Read on Twitter
We're parents of trans-identifying children who offer support to fellow parents. Over the next ten days we're tweeting ten parenting ideas for this complex issue - our 'top ten tips.'
https://www.bayswatersupport.org.uk/toptentips
@acamh
@Autism
@HPUKParents
@PSHEassociation
@rcgp
@RCPCHtweets
https://www.bayswatersupport.org.uk/toptentips
@acamh
@Autism
@HPUKParents
@PSHEassociation
@rcgp
@RCPCHtweets
1: Listen to your child if they tell you they’re trans
It's vital to let your child voice what's important to them. You don’t have to accept it at face value, what matters is keeping communications open. If you don’t listen to them now, why would they listen to you later?
It's vital to let your child voice what's important to them. You don’t have to accept it at face value, what matters is keeping communications open. If you don’t listen to them now, why would they listen to you later?
2: Get to know your child’s online world
Your child may believe things you privately think are impossible. Understand who is influencing your child & why they find it so compelling. Your child is responding to their unease the best they can.
https://www.bayswatersupport.org.uk/toptentips
Your child may believe things you privately think are impossible. Understand who is influencing your child & why they find it so compelling. Your child is responding to their unease the best they can.
https://www.bayswatersupport.org.uk/toptentips
At the same time, read about the state of evidence informing adolescent gender identity medicine; the reality behind claims of benefits and risks. We link to some good sources of information here: http://bayswatersupport.org.uk/toptentips
3: The internet complicates the job of parenting
No children have previously had access to such a vast ungoverned resource as the web, where children can connect with strangers & encounter unrealistic or troubling ideas about themselves & their family relationships.
No children have previously had access to such a vast ungoverned resource as the web, where children can connect with strangers & encounter unrealistic or troubling ideas about themselves & their family relationships.
4: Advocate for your child's best interests at school
School will want to support you in raising your child. But this is a sensitive identity-formation issue that schools aren't well equipped to intervene in, unless there's a close partnership with parents.
School will want to support you in raising your child. But this is a sensitive identity-formation issue that schools aren't well equipped to intervene in, unless there's a close partnership with parents.
As Bernadette Wren of GIDS said: “Schools might wait for the parents to approach them before changing things like names in the register, uniforms, pronouns, toilets, sports.” >>
...If a school just gets a whisper of a child who may be querying their gender and within minutes they are doing everything to make sure that child is regarded as a member of the opposite sex right from the word go — that may not be the best for that child.”
5: Think of your boundaries when your child seeks transition
Do hairstyles & clothes matter? Or are you all about avoiding needless medical harm? Our response as parents differs in each family, but it’s helpful to think about your bottom line & how to explain it to your child.
Do hairstyles & clothes matter? Or are you all about avoiding needless medical harm? Our response as parents differs in each family, but it’s helpful to think about your bottom line & how to explain it to your child.
Useful to consider: would the change be difficult to undo if yr child’s plans change? Impact on siblings, home life etc? Does it foreclose yr child’s thinking about sex & about gender roles? Ultimately that will lead them to a mature sense of their gender ID (however it ends up).
6: Help your child think critically about sex & gender
Our job as parents is to help our children navigate their way through gender without it causing them damage, whether from unnecessary medical treatment, a disrupted education, or harm to family. relationships & life chances.
Our job as parents is to help our children navigate their way through gender without it causing them damage, whether from unnecessary medical treatment, a disrupted education, or harm to family. relationships & life chances.
7: Address mental health & developmental issues
Regardless of gender ID, it's vital to take care of children's other needs. Things like autism are life-long underlying realities that take time to adjust to.
Regardless of gender ID, it's vital to take care of children's other needs. Things like autism are life-long underlying realities that take time to adjust to.
8: Be prepared for the long term
Try not to seek a ‘solution’ to the trans ID but help them to explore difficult feelings & to work through the causes of distress at their own pace. Whatever the eventual outcome, this is something that will have helped to shape your child.
Try not to seek a ‘solution’ to the trans ID but help them to explore difficult feelings & to work through the causes of distress at their own pace. Whatever the eventual outcome, this is something that will have helped to shape your child.
9: Help your child live a good life
If you can, don’t let their life be all about trans & gender & ruminating. Family, hobbies, study, sports & outdoors, pets, achievements, vounteering, holidays, outdoor etc will help them look outwards at the world, & see their life anew.
If you can, don’t let their life be all about trans & gender & ruminating. Family, hobbies, study, sports & outdoors, pets, achievements, vounteering, holidays, outdoor etc will help them look outwards at the world, & see their life anew.
10: Look after yourself!
Finally: parenting a teen can be exhausting but trans can place additional strains on family life.
Don't feel like you need to follow every last social media post. It’s easy to be overwhelmed by it all You & your loved ones are what matters.
Finally: parenting a teen can be exhausting but trans can place additional strains on family life.
Don't feel like you need to follow every last social media post. It’s easy to be overwhelmed by it all You & your loved ones are what matters.
These are our ideas about supporting children who ID as trans. We offer them to help parents who are new to this problem & who may be isolated or misunderstood because they don’t think ‘affirmation’ is right for their child. https://www.bayswatersupport.org.uk/toptentips
