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thread: mdzs/cql characters as kitchen gadgets
Wei Wuxian = air fryer
Revolutionary. Amazing. Incomparable. You will eat so many delicious chicken wings. The downside is that too many chicken wings may damage your temperament towards chicken wings (you may get sick of chicken wings after eating them four days in a row).
Revolutionary. Amazing. Incomparable. You will eat so many delicious chicken wings. The downside is that too many chicken wings may damage your temperament towards chicken wings (you may get sick of chicken wings after eating them four days in a row).
Lan Wangji = high speed blender
"Ha! A blender? Stuffy. Boring." You are saying this because you have never had the privilege of using a high speed blender before. Your life will be forever changed for the better by this machine made of spinning knives. Extremely expensive.
"Ha! A blender? Stuffy. Boring." You are saying this because you have never had the privilege of using a high speed blender before. Your life will be forever changed for the better by this machine made of spinning knives. Extremely expensive.
Xiao Xingchen = sous vide
Elegant class, now for the people. A lot to unpack here, because you have to open up all those little vacuum sealed packets of food in order to eat them.
Elegant class, now for the people. A lot to unpack here, because you have to open up all those little vacuum sealed packets of food in order to eat them.
Song Lan = vacuum sealer
Inseparable partners with the sous vide. Good for storing those little bits of food that would just go bad otherwise.
Inseparable partners with the sous vide. Good for storing those little bits of food that would just go bad otherwise.
Lan Qiren = dehydrator
This MFer will absolutely suck the moisture (and possibly the edibility) out of anything, with the plus side of making it much more space efficient. A must for raw vegans.
This MFer will absolutely suck the moisture (and possibly the edibility) out of anything, with the plus side of making it much more space efficient. A must for raw vegans.
Jin Guangyao / Meng Yao = mandoline
This looks amazing: like it will make your whole cooking life easier. The chefs on TV make it look like a joy to use. WARNING: do not be deceived by its grace. It WILL actually murder you. Yes, even the one with the big safety attachment.
This looks amazing: like it will make your whole cooking life easier. The chefs on TV make it look like a joy to use. WARNING: do not be deceived by its grace. It WILL actually murder you. Yes, even the one with the big safety attachment.
Yu Ziyuan = pressure cooker
It's super effective and will change the way you cook. It also comes with a cool health & safety warning! If the seal fails you'll get boiling stew everywhere! But seriously it's amazing though.
It's super effective and will change the way you cook. It also comes with a cool health & safety warning! If the seal fails you'll get boiling stew everywhere! But seriously it's amazing though.
Jiang Cheng = Instant Pot
This amazing, never-before-seen kitchen gadget is definitely not just a rebranded pressure cooker with bonus functions. See above for pressure cooker description.
This amazing, never-before-seen kitchen gadget is definitely not just a rebranded pressure cooker with bonus functions. See above for pressure cooker description.
Jiang Yanli = food processor
Jiang Yanli deserves better.
Jiang Yanli deserves better.
Nie Huaisang = hood / vent fan
Doesn't really seem like much of a kitchen gadget, until you realize it's been there the whole time, watching, quietly mitigating the spread of your cooking smoke. Pairs well with the air fryer.
Doesn't really seem like much of a kitchen gadget, until you realize it's been there the whole time, watching, quietly mitigating the spread of your cooking smoke. Pairs well with the air fryer.
Wen Xu = air popper
Did you remember that you had an air popper in your life? Was it one of those presents you got that you thought "ok great" and then proceeded to stow away in a back cupboard for 12 years? One-note. Only really does one thing.
Did you remember that you had an air popper in your life? Was it one of those presents you got that you thought "ok great" and then proceeded to stow away in a back cupboard for 12 years? One-note. Only really does one thing.
Wen Qing = box grater
Essential. Straightforward. Indispensable. You freakin need this if you plan to survive, bro. Look away for half a second and you'll utterly shank yourself on it. I dare u.
Essential. Straightforward. Indispensable. You freakin need this if you plan to survive, bro. Look away for half a second and you'll utterly shank yourself on it. I dare u.
Wen Ning = cast iron pan
Requires some amount of careful treatment, but can be revived from the rusty brink with time and dedication. Also you can handily kill a man with it!!! What a world.
Requires some amount of careful treatment, but can be revived from the rusty brink with time and dedication. Also you can handily kill a man with it!!! What a world.
Jin Guangshan = juicer
You have the best of intentions, really, but all this does is extract the value from your fruits and vegetables, leaving all the healthful fiber and roughage to the compost. BONUS: It takes up valuable counter space, edging out other, better appliances!!!
You have the best of intentions, really, but all this does is extract the value from your fruits and vegetables, leaving all the healthful fiber and roughage to the compost. BONUS: It takes up valuable counter space, edging out other, better appliances!!!
Su She = gas powered blender
This thing takes a great concept (blender; can make margaritas, for example) and makes it so, so much worse by adding to it the unmitigated assholetry of a riding lawnmower. Bad for the climate. Not recommended.
This thing takes a great concept (blender; can make margaritas, for example) and makes it so, so much worse by adding to it the unmitigated assholetry of a riding lawnmower. Bad for the climate. Not recommended.
