Jung Hoseok, initially a successful businessman, became a victim of bankruptcy and when he lost everything, he tried also to get rid of one of the most important relationships in his life.

Yoongi accepted it for a while. Until the moment he decided that "fuck, no, you idiot".
https://twitter.com/darth_joskini/status/1095706887893540864?s=20
(just for fun)

(beware of mistakes, kek)
‘Are you… sure?’

Yoongi turned around to look at Taehyung who was holding a massive gold bracelet decorated with gemstones. Another useless gift from Hoseok, unnecessary luxurious and in Yoongi’s humble opinion, ugly as fuck.
‘Yes.’ Answered shortly Yoongi and returned to sorting clothes out in the closet, choosing what he’s still going to wear and what he will donate to charity or put up for a sale along with many other things that he doesn’t need anymore.
‘Are you, like, sure /sure/? I mean. Obviously, it’s the gift from the bottom of the heart. Or something.’

Yoongi snorted at this and threw on the floor a Mickey Mouse Gucci jumper that he wore only once in his life, just to please Hoseok right after he bought it for him.
Honestly, the thing was a far cry from Yoongi’s usual style, just like many other things he was gifted with. But at that time he thought that it is cute, almost as cute as the person that paid for it.
Like, and what if Hoseok didn’t understand that on the scale between goth and hippie, Yoongi’s closer to the first one? It was okay, really, okay. Wearing something colourful, with funny prints and ridiculous price tag felt not so embarrassing while he was doing it in the company
of another, dressed-up even more hilariously, clown.
‘It’s the gift from the bottom of the wallet, Taehyung. He bought it not because it reminded him of me cuz c’mon, I’m not that ugly, but because he’s a shopaholic who loved to satisfy his addiction at the expense of me.’
Now, Minnie Mouse t-shirt joined in the pile of “get rid asap” things. This one belonged to Hoseok but fortunately, Yoongi didn’t give a shit.

‘Stop drooling on this monstrosity and finally go make a good photo. I wanna try to sell it for the original price at best.’
Taehyung murmured something unintelligible, gathered all the things that the older man unloaded on the bed and went to another room which had been cleaned out of excess junk for the successful photoshoot.
When the younger left the room, Yoongi allowed himself to take a break, sit on the bed and rethink everything once again. Now that he was looking at his closet, it seemed unfamiliar; without pastel and bright and crazy colours, without the variety of fabrics, without stupid and
cute prints that Yoongi grew to be fond of. Now his closet looked just like it was before this whole failed love affair. Just black and white and grey, a bit of dark blue, even one burgundy shirt that he wore only on serious occasions. That was his life now. Pretty much.
He already lost the person from his life, now watching how material things that linked him to the said person were leaving him all along, was heartbreaking. Almost as heartbreaking as when his friend slash lover slash sugar provider bade farewell.
Saying goodbye to clothes was sad, mostly because Yoongi really, really enjoyed to wear them when he and Hoseok were “together”.
All those ridiculous jumpers and t-shirts and pants were a reminder of how good he felt wearing something out of his comfort zone in the company of his comfort zone person. Now, whenever he was trying to pull off the same look, style, attitude, whatever, it just felt stupid.
As if he was trying too hard. For what? For whom? Definitely not in the sake of own satisfaction. So there was left no point anymore in keepings things that were reserved for a different kind of person. A different, happier Yoongi.
Getting rid of the utterly expensive shit that was bought and gifted for the love of shopaholism, on the other hand, was bringing the man some sort of delight and even felt a little bit like an act of revenge. Which was stupid, because Hoseok, just like Yoongi, has no attachment
whatsoever to things like this. He’d rather get hurt if Yoongi burned that colourful gay flower plushie. What he actually has tried to do. Has tried to commit a gay flower plushie murder. But the joke’s on Yoongi, he didn’t find it in himself to do so.
As it turned out, destroying something that Hoseok actually liked, even if it’s just a toy, felt like a real-life crime.
So yeah. Yoongi hates himself for still being so hopelessly whipped. After seven fucking months of a barely healing heartbreak.

‘Hey, hyung! Can you help me?’

Yoongi got up from the bed, not without grumbling about aching back at the prime age of twenty-six, and shuffled
slowly to the living room. Taehyung already had his camera out and ready, as well as the first match pants-jumper on the mannequin and a white, ironed sheet as a background.

‘Yeah?’
‘Lighting here sucks. Take that lamp,’ Taehyung pointed with his chin at the table lamp. ‘And stand there.’

‘It ain’t that serious, dude.’

‘I’ve already put my whole career at risk because you were too lazy to move your junk into my studio. Don’t make this even harder to me.’
‘Kids now make half-professional photos with iPhone cameras. I’m sure you’re capable of making a decent photo with your professional cam without a lamp beaming at your snout.’

Yoongi scratched lazily his belly and yawned before continuing.

‘Take it easy, man.’
Taehyung looked at Yoongi with such an unreadable face expression which could be easily interpreted as an utter disgust. Yoongi’s own stone face broke into a lopsided smile and then snicker.
‘You really have the audacity to say this shit when you have a room stuffed to the brim with music equipment? And if my memory doesn’t fail me, half of those things are, what, gifts from your sugar daddy? Will you get rid of them like you’re trying to do with a m'fucking Gucci?’
This evoked another wave of sniggers out of Yoongi. He took the mentioned table lamp and turned it on, admitting his defeat.

‘Gucci is just gifts, nothing more. But all the equipment Seok…’

(Oops, slipped.)

‘...bought me is just a mere payment for my hard work.’
‘Hard work of dick consumption?’ Taehyung quirked an eyebrow.

‘Duh, exactly.’

‘Doesn’t take much talent.’

‘Says the guy who can’t deepthroat.’
Three hours later (three hours of photoshooting, Yoongi’s endless grunting about “why the fuck it’s taking so long” and Taehyung’s polite request to shut the fuck up) both men found themselves in the kitchen, with four boxes of delivered Thai food and opened cans of beer.
Taehyung was a nice company. A relatively new addition to his life, but nevertheless already a great friend, someone who helped him to go through a tough period when his and Hoseok’s roads dispersed in different directions.
Because seeking comfort from the old friends didn’t seem like a good option back at that time. Because both Namjoon and Jimin knew more than necessary about the nature of relationship Yoongi had with the young millionaire.
Because they offered pity and he couldn’t take it like a champ.
Taehyung came into his life after two months of You-Know-What. He came and he was refreshing and from the very start immune to Yoongi’s gloomy face with the darkest circles under the eyes humanity ever seen.
Taehyung came and he knew nothing. Then he caught up some basic details, and it was okay. The younger never tried to get into another person’s soul, just waited patiently for the right time.
Today, Yoongi thought, might be the right time. Today he, like, really wanted to talk about it, to rinse Hoseok’s bones, to get angry and then sad and later on embarrassing.

So after two beers, already sipping the third can, Yoongi decided to open his mouth.
‘What a fucking asshole.’

What a great start.

Taehyung picked up the mood immediately. Yoongi noticed how his eyes, like, kindled in curiosity.

‘Who? Your ex?’

‘Yeah. No. I mean. he’s not technically my ex, you know this.’
‘Yes, but with how often you are flying in the skies thinking about him and then his name accidentally slips out of your lips, it’s fair to say that he does sound like your legitimate ex.’

‘He’s my exhole.’ After saying this, Yoongi snorted into the beer. At his own fucking joke
Embarrassing. Hoseok’s friend, Kim Seokjin, is a contagious motherfucker, damn him.

‘Sorry.’ Yoongi wiped his lips and chin dry. ‘This kind of humour is unacceptable here. I apologize for traumatizing you like this.’
‘It’s fine. So, you were talking about Hoseok. Said that he’s an asshole. Why?’

‘Because he is. He’s a fucking asshole. Like. You know. We had a really great relationship. Like, we weren’t really exclusive, or it’s what he thought, but technically we were.’

‘How’s it?’
‘I know for sure that he wasn’t seeing anyone else. I didn’t either. Like, I already had sex two times a week with him at average, doing another person would be too exhausting.’

