Tips for straight Black Women going into the dating world who wish to explore their options.

(These are things other races of women learn quite early and Black Women would benefit from knowing too.)

A Thread:
1) First and foremost, you are the prize. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

If a man approaches you, that’s because he’s already impressed and liked what he saw. At this point, it is now his job to impress you.
2) Men won’t tell you this, but they don’t do things unless they have to.

If you want a man that adores you, treats you like a queen and aspires to make you happy, set this expectation from the start.

If he doesn’t do it from the start, he won’t do it later in the relationship.
3) Part of exploring your options is knowing that you are single until you are married.

Don’t feel guilty for expanding your coast in order to attract the best man you can. Even if you are dating, you are still single until you both have made life-long commitment via marriage.
4) There are two types of women in this world:

Women who things happen TO
and women who things happen FOR

Note the distinction here and choose which Woman you wish to be.
Women who things happen TO go into relationships without a plan.

They deal with men who just want to “go with the flow”. They have no idea if and when they would like to get married and have kids.They expect things to happen by chance (and if they’re religious, by divine plan)
Women who things happen FOR treat their relationships seriously - similar to a career.

They essentially have a business plan with a rough idea of key milestones, short-term goals, long-term goals and non-negotiables. There is a bigger picture and they are cognisant of it.
5) If you don’t already, I strongly recommend that you find an older woman to mentor you who has plenty of life experience for you to learn from.
Ideally, she should have been in more than two substantial long-term relationships in her life. If she’s middle-aged, this is great.
Contrary to popular belief, single women actually give great advice. A lot of married women are the most desperate ones and they will tell you to do anything to “keep a man”.

An unmarried/divorced woman can teach you a lot – especially in relation to her regrets.
However you’ll have to be careful and use discernment. A lot of older women are jealous of younger women who are on the path to making better decisions than they did.

They regret their poor life choices and will feel resentment towards you, leading them to wilfully mislead you.
6) Dating should not be political. When you are on a path of self-love and desire the best life you can have while you are on this earth, you need to choose: The Best Man For The Job.

Many Black Women prioritize race loyalty instead of individual happiness. This needs to stop.
Smart women choose providers, protectors and men with material and structural power. They don’t make relationship decisions based on melanin-proportion.

You didn’t choose the race you were born into. You are a human being first and are allowed to live for yourself.
7) You are always competing so jump in the game and play it like other women are doing.

Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that you are undesirable. It benefits them for you to think you don’t have many options. Their selfesteem thrives off of making Black Women feel insecure.
I’m glad that so many black women are now on a “level up” journey. There are people you’re going to have to cut off during this process. People with limiting beliefs should not be in your circle.

Don’t feel guilty for ‘switching up’, expecting more and redefining your boundaries
8) Be yourself but be the best version possible.

Your appearance matters. Men of means view their partners as a reflection of the level of success they have attained.

You have to look polished and well-put-together to attract a successful partner. Dress for the role you want.
9) There is a skill to attracting high-value men without having to chase them.

It’s called ‘being in the right place at the right time’ -> when preparation meets opportunity.

I promise you that if you look good and put yourself in the right environments, you WILL see results.
The right environments:

- The schools/colleges you pick (Sorry but HCBUs are not it. The Men to Women ratio is terrible)
- the leisurely activities (go to highend bars and restaurants, visit charity events and cocktail parties)
- the clubs you join (pick up a sport like tennis)
Your friends can also impact your dating prospects. They might put people off of you if they don’t also look the part.

They might even connect you with someone incredible. Think about Meghan Markle who was introduced to Prince Harry through a friend.

Pick your friends wisely.
10) Understand that for Women, there are seasons and stages in life which often coincide with your fertility window.

It’s fine (and recommended) that you spend your early 20s exploring and learning about yourself.. but don’t wait till 35 to think about whether you want a family.
If you wait till 35 to start practising good judgement and being intentional when dating, you will be desperate and you will end up settling.

If there is one thing you take from this thread it should be that: Planning buys you time and time buys you options.
11) If you have dated dusties in the past, please forgive yourself for not knowing what you know now.

You can turn lemons into lemonade.
Your bad experiences will have taught you what to no longer tolerate. You will be better at identifying red flags. You’ll be more self-aware.
12) If you want a hypergamous relationship, you aren't asking for too much. You might just be looking in the wrong places/talking to the wrong men.

Men who take pride in providing for their partner aren't the ones arguing with you on Twitter & telling you to lower your standards
Unfortunately, 20-something year olds are less likely to have this mindset because let's face it - lots of them are broke. This doesn't mean you wont meet some successful young men who provide.

You might still prefer to date a man who is a bit older than you. Your choice though.
At the very least, you should be dating your equal - someone who is on your level. This doesn't mean you should have a 50-50 relationship though. I don't recommend having a 50-50 mindset.
13) Run away from men who ask "what do you bring to the table". Femininity is priceless and men know this.

Men need women more than women need them. Men enjoy when their masculine energy is balanced with feminine energy.

Your womb creates, nurtures and gives birth to life.
When men ask you what you bring to the table, it is nothing but a dishonest attempt to gaslight you into questioning your worth.

Whether you realise it now or later, women trade their youth and looks when they decide to marry a man and have children with him. It's an exchange.
Your body will never be the same. Although your kids will belong to both of you, that child will mostly be your responsibility (Speak to mothers and they will confirm this).

