Read on Twitter
AND SO IT BEGINS, TWITTER.
I hate myself (even more, somehow) already.
I hate myself (even more, somehow) already.
Uhhhhhhhhhh looks like this is gonna be one long ass muthafuckin thread of shit.
“About this book”
YOU DID NOT, SEAGULL. YOU DID NOT.
“About this book”
YOU DID NOT, SEAGULL. YOU DID NOT.
“About this book” and we’ve already got a fucking punctuation error of the most high school level.
AUTHORS IS PLURAL NOT POSSESSIVE.
Also can you not fucking do this offensive Native American shit in a book about...FEDERAL AGENCIES VIOLATING THE LAWS OF THE LAND.
AUTHORS IS PLURAL NOT POSSESSIVE.
Also can you not fucking do this offensive Native American shit in a book about...FEDERAL AGENCIES VIOLATING THE LAWS OF THE LAND.
Jesus Christ.
1) Get a thesaurus.
2) America is two continents, not a country.
3) “the mainstream media is a fake news media offering a false narrative.”
3a) definitely self-published.
3b) “false narrative” in a FUCKING FICTIONAL NOVEL’S INTRO.
1) Get a thesaurus.
2) America is two continents, not a country.
3) “the mainstream media is a fake news media offering a false narrative.”
3a) definitely self-published.
3b) “false narrative” in a FUCKING FICTIONAL NOVEL’S INTRO.
Oh my God. I haven’t even gotten to the title page yet.
Check out Sensei Seagull’s co-author: Brooklyn musician, (basically) Minute Man, does tai-chi.
k.
Check out Sensei Seagull’s co-author: Brooklyn musician, (basically) Minute Man, does tai-chi.
k.
1) Tom is a bad writer.
2) Tom can’t format for shit.
3) Paragraphs take indentation.
4) OF COURSE HE HAS A YOUTUBE PAGE.
5) No thanks to your generous offer of enjoyment and musical introduction, Tom.
2) Tom can’t format for shit.
3) Paragraphs take indentation.
4) OF COURSE HE HAS A YOUTUBE PAGE.
5) No thanks to your generous offer of enjoyment and musical introduction, Tom.
YOU DID NOT.
OF COURSE YOU DID.
you. did. not.
OF COURSE YOU DID.
you. did. not.
1) Subtweet the libtard Marshals in the dedication. I see you.
2) “Nation” is not a proper noun.
3) That’s not how you use a semicolon.
4) QAnon confirmed.
2) “Nation” is not a proper noun.
3) That’s not how you use a semicolon.
4) QAnon confirmed.
lulz #deep [state]
![lulz #deep [state]](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EMVTNBQWoAAL1uj.jpg "lulz #deep [state]")
Okay. I have now reached Sherriff Joe Arpaio’s Foreword.
And I already need a break.
TBC.
And I already need a break.
TBC.
Don't complain. I know the suspense is difficult to handle.
But I need to eat so I have something to vomit up along the way.
SHOW SOME COMPASSION. https://twitter.com/MsEntropy/status/1208463908085874688
But I need to eat so I have something to vomit up along the way.
SHOW SOME COMPASSION. https://twitter.com/MsEntropy/status/1208463908085874688
Deep breaths.
“Foreword” by Sherriff Joe Arpaio.
(And I think that’s where I’ll leave it for today. I lack the strength.)
“Foreword” by Sherriff Joe Arpaio.
(And I think that’s where I’ll leave it for today. I lack the strength.)
1) You’re identifying with... fiction.
2) So you smoked opium in Istanbul.
3) Everyone is out to get you.
Sounds about right.
2) So you smoked opium in Istanbul.
3) Everyone is out to get you.
Sounds about right.
1) Arizona people are crazier than Florida people. My God.
2) Never visit Arizona.
2) Never visit Arizona.
1) Deep State wants open borders, huh? Well, someone forgot to tell them because they’re remarkably shitty at this conspiracy they’ve got going on.