‘...Right.’
‘And we just… we were something. Maybe not yet at the level of Namjoon and Jimin because these two aren’t fucking scared to admit their feelings, but Hoseok and I were really something. And I say this not because this fucker loved to buy me shit.
‘Initially, it wasn’t even like this. We just met at a club and danced and talked and then fucked all night. Then, two weeks later, we accidentally stumbled upon each other at that club again. Copy-paste of the first night. And then we became just hook-up partners.
‘No strings attached, no this sugar provider shit—’

‘Why can’t you just say “daddy” as all other people do?’

‘Because he’s as much daddy as I’m a ballerina. Anyway...’
Yoongi took another gulp of beer. In theory, soju would make more sense in a conversation like this, but then Yoongi knew that the drunker he gets, the softer his feelings become.
If he will drink alcohol stronger than beer, they will end this evening with him talking diminutively to Hoseok’s cute pastel photo.

How humiliating this would be? He knew from the experience that /very/.
‘Anyway.’ Repeated Yoongi. ‘I kind of started catching feelings at that period when we were doing just this, fucking around and stuff. And when I realized it and accepted and decided to take the bull by the horns…
'I don’t know what the fuck happened. Maybe he noticed the change in my behaviour. I’m not the emotional one, never too affectionate, but I still kinda make it clear when I really, really like a person.
‘So we had a talk and he told me shit like “I don’t do relationships”, “people betrayed me too often”, blah-blah-blah, rich bighead trust issues or whatever. I was like “lol, ok” because what I could do? Nothing. Besides, I wasn’t yet in love.
‘And we continued to do what we were doing before, but suddenly Hoseok got this crazy idea that he has to give me shit. Like, I got an impression that he in this way he was trying to buy my time and thus increase the emotional distance between us.’
‘Let me guess… it didn’t work.’

‘Not at-fucking-all. If he thought that all these gifts would make me feel like a slut or that there’s some sort of business deal going on between us, then he was fucking wrong. Now that I think about it, it sounds ridiculous.'
Talking about this now wasn’t really as painful as Yoongi primarily expected. He thought that he’d shut down at the very beginning, get moody and just not suitable for a friendly meet-up, but actually. Actually. The more Yoongi was saying, the more he wanted to keep talking.
Besides, Taehyung was an appreciative listener. He inserted comments only when they were needed for the theatrical effect and had no sadness or pity in his eyes. Just curiosity and amusement. It’s what the older man could deal with.
‘Soon enough, despite Hoseok’s approach, we started to become closer. Not at my initiative because I never throw myself at people, not at least when they don’t want me to.
'I decided that having him for sex is enough and didn’t really want to pretend to be proud enough, if a millionaire wants to spend money on me, then who I am to prevent him from this?
‘But yeah. We got closer in the span of only three or four months after that conversation. Our meetings stopped being only about sex and bribe. It started feeling like a friendship. And then like something more.
'And then I got really fucked because it went much further than usual liking. Like…’ Yoongi cleared his throat, feeling embarrassed with what he was going to say next. Admitting these words to himself was bad enough, say them out loud was ten times worse.
‘I know it’s stupid to ever think like this, but I got this uncontrollable idea that he’s /my/ person. Not just a random love interest. I’ve been in love before. But about him, I thought “ah yes the love of my life looks fucking stunning today”. You get what I mean?’
‘Yeah, I know the feeling. It can be scary as fuck.’ Taehyung nodded to his own words. ‘But it also gives you a sense of belonging. The best feeling in the world.’

‘Yes.’ Yoongi closed his eyes, focusing on this exact feeling Taehyung just described.
It was muffled by the throbbing hurt, many broken pieces of the heart, his own voice of rationality that nagged him to stop this torture, to let go. This feeling of belonging was tiny now and buried under the rubble of what Hoseok left after himself.
But it was still here, not wanting to give up. Waiting for its time to come.
‘What happened next? Why did he cut off all ties?’

‘You know that he’s got this big ass dance company that collaborates with idol labels?’

Taehyung nodded.
‘I won’t go into the details of how he refused to tell me anything until some bits of information appeared in media. In short, he got an idea from somewhere that manipulations with corporate taxes gonna end in his favour.
‘Hoseok, his co-director and their economist started this financial fraud when the company was still small and growing. It was going like this for years until someone leaked financial reports, official and rough versions, and that’s when real shit began.
‘As far as I know, last year Hoseok and the main economist started to plan how to transfer their tax payment into legal waters without things too obvious. But.
‘Anyway, when the problems at work began, Hoseok started drifting away. I mean, it was understandable. Back then I didn’t know details and specifics, but I knew that he got his ass burnt over something work-related and so I just let him have his time to figure his shit out.
‘I still tried to give him my support and attention and everything I thought he might need. But turned out, he’s not good at receiving it. There are people that hate being weak in front of friends and the loved ones. He's a classic example.’

‘Not only he.’ Murmured Taehyung.
‘Yeah, fuck, I’m aware that we’re made from the same dough.’ Snapped Yoongi, all of the sudden feeling really pissed off. Not at Taehyung but at himself and Hoseok. They were really very alike, but sadly only in bad things.
‘Well, at least you admit that you’ve got a problem.’ Taehyung said unfazed, now munching on the remnants of seafood salad.

‘Yeah, I do. He does it too, the admitting part. Doesn’t mean he’s prone to do anything with it.’ Yoongi fetched a sigh and finished the third can of beer
It was getting dark, both behind the window and in the kitchen, but neither of the men had the strength or desire to raise his body and turn on the lights. Yoongi decided that he’ll do it when the conversation will be over or it takes another turn.

‘Anyway...’
‘Anyway.’ Taehyung assented, invigorating to continue.

‘Not only our time together reduced to the shameful levels, but also his gifts to me, which was perfectly fine, really. I /wanted/ for meaningless presents to stop one day, in my mind that would mean the beginning of
something else. And in some sense, it really became a portent of a new beginning. Or, in the context of our relationship, the end.’

‘Poetic.’

Yoongi sniggered.

‘You have no idea how many love songs I’ve written because of this asshole. They all are gathering dust.’
‘I’m sure idol companies would go crazy for them.’

‘Yeah. Maybe I’ll sell them one day. When this shit stops hurting.’

Taehyung hummed understandingly.
After this, the room became filled with silence, disturbed only by quiet breathing and rare gulps of beer and juice. There were still so many things Yoongi could tell. For example, the exact progression of them drifting apart, the hurt that he was feeling, the dozens of times
he tried to get explanations from Hoseok, to make this make sense.

He could tell about those three days when the younger allowed himself to be vulnerable with Yoongi, days that Yoongi treasured the most.
On one of those days, they decided just to hang out in Yoongi’s apartment, to watch some drama and eat junk food and just simply spend quality time in each other’s company.
They ended up cuddled together on the sofa, Yoongi’s fingers playing softly with black locks of Hoseok’s hair, the long hours of hushed conversation, Hoseok occasionally pressing small kisses to Yoongi’s neck and shoulder blades, Mickey snuffling peacefully in his sleep.
Hoseok admitting to the things Yoongi already knew from the media. Him saying how scared and tired and ashamed he felt. How these days he just wanted to disappear from the face of the earth.
And Yoongi wanting to lock them down in this apartment, wanting to steal Hoseok away, to hide him from the spiteful mouths and evil eyes and his past mistakes, protect him from all the shame and hurt and material problems that he was going through.
Yoongi could tell Taehyung so much more. Or at least narrate how everything just ended. He could describe in details every thought that was running his mind when Hoseok decided to cut things down.
Hell, he could even quote, almost word to word some things that Hoseok’s mouth spat in distaste that day seven months ago.

But Yoongi didn’t want. He felt like this was enough.
‘Before I go, one question.’

They were standing at the door, Taehyung already shod and wrapped in his long autumn cloak, with hands full of empty food boxes and other junk that Yoongi asked him to throw out on his way.

‘M?’

‘How do you think, did he love you back or?’
That was an easy question. Yoongi wasn’t blind or emotionally constipated, he knew the answer.

‘He did. He loved me.’

“Just maybe not enough to put his trust in me.” The thought stung even after such a long time of rethinking it over and over again.
‘Aha…’ Taehyung frowned in thoughtfulness. ‘Is today the new beginning?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You getting rid of most of the gifts, you telling me something I’ve been dying to hear since forever… Does it mean that you are ready to move on?’
/This/ was a hard question because Taehyung’s words and curiosity made a fuckton of sense and hit a straight point. From the view of a bystander, everything that happened today must have looked, indeed, like some sort of final resolution.
You do not get rid of your ex’s stuff just “because” after seven months of dying slowly inside. You do not suddenly start talking out of nowhere after seven months of keeping your mouth shut like your whole life depended on it.
Something has to be changed, Yoongi felt it. He felt his determination blooming in his chest, making him feel less lost and hopeless than before. Motivating to do at least something.
This new feeling appeared so abruptly and just as abruptly, he called Taehyung early in the morning, as abruptly made up a reason, as abruptly decided to act on it.

But was it his way of moving on? And most importantly, did he /want/ it to be?
To cross out almost three years of his life that, the years that were filled to the brim with emotions and feels, flooded with so much love and pain and even self-study? Because before Hoseok Yoongi didn’t know that love can be like this.
That it can sting so much and heal so effectively, that’s it’s the most peaceful and most destructive power for the world of one single person.

Yoongi had no fucking idea before.
‘I don’t know.’ It wasn’t an honest answer.

Emotionally exhausted, that was Yoongi’s state right now. Exhausted, tired, almost numb with a never-ending dull pain that still somehow allowed him to laugh, talk, work, occasionally be happy, live as a functioning cell of society.
This pain was bothersome, annoying, but bearable. And, most importantly, it was /his/ and it was /love/, just one of its most unpleasant and unavoidable forms.

“I don’t know” was not an honest answer because after all, Yoongi /did/ know.
‘Take your time, hyung.’ With these words, Taehyung left the apartment.

Hours later Yoongi found himself on a bed, still fully dressed and with a phone screen shining brightly in the dark of the bedroom. The number Yoongi memorized a long time ago and to which he sent thousands
of messages was out of service now. Has been for the last three months. Since the day Hoseok lost everything.

There was left no point in this number, in this contact, in the stupid smiley photo of Hoseok, in “Seok-ah” as the name,
there was no fucking point in any of this, but Yoongi couldn’t find it in himself to press the delete button.

He switched back to the list of contacts and started scrolling mindlessly until his attention hooked on someone he hasn’t talked to for as long as with Hoseok.
‘You have any idea what time is it?’ Came from a speaker tired and noticeably pissed off voice that he's missed so much.

Yoongi sucked in air feeling now more nervous than just a few seconds ago.

‘You could have just ignored my calls.’
‘After you kept calling for ten minutes straight? What the fuck, Yoongi. You better have a good excuse like dying or I’ll kill you myself.’

‘I /am/ dying.’ Yoongi said, now wearing a shit-eating grin on his face.
This made Seokjin swallow his tongue for a few moments before he whispered a concerned: “What?”

‘I’m dying from love.’ After this, Yoongi started giggling vilely, to which Seokjin said “Fuck you, asshole” and disconnected.
Yoongi waited for another five minutes before calling again.

This time when Seokjin accepted the call, his voice sounded less sleepy, more friendly.

‘Yoongi-yah, what a pleasant surprise.’
‘Sure, hyung. Sorry for calling so late.’ Yoongi really felt a little bit sorry.

He was never the one to disrupt someone’s sleep, hated to impose himself on people, but today was all about acting on impulse, being unpredictable for everyone and, most importantly, for himself.
‘It’s fine. You do not call often…’ Seokjin halted on his own words before continuing. ‘Actually, I don’t recollect you calling me first, like, ever. So I guess your lovesickness must be really. Fatal. Huh?’
‘Wouldn’t call it fatal… But it’s not mortal either. Again, I’m really sorry for calling so late. I acted on impulse.’

‘One call is an impulse, Yoongi. More than ten calls is an organized crime. But I forgive you. So, what’s up?’
Yoongi remained silent for a minute or so, breathing probably too heavy for his own and Seokjin’s comfort. The latter, on the other hand, appeared to be a hundred percent unfazed. Yoongi could hear through the phone connection the ringing utensils,
the sound of pouring water and a barely distinguishable buzz of a Thermo kettle.

‘You want to talk about Hoseok, right?’

The words had no accusatory tone in them but Yoongi still felt ashamed. Not because he /wanted/ to talk about Hoseok, but because the first time he called
Seokjin in seven months (and ever), he wanted to talk about /Hoseok/. Like, yeah, he and Seokjin weren’t bestest of friends and owned, realistically, each other nothing, but there were times when they genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. This surely should mean something?
‘Hey.’ Called for an attention Seokjin. ‘Whatever you are thinking now, stop. It’s really okay. I didn’t call you either. And surely I’d gladly catch up on our lives, but let’s arrange an actual meeting for this? With meal, alcohol, y’know.’

‘Yeah, I love the idea.’
‘Great. Good. I really missed talking with you.’

‘Me too, hyung.’

‘Yeah. But now let’s talk about what /really/ made you call me.’

‘Okay…’ Yoongi chewed on his lip, thinking. ‘Okay, yeah. So. Hoseok.’

‘Hoseok.’
‘Where’s he? Does he live in his old house?’

‘No, he sold it. He lives with me.’

‘How is he?’

‘Bad’. Was Seokjin’s blatant answer.
Yoongi knew it, of course, he did. Hoseok was already in a bad shape when they saw each other for the last time. Back then, Hoseok still had some resemblance of career, maybe even illusory chances to solve the problem without catastrophic losses.
But now the younger literally was stripped of everything except maybe of some personal funds that kept him afloat. So, of course, Yoongi knew that Hoseok felt bad, that he was broken and destroyed and maybe even barely functioning now as an individuum.
But this knowledge did nothing to soften the blow. Yoongi wasn’t the one to cry and he didn’t get an urge to let out a tear now. Instead, something inside of him just broke off and ran cold, the thought of Hoseok not doing well was almost unbearable to endure.
He cleared his throat and tried to do the same with the mind, but his thoughts became too incoherent and chaotic to catch a single one and urge it outside in the form of human language.

Sensing the uneasiness, Seokjin broke the silence with the question.
‘Do you still love him?’

This was the easy one.

‘I do.’ Yoongi answered in a hoarse voice.

‘He loves you, too. It’s not my place to say this, but if there’s a tiny chance that you still want him even after how he ended things between you two…’

Seokjin sighed heavily.
‘Listen. He’s my best friend. And I wish him happiness. But I’m not completely biased and understand that forgiving Hoseok is kind of… really a big deal that might not be the easiest thing to accomplish.
‘Besides, now that he’s in this… position. He’s too heavy luggage that you might not want to carry on your shoulders. So…’

So what?

Yoongi's brain short-circuited, suddenly getting flooded with different variations of ifs.
Somehow, he didn’t even get the need to question Seokjin’s words. The concept of Hoseok still loving Yoongi seemed as natural and realistic as the absolute truth that Yoongi was still head over heels for Hoseok.
Seven months now felt like nothing, like a split second that it takes you to blink, in comparison to how actually far in time their longing for each other could get. Because he knew that even in a year, five, ten he would be still in the critical need of this person.
But was he ready?

The mere possibility of getting back with Hoseok or at least of having him back in his life even as a friend felt like a feverish dream that now Yoongi was scared to pursue. He needed time to think (even though deep inside he knew that
the decision has already been made), needed time to gather his thoughts together, to go through the furious splash of hormones and then, only then, accept the aforementioned decision.

‘Address is the same?’ Yoongi asked quietly.

‘Yes.’
***
You
“hey, hyung, im coming over. is it okay?”

Seokjin-hyung
“k”
“when”

You
“in an hour”

Seokjin-hyung
“k”
“ill try to force hoseok to take a shower and brush his teeth”

You
“thx”
Yoongi put his phone into the pocket of dark-blue skinny jeans and looked himself over in a mirror for the hundredth time. To say that he was nervous was equal to saying nothing at all.
He hasn’t seen Hoseok for too long, Hoseok hasn’t seen him for too long, they have spent more than half a year apart and Yoongi had the intention to show up on his (Seokjin’s) doorstep unannounced, without any flying fuck as a clue of how the younger could possibly react.
It was hard to predict, considering in what an unpleasant note they bade their farewell. Now, Yoongi wasn’t feeling so angry anymore, but what if Hoseok was still feeling desperate to get rid of him?
Well, there was only one way to find out and Yoongi fully intended to /not/ fuck it up.
You
“omw”

Seokjin-hyung
“good good”
“im gonna leave, you know the code”
“his ass is not stinky anymore”

You
“id love his ass even if it was stinky”

Seokjin-hyung
“kindly stfu”
“disgusting”
Yoongi chuckled softly and started the engine.

The route to Seokjin’s took only ten minutes. The road, despite the ending of the working day for the majority of people, was almost empty. This record small amount of vehicles Yoongi tried to take for a good sign.
He wasn’t a believer, has never been superstitious, but he couldn’t stop himself from thinking that everything in the universe was pushing Hoseok and him together.
And it was the one thing Yoongi hated about being in love. It made him see some crazy things. This time, in a pleasant traffic scene.

Hilarious.

Yoongi got out of the car and on jelly legs went to the two-story house with no visible signs of life. None of the windows was lit.
In doubt, Yoongi checked on the address and when it turned out to be the right one, he got to the entrance door, pushed on the lock code and entered inside.

Seokjin wasn’t at home, he made it known, but what about Hoseok?
He couldn’t possibly just go to sleep at — Yoongi checked the phone display — half past six in the evening.

Right at that moment appeared a new message notification, from Seokjin.
Seokjin-hyung
“hes recently got this crazy idea that we should retrench on electricity”
“all the lights are probably turned off”
“try not to scare him”

Okay, so what exactly did Hoseok turn into?
Frowning, Yoongi started to type back a reply while taking his shoes off, when he heard rustling or maybe shuffling. Like someone was dragging their feet in slippers on a floor in the slowest and laziest manner.
Then they stopped, gasped softly and ran to another corner of the hallway where, if Yoongi remembered correctly, stood the umbrella-stand.

‘Stay where you are staying! Or actually, no, get the fuck outta here, or I’ll call cops!’
Hoseok’s voice.

Hoseok.

It was panicked, probably scared shitless Jung Hoseok who probably got the wrong idea of a robber getting into a house.

Fuck, how much he missed this ridiculously high-pitched at times voice.
Yoongi chuckled, to which Hoseok gasped for air and swung hilariously an umbrella, and with a shit-eating grin found on the wall a light switch. The room lit up, both men squinted for a few seconds, trying to accommodate to the light, and then looked at each other.
Hoseok’s face immediately lip up in recognition, his doe eyes widened in shock and his mouth opened in humorous… not even “O” but “D”. Honestly, if it was a different kind of situation, Yoongi would have laughed.
But he couldn’t. The smug smile that was previously plastered on his face slowly slipped off, leaving after itself vulnerability and excitement, making him stare back at Hoseok just as foolishly as Hoseok was gawping at him.
‘So… uh…’ Yoongi cleared his throat, trying not to sound like he just coughed his lungs out. Seeing Hoseok now was… bad for his vocal cords. Same story for the brain. It suddenly stopped working and Yoongi couldn’t blame it for an unplanned dysfunction.
Objectively speaking, Hoseok was not in his best form. Far from it. Too skinny, too pale even though still naturally tan, just too… worn out, like the high-quality expensive clothes that still looked quite good but have seen better days.
Nonetheless, Yoongi was drinking in the sight like a dehydrated man that was gulping down, so greedily, from the bottle of water.

‘Um…’

‘Yeah. Do you still want to… uh… stab me with this umbrella?’
Hoseok looked down at the aforementioned umbrella, then looked back at Yoongi and blinked in puzzlement, clearly not following yet the reality of what was happening.
He was so fucking cute. In this clean grey t-shirt, black home pants and, fuck, huge slippers in the form of some creature from the “Monsters, Inc.”, with his dishevelled black hair and confusion written all over his face. Hoseok was so freaking beautiful Yoongi wanted to howl.
‘Um, yeah, fuck, sorry.’ Apparently, some thinking process finally started in the younger’s head because he stopped with shameless gawking and returned umbrella to the stand. Honestly, Yoongi wasn’t against it. The gawking part.
Hoseok could look at him, observe him all he wanted, Yoongi just hoped that what he saw was leaving him… at least a little bit pleased.

‘I’m sorry for almost attacking you with umbrella, hyung.’

Yoongi’s face broke into a smile that he couldn’t control even if he wanted to.
‘You were so brave, Hoseok.’

‘Oh my god, please, shut up.’ Hoseok snorted in embarrassment and lowered his head, making black long bangs fall on his eyes.

Yoongi was still standing at the door, half-unshoed and confused himself what to do next.
Hoseok cleared his throat — he sounded as bad as Yoongi, — removed the bangs from his eyes and asked, almost tentatively:

‘So, what are you doing here? Hyung is not at home.’

‘I know. I didn’t come to see him.’

Another short pause until Hoseok’s eyes widened in realization.
‘So that’s what this shit about.’

‘What shit?’ Asked with unabashed curiosity Yoongi, already knowing perfectly well what the younger meant. He used this moment to finally unshoe his left foot and get out of the autumn jacket. It was getting too hot.
‘This.’ He outlined himself with a hand. ‘He said that if I wouldn't take a bath and change into the clean clothes, he’d kick me out.’

‘He’d never do this to you.’

‘He already did. Once.’ Hoseok snickered at the memory. ‘For five minutes.’
They both fell into stupid giggling.

Yoongi felt so lightheaded. Like he’s smoked a joint and washed it down with sweet alcohol. But better.

‘Can we talk, Hoseok? Like, really talk.’

Hoseok nodded and went to the living room with Yoongi following after.
Hoseok clapped twice, switching on the lights, and sat on the sofa, in the far corner from where settled Yoongi. The latter didn’t like the distance, but maybe it was necessary for both of them, at least, right now.
They were lovers in the past, maybe even great friends, but those days were a long time gone.

Yoongi realized why Hoseok wanted to be at a distance from him, because he, Yoongi, wanted the same thing. Getting too close physically right at this moment would be wrong
and unsettling and very disorienting. The closeness wouldn’t make any sense because of the issues that hung in the air, right over their heads, like a dark thundercloud.
Yes, Yoongi wanted to touch Hoseok, wanted to crawl on his laps, wrap his hands around the slender neck and bury the nose into a mop of clean black hair. He craved for closeness and intimacy, but only at the right time. Which, he hoped, would come around soon.
‘So, what did you want to talk about?’

‘Straight to the point?’

Hoseok nodded in confirmation.

‘Okay.’ Yoongi looked Hoseok in the eyes. ‘I wanted to talk about us.’
Hoseok from before was the one who always succeeded in the maintaining of eye contact. Now the roles got reversed and Yoongi didn’t know how to take it without slowly breaking down himself. The initial wave of euphoria disappeared and Yoongi realized that Hoseok’s current
cuteness was not the same how it used to be. This one belonged to a person who not only lost his career, money, lover, but also confidence and, probably, self-respect.
Now, that he looked at Hoseok, he could see not shyness but a shame, an embarrassment, a clear desire to hide from the small greedy eyes of the man that got all the attention on him. This behaviour actually made so much sense. This and a newly acquired self-negligence.
Hoseok hasn’t become a different person, no. Yoongi believed that it’s not the case. He just... hid in the shell. How thick were its walls and how deep inside he buried himself, Yoongi couldn't say. It was hard to say simply from one look.
None of this changed anything. Moreover, it strengthened Yoongi’s resolve, gave him the much-needed confidence.

‘I’m sorry for looking like this.’

Hoseok’s voice cut through the veil of now organized thoughts in Yoongi’s head.

The elder quirked his eyebrows in the question.
‘Like what?’

‘I didn’t expect a guest. So…’

‘I didn’t let you know that I was coming. Don’t apologize. You look good.’

Not the lie. Because no matter, Yoongi had his eyes only on him.
‘Why did you come, Yoongi?’ Asked again Hoseok, his demeanour becoming more and more restless.

