Thread by @woosdaydream, might be a long thread but if anyone cares to read, i [...]

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woosdaydream

might be a long thread but if anyone cares to read, i wrote a letter to 01JAN2020 anya back in 01JAN2019 to read. i’ve been doing this for years and it’s nice to see where i am after a year’s time.

tw//suicidal thoughts, mental health, depression

my letter started off... “hi 2020 anya, did you make it? i hope it’s you reading & not one of your family members who found this tucked away in your diary. i rly hope it’s you”

my headspace was at its worst. i moved away from home in jul’18 & was so done with life..

i didn’t wanna keep going and i thought, i’m away from my family and friends, no one would really care...then my mom + sister came to visit me for the holidays, and i bargained. i said, ok, one last christmas and ny. then i’m done.

but on december 31, jimin dropped promise. his first ever solo song. his words moved me.... and for some reason i changed my mind.. i read the lyrics to his song and i felt like this was some call from the universe.

“Promise me now. even if you feel alone many times a day, don’t throw away yourself. Pause for a moment right here, hook your pinky with mine, & promise me now.”

these lyrics saved my life.

i was waiting... my mom and sister would leave the first week of january. by the end of the month i would move into my own apartment. it all seemed like the “perfect set up.”

but just before 2018 came to a close, jimin reached his hand out to me and told me to keep holding on.

i can’t even express how grateful i am for jimin. for bangtan. for ateez. these boys really helped me smile in those last 5 months of 2018. i thought, at least if i’m gonna leave here, i can go knowing i was loved and even just a lil happy.

i wrote my letter for 2020 anya to read with tears in my eyes, promise playing in the background, and so much hope in my heart that i’ll be ok. that i just need to keep fighting. and i just need to embrace the light and also the days that feel so dark.. i had to hold on

this 2019 was not easy, some days i almost gave up. but there was always something new to look forward to and i held on. so many ppl on this bird app kept me going, i travelled to beautiful places and on some days i can actually say i was truly happy.

i’m writing my letter tonight for 2021 anya to read and for some reason, i know i’ll read it then. i’ll keep writing letters to my future self. i’ll listen to beautiful songs. i’ll hold on and learn to love myself on the good and bad days.

i feel like this thread is all over the place but if you made it this far, thank you for reading my story.

i feel like i didn’t do much in 2019 but i survived it. i’m alive and right now that is way more than enough for me.

happy 2020 loves

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