2) Fiction is the best way to reveal a “real” threat? Okay.
2) Fiction is the best way to reveal a “real” threat? Okay.
1) Sheriff Joe isn’t wrong here.
2) I concede this point.
2) I concede this point.
Jesus Christ, Joe.
This part is called “Foreword.” Watch your tense usage.
Because the reader hasn’t fucking READ the book yet.
This part is called “Foreword.” Watch your tense usage.
Because the reader hasn’t fucking READ the book yet.
That’s it. That is the entirety of Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s “Foreword.”
Depending on my caffeine and rage levels (oh, and grade procrastination desires), I might make it through the Preface tonight.
STAY TUNED.
Depending on my caffeine and rage levels (oh, and grade procrastination desires), I might make it through the Preface tonight.
STAY TUNED.
Should I do the preface, Twitter?
ARE YOU READY FOR ANOTHER INSTALLMENT??
ARE YOU READY FOR ANOTHER INSTALLMENT??
This is Neil’s fault.
For the record.
https://twitter.com/neildmaxwell/status/1208560208013737985?s=21 https://twitter.com/NeilDMaxwell/status/1208560208013737985
For the record.
https://twitter.com/neildmaxwell/status/1208560208013737985?s=21 https://twitter.com/NeilDMaxwell/status/1208560208013737985
Here we go.
1) “some strive to suggest” - awkward wording; revise. Add subject.
2) What the actual Steven fucking Seagull?
2) What the actual Steven fucking Seagull?
THE JEWWWWWWS
I can feel it.
We’re about two pages away from Sensei Seagull dropping Protocols of the Elders of Zion.
I can feel it.
We’re about two pages away from Sensei Seagull dropping Protocols of the Elders of Zion.
1) “generally two parties per country” — the United States is not, in fact, the only country.
2) “Independent” is a political party. And it’s far right, so I imagine you’d like it.
2) “Independent” is a political party. And it’s far right, so I imagine you’d like it.
1) QAnon
2) mUh CuLtUrAl mArXiSm
3) Define “the West.”
2) mUh CuLtUrAl mArXiSm
3) Define “the West.”
Jews and Catholics.
That is what Sensei Seagull is dog-whistling at us.
That is what Sensei Seagull is dog-whistling at us.
What if these are possibly the dumbest fucking sentences I have ever read in my entire life?
“Would the answers to the preceding be in some ways answered?”
The fuck kinda zen koan bullshit is that?
“Would the answers to the preceding be in some ways answered?”
The fuck kinda zen koan bullshit is that?
WHEW.
That’s a solid place to stop for the night, Twitter. WE DID IT.
That’s the entire Preface. Thank GOD.
https://twitter.com/msentropy/status/1208579541154832384?s=21 https://twitter.com/MsEntropy/status/1208579541154832384
That’s a solid place to stop for the night, Twitter. WE DID IT.
That’s the entire Preface. Thank GOD.
https://twitter.com/msentropy/status/1208579541154832384?s=21 https://twitter.com/MsEntropy/status/1208579541154832384
I’m vexed that you don’t share my awe at the hideousness of those last two unintelligible sentences.
Very vexed.
Very vexed.
HERE TWITTER TRY TO ESCAPE THIS JUST TRY https://twitter.com/msentropy/status/1208579541154832384?s=21 https://twitter.com/MsEntropy/status/1208579541154832384
Yeah, anyway.
I have way more important shit to do — so why not pick back up with Sensei Seagull’s book review?
CHAPTER ONE:
I have way more important shit to do — so why not pick back up with Sensei Seagull’s book review?
CHAPTER ONE:
1) Again: America is two continents, not a country.
2) Natives live all over the United States - not just the fucking desert of your weird ass QAnon Wild West New Age bullshit fantasy.
3) “THE Native American chanting” oh the unified Indian People With The Language and Teepee
2) Natives live all over the United States - not just the fucking desert of your weird ass QAnon Wild West New Age bullshit fantasy.
3) “THE Native American chanting” oh the unified Indian People With The Language and Teepee
1) My ancestors’ genocide is not a fucking “morality play.”
2) Oh, cool set up for the incoming racist anti-immigration tirade. Very subtle.
3) Do you own turquoise jewelry? Or is that in Chapter 2?
2) Oh, cool set up for the incoming racist anti-immigration tirade. Very subtle.
3) Do you own turquoise jewelry? Or is that in Chapter 2?
1) No, dipshit. Indigenous history doesn’t begin with fucking relocation.
2) For someone with a raging Trump boner, I don’t know how you missed that Andrew Piece of Shit Jackson is responsible for this fuckery.
3) Yes the same Jackson your Dear Leader loves (not Janet).
2) For someone with a raging Trump boner, I don’t know how you missed that Andrew Piece of Shit Jackson is responsible for this fuckery.
3) Yes the same Jackson your Dear Leader loves (not Janet).
1) Go talk to ACTUAL Indigenous folks about the viability of tribal sovereignty, you Santa Fe fetishizing creepy ass motherfucker.
2) Why is the narrator narrating during the credits? What is he narrating here?
3) I sure hope the next page ends this oppressive suspense.
2) Why is the narrator narrating during the credits? What is he narrating here?
3) I sure hope the next page ends this oppressive suspense.
1) No resolution as to why the narrator narrates during the credits. PLOT HOLE.
2) What in the Holy Great Spirit fresh piece of Seagull ass fetishization, spirit animals, and Noble Savage Caucasity is this fuckery?
2) What in the Holy Great Spirit fresh piece of Seagull ass fetishization, spirit animals, and Noble Savage Caucasity is this fuckery?
1) Why is John Gode watching this documentary by himself. Does he have no friends? Is this Seagull’s newbie novelist fuckup of accidental autobiography?
2) Are the credits so interesting Mr. Gode walks backwards out of the theater just to keep reading them?
3) What time is it?
2) Are the credits so interesting Mr. Gode walks backwards out of the theater just to keep reading them?
3) What time is it?
Okay, so THANK FUCK that’s the end of Chapter 1.
This brings me to a pressing question: Why is Sensei Seagull only capable of three page chapters? Is this a ‘Choose Your Own Kill Illégal Immigrants Adventure?”
I am unfamiliar with this sub-genre.
This brings me to a pressing question: Why is Sensei Seagull only capable of three page chapters? Is this a ‘Choose Your Own Kill Illégal Immigrants Adventure?”
I am unfamiliar with this sub-genre.
Intermission!!
If I manage to eat enough food to vomit up, I will complete Chapter 2 this evening for you.
Maybe.
If I manage to eat enough food to vomit up, I will complete Chapter 2 this evening for you.
Maybe.
GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS, TWITTER?
Here’s my #ChristmasEveEve gift to you: Live-Tweeting Sensei Seagull’s nightmare novel: CHAPTER TWO.
Here’s my #ChristmasEveEve gift to you: Live-Tweeting Sensei Seagull’s nightmare novel: CHAPTER TWO.
Holy shit, you guys.
This is gonna be good.
(Depending on your definition, that is)
This is gonna be good.
(Depending on your definition, that is)
1) Wild title, my guy.
2) as opposed to a “a sky without color?” Creative, I guess. If bizarre and utterly nonsensical.
3) the precision of your measurement here is striking, almost like I am THERE: “in the distance but not too far.” INCREDIBLE.
2) as opposed to a “a sky without color?” Creative, I guess. If bizarre and utterly nonsensical.
3) the precision of your measurement here is striking, almost like I am THERE: “in the distance but not too far.” INCREDIBLE.
1) This is a bizarre comparison, so I’m going to do look it up and post pictures of a saguaro cactus next to Sensei Seagull.
2) “desert foliage” is a fucking hilarious turn of phrase.