Yoongi decided that it's time to get to the point.

‘Because hyung said that you still love me.’
Yoongi didn’t stop looking at Hoseok, didn’t stop observing with attentive eyes his long face with delicate lovable features.
He watched in a weird amusement how the younger’s eyes got big like plates, how a light blush coloured the full apples of his cheeks, how he suddenly, if only for a moment, forgot how to breathe.
‘That motherfucker…’ Murmured Hoseok.

‘Aren’t you gonna deny it?’

‘What do you /want/, Yoongi?’ Now Hoseok sounded almost angry. Almost, because foremost he sounded defeated.
‘Don’t look so beaten.’ Intuitively, Yoongi moved closer. But not too close. Not yet. ‘I didn’t come here to make you feel bad.’

‘Then what’s this all about?’ The younger sat with his head bowed, hair covering his face,
eyes down, on the hands that were picking on the pants’ fabric. ‘Why did you come? What do you want to talk about? We haven’t seen each other for seven months, I thought everything was over—’

‘It’s not.’
‘Seokjin told you… /that/. It still doesn’t explain why you came. Did you want to see how low I fell? That it takes efforts for Seokjin to force me to take a fucking bath?’
Despite the angry accusing context of the words, Hoseok’s voice was becoming only smaller, like he couldn’t find it in himself to believe in any of the said, like he found it ridiculous to ever think that Yoongi could be this vile of a person.
‘Nothing has changed, Hoseok. Hey, look at me.’ Yoongi waited for Hoseok to raise his head and look at his. He looked sad, so freaking sad that it was breaking the elder’s heart.

‘Nothing has changed.’ Repeated Yoongi. He reached out and put his hand on Hoseok’s trembling ones.
‘Everything has changed, hyung. I’m not that person anymore you used to have a good time with. I’m jobless, not promising in the long run because my fucking face was all over the Naver, broke as fuck and just so… So fucking not myself anymore.
‘I can’t look in the mirror. I can’t stand the thought of you looking at me now. I feel so fucking ugly and stained with shame, it’s killing me. God.’ Hoseok inhaled deeply.
‘Nothing’s changed for me.’ Said, again, Yoongi. He’s heard Hoseok, he understood what the younger was saying. But he hoped that Hoseok would hear him out, too.

‘No, listen—’
‘I love you.’

Heartbeat.

‘/Nothing/ has changed.’
Hoseok looked at him dazed, without blinking, without even breathing. He froze like a statue and so did Yoongi. They both were sitting like this, unmoving, looking at each other, barely breathing, rarely blinking, waiting for something to happen.
Hoseok swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple moved under the layer of perfect skin, attracting Yoongi’s attention for a brief moment.

When the younger finally opened his mouth and spoke, Yoongi experienced the biggest urge to slap him to the fucking Moon.
‘Why? I have lost everything. Because of my idiocy. I have lost /everything/ and now I have /nothing/, I’m no one, no name, and you—’

‘Are you deaf? I said that I fucking love you, Hoseok. Do you understand what love means?’

Silence.

‘I asked, do you fucking understand?’
‘Fuck.’ Hoseok turned away his face. ‘Fuck.’

‘What do you think, Hoseok?’ Yoongi tried to sound composed when in fact he felt desperate. If he could, if it was possible, he would break into Hoseok’s mind, he would find all the troubling thoughts and find a way to fight them.
‘Fuck.’ Repeated as he exhaled the younger man and covered his face with a free hand.

‘What is it, Seok?’

Hoseok pulled out of the grip another hand and covered his face fully. The tips of his ears got unmistakably red, his whole body was… vibrating,
it was going through small irregular shivers that Yoongi experienced himself when he couldn’t get warm after being in a cold for too long or when he was too nervous, too excited.

‘Fuck.’ This was muffled by the hands.
Acting on a pure impulse, Yoongi moved closer, too close to be considered a friendship distance, wrapped fingers of both hands around Hoseok’s thin wrists and touched the knuckles of little fingers with his lips.

‘This time...’ whispered Yoongi. ‘Could you love me back?’
They stayed like this for a few moments, Yoongi caressing with big fingers soft skin of bony wrists and Hoseok trying desperately to find it in himself to get a hold of his own emotions.
Hoseok broke his heart all those months ago, he ripped it out of Yoongi's chest, threw on a floor and trampled it, but Yoongi couldn't hate him for this because Hoseok did the exact same thing for his own heart.
They were even. Even if Yoongi didn't like it at all, could barely withstand this brokenness of the person he loved. But in the same time, the exact same brokenness was the reason why Yoongi came here today in the first place, it was the very reason Yoongi allowed himself to be
pulled back and the reason why he was overfilled not with hurt now but with love and tenderness and even remorse.

Both of them felt it, felt like this, remorseful. Hoseok, because he walked away. Yoongi, because now, in retrospective, he thought that he could be stronger.
But of course, he couldn't. First and foremost, he was his own person who had to deal somehow with his own stupid pain.

‘Life doesn't end on this.’ Broke the silence Yoongi. ‘You fucked up, Hoseok, just like every other person on the Earth. You just did it in your own way.’
Carefully, Yoongi pulled the younger's hands from his face and was met with no resistance.

‘I wouldn't say that what you've done was good or right or something...’ Yoongi snickered quietly. ‘But tax evasion is definitely not on the list of the worst things humanity ever seen.’
‘Corporate tax evasion, Yoongi.’ Corrected him quietly Hoseok, his eyes closed. ‘With me as a legal entity. Don't make it sound like not a big deal. It was a turnover of big money. You can say, it's a miracle I'm not in a prison right now.’
‘That would be hot. You in the uniform. I'd tell everyone that I'm in love with a criminal.’

‘God, please, stop this embarrassment...’

‘And also I appreciate your contribution to the fight against capitalism.’ Continued with poor jokes Yoongi.
Still, he didn't miss how Hoseok's lips faltered in a small smile.
Yoongi looked down, at their hands, his own fingers now caressing and drawing along the lines on Hoseok's palms. The younger man now seemed more relaxed, at least by Yoongi's jokes and his absolute acceptance.
Really, Yoongi didn't care about things that Hoseok did wrong in his own line of business. Yes, the precedent was a career destroyer, yes, people with less money and connections would be sent to a prison for something like this and
Hoseok just got really fucking lucky that his parents were big names.

Still, Yoongi couldn't find it in himself to care. In his mind, Hoseok /just/ messed up with the fucking taxes and financial reports.
He robbed the state but didn't rob his dancers, choreographers, employees that were getting a more decent and actually generous payment for labour than people in many other companies of the same calibre. Tax evasion made it possible,
though Yoongi didn't really have a desire to speculate with moral side of a story.

Besides, different types and levels of financial fraud probably were a more than real thing in many other if not all companies and corporations. They just didn't get caught.
So yeah. Yoongi didn't give a flying fuck.

‘You know...’ Said Hoseok, taking Yoongi out of his thoughts. ‘Before all the troubles began... I wanted to confess.’

‘Confess in what?’

‘To you.’ Hoseok licked his lips in nervousness. ‘About my feelings for you.’
Yoongi raised his eyebrows in astonishment. He knew back then, of course he knew that the younger had feelings for him, it wasn't exactly a secret. Hoseok's emotions were like an open book for Yoongi. But. He had no idea that Hoseok considered to make them known.
‘I wanted to tell you... Wanted it so bad, hyung. You were, like, the person I always ran to.’ Hoseok turned his palms and took Yoongi's hands in his. ‘I know that what I did, with all those gifts... I wanted to put the distance, but this really didn't make any sense, because...
‘God, I can't even explain it now. Everything I say sounds so stupid because I liked you from the start.’

Hoseok sighed deeply and squeezed the elder's palms in his own. Yoongi knew that his own hands were probably freezing cold, he felt it in the numbness of his fingers.
Hoseok didn't mind, his own hands barely gave out heat. They both had a poor blood circulation.

‘Deep down, I wanted for my feelings to develope and become messed up. And they were already present and huge as fuck when I  started that stupid conversation about not doing serious
relationships. I chose to ignore an elephant in a room and it was the biggest mistake I've ever made.’

