quotes of the day because my friends and i are idiots: a thread

be mindful these will be left out of context for reader interpretation

"and that's on International Love by Pitbull."

"bro i completely forgot i said 'you kill me' and i thought you were asking for advice on how to properly murder me"

"what imma run my fingers through? air? what i'm finna rub? his scalp? mf got a magic lamp from aladdin for a cranium rn"

"hot milk pants"

"I HATE STRAIGHT BITCHES ON GOD"

"why y'all goin so damn fart"

"i'm going to start sending my car in the ditch as a reaction meme"

"ok miss a.d.d."

"bitch tryna Michèl bùblè"

"forget kpop bias who’s your bias in animal crossing"

"waldyn's like my little airman"

"are you talking about a wingman?"

"you can't handle the scandal"

"he was NOT tryna read jane eyre!"

"first off i'm not a hoe i'm a bimp."

"thanks good mornoonight"

"oh word? i thought that was cause i'm bipolar"

"cheer the fuck up dude. get more duded."

"what you lack in hands, you make up in personality, waldyn."

"carried? as in like, guns?"
"no, as in JIM."

"'Water Makes You Gay, Straight Man Says'."

"that's why i only drink beer."

"if you ever get a c section, i'll tell your husband to do that."

"i just spent 5 mins on my spotify thinking it was my twitter. just wanted you to know how much of a dumbass i am"

"i’m sick of this yee haw language just talk normal"

"ceo of imagery"

"i'm finna take some r&r. rest and regret, bitch."

"you a spooky bitch"

https://twitter.com/nydlaw/status/1188587254740074496?s=21 https://twitter.com/nydlaw/status/1188587254740074496

https://twitter.com/nydlaw/status/1187310470375587840?s=21 https://twitter.com/nydlaw/status/1187310470375587840

me: *starts listening to all i want on call*

kayden: oh my god here we go

"legally i'm female so i could kick her ass."

"i love caroline jolene wolfhard, lesbian icon."

"finn wolfhard saying that brad pitt is a god amongst men makes me feel some type of way."

"is he....you know....."

"don't you like swarms?"

"swarms?"

"yeah the band."

"you mean SWMRS?"

"rest in hyuck"

"you're my favorite person in the world, i love you so much"

"that's crazy, 'cause i'm my favorite person too!"

"you are TOO bold this morning."

"is that a complaint i smell ???"

"when did i compliment you"

"Oh. Interesting."

IYKYK

"you said small gasp out loud ???"

"you're not being your usual annoying, harry styles fawning, r5 obsessed self. you good?"

"when bitches say they ain't got no support. but bae, i be in yo corner rn"

"my body dysmorphia demon hates u but i love you :( <3"

"pad. no auntie flo."

"you gotta breathe and find ya woosah bitch."

"wrong digit"

"my birthmark is my chronic nosebleeds!"

"that's why it came out on july 4, cause it's thanksgiving themed."

"like, none of them were cute and they were all 5'6"."

"these things are gargantuan!"

"can i claim my onlyfans on my taxes??"

"wait.....then that means mucus would break up."
"do you mean LUMAX?"
"wait, is it not mucus?"

"should i let you go so you can go whoosh whoosh at yourself or"

"punching the water hole"

"and that's on phat pussy club"

"he'd look at you and be like 'God first. spark boo woof'."

"God love her...and i'm God."

"i ain't got tig ole bitties tho :("
"you got a tig ole heart!!!"

"do you wanna see if we get gay?"