Fuck it. I’ll start the homeless nigga thread now.

HOUSE CLOUT: Dating a Secretly Homeless Man 🙃🥴

*a thread*
Y’all will come to find out I like to give context. So u REALLY understand shit.

Let’s set the scene.

It’s the end of spring. I was fresh into my new apartment with my daughter. I’m single, peaceful, all that serene shit, ok?
My mom comes to pick up my kid for her “grandma time”. I’m like BET. let me get cute & go somewhere!

I shower and do my makeup. Put on a fly ass outfit... im feeling myself.
I couldn’t find anything to do LMFAOOO so I ended up just going to the movies. /:

Which is fine. I like doing shit alone. Lemme speed this up.

The movie is over and I’m heading out the building. There he is.

Standing there.

Eyeing me and shit.

..sigh
We’re gonna refer to Homeless Nigga as HN for the rest of this thread so keep up bro 😭

HN was lowkey fine! He LOOKED well kept... a Carmel color, bout 6ft, had a curly fro.

HE WAS EASY ON THE EYES, AIGHT
HN calls me over. He sounds cute & shit. Chatted me up. Asked if I wanted to hang with him. I told him I’d match him.

But later tho cuz I wanted to shop & I can’t let no nigga think I’m too eager to hang PERIOD. tf
I slip him my digits, leave. I pretty much had the whole day to myself so I was feeling good!

I did my shopping, copped some tree, headed home and started getting ready to match with HN!
I get a text. It’s from HN.

But not from a NUMBER. from an EMAIL ADDRESS Bitch I was like ............

Y’all iPhone users know that when it’s a email iMessage they using a laptop/iPad or their phone is off and they have to use iCloud..... I’m like
Me to Me: bitch chill and stop trying to judge him. You only bout to smoke wit him!

If only I really fucking knew LMAOOO.

Aight. He says he’s on his way. 15 minutes go by and it’s a knock on my door. I open. It’s HN.

I say hey, and he comes in lol.
I tell him to sit down. Offered water. LIKE A GOOD HOSTESS LMFAOOO. I got music playing. I grab my kit and I sit down on the chair across from him.

I start rolling up.
Now bitch,
I broke down my shit, split the rello and was about to stuff it and this nigga still just sitting there with the dumb face!!

I’m like “a ha ha I thought we was matching..?”
This nigga looks me dead and the face and says “yeah I already rolled up. I got it on me”

Now bitch im looking at this nigga tryna figure out where tf this blunt at...

This nigga reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bent up ass blunt.

Me:
He literally starts UNBENDING it, straightening it out. I’m avoiding looking at him Bc this shit was EMBARRASSING.

But when I get done rolling I finally look at his blunt and that bitch looks like................. the skinny Mariah Carey memes!! YALL KNOW WHAT IM TALKIN ABT?💀
LMFAOOOOOOOO
Now I’m never pressed over a blunt. I keep my own pack on me.

So I start telling myself “get these blunts smoked and get this nigga THEEEEE FUCKKKK outta here and then block his ass!”
But then... the inevitable happened.

Y’all. I get some weed and I become soooo friendly. Sooo social. Im actually engaging in convo wit this man.

And you know what? He seemed cool!! I was thinking I could still have a friendship with him and overlook this skimp blunt thing.
Anyway. We REALLY chatted it up over our(MY) blunt 🤣🤣l

I hit em wit the “I got sumn to do, u should head out”. I ain’t know what he had planned cuz i saw him walk up to my apt as opposed to pulling up in a car.

I didnt care. He just had to go now LMAOO
This nigga is telling me his brother has his car and won’t pick up the phone.

Like 10 min went by so I got irritated and offered him a ride.

I was still super new to Nashville when this happened so I don’t know where he got dropped off at but it was a **30 minute ride!!**
Bitch, which gave us more time to talk, and I’m starting to find out HN is actually an INTELLECTUAL. Can hold convo, a lil educated, all that.

NOW I’m like damn he kinda cute LMFAOOOOO
I drop him off & we decide to hang again but I told his ass not to bet on it if he comes with that weak ass blunt again! 🤣 He agrees.

Were we in contact? A little. A couple convos here&there until I had some free time. Asked if he wanted to match.

Bitch. He asks for a ride.
I was a little turnt off by this cuz apparently muhfuckas thought shit was sweet but I ended up doing it anyway.

I tell him ‘omw’ and he FaceTimes me.

He’s wearing the same top that he hung with me in. Not that it matters, but Keep this in mind, hehe...
I’m driving and shit. He’s like “I didn’t even send you an addy”. I’m like bro... why wouldn’t it be the place I dropped you off at last week?

He’s like nah come here, the addy is blah blah.

This Shit was 10 minutes away from my crib!!!!!! I’m like wtf. I turn around and go.
He gets in my car and I drive off the find a good place to park so we can smoke.

As I’m driving I look at him a bit and he has on the EXACT same outfit I saw him in the first time we met.. bitch shoes, socks, jewelry. Everything was the same!!
Now I stopped thinking about it when he pulled out a LOUD PACK, SMELLING MUSTY. we was about blow it down okayyyy 😂

We light his up first and not even halfway into the blunt he starts tellin me im fine as hell, cool as fuck, all that sht...