You will be off the market, meaning other men won't have access to you. Make sure it's a fair exchange.
14) You're allowed to see Love as both a rational and emotional endeavour. You can go into relationships based on feelings AND logic.

There's nothing 'icky' about wanting a man who brings tangible value, not just sex & kisses. You are allowed to want stability and provision too.
Dismiss anyone who tells you that successful men are abusive and manipulative. This is a coping mechanism for women to justify why they date broke men.

It's like when poor people say that rich people are miserable. Personally, I'd rather cry in a Bentley than on the streets.
If "men are trash" and all men apparently cheat, would it not make sense to at least be with a successful man? It makes no sense for Black Women to keep experiencing heartbreak for free.
15) Stop thinking financial provision & sexual compatibility are mutually-exclusive. Both can coexist.

The idea that 'sex with broke/toxic men is the best' is nonsense. Women that say this actually saying: they rarely get affection other than sex, hence they overglorify it.
16) Be high-maintenance.

Take this from someone who at some point in my life used to be proud of being "low maintenance": There is NO reward.

If a man is not spending his money on you, he is spending it on someone else.
17) PLEASE don't build a man.

Don't settle for a man who does not have his life together. When he makes it, you will remind him of struggle. He will use you for a come up and go after the woman he truly wants.

Again, men see women as a reflection of their status and success.
18) Do not be too emotionally invested in any man.

Be ready to walk away especially when the stakes are high. When you walk away from situations you don't like, it is a positive reinforcement of your value and worth.

The Law of Attraction will reward you for this.
Black Women need to explore their options in less-restrictive ways

This means
- not feeling guilty for going on dates with different men
- being able to go on 8/9 dates without catching feelings
- not falling in love with the idea of someone without knowing them for a long time
19) Don't apologise for having standards.

You're not "ungrateful" if you don't want a coffee date.

I have been offered coffee dates. I also have been offered a first-date at a 5-star restaurant. You can't always control what you're offered but you can control what you accept.
Men of value actually like pursuing Women they desire. If your standards put anyone off, you have not lost anything.

The right men will actually thank you for having high standards because you challenged them to be a better man and improve ... instead of stifling their growth.
20) Playing fair in a rigged game will never benefit you. You will lose.

50-50 set ups are a scam because a Woman's 50% is worth a LOT more than a man's 50%. A woman's ability to progress in her career comes at the expense of SO many things. Her $1 is not the same as a man's $1.
21) The more a man invests in you, the less likely he is to walk away.

Make him invest.

Get him to put his name on cars, assets and other possessions which you are enjoying. Deeds; homes; credit cards etc.

Women in successful relationships benefit more from taking than giving.
Investing in you: any act of caring or adding value to your life and well-being which requires the expenditure of effort or resources.

- Initiating calls/texts & replying
- Picking you up/driving you
- Trying to impress you
- Helping you
- Inconveniencing himself to support you
22) Make it a habit to tell yourself daily affirmations about how valuable and priceless you are every morning.

Visualise the highest form of yourself and show up as her everyday. Be intentional about how you present yourself to the world. Treat yourself to nice things.
Have a beauty routine.
Go to the spa when you can.
Engage in leisure

Do all of this even while you are single. When a man comes into your life, you won't settle for the bare minimum if he is not substantially complimenting you (note: I said complimenting you not completing you).
23) Don't tell everyone in your life about who you're seeing. Keep this information only to those closest to you.

For safety reasons, always tell someone if you are going on a date. Apart from this, don't tell everyone if you're levelling up. Many people will sabotage you.
24) Don't be too available. Women have told me: successful relationships are those where the man feels like he still has to keep impressing you.

Don't let your looks go when you're in a relationship/ marriage. Let him know you have options and he will continue to pursue you.
25) Don't have sex with men who can't provide. If you fall pregnant, you will regret putting yourself in that situation.

Unfortunately, many BW are having kids out of wedlock. This is not ideal. At the very least, make sure he can provide so you don't continue this toxic cycle.
26) Always judge actions over words.

Men will say anything to have access to your honey pot. Words are cheap.

If your love language is words of affirmation, don't tell men this at the beginning stage. And later down the line, keep making him invest in you with his actions too.
27) Use the internet for your benefit, because there is always a new lesson to learn.

There are many women on YouTube like Chrissie, SheraSeven, Christelyn who are sharing game based on their lived-experiences.

Not everything will resonate with you, but take the useful parts.
I made this thread for Black Women because so many of us don't have positive role models to emulate.

'Finishing schools' aren't really a thing in the Black Community. Many of us don't have a living example of health masculinity because of the absence of black fathers.
Many Black Women are not used to feeling like the prize.

Many Black Women have been sold a fairytale about building a man and they aspire to be a ride-or-die chick. We don’t realise that nobody else is following these rules. You don’t need to prove your worth to any man.
I’m quite young yet I’ve learnt so much in the past couple of years. At first I was reluctant to a lot of these messages (such as not making race my number 1 criteria).
I started to put these things into practice a few months ago and I have already seen incredible results.
Lots of black women will choose not to get married and have children which is completely fine.

I just want Black Women to know that they have options. I want them to make better choices and get out of their pond.

We have to be a bit more intentional about getting the best.
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