aragorn: you must call for aid. gondor will answer

theoden: idk calling a bunch of dudes for aid? sounds pretty sus

helms deep gets vibe checked

denethor, directly into the camera: they say the white tree is gonna bloom when the king returns. i don't know if it works in reverse but just in case i piss on it every day

denethor holding the cracked horn: explain this

gandalf: in my defense i was also dead when it happened

pippin: we've got the white wizard, that's got to count for something

gandalf: peregrin i'm worth about fifteen to eighteen dudes and that still won't be enough dudes

denethor: sing me a song

pippin, sobbing: camptown ladies sing this song

faramir: you wish i died instead of boromir???

denethor sipping from dad of the year mug: yea

frodo: friendship with sam has ended. skelebones goblin is my best friend now

sam: let me cancel gollum frodo

frodo: no

sam: HE KEEPS FATSHAMING ME FRODO

frodo: I SAID NO

aragorn in the paths of the dead: hey there demons. it's me, ya boi

gimli: (wincing as he steps through a bone pile)

legolas: gimli we've been killing like thirty people a day

gondorian infantryman 1: they keep saying "grond" down there. what the fuck is a grond

infantryman 2: pretty sure it's another word for taint

denethor: i'm no doctor but i'm pretty sure faramir is dead

denethor: (screaming, on fire)

gandalf: wellllllll my staff is broken soooooooooooooo

gandalf: death is just another path

pippin: does anyone know how a pep talk works. please. i'm begging you

(fell beast approaching)

eowyn: deep breaths eowyn. a dragon is just a kind of horse

sam: if we're gonna pass as orcs we need to sound like orcs and if there's anything i've learned by now it's that orcs are mad racist. say a slur mr. frodo

frodo: what

sam: we're in disguise it's the only way

frodo: no

sam: ah rosie cotton. if i was gonna marry anyone it would've been her

frodo: am i a joke to you

this thread happened bc i watched 12 hours of lord of the rings yesterday which made me more powerful than you can possibly imagine. lotr movies is good. gimli/legolas is the light & the way. arwen is prime wife. aragorn is hotter when he looks like he smells like shit