Xue Yang = oyster knife
HELLO dyk that knives cause over 300,000 ER visits per year, more than any other kitchen gadget? Also did u know that messing with an oyster knife MAY result in u stabbing urself or, say, ur husband??? Do Not Interact!! (*unless you are an oyster shucker)
HELLO dyk that knives cause over 300,000 ER visits per year, more than any other kitchen gadget? Also did u know that messing with an oyster knife MAY result in u stabbing urself or, say, ur husband??? Do Not Interact!! (*unless you are an oyster shucker)
Luo Qingyang aka Mianmian = meat thermometer
TEMPERATURE CHECK! yeah, looks like you're way undercooked and will cause someone serious illness if you don't put yourself back on the heat and think about what you've done, you fucking coward.
TEMPERATURE CHECK! yeah, looks like you're way undercooked and will cause someone serious illness if you don't put yourself back on the heat and think about what you've done, you fucking coward.
Wang Lingjiao = novelty food branding iron
Obnoxious; cringey. If you have one, you very likely have enormous disposable income. Tip: buying one of these may in fact be a cruel, hoardy use of cash you could literally give away!! Also, novelty is no substitute for good cooking!!
Obnoxious; cringey. If you have one, you very likely have enormous disposable income. Tip: buying one of these may in fact be a cruel, hoardy use of cash you could literally give away!! Also, novelty is no substitute for good cooking!!
Yao Zongzhu = pie bird
You probably got this as a housewarming gift. Shows up once in a while to let off steam.
You probably got this as a housewarming gift. Shows up once in a while to let off steam.
Lan Yi = deep fryer
The original air fryer. Makes wonderful food, but the dangers are REAL. Eventually your pride will lead you to place your hand directly on the hot basket and you will seclude yourself due to embarrassment. No splash guard can really save you.
The original air fryer. Makes wonderful food, but the dangers are REAL. Eventually your pride will lead you to place your hand directly on the hot basket and you will seclude yourself due to embarrassment. No splash guard can really save you.
Lan Sizhui = soymilk maker
Son of blender. Works hard to combine the traditional and the cutting-edge in one extremely wholesome package. Will not let his dads run out of the house without consuming a nutritious & hot & fresh breakfast!! It's very important!!
Son of blender. Works hard to combine the traditional and the cutting-edge in one extremely wholesome package. Will not let his dads run out of the house without consuming a nutritious & hot & fresh breakfast!! It's very important!!
Lan Jingyi = thermomix/all-in-one appliance
like a blender but trying to DO IT ALL!!!! It's ENTHUSIASTIC!! it can make risotto & soup & banana bread!! But it's slower than a blender, less versatile than a stand mixer, & ten times the price of the instant pot. but it loves you :(
like a blender but trying to DO IT ALL!!!! It's ENTHUSIASTIC!! it can make risotto & soup & banana bread!! But it's slower than a blender, less versatile than a stand mixer, & ten times the price of the instant pot. but it loves you :(
Ouyang Zizhen = fondue pot
When you bought this, you had the most romantic visions of what you'd do with it. It was going to be the glue to hold together your parties. You'd hand-feed your partner(s) all night(s). Then you immediately forgot about it. It is sadly underused. :((
When you bought this, you had the most romantic visions of what you'd do with it. It was going to be the glue to hold together your parties. You'd hand-feed your partner(s) all night(s). Then you immediately forgot about it. It is sadly underused. :((
Jin Ling = pressure fryer
Did you know before today that there was such a thing as a pressure fryer? It deep fries thingsālike entire chickens!āunder pressure. Probably not quite as much pressure as being the sole and parentless heir to a sect being run by a murder machine tho.
Did you know before today that there was such a thing as a pressure fryer? It deep fries thingsālike entire chickens!āunder pressure. Probably not quite as much pressure as being the sole and parentless heir to a sect being run by a murder machine tho.
Lan Xichen = breakfast station
A great concept that fails on execution. Seems great onscreen. Looks cute in your kitchen. Then it tries to please everyone and do all the things, and winds up kind of failing at all of them. The product reviews are GOLD.
A great concept that fails on execution. Seems great onscreen. Looks cute in your kitchen. Then it tries to please everyone and do all the things, and winds up kind of failing at all of them. The product reviews are GOLD.
Nie Mingjue = butcher block
BEHOLD. JOB TITLE: SEXY AS FUCK. It's beautiful and stays true to itself (at least when it's not qi deviating). Look at that finish!!! It's not like other kitchen gadgets, fine: THIS IS MY THREAD AND I DON'T CARE I'M NOT TAKING CRITICISM
BEHOLD. JOB TITLE: SEXY AS FUCK. It's beautiful and stays true to itself (at least when it's not qi deviating). Look at that finish!!! It's not like other kitchen gadgets, fine: THIS IS MY THREAD AND I DON'T CARE I'M NOT TAKING CRITICISM
Jin Zixuan = this fucking thing
The glass cooktop is so beautiful. It is the next generation. Surely it will be better than its forefathers??
Alas. It is a disappointment in terms of temp control. You WILL burn yourself on it, the way I just did!! USE A FUCKING GAS RANGE
The glass cooktop is so beautiful. It is the next generation. Surely it will be better than its forefathers??
Alas. It is a disappointment in terms of temp control. You WILL burn yourself on it, the way I just did!! USE A FUCKING GAS RANGE
CAVEAT: the glass cooktop is like especially easy to clean so I can never stay mad at it for very long. infuriating