2) “desert foliage” is a fucking hilarious turn of phrase.
“saguaro cactus” vs. Sensei Seagull.
Let’s see.
Nah.
Let’s see.
Nah.
Hang on I found another image and now I do see the comparative prose was in fact apt
1) I’m super shitty at geography and can’t even read a map but like
2) No
2) No
“30 miles south of Phoenix but less than 10 seconds from DC”
yet another stunning turn of shitty zen koan fuckery phrase
yet another stunning turn of shitty zen koan fuckery phrase
1) “THE NATIVE AMERICAN”
2) Why does he have a Vietnamese Buddhist monk name? Never heard of that tribe.
3) Seagull, pick ONE cultural fetish per novel. Only one. Lest you confuse the reader.
4) Fuck, I’m gonna have to do another Tweet to adequately address this part.
2) Why does he have a Vietnamese Buddhist monk name? Never heard of that tribe.
3) Seagull, pick ONE cultural fetish per novel. Only one. Lest you confuse the reader.
4) Fuck, I’m gonna have to do another Tweet to adequately address this part.
1) Look up graduation rates on the Rez, ignorant fetishizing “Dances with Putin” motherfucker.
2) “something unique going”
2a) horrible grammatical construction
2b) unique like growing up in his... culture shared by other people like a whole ass tribe
3) “their culture”
2) “something unique going”
2a) horrible grammatical construction
2b) unique like growing up in his... culture shared by other people like a whole ass tribe
3) “their culture”
1) wise magical NATIVE AMERICAN feels things because he’s like totaaaally connected
2) It doesn’t take Indigenous People MAGIC to know about genocide.
3) Total dependence? Okay, fuck you.
4) a whole lot more, buddy.
2) It doesn’t take Indigenous People MAGIC to know about genocide.
3) Total dependence? Okay, fuck you.
4) a whole lot more, buddy.
1) Indigenous Americans people speak Xhosa? I thought that was just South Africans, but I guess my whole life has been a lie.
2) MAGICAL INDIANS HAVE TELEPATHY. How the fuck did that skip my DNA in favor of “propensity for alcoholism?” Not cool.
2) MAGICAL INDIANS HAVE TELEPATHY. How the fuck did that skip my DNA in favor of “propensity for alcoholism?” Not cool.
1) “animal-like ears” - bat ears? Specify.
2) that’s not the “old ways,” bruh.
3) that’s a geriatric dementia patient who escaped the nursing home
4) whoever told you about the Ghost Dance or the Muskogee Stomp Dance lied to you. Like, a lot.
2) that’s not the “old ways,” bruh.
3) that’s a geriatric dementia patient who escaped the nursing home
4) whoever told you about the Ghost Dance or the Muskogee Stomp Dance lied to you. Like, a lot.
Fuck my goddamn lack of a life.
“Page 3 of 221.”
That’s it. That’s my comment for this excerpt.
“Page 3 of 221.”
That’s it. That’s my comment for this excerpt.
1) oooooh at long last the SpIrIt aNiMaL nonsense
2) why do you want to make out with a wolf? Bestiality isn’t Indigenous culture, ya fuckin perv
3) wolves get mad who knew
2) why do you want to make out with a wolf? Bestiality isn’t Indigenous culture, ya fuckin perv
3) wolves get mad who knew
1) John can count. Magical INDIAN Powers.
2) “dancing his way into darkness?” Is he also reading this book?
3) Bitch, that’s Harry fucking Potter. Yo, JK Rowling - copyright infringement on Ye olde invisibility cloak.
4) plagiarism is not the “old ways,” Seagull.
2) “dancing his way into darkness?” Is he also reading this book?
3) Bitch, that’s Harry fucking Potter. Yo, JK Rowling - copyright infringement on Ye olde invisibility cloak.
4) plagiarism is not the “old ways,” Seagull.
