I once worked for someone who was a bad business man but taught me a great lesson.

The first time he barked at me, it was because I was in his office and didn’t know if I should sit or stand. He said, “Ife, sit.”
“Oh. Sorry.” I said and proceeded to pull out a chair.

#thread

His tone went from neutral to angry in milo seconds.

“Why did you say sorry? Sorry for what exactly?”

I was confused,I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong but I also knew I had to respond.

“Sorry for standing sir,” I responded.

“Did I say I was offended?” He demanded to know.

“No sir” My heart was pounding. It was my first month at work and I thought I was already impressing the bosses.

“Stop saying sorry when you haven’t done anything wrong.” He said dismissively, his anger abated

That day, I didn’t understand him and assumed he was on drugs.

Another time, we went for a bid together and we were asked to present a document. I had the documents with me but couldn’t find it at first. So I said to the company reps, “sorry, it’s here somewhere.”

I later found the document and passed it along. On our way out, boss said,

“When you couldn’t find the document, instead of saying sorry, why not ‘give me a second please.’ What did you do wrong in that room? What is it with you women and “sorry.”

Sigh... this ‘sorry’ issue again. I nodded and said, “Okay sir.”

He shook his head and smiled.

Another time, we were in a staff meeting and departments were presenting. At this time I was already quite friendly with most of the staff. So when I wanted to chip in with a counter opinion, I said to the presenter, “sorry o but I don’t think...”

“Sorry for what Ife???

...the guy asked for suggestions and you’re saying sorry.” Boss interrupted me, glaring at me as though WHAT THE HELL LADY!

Ah tor! I was officially tired. I didn’t apologise, I was tired of his wahala, so I continued with what I was saying but this time, I omitted ‘sorry’

After the meeting, I went to google “what is wrong in saying sorry?” All the articles I read pointed out that women in the work place say “sorry” a lot because we are people pleasers and fear not being liked.

I didn’t like that. I had never cared about being liked, I thought.

As I pondered on these articles, I received an email from my boss. I was in copy of an email he had sent to a woman who organised a finishing school in Ikoyi, he was sending me there and paying for the whole class. He ended the mail with, “I’m not sorry.”

I was initially offended but new experiences tend to excite me so I went ahead and attended the finishing courses.

It was an EYE OPENER.

I realised, apologising when we have done something wrong is real strength, but compulsive apologizing presents as a weakness at work,

and in personal relationships.

So, I stopped. I stopped immediately because I didn’t want to be the woman who said sorry for nothing.

And today, apologising comes easy for me but it’s never a compulsive behaviour.

I hope you check yourself today when you’re about to say “Sorry” for nothing. Speak your mind, never apologise for it and don’t seek to be liked.

Just be respectful and DO YOUR JOB. Those who value you will and those who don’t won’t, no matter how meek you appear.