I ain’t paying him no mind.
I started to disengage when he started talking about seeing a future wit me and shit. I look down at my phone. And BOOM.

THIS NIGGA LEANS OVER AND STARTS KISSING ON MY NECK, SLOBBING AMD SHIT. I pushed this Nigga back!!! Tf was he on!!!!!!!
I’m like get the fuck out! You know? You tweaking, didn’t have my CONSENT&shit.

I’m spazzing the fuck out. he’s still sitting there looking dumb, so im like get yo weird ass out my fucking car!! He reaches for the handle and I promise you not

This fucking nigga starts CRYING.
Im KINDA mean but I still got a heart so I’m like oh Shit, oh fuck I made this nigga cry.

I’m saying im sorry. I reacted too harshly. Blah blah.

He’s saying he didn’t know what come over him, he read me wrong, he just really likes me. Blah blah.

Still crying tho! I’m like
I end up telling him ima drop him off and we should chill on the friendship. Cuz that was out of pocket.

I will let a nigga know if I want him on my neck. That’s 1 of my spots so he basically invaded my privacy, I felt like 🙃🤣

I go home & abt my business.
It’s nighttime...
My neck starts fucking stinging... itching..... just feeling weird as fuck right
I know what you’re thinking. The obvious, right?

That HN just slobbed on my neck and now it’s having some sort of reaction, right?

Well, my dumbass did not think this.

In fact, I forgot about him. Deleted his thread at all! And this was hours later
I go look in the mirror and my neck is RED! I’m like YOOOOOOO. I hop in the shower, get out, put some cortisone cream on the area.

It was itching SO. BAD.

I just decided to go to sleep. When I woke up it was gone..

But I still wondered what the fuck caused it smh.
It had been weeks and there was no sign of HN. which was fine cuz I cut him off. Then one night I get a text.

I recognize the FUCKING EMAIL ADDRESS. It’s HN.

“I want you to come thru my birthday kickback, it’s gon be lit, blah blah”

I thought about it and decided plan to go.
I hardly pass up the opportunity to be a bad bitch if I got time for it.
Fast forward.

Im fine as hell. Go to the kickback. It was nice, actually. Had liq, weed, it was decorated. I’m like OKAAAY, HN.

It was a nice time. I mingled with some bad bitches who was there. y’all, HN looked GOOD. I mean DAMN GOOD.
Pussy started jumping when I saw him. Skdekksksks

Remember, I was attracted to him off our conversations. Now here he was,
Looking fine as hell.

I’m like oh yup. Ima flirt with him while im here. FASHO.
I am EXPERT at flirting and seduction, lol. And he was taking the bait.

As he should’ve LMFAOOO

Everybody is turnt. It’s getting late so the DJ there started playing slow jams 🙃
Let me clear some shit up. I know when/if ima fuck someone. I knew I wasn’t gon fuck him.

He had sumn OFF about him. I didn’t see us getting to that point ever. But aye

Bitch I was drunk and high.

Im grinding on this nigga. Y’all know how them slow songs be lmaooo
We’re still in the main area of the party but off to the side near the front closet. It’s dark at this point & they had lights. It was like a full blown party at this point, I mean crowded as fuck!

I’m just being my usual seductive self and this man leans over and whispers
“I want to make love to you”

I just remember stepping back like oh shit 😯

BUT AGAIN, I did not want to fuck him. So i told him he ain’t earn the pussy yet. 😉😂

He asks if he can eat it. Bitch.
I told him no. Hes feelin on me and shit.

I’m a sucker for some body rubs and ass grabs.

I had on baggy ripped jeans, ok. He’s flirting with me, giving me light (AND DRY) kisses. I’m just vibing. Lit as hell. Whatever.
The shit felt good, ok?? Damnit it was a good night so far!

Yall cannot judge me for saying this next part I swear to God I will delete my account
And LISTEN. REMEMBER. I DIDNT CONNECT THE NECK REACTION TO HIM, YALL!!! OK!!

he was just a cute nigga I smoked wit a couple times and was getting to know!!

Sigh. Ok.
We’re still dancing and shit so I put my body on his and grabbed his hand and guided it into my pants.

Ssskskskdkskdkkskskskekkdskkskskddkkd
I was 💦. Obviously.

He playing wit her, spreading the lips. I got one leg up & shit.

He comes around me, gets in front of me, pushes me on the wall and GRABS my leg for me.

Holding it up,
F*NGERING ME ok!!!
Oh, sis. It’s so funny you say this.

Aha. Ha. Ha. Sigh. https://twitter.com/ayjaydajuiceman/status/1213252953915764747?s=21 https://twitter.com/ayjaybaybay/status/1213252953915764747
That shit felt so good.

I love kitty play. It was a great night. And plus,
Public sexual activity is one of my kinks. We was in a room full of people!

My naughty side was out a bit! I came.