1) k but like how did they prepare themselves for Wolf Attack cause running away like a bitch doesn’t sound very Boy Scout approved to me
2) plot hole - are the Deep State also magical disappearing Indians
3) John is a megalomaniac
4) John is made out of sand INDIAN MAGIC
2) plot hole - are the Deep State also magical disappearing Indians
3) John is a megalomaniac
4) John is made out of sand INDIAN MAGIC
1) Some dumb fuck highlighted this key passage. You know, just to remember not to underestimate THE DEEP STATE.
2) actually a lot of dumb fucks (that’s how kindle works)
3) does QAnon really need Google calendar reminders to not underestimate THE DEEP STATE
2) actually a lot of dumb fucks (that’s how kindle works)
3) does QAnon really need Google calendar reminders to not underestimate THE DEEP STATE
1) Didn’t John just take credit for destroying all the cartels because this is very mysterious and I cannot imagine how he could possibly solve such an enigmatic riddle
2) Are the SUVs a Sphinx
2) Are the SUVs a Sphinx
For someone with a raging “NATIVE AMERICANS ARE MAGICAL” boner, how the fuck has Sensei Seagull managed to miss...
FUCKING VISION QUESTS
FUCKING VISION QUESTS
1) John is in the fucking desert.
2) That is all.
2) That is all.
1) Please refer to above information on VISION QUESTS.
2) Page 5 of 221. Kill me.
3) I thought Seagull chapters were not legally allowed to exceed 2 pages?
4) Does God exist?
5) Why do bad things happen to good people (and also me)?
2) Page 5 of 221. Kill me.
3) I thought Seagull chapters were not legally allowed to exceed 2 pages?
4) Does God exist?
5) Why do bad things happen to good people (and also me)?
Ah, I see.
1) Non-magical Indians are dark skinned and stupid.
2) I guess that’s how “old ways” teach you INDIAN MAGIC: be whiter.
1) Non-magical Indians are dark skinned and stupid.
2) I guess that’s how “old ways” teach you INDIAN MAGIC: be whiter.
1) AGAIN: someone needs to tell the Deep State that they’re remarkably shitty at enforcing this whole “OpEn bOrDeRs” plan.
2) “flood of illegals” who aren’t people who need anything
3) they must just be a distraction like a plague of locusts or some shit
2) “flood of illegals” who aren’t people who need anything
3) they must just be a distraction like a plague of locusts or some shit
1) I know this is fiction and shit but you mentioned “BASED ON REALITY,” so note: immigration rates are way the fuck down.
2) Obama was super into deportations, clown.
3) Deep State sucks at their own agenda.
4) Why did your cultural fetish boner suddenly go to Morocco?
2) Obama was super into deportations, clown.
3) Deep State sucks at their own agenda.
4) Why did your cultural fetish boner suddenly go to Morocco?
1) What in the fresh Louie dumbfuck Gohmert fucking hell nonsense shit is this?
2) Page 6 of 221
3) I need and deserve a fucking break
2) Page 6 of 221
3) I need and deserve a fucking break
I have made it through six fucking pages of this book. Chapter 2 consists of EIGHT more pages.
I will finish this chapter for you, Twitter. BUT I WILL NOT LIKE IT.
First I need to eat before I gouge out my eyes with a rusted spoon from low blood sugar and also this “book”
I will finish this chapter for you, Twitter. BUT I WILL NOT LIKE IT.
First I need to eat before I gouge out my eyes with a rusted spoon from low blood sugar and also this “book”
Sorry for the delay, guys. I’ve had a lot of unexpected shit thrown my way.
I’m back on this particular shit show ASAP, hopefully in a few hours.
I’m back on this particular shit show ASAP, hopefully in a few hours.
Listen you guys, I swear to you I’m gonna do the entire goddamn “book.”
I am a woman of my word.
But I also must mind the blood pressure and (low but still high enough to matter) price of breakable valuables in my home. Like my head.
https://twitter.com/msentropy/status/1208456760836722688?s=21 https://twitter.com/MsEntropy/status/1208456760836722688
I am a woman of my word.
