refusal to open up which is why until now, unless you dissect the little details sprinkled throughout, we still dont have a clue on what yuki's past really is (except that he was friends with taichi but that's it).

and while he does acknowledge the fact that he's become less lonely and more himself since joining mankai, it doesnt erase the unresolved emotional baggage in him all bc he doesnt know how to let people into his life for fear that they might hate him once they find out

tldr: yuki rurikawa, 15, needs full-blown therapy to help him process the piled up trauma he has and friends who will tell him that they'll always love and support him no matter what. thank you. my yuki rurikawa ted talk is over.

(and here are the references i did oh my god this is a lot more reading than my two years of being in humss jfc:

-act 2
-search for sardines
-mankai bears
-act 6
-the last runway
-minority (song)
-fire up mantou fist
-act 7???
-act 3
-midsummer's sparkle memory)

HELLO!! to the people who stuck through this thread and shared it, thank you so much!! this entire essay really means so much to me as yuki is my biggest comfort chara!! hope you don't mind me plugging in an additional (shorter) thread in relation to this: https://twitter.com/rurikawaas/status/1222501747660210176?s=20