‘What, even bigger than participation in the state robbery?’ Yoongi was enjoying this conversation too much for his own rightful state of mind.
‘Surprisingly but yes.’ Hoseok smiled weakly but his facial expression stayed sad and worn out.

Yoongi got even closer and pressed his lips to another man's round cheek. They untangled their hands and enveloped each other in embrace, Hoseok's arms around Yoongi's waist and
back, Yoongi's – around shoulders and head, with fingers tangled in black messy locks and lips now wandering along the full cheek and sharp jawline.

At this moment, he felt the happiest, happier than in the last... not even seven months. But probably years.
‘I'm so sorry, hyung.’ Whispered Hoseok, tightening the hug.

‘You definitely fucking should be, but you're cute so I forgive you.’ Yoongi poked with a cold nose at the round cheek and stayed like this, enjoying the closeness, the pleasant heat radiating from another body,
uneven breathing and the buzzing of thoughts like bees coming from Hoseok's head.

‘I don't deserve you...’

‘You deserve /exactly/ me. Which isn't too much but just enough for you.’
‘Don't say that...’ Answered Hoseok in an annoyed voice. ‘You are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I've seen and experienced many good things in my life... You are really, really the best. Literally a dream, a person anyone would want by their side...’
‘M'kay, I trust your judgement.’ Said Yoongi with a smile in his voice.

‘I just don't want you to think that...’

Hoseok stopped talking and never continued, until Yoongi pulled back a little to look the younger man in the eyes.
They were still sad. They would be sad for some time, Yoongi knew it. But everything was going to be okay, /this/ he knew as well.

‘What you don't want me to think?’

‘I...’ Words were coming hard from Hoseok now, especially those that had a purpose to describe his feelings.
Yoongi was patient.

‘I don't want you to think that now that I'm the literal bag of trash, I want you... No! Fuck. I /want/ you. I mean. I want you but /not because/ I'm a bag of trash.’

Yoongi smiled at this faintly. He was going to say something really disgustingly cheesy,
but Hoseok needed to hear this, he loved with ears, was always too affected by praises. And if it was Yoongi's task now to say overly sweet things to this man to keep him flattered, then he'd be glad to do it for the rest of his life.
‘If you are a bag of anything, then only of my happiness.’

Hoseok's face turned red too fast.

‘Jesus, hyung... That's... Disgusting even by my standards.’

‘Don't make me punch you, you bag.’

The younger laughed at this and brought Yoongi back into a tight warm embrace.
‘I just want you to know... That even in this bath of shame and self-pity... and self-hatred... I could never stop thinking about you. I'm sorry that I left you, sorry that I made you feel miserable or undesirable or... Or. Even long before our split.
‘I'm sorry that I didn't find it in myself to deal with problems like a real adult would... You really deserve better.’

‘Adulthood is overrated.’ Yoongi kissed his cheekbone again.

Fuck, he was too whipped for Hoseok's cheeks.
‘And I deserve exactly what I want. I've been wanting you for three years. So stop trying to sell yourself for a low price or I'll fucking bite off that apple of yours.’

‘I do not have iPhone anymore–’
‘I talk about your cheeks. I'm gonna eat them.’ To prove his point, Yoongi bit it softly but nevertheless Hoseok yelped.

‘So beware. And sorry.’ He smiled smugly and licked the bite place, this action alone taking Hoseok's breath away.

‘Anyway, what's with your iPhone?’
‘I broke it.’

‘And didn't buy the new one? Are you /that/ broke?’

‘What if I am?’

‘Well. Then now it's /my/ time to be your sugar daddy, I guess.’

Hoseok slapped him on the thigh, a small but much happier smile now on his face.
‘Not that broke. Still have some money left. I just... didn't need a new one. The only person I've been talking to these months was Seokjin. And occasionally my sis. She just calls on hyung's number. I didn't need a phone. Didn't wanted it. But now... I'll get the new one soon.’
Yoongi nodded to this, thinking.

‘What about home?’

‘I–’

But the elder didn't let him even start let alone finish.

This idea wasn't a new one. Yoongi thought about it often. Too often.

‘Move in with me.’
Yoongi watched with undisguised amusement how Hoseok’s already long face became even longer in astonishment. It was funny how the younger still had the nerve to react this surprised as if Yoongi hasn’t been saying all this time that he’s in love with him, that he /loves/ him.
Of course, he realized that love confessions have no real correlation to people’s will to live together. Still, it was the most logical step to take next, albeit too fleeting like someone might say. Yoongi didn’t care, really.
He knew exactly what he wanted, knew the precise result he intended to get out of this evening.

‘Listen…’ Decided to explain himself Yoongi, seeing that Hoseok’s brain apparently short-circuited. ‘Seokjin-hyung is your best friend. I understand this.
‘But wouldn’t it be better to live with someone who’s hundred percent interested in having your ass available twenty-four seven?’

‘That’s…’ Hoseok cleared his throat awkwardly. ‘That’s not the best phrasing you could use, hyung.’
Yoongi snickered and kissed the younger on the tip of his nose.

‘You know what I mean. I really want to live with you. Unless it’s not something you want. But in this case, I’d like to hear your reasoning.’

‘Um…’
‘No bullshit like “shouldn’t we get used to each other first”, okay? We haven’t seen each other for seven months but I still remember all your stupid antics like it was yesterday.’

‘You realize that I’m not actually someone you used to know before?’
‘Yeah, the present you cannot buy me shit I do not actually need. What a fucking tragedy.’

‘It’s not… It’s not only this. I’m literally…’ Hoseok made a deep breath. He still looked so exhausted with everything, Yoongi couldn’t help but feel pity.
It didn’t mean, though, that he was going to allow himself to succumb to Hoseok’s now weak voice.

‘I’m confused. I literally do not know what to do with my life. Yeah, I can just return to my parents’ house or move in with my sister.
‘Or even keep asking for money for the rest of my life. But I don’t want this. They already think I’m an imbecile who can’t do right the simplest thing.
‘I want to do something, hyung. I /want/. Just don’t know how yet. Or what. I…’ The younger gulped loudly, his eyes on their hands, his thin fingers now playing mindlessly with tubercles of Yoongi’s ones.
‘I just really hate that you have to see me like this.’

‘You don’t need to worry about your pride with me, Hoseok. The worst thing you could do to me you have already done. Don’t do this again, okay?
‘I do not care that you are a “no-name” in your business area, I do not care that you are no fun now like you used to be. I don’t care that it will take some time for you to get back on your legs.
‘And I definitely don’t fucking care that I will have to give you all the support I have because it’s exactly what I /want/ to do. I want to be here for you. And all I ask is for you to allow me it this time.
‘I understand how difficult it can be for you. In your mind, it’s, like, a level down. But I promise that I won’t look down on you. Because you didn’t, right? You never thought that I’m lesser than you just because you had more power and money than I?’
‘No, of course not… Hyung. I never… I didn’t do anything to make you feel like this. I never thought that…’
‘I know.’ Yoongi squeezed Hoseok’s hands. Things really drastically changed, the younger was getting anxious over the smallest things and Yoongi worried not to cause him a cardiac arrest. It was another thing they will have to work on.
‘I know. That’s what I am talking about. You gifted me with things. But we were always equal. Nothing has to change. No matter what position you are right now or will be, I’ll always be seeing you as an equal who deserves my love and any kind of support.’
‘I really don’t know… how you can be this perfect, hyung.’

‘You think I’m perfect?’ The elder smirked.

‘You really are. You are so fucking perfect and good or me, it’s like a dream. You are like a dream…’
Yoongi pinched his nipple hard through the t-shirt fabric, causing Hoseok to yell and cover his chest with hands. He looked so taken aback, even scandalous, that the older man couldn’t help but laugh loudly.

‘What the fuck was that for?’
‘I proved to you that it’s not a dream, that I am real and can unscrew your nipples off your body if you misbehave.’

‘You…’ Growled in a low stunned tone Hoseok.
‘I?’ Challenged him with a quirked eyebrow and a smirk Yoongi. He loved playful Hoseok. Playful Hoseok was careless and happy, playful Hoseok tend to leave all his problems behind and let himself enjoy the moment.