But I also must mind the blood pressure and (low but still high enough to matter) price of breakable valuables in my home. Like my head.
https://twitter.com/msentropy/status/1208456760836722688?s=21 https://twitter.com/MsEntropy/status/1208456760836722688
DEEEEEEEEEEEEP BREATH.
Making coffee, and picking up this “book” review where I left off back in December, in a fit of despair:
Page 6.
Making coffee, and picking up this “book” review where I left off back in December, in a fit of despair:
Page 6.
I wish I had a Xanax prescription because now I have to reread the first six pages before I pick back up on my rant.
See you - and the remainder of my sanity - within the hour.
Pray for me.
See you - and the remainder of my sanity - within the hour.
Pray for me.
Existential question, Kindle
“The media as their potent tool” (and the rest here)
Imagine Fox News talking dirty in bed because this is absolutely it right here
Imagine Fox News talking dirty in bed because this is absolutely it right here
“Other Than Mexicans”
Yes, yes. That’s how I can write this without sounding racist.
No one will ever catch it.
Yes, yes. That’s how I can write this without sounding racist.
No one will ever catch it.
“I’m not a misogynist I just think male role models are the only things that count for Brown boys”
Also... “ancient ways”
Again. Kill me, please.
Also... “ancient ways”
Again. Kill me, please.
Inaccurate.
I am not a man.
I am not a man.
“How shall I save the youth and bring them to a path of good, not evil?”
“Insult them with condescension and preconceived judgements.”
— Sensei Seagull
“Insult them with condescension and preconceived judgements.”
— Sensei Seagull
This dialogue is...Pulitzer level.
“John thought the whole thing was bullshit except for the not bullshit part which revealed that bad shit happens”
Harry Potter but
Not good in any way and also Steven Seagull
So
Not good in any way and also Steven Seagull
So
<< insert racialized accent to convey sense of criminal predisposition and intellectual inferiority here >>
...
Can I just skip the editorializing here
plz
Can I just skip the editorializing here
plz
John is a fucking genius.
Blood everywhere, he finds a human tooth and is somehow able to discern that...
THIS CANNOT BE AN ISSUE OF JUST A TOOTH
Blood everywhere, he finds a human tooth and is somehow able to discern that...
THIS CANNOT BE AN ISSUE OF JUST A TOOTH
1) John is a psychic (see above)
2) Hand signals say so much
3) I wonder if we find a body next
2) Hand signals say so much
3) I wonder if we find a body next
1) John found a tooth, but he knew better. He always knew.
2) Teeth belong to bodies.
3) OMFG A BODY
4) The body is missing teeth - could the tooth be a connection??
JOHN IS A MYSTICAL NOBLE SAVAGE GENIUS DETECTIVE
2) Teeth belong to bodies.
3) OMFG A BODY
4) The body is missing teeth - could the tooth be a connection??
JOHN IS A MYSTICAL NOBLE SAVAGE GENIUS DETECTIVE
See above Tweet
This is next level racism, wow
Arabs are mouth-breathers
I AM CRYYYYYYYING flakflsjfksjfkfjdkkskfkdkfkfkkfkfd
Arabs are mouth-breathers
I AM CRYYYYYYYING flakflsjfksjfkfjdkkskfkdkfkfkkfkfd
Bookmark for future reference:
“Cops like naivety in their informants”
WAY TO GIVE AWAY THE GAME, SEAGULL
“Cops like naivety in their informants”
WAY TO GIVE AWAY THE GAME, SEAGULL
Here is where I prove that God is real:
1) We’ve now reached Chapter 3 (please note the title)
2) My ipad is dying
3) Everyone gets a break
In sum: Allahu Akbar
1) We’ve now reached Chapter 3 (please note the title)
2) My ipad is dying
3) Everyone gets a break
In sum: Allahu Akbar
