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I& #39;d like to talk about the lasting repercussions of being too tired / scared to continue taking action [cw: assault]
when I lived in Berkeley, I was physically assaulted by a homeless man when biking home one night. this memory will never be erased from my mind. he grabbed me by the neck, and I swerved off my bike in response.
I vividly remember him calling out to me and chasing me, as if in slow motion. to this day, when I get scared, my throat closes up and I can& #39;t breathe. and the part that scares me the most is when it happened, I didn& #39;t scream. I was too shocked. I couldn& #39;t ask for help.
luckily other people witnessed it. they chased after him, as he ran away. they helped me gather my groceries from berkeley bowl and help me put them back into my bike basket.
when it happened, my first instinct was to just go home. I biked home immediately. I did not call the police. it was only when I was safely at home that I realized I should report it.
when I called berkeley police, the person I talked to helped calm me down. I told them what happened, and they told me to expect a return call shortly.
in about ~10 min, someone called me back. they were clearly annoyed. they told me I had 2 options: 1. they could go back to the scene of the incident, try to look for my attacker, and "reprimand" him (their words). 2. I could file an official police report.
if I chose to file a police report, I would need to go to court if he was identified. I& #39;d need to testify. I& #39;d need this case to follow me, and for me to revisit my trauma as I& #39;d be questioned about it. Clearly I& #39;d need to take time away from my job and other things to do so.
over the past year, I was reminded of this trauma AT WORK. I won& #39;t get into the details, but I had a panic attack as a result & reported the person who caused it immediately. I never heard back, never received an apology, and had to continue working with this person for months.
I& #39;m very tired. I was wrongly treated in many ways, but I am too tired to press action or do anything about it. the most energy I can exert right now, at this moment in my life, is to share this story with you. [end]
