I’ve been struggling to reconcile the need to pay attention to and address why droves of American Muslim women are removing their hijabs with my respect for individual choice and my sincere belief that we are so much more than what we wear.

How can we approach this subject with sensitivity, respect, and nuance AND with an aim of eliminating the political, social, economic, and community pressures that make it impossible for many Muslim women to safely and confidently express their identities through hijab?

The main drivers of this discussion are men who get upset by any expression of female autonomy and who hope to use shame as a means to control women.

Because we have to spend so much time fighting these dudes, we have less space to listen to, care for, and support each other.

Maybe we can start that space here?

Ladies - What are your challenges with hijab? What role do you think community could play in addressing those challenges?

If you used to cover but stopped - how, if at all, would you like your loved ones to broach this subject with you?

Got an anon response with a lot to unpack:
-The ability to choose for yourself
-That there is a “proper” way to be a hijabi and if you fall short of that ideal, why try at all?
-The desire to feel beautiful

Another anon reply which discusses feeling judgmental of those who don’t wear it, feeling more authentic without the performance of “hijabi-ness,” and the awkwardness one can experience when loved ones *don’t* create space to explore why you chose to remove it.

On how to broach the subject with a loved one who has made the choice to take it off.

On working through anxieties on the way to becoming that proud Muslim woman who DGAF. Also an important point about how for some Black women, covering their hair and body is a way to opt out of Eurocentric beauty standards that we could never meet anyway.

On the freaking male gaze and the politics of desirability

On our current cultural moment of hypervisibility and the social currency that comes with male approval. Whether we like it or not, many of us on some level, hijabi or not, are performing for the male gaze.

On the loneliness that accompanies each choice, and the pain of knowing that your Muslim male peers are able to navigate their own complex and fluctuating religious journeys privately - a privilege that few Muslim women will ever know.

On the knowledge that you *will* be treated and valued differently by others.

On fearing that who you really are will be perceived as incompatible with what a Muslim woman *should* be.

How can we cultivate spaces IRL that unpack the real issues that "hijab" discourse often fails to touch upon such as feelings of worthiness and belonging, social isolation, desirability, coping with the judgement of others, and cultivating your own authentic spiritual practice?

Very curious to especially hear from mothers - what do you do to help your daughters cultivate a healthy relationship with their own religious and spiritual practices?

How can you foster a sincere moral courage within them while also teaching love, compassion, and mercy?

On signaling membership to a community and real talk about Black hair care. Y’all need to drop your “How to keep your curls poppin and moist under a scarf all day” tips in my DMs frfr

Notes from someone who works with Muslim youth - she creates an informal space for her girls to ask questions, share worries, and process with women who have already been through it.

Yo we cannot underestimate the importance of a muslim fairygodmother i grew up with endless examples of fly muslim women around me and *still* struggle to find quality functional modest clothing that fits my style and my lifestyle

On the “hijabi”/"non-hijabi” binary many folks push. Would we be better off abandoning these labels altogether?

MY KEY TAKEAWAYS

Challenges women who wear it face (damned if you do):
- Feeling safe in this racist and Islamophobic political climate
- Pressure to play the “liberated Muslim woman” role in non-Muslim spaces
- Pressure to live up to the “pious Muslim” ideal in Muslim spaces

Challenges women who take it off face (Damned If You Don’t):
- Realization that you will be treated differently, even if you haven’t changed on the inside
- Assumption that you’re less religious or now judgemental of those who wear it

How we can help:
- Seeing women as humans first who are navigating all of the ups and downs and ebbs and flows of existence, just as men are
- Challenging the “hijabi”/“non-hijabi” binary and giving women the flexibility to grow and change and try and stumble and evolve over time

Still getting anon submissions to this convo, and will prob post any points/perspectives that have yet to be shared. Appreciate everyone who is trusting me with their stories and opinions on such a sensitive topic!

On trading in one type of validation (from Muslims) for another (from everyone else).

On “outgrowing” hijab and redirecting one’s energy to internal spiritual matters.

On actually finding peace in taking it off and “truly feeling God.”

On vanity and conflating a single act of worship with a person’s entire identity.

On the role of “struggle” in faith.

On “over-correcting” and discouraging hijab.

On the “internal jihad” and focusing more energy on your own journey than on someone else’s.

On hijab as a reminder of what you’re aspiring to and the great question of “where did the term hijabi even come from?!”

On the need to unpack the different beliefs people have about what hijab is supposed to teach us about beauty.

Last few questions I’d like to pose to women who struggle with hijab, but still wear it:

Why keep doing it? What inspires you to keep going? Where/to whom do you turn when you have doubts?

On the importance of finding a crew that helps you love yourself in all of your messy complexities

On the limitations of hijab as a personal protest against white supremacy

“My body is my own first, and no one else’s.”

Y’ALL I AM WEAAAKKK

On that note, closing out this thread.

THANK YOU for your stories and vulnerability and authenticity. At jummah today I made du’a for all of you - y’all carry so much for so long and I hope getting it out and being in conversation with others lightened your load a bit today.