So important for people with anxiety issues to unlearn patterns of preemptive grieving. Means learning to keep away from catastrophising in terms of things that might go wrong, yes, but also in general not sabotaging their own happinesses by grieving their inevitable end.
We’ve to learn not to brace ourselves. Being shocked or surprised is not that bad a thing. No need to be prepared and primed and on standby all the time. It’s exhausting and always keeps you one step removed from full immersion into anything that’s happening.
Life doesn’t have to be lived like a disaster management drill. Sometimes it really is better to let a tragedy creep up on you while you’re busy washing the dishes or taking a nap in your safe space rather than sit constantly in wait for it at the doorstep, never going in
yourself because you don’t want to be caught unawares. I think there might be an underlying fear of what if I break, what if I snap in two. We don’t all have confidence in our own resilience. We don’t trust ourselves. I think it might be a good idea to work on that first.
Do small trust falls with yourself in low-stakes situations that won’t hurt that much even if you let yourself fall. An exercise that that helps the catching part of your mind and the falling part of your mind both to build confidence, trust and strength off each other.
The catching part of your mind needs to know its own strength and needs to know the falling part can take care of itself. The falling part needs to know the catching part's strength and that the falling part can take care of itself. It's something your brain as a whole should
witness often enough (and in progressively higher stakes contexts) that it eventually starts not having to pay conscious heed to it. Like you'd delegate a task to a team member you trust. This is a management skill, and it's something you can use in your own mind. (And use at
your home, your workplace and other situations as well.) I mean that it's not a big secret or a magical thing. It just makes basic, practical sense. Work that muscle. Learn how to trust so you can let go. This is part of developing resilience.
Experience grief twice. In the living and in memory. But experience joy thrice. In the anticipation, in the living and in memory. That's the way to live fearlessly. (All this is a pep talk to myself, but yay if it helps you as well.)
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