And then I walk away from him on some dramatic shit.
I practically avoided him all night. Casually tho. I need niggas to know I’m not pressed over their attention. 🤣

It’s about 2am and there’s some commotion. The DJ stops playing music, they turn the lights on. Someone’s car was getting towed or some shit.
The tow guy comes in. He’s like “whose house is this?”

I look over at HN. When he invited me he said it was his crib he was having the kickback at.

But HN ain’t speaking up. Instead, he’s standing there like this
Im like..... wtf...?
A GIRL comes from upstairs like what’s going on this is is my house .... I’m like OHHHHH SHITTTTT
As she’s talking to the tow people, we see police lights through the windows.

So everybody started grabbing they shit and clearing out cuz once 12 pull up, it’s wraps.

I wanted to go home anyway. I was feeling...... weird.
As im walking to my car I was trying to get a glimpse of ol girl who claimed the house.

Was she his woman? His friend? Roommate?

What the fuck was up? Cuz he said this was his crib.

We made eye contact. 😭😭😭
She says she likes my hair, I’m like thankyou luv. She said I look familiar.

I’m like who? ME? I moved from Detroit a less than a year ago, how would you recognize me?

She’s like “idk, who invited you? Maybe that’s how I know you”

Me: ........HN invited me
Her:
She’s like “HN?!! How the fuck is HN here??”

I’m looking at her with the DUMB FACE.. I’m like “....f-for his ... birthday party????”

She’s looking at me confused.
She was just looking so I was like “..... I met HN some weeks ago... he hit me a couple day’s ago and invited me to his birthday party tn ....”

Her: “that motherfucker”

Me: omfg sis... did I just woman-to-woman you? .... I’m sorry

Cuz I’m NOT a messy bitch!!
She goes “girl, oh FUCK no. I met this nigga a month ago and he ain’t have nowhere to stay. I share this place with my boy cousin so I let him crash here in the extra room for about a week or so”

I’m like
She continues,

“But then he and my cousin got into it cus my cousin said HN stole some of his weed... we kicked him out ain’t seen him since”

I asked when. She said some weeks ago. Bitchhhhh I was like aye...... I hope this nigga ain’t steal that skimp ass blunt dawg
I’m like ....”ok.... well he was here.!!” I’m like sis he been here the whole time!!

She starts looking around. She’s like “he knows he ain’t supposed to be here cuz my cousin will beat his ass”. I start looking around too.

I’m like “well whose fucking party is this??”
She says “...its mine. I was having a kickback but then my cycle came so I just left all my friends downstairs. I don’t feel good”

I’m like what the fuck??? So where’s your cousin??? She’s like idek... let me call him. Then she tells me to tell HN not to come to her shit.
I leave. Im sitting in my car feeling bamboozled!! All that shit sobered me the FUCK up!!! I pull out my phone and try FACETIME AUDIO’ing the this nigga!!!!!
He answers. I’m playing it calm, cuz I just got all this tea and this nigga was nowhere to be found!!!

He tells me he’s at this liquor store up the street... can I come over there cuz he has something to tell me.

I’m like bro. This Nigga.
I pull up. He comes out the liquor store drinking a little bottle of peach Amsterdam bitch.

Gets in my car.

I go “you should have let me buy that for you since it’s your birthday... why you leave yo own party?”
He says “you wasn’t paying me attention anyway.”

Like wow BITCH so this Nigga gon try to play a real bitch huh
I straight up said “I know that wasn’t yo crib and I know that wasn’t yo party. Wtf is up, HN”

He covers his face and is just silent.

We’re sitting in my dark ass silent ass car. He ain’t responding.
I’m like HELLO???? You moving so fuckin weird, my nigga. You lame as fuck and can’t even own up to your shit!!”

I just stop talking cuz I ain’t wanna make him cry again LMFAOOOO
He’s like “I just like you so fucking much. Can I please eat yo pussy?”

I’m like... nigga... can you WHAT
He’s like “I just like you so fucking much. Can I please eat yo pussy?”I’m like... nigga... can you WHAT
He’s like “I just like you so fucking much. Can I please eat yo pussy?”I’m like... nigga... can you WHAT
He’s silent again. I hate sitting in silence. And it was dark so I couldn’t really see him.

His hands are still over his face.

I turn on my little light in the front and I can see him.

Now y’all..................
I let this nigga f*nger me in this party... came on his fingers and all dawg.

When I say... his hands and fingernails were so. fucking. dirty.
I mean...

But WORSE. DAWG.
My pussy INSTANTLY STARTED ITCHING.

Nails like THAT????

Hands like THAT?????

My pH was BOUND TO get thrown off track! I needed to get home ASAP.
Aye that last tweet rhymed LMFAOOOO

Nah but fr. I told him my kid was in trouble and i gotta go.

That’s one of the pros of having a kid. You can lie on their behalf to get out of ANY situation.

This nigga was huffing and puffing. But I ain’t care. Huff & puff OUT my damn car
A lot of women dnt know.... but anything entering/around your vagina can throw off your pH.... even SEX can throw it off.

Varying levels of pH is fine, but if it stays on 1 end of the spectrum for too long it can lead to an infection.

I got home and ripped my clothes off.
You can follow @mamaztheguru.
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