‘You… Still perfect, yeah.’
So, not a playful Hoseok. But tender Hoseok. Yoongi could work with that.

‘I am. How does it feel? To be loved by such a perfect human being?’

To this, Hoseok laughed loudly, like, really loudly, reminding Yoongi of his usual self, and gave the elder a humorous glance.
‘Is it a zombie apocalypse? Because it feels like Seokjin-hyung has bitten you.’

‘You say this shit to me and I’ll bite off your fucking nipples.’
Hoseok burst into a new wave of laughter and learnt forward, on Yoongi, for support, while still keeping his hands protectively over his chest.

Yoongi wrapped his hands around Hoseok’s too thin frame.

Fuck, he was going to die at this point. His heart could barely take it.
Soon, Hoseok calmed down and the air around them became serious again. This time, though, not anxious. The younger now felt relaxed in his hands. Yoongi felt like this, too. At this point, he wasn’t fighting anymore. They were just talking.
‘I’m sorry that I didn’t notice how perfect you really are. I’m sorry that I allowed myself to think that you’d leave me because I’m not good enough anymore.’ Mumbled somewhere into Yoongi’s neck Hoseok, burning his skin with warm lips and even warmer words.
‘Can’t believe I thought so low of you…’

Back then, Yoongi couldn’t believe in this, too. He never, not even once, did anything to make Hoseok think that their relationship was strictly material. Surely, he accepted gifts because why the fuck not, but that was it.
Yoongi wasn’t in need of money, he wasn’t in need of a sugar daddy or how the fuck is it called. He was trying to make this as clear as the sky on a bright day.
Back then, Hoseok’s decision and opinion on him, everything was offensive as fuck. Just too much. It made him see red. To the point when he wanted to smash into the bloody mess the younger man’s face, because how can such an intelligent person be simultaneously so dense?
Now, in retrospective, Yoongi realized that no matter how good he was for Hoseok, no matter what he did or could have done, no matter what he could have said, he couldn’t really do anything at that time. Hoseok had personal issues to deal with.
It’s just sad that he had to do it in a tougher, rougher way than was really necessary.
‘Let’s just do better this time, okay?’ Finally, whispered Yoongi after probably ten minutes of complete silence.

‘I will do better.’ Warm lips softly touched the smooth skin under the elder’s chin. ‘I promise you. I’ll do better.’

‘Me too.’
***
Yoongi loved Hoseok, he really did.

He really fucking loved him. Like a fucking lot.

Like someone who you’d call the love of your life. Like someone who you’d die for.

Yoongi loved Hoseok really fucking much. To the point that all love songs were about him.
Yoongi loved him. Really.

REALLY.

But he also couldn’t help but hate him with a burning desire. On special occasions.

‘Hoseok-ah!’ Raised his voice Yoongi when the younger for the nth time this evening turned off the lights. ‘I’m trying to do something here?’
Like, for example, a late supper, because food delivery apparently became too fucking expensive for the newborn miser by the name Jung Hoseok.
A quick shuffle of slippers was heard from the hallway until Hoseok reappeared in the kitchen and turned on the light. Yoongi turned his head and gave the black-haired man a stink-eye which Hoseok accepted with a sheepish smile.
‘I’m sorry, hyung. Bad habit.’

‘How the fuck did you develop this habit in three months?’

Hoseok shrugged and then sat on the kitchen chair.

‘As you know, I asked hyung to let me cover electricity, water and heating bills, so… This thing kinda developed, yeah.’
Yoongi smirked, forgetting altogether about annoyance because damn, this situation was humorous as hell. Hoseok’s personal funds were still pretty much… impressive. For a common man. Like, Yoongi could live for this money without the need to work for at least ten months.
Twelfth, if tighten the belt. But Hoseok, the kid of rich parents Hoseok, who was used to much more money, now couldn’t objectively evaluate reality.

It was pitiful but at the same time very amusing.
Maybe Yoongi should feel bad about finding Hoseok’s confusion and lostness in the real world so funny, but he couldn’t. He was keen to teach his boyfriend everything, to show him how to live a middle-class life and enjoy it the fullest.
This didn’t mean, though, that Yoongi couldn’t have his fun while doing so.

‘I told you already that everything is okay, yeah? You can relax. There’s no need to be a nocturnal creature, Seok.’
‘Yeah, I know. It’s /really/ just a habit, hyung. I’m sorry. Didn’t realize that I turned off the lights until you yelled at me like I murdered someone.’

Yoongi chuckled softly, this time without interrupting the cooking process to look at Hoseok. He didn’t need to, anyway,
to know for sure that the younger man said it without a bite. He was probably smiling.

‘Well, from this moment you better start to control your miser man urges. Or the next time I /will/ yell at you.’

‘You can’t yell at people, hyung.’

‘For you, I will make an exception.’
‘Hm…’ Hoseok hummed thoughtfully and tapped his fingers on the kitchen table. ‘You like making exceptions for me, hyung.’ 

Yoongi snorted and emptied fried rice with vegetables into a deep plate.
‘If you're trying to make me nervous or think that I'd deny your statement, then sorry to disappoint. Truth doesn't faze me.’ 

/This/ wasn't a complete truth, Yoongi didn't go well with showing how deep his affection can run. But as Hoseok pointed out just one minute ago,
Yoongi got a habit of making numerous exceptions for him. 

With Hoseok it wasn't exactly torturous to demonstrate his emotions. Sure, it wasn't exactly an easy task either, because before the Big Fuck-Up event they were on “neither meat nor fish or even vegetable” terms.
Like, in some sort of unofficial exclusive relationship where actions speak volumes but words are never ushered. But things got different since then. Yoongi became more desperate means more aggressive means more vocal and unabashed. This felt good, being so open with one person.
Hoseok smiled then, with closed mouth but still very widely, showing off his dimples and making his whole face light up and get covered here and there in cute wrinkles. Then he laughed, caught Yoongi's hand when the older man started walking away after he put the plate on the
table, and pulled to himself, in between his legs. 

‘What's so funny?’ Asked Yoongi, immediately wrapping his arms around Hoseok's head. Leaching on him felt almost like a dominant instinct, like the most natural thing to do.
They could argue to death and Yoongi would probably still do it sitting comfortably on Hoseok's back. 

‘Nothin'.’ Mumbled in his chest younger. ‘Just ridiculously happy.’ 

‘Yeah?’ 

‘Yeah… Not… not, like, in general. But when I'm with you. Yes. Very.’
‘Good thing you're with me often, then.’

Hoseok raised his head and tugged him down by hips, making Yoongi sit on his lap. They've been living together for one week now but it's the first time since That day that they ended up this close physically.
There were hugs, intense cuddling sessions, kisses. But not positions like this, definitely not initiated by Hoseok himself who couldn't stop feeling insecure and undesirable, even if Yoongi made it pretty obvious that he was very much desirable and welcomed in his bedroom.
So yeah. This lap sitting and suddenly uneven breathing and heavy atmosphere in the room was really something new in their current routine. And very much welcomed.

‘Can you… Can I help you with cooking?’
It seemed like a weird question to ask with lap full of a hot and willing to fuck any time guy, but Hoseok's mind and mouth were weird like this and Yoongi liked it. He hummed appreciatively, face too close now to the younger's, their noses touching and eyelids half-closed.
‘I'm already done with cooking… Now, miser man, you can turn off the lights.’ 

Hoseok chuckled quietly and rubbed his nose over Yoongi's. It was such a cute and heartwarming gesture that the elder felt almost ashamed for his dick showing some kind of interest at this.
‘I mean, generally. I'm not good at cooking. But I'd like to help you more with house chores.’ 

‘You've already made this apartment a sterility zone. We can, like, do surgery here and stuff.’
‘Neither of us has a medical license for this.’

‘You’re already on the dark side of the law, Seok. Playing in meat doctor won’t hurt you more.’ Whispered Yoongi and tilted his head a bit to the side to be able to plant a kiss on Hoseok’s plump lips,
but the latter snorted hard before Yoongi even got a chance.

