Pub staff's christmas party was at Brighton's very finest Vodka Revs last night.

I was washing my hair.

Pub is doing a traffic light party on Valentines Day this year so I will spend the very same Friday night hurling myself into the sea off the end of Brighton Pier.

Red: I don't want to be here

Amber: I don't want to be here but I can't say that because of reasons

Green: I was led to believe there would be oral?