I can’t sleep because of this:
I went to my mental health care provider to meet with a therapist. My goal was to find a therapist that could help me work through some of my trauma & anger around both transitioning & the abuse that lead me to transition.

I knew I would have to evaluate her as much as she was going to evaluate me. I went in with a small list of must ask questions. As soon as we set down I asked her the most important question, “are you familiar with detransitioning people” .

She said she had a lot of experience with transgender clients. So I explained to her that I was a detrans woman. She then said she had no experience with that. I told her that I was going to need to interview her a bit to see if we could work together.

She stiffened a bit at that. Don’t think she like it. So I proceeded to tell her that I am a detrans woman, I found the whole experience of transitioning traumatic & damaging. I told her I had a double mastectomy & have regret & trauma around that.

I told her I don’t believe in the idea that people are trans. I don’t believe people need to transition, I don’t think it’s an innate thing we are born with. In my case & In many detrans & trans people’s cases trauma & mental illness are the root of their issues.

I also told her that her personal feelings about transitioning aside would she be able to keep an open mind & think critically about how transitioning harmed me & be able to work with me?

Without missing a step she begins to tell about her credentials working with trans clients. She says she has worked with many & writen letters for hrt. She tells me that it’s always important to talk to trans clients about their other mental health issues & trauma.

Then she tells me that she has worked with all age groups around trans issues & that her youngest client is 4 years old. I stop her there & say “ok, based on that alone I know we won’t be working together “. She looks annoyed.

She goes on to tell me that this little girl was very clear that she was a boy. She said she was having behavioral issues in school & her parents had to keep her home. She said “now that we let her socially transition & cut her hair & wear boys clothes & go my male pronouns &

Male name “he” is doing much better.” So I proceeded to lay into her because at this piont I am so angry that I want to burn the whole world down. I ask her, so, did you tell her that it’s ok to like short hair , boys clothes & play with what every she wants?

And that that doesn’t mean she is a boy, & girls can do those things too? She tells me that explaining that to “him” would be to confusing. I ask her, have you considered what might be going on in that household that would make this girl feel this way?

Because this shit ain’t normal. Then she starts telling me about all the happy trans clients she has & how transitioning has helped them so much.

So I ask her if she discusses with her clients the harmful side effects of hrt? She says “well we discuss the changes & how some changes aren’t reversible “ I say, “do you tell them how it’s going to wreck their bodies?” She says, “the doctors discuss everything with them”

I tell her, no they don’t. They don’t tell you shit because they don’t even know themselves. Do you know what testosterone does to the female body? It wrecks it! Do you know that within 5 years a hysto is probably going to be needed because of horrible pain?

Do you know what T does to female reproductive anatomy? It destroys it & its very painful. Do you tell your clients that they might be cutting their life expectancy down? Again she says that transitioning helps a lot of people.

So I say, I’m sure it does but most don’t need to transition to be helped, they need actual therapy for their mental health. But yeah, it helps! Sure ! Hey it helped me, you know why? Because I could actually live my life without discrimination.

No one likes looking at this, a butch woman. But yeah, wow! When I was a guy! Those doors sure swung open for me, so yeah it helped but guess what? It’s a lie & I was causing harm to my body. I then said, ok, so we won’t be working together.

Is there any therapist here that can actually think critically or are you all on the same page. She says, “I don’t think there is anyone here that will be able to help you”. I lol & say, ok so is there any therapist in town that you all hate ? Maybe they can help me.

She then tells me that they do contract out therapy & I can contact the provider for a list of therapist. I say ok then, & get up. She shows me out to the waiting room & I wait until we are in public eye & I turn to her & say

“How about you tell that little girl that it’s ok to be female, why don’t you do that” she looks shocked & says “ok I will” lol! She won’t, but she wanted me to leave at that piont.

So that’s my story. This happened Tuesday & here I lay awake thinking about a 4 yr old girl.

Side note: obviously for me the most disturbing part of this was the child but let’s take a moment of silence for the fact that for a detransitioning person there would be no help there at all. I will be ok, I have a wonderful support system but what about others who don’t?

What about someone who is maybe questioning like I did at first before deciding to detrans. I feel like I have age & life experience on my side to help me navigate tough questions but what of the young people? There truly is very little help for detrans people out here.