‘Meat doctor? Hyung, you are…’

‘I am?..’

‘You are simultaneously so funny and dumb, I love you.’ A wide smile was plastered on Hoseok’s face and Yoongi really wanted to fucking kiss him already,
but talking like this, with flirting and all, felt nice, too.

‘I’m just playing dumb because it’s the only language /you/ understand, the dumb one.’

Hoseok hummed in agreement, not laughing anymore but looking at Yoongi with a fond and pensive expression.
Both his hands now were on the small of older’s back, picking at the hem of black t-shirt, like he wanted to dive under the fabric and run his fingers over the heated skin.

‘So what does it make us? Dumb and dumber?’

‘Yeah. But the gay version.’
‘Our version is better then.’

‘Agreed. We are as dumb as them but sexier.’

‘You alone could beat them in sexiness.’ With these words, Hoseok finally did something that made Yoongi yell a victorious cry in his head.
He missed being this close, missed having all of Hoseok’s attention on him, missed the younger man’s hands on his ass, palming it firmly. Even though it wasn’t exactly the easiest task when Yoongi literally had to sit on Hoseok’s lap, with feet still on the floor.
‘Hoseok.’ Said in a low tone Yoongi, the exact same tone he uses to warn or to suggest, the exact same tone that can be intimidating or arousing, depends on the situation and how you interpret it.
Hoseok once said that whenever Yoongi talks like this, it makes him simultaneously scared and horny. And by the way the younger’s Adam’s apple twitched in a nervous swallow, this tone still provided the exact same effect and power over him.

‘Yeah?’
‘I think we should fuck.’ Here, Yoongi said it.

‘Wh—’

Yoongi raised an eyebrow, watching Hoseok’s reddened face.

‘We should?’

‘Unless you don’t want to?’ Which surely wasn’t the case. Yoongi knew for sure that he wasn’t the only pitiful horny mfucker in this apartment.
Otherwise, it’d be awkward and a bit heartbreaking.

‘You know that I want it, hyung. Just... ‘

‘Just?’

‘Just… you want this?’

Sensing how it’s pointless to explain with words, Yoongi took one of Hoseok’s hands that were still cupping his buttocks and put it on his crotch.
There were two layers of fabrics, underwear and track trousers, but not to notice under the flat touch a very prominent semi would be impossible even for such a dumbass.

Hoseok’s now messy eyebrows rose comically, forcing a chuckle out of Yoongi’s mouth.
‘We’re just literally… sitting and talking? And you are already half-hard?’ His voice sounded genuinely astonished which caused a new fit of laughter from Yoongi.
‘It’s like a conditioned reflex, Seok. In the past, whenever I sat like this on your lap, I would often end up riding your dick. You can’t blame me and my ass for good muscle memory.’
To prove his point, Yoongi squirmed a bit on the younger man’s lap.

‘Should I feel offended that your association memory is not that good and you’re still too soft for my liking?’
Hoseok didn’t answer immediately, too occupied with his own thoughts and staring attentively in Yoongi’s eyes, and Yoongi staring intensely back.
Once again, he wanted to find his way into his lover’s head and read all the passing thoughts in there, wanted to find the confirmation that whatever he was doing now, it wasn’t for the worst.
All the week Hoseok has been living with him, Yoongi felt on edge. The irresistible itch to shower another man with affection and love was as bad and maddening as the desire to knock him down and fuck till they both pass out from exhaustion.
On a few occasions, when they were cuddling on the sofa while watching another TV-series or smoking together on the balcony while also snuggling because it’s freaking cold outside, especially in the mornings, Yoongi was haunted with the thought: “Why the fuck not?”.
They were together now, like, /really/ together, not that “sugar daddy” or “friends with benefits” bullshit, so surely Yoongi had the right to make a move on Hoseok, yeah? But somehow, it didn’t feel right.
Because half of a time Hoseok spent in his shy and self-depriving headspace which was heartbreaking to witness.

Was the situation different now? Yoongi didn’t know. He acted and said that “we should fuck” on pure (but also very careful) impulse
because his whole fucking self felt like an inflamed nerve that was ready to combust at any given moment. He craved for Hoseok so much it was driving him crazy.

Hoseok wanted him, too. This much was obvious. But wanting someone doesn't really mean that you want to act on it.
The younger removed his hand from Yoongi’s crotch and instead, put it on the nape of his neck, right under the regrown undercut.

‘What are you thinking so hard about?’ Asked Hoseok, his voice quiet and soft, face features delicate and eyes so open and kind.
He was looking at Yoongi like he hung the moon and the stars, and probably, just probably, Yoongi had the same expression on his face.

‘About us.’

‘What about us?’

Yoongi groaned in a weak annoyance.

‘Just keep wondering why we’re still fully dressed.’
‘Because… we were going to eat?’ Now, Hoseok sounded amused and teasing.

‘We can eat each other.’ Yoongi sniggered and to convey his point, bent down and bit the younger’s neck. Then, he licked the reddened skin and planted a soft kiss on it.
‘I’m convinced you’re not a human.’ Hoseok said with a chuckle, one hand now massaging Yoongi’s neck, another one still gripping on his buttcheek. ‘With all these biting and licking…’

‘You have a problem with it?’

‘No… No. I love it. Always did.’
Yoongi hummed into the younger’s neck, not shifting from his place. This conversation, he didn’t know where it was leading them, had no idea if Hoseok was ready to anything more than suggestive lap sitting.
Either way, Yoongi knew that he won’t end up eating his actual supper any time soon. Despite the whole conversation being pretty chill and uneventful, Yoongi couldn’t stop himself from growing harder in his pants.
Hoseok’s warmness, his voice, his scent, his beautiful hands, everything was intoxicating. And, well, Yoongi as a truly weak man was more than ready to excuse himself and spend a few minutes in the bathroom.
‘I love you, Yoongi.’ Hoseok breathed out these words. ‘And I really, really want you.’

‘It’s okay if you don’t.’ It wouldn't be okay but well. ‘It’s okay to wait if you need it. I get it.’

‘Do you really?’

‘Do I what?’

‘Yoongi…’
Yoongi raised his head and looked at Hoseok.

‘Do you really think I’m not… affected by you right now?’

Yoongi quirked an eyebrow. Then, experimentally, rubbed his crotch over Hoseok’s, making the latter gulp for air.
‘Well, I don’t feel him being very excited.’ With theatrical displease said Yoongi, although now feeling very hot and bothered and /pleased/ inside. Hoseok wasn’t even semi-hard yet but they were heading there, Yoongi could feel it.
He knew perfectly well, from their countless previous rendez-vous’, that it took twice or even thrice as much time as it took Yoongi for Hoseok to become fully hard; where Yoongi could proceed straight for fucking, Hoseok needed foreplay. Which was okay. More than okay.
God, at least Hoseok /was/ growing hard right now and it felt like a fucking blessing. Perhaps, Yoongi wouldn’t have to excuse himself to the bathroom.

‘He is very excited. Just a bit shy. Unlike your shameless guy there.’
‘Hmmm.’ Yoongi hummed in agreement, now rolling his hips in slow motions. ‘His shyness is cute.’

‘Don’t call him cute.’ Murmured in a weak disagreement, Hoseok’s eyes now hooded and focused on Yoongi’s lips.

‘He is cute though. Shy and cute guy, such a pretty little thing…’
With each roll of the hips against the other’s crotch, with each whispered word and shared breath, Yoongi could feel Hoseok’s dick increasing in size and hardening against his own throbbing length.
Fuck. He missed this feeling so much. He missed being this close to Hoseok, missed anticipation and the confidence in getting what he wants. And right now, looking at the younger’s flustered state, it was obvious that whatever was the reason that kept them away from each other
for the whole week, it wasn’t the barrier anymore.

‘Do you want it, Seok-ah?’ Whispered hotly in another’s mouth Yoongi, not stopping rolling and rubbing himself all over the younger man. ‘Do you want it now?’
A/n: completely forgot about it but! Please, if you do not feel comfortable with the following nsfw content appearing on your tl, mute this thread. https://twitter.com/darth_joskini/status/1214287603559796736?s=19
You can follow @darth_joskini.
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