I’m just going for a shower, but remind me to tell you what happened in the Co-op today.

You WILL NOT believe it.
Thanks for reminding me.

Anyway, I was in the Co-op earlier and I saw two security guards stopping an old woman at the far door and accusing her of taking a shortcut with no intention of making a purchase.

It has two entrances, you see. One on each of two parallel streets.
To be fair, there is a note on each door saying ‘NO PURCHASE, NO SHORTCUT’.

I didn’t really have the time to get involved...... but I did.

I asked the guard that was holding the old woman against the wall what the problem was....
The guard who was on the radio, asking for back up, put his hand on my shoulder and said, “leave this to us, sir.”

The old woman butted in and claimed that she wasn’t going out the door, she was going to get a basket.

“Why didn’t you get a basket at the door you came in?”
Asked the guard with the radio, in the style of Judge Judy.

He had a point.

She said the last time she took a basket from that door she cut her finger and the manager threw her out for bleeding on the cabbages.

I couldn’t help thinking there was history here.
Anyway. I engaged my diplomatic skills by suggesting that they just let her take a basket.

They had a little huddle then radio man nodded in agreement, but added that she had to buy something.
She walked around the whole store, pretending to be shopping, with one guard following her and the other one hiding behind a lifesize cardboard cut out of Ainsley Harriott just inside her preferred exit door.

After 5 minutes she picked up a small tomato and put it in her basket.
She then went to the till and paid for it, 8p, declined a bag and dropped it in her coat pocket.

The guard following her could hardly contain his rage, but obviously knew she’d beaten them.
As she made her way to the door, the guard hiding behind Ainsley jumped out with his arms out and shouted, “Oh no you don’t.”

He was obviously unaware that a purchase had been made and look crestfallen when his mate shouted, “Let her go. She’s got a tomato.”
He suddenly stood back with his hands up. As if he’d been told she was wearing a suicide vest.

The old woman walked through the door, stopped briefly at the bin outside, reached into her pocket and dropped the tomato in the bin.
She didnt need to give them the finger, as her look said it all.

The two guards dropped their shoulders but then they turned as one to look at me. As if it was all my fault.

I was suddenly aware that I hadn’t made a purchase and couldn’t remember what door I came in.
In fact, I couldn’t even remember what I went in for.

Anyway. I bought a Crunchie and went out to the car to make a few notes so I could tell you all about it.

Thanks for reading 😊
You can follow @rablivingstone.
Tip: mention @twtextapp on a Twitter thread with the keyword “unroll” to get a link to it.

Latest Threads Unrolled: