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I’ve decided to kill myself.
I’ve had enough with Austin Texas and I see this as the fastest and easiest way out.
Tell my family I love them.
@OfWudan take care of mum for me.
My chosen suicide method? I’ve bought 4 bags of American junk food from a gas station.
*thread*
I’ve had enough with Austin Texas and I see this as the fastest and easiest way out.
Tell my family I love them.
@OfWudan take care of mum for me.
My chosen suicide method? I’ve bought 4 bags of American junk food from a gas station.
*thread*
I’ll start with a nice refreshing drink to ease the pain.
This is the single largest can of red bull I’ve ever seen.
20 fluid ounces. That’s a quarter of a litre to us in the civilised world.
Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back.
This is the single largest can of red bull I’ve ever seen.
20 fluid ounces. That’s a quarter of a litre to us in the civilised world.
Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back.
I’m still alive. After all I am hard to kill.
If you wish to say your goodbyes to me now is the time.
If you wish to say your goodbyes to me now is the time.
Green apple flavoured airheads.
I’m in the early stages of adult onset diabetes.
These are only small though, they may not pack the punch necessary to land a killing blow.
My vision blurs as I continue to type.
I’m in the early stages of adult onset diabetes.
These are only small though, they may not pack the punch necessary to land a killing blow.
My vision blurs as I continue to type.
York peppermint patties.
I was a child last time I ate one of these, back when I lived in the United States.
I remember this only now as my life is flashing before my eyes.
Delicious minty death.
I was a child last time I ate one of these, back when I lived in the United States.
I remember this only now as my life is flashing before my eyes.
Delicious minty death.
So twitter scans our tweets and decided to email me.
This clearly shows that this suicide attempt is genuine. I’m glad SOMEBODY is taking me seriously.
But you see @twitter this is all your fault.
You banned Infowars ... that was my favourite account.
This clearly shows that this suicide attempt is genuine. I’m glad SOMEBODY is taking me seriously.
But you see @twitter this is all your fault.
You banned Infowars ... that was my favourite account.
They say you are what you eat.
No wonder so many Americans look like shit.
I mean. WHO EATS THIS SHIT.
I’m trying to kill myself but at this stage I’d rather a bullet to the head than another ‘tootsie roll?’
Allah have mercy. Strike me down now.
No wonder so many Americans look like shit.
I mean. WHO EATS THIS SHIT.
I’m trying to kill myself but at this stage I’d rather a bullet to the head than another ‘tootsie roll?’
Allah have mercy. Strike me down now.
Needed a moment to catch my breath.
My lungs are filling with high fructose corn syrup.
But I’m no quitter.
BAM. In with the AnW root beer.
My lungs are filling with high fructose corn syrup.
But I’m no quitter.
BAM. In with the AnW root beer.
Suicide is actually a lot more difficult than people think.
I mean... HOW the fuck did Jeffry Epstein manage to do it?
He didn’t even have any flaming hot Cheetos in his cell.
I mean... HOW the fuck did Jeffry Epstein manage to do it?
He didn’t even have any flaming hot Cheetos in his cell.
After finishing this cherry pie my foot fell off.
Also my penis no longer works. I tested this by thinking about midget anal porn and I didnt get an erection.
Diabetes awareness needs to be spread.
Somebody set me up a gofundme after I’m dead to raise money for it.
Also my penis no longer works. I tested this by thinking about midget anal porn and I didnt get an erection.
Diabetes awareness needs to be spread.
Somebody set me up a gofundme after I’m dead to raise money for it.
I would have toasted these pop tarts but I broke my toaster this morning ... in the bathtub.
I have a net worth of around 6 million dollars.
I’d like it used to build a castle in Transylvania, a new War Room hq when I die.
Make it real
(Join here https://www.cobratate.com/product/war-room/">https://www.cobratate.com/product/w... )
I have a net worth of around 6 million dollars.
I’d like it used to build a castle in Transylvania, a new War Room hq when I die.
Make it real
(Join here https://www.cobratate.com/product/war-room/">https://www.cobratate.com/product/w... )
Im not dead yet? How?
If this country wasn’t so LAME I could wash this down with some horrible American beer.
Bud light is sure to kill me!
(You can’t have open containers of booze in a car even as the passenger! THIS IS WHY I CANT STAND TEXAS)
Exactly why I’m killing myself
If this country wasn’t so LAME I could wash this down with some horrible American beer.
Bud light is sure to kill me!
(You can’t have open containers of booze in a car even as the passenger! THIS IS WHY I CANT STAND TEXAS)
Exactly why I’m killing myself
Butterfinger bites!
I’m seriously running out of junk food now.
If that happens I’ll assault my driver and force a road traffic accident.
There will be more junk food at the airport though?
AND IM FIRST CLASS. UNLIMITED BOOZE.
I’ll get this done. I’m no quitter!
I’m seriously running out of junk food now.
If that happens I’ll assault my driver and force a road traffic accident.
There will be more junk food at the airport though?
AND IM FIRST CLASS. UNLIMITED BOOZE.
I’ll get this done. I’m no quitter!
Third drink.
Cherry coke.
Maybe the cherries in this are making me healthier and dragging me back from the jaws of death.
Let’s hope not.
I’m a man of commitment.
I know junk food aikido.
Cherry coke.
Maybe the cherries in this are making me healthier and dragging me back from the jaws of death.
Let’s hope not.
I’m a man of commitment.
I know junk food aikido.
Somehow I’ve made it to the airport.
Feeling slightly less depressed here in the first class lounge. HOWEVER.
I promised you guys a suicide.
Cheap champagne. Nice sugary alcohol on top of the junk food.
Should trigger a stroke.
Feeling slightly less depressed here in the first class lounge. HOWEVER.
I promised you guys a suicide.
Cheap champagne. Nice sugary alcohol on top of the junk food.
Should trigger a stroke.
When one glass doesn’t do the trick... it’s a second.
Drink more? Whiskey? Tell me what to do. I’m out of junk food.
Drink more? Whiskey? Tell me what to do. I’m out of junk food.
Giant. Whiskey.
Usually a wonderful thing. In a classy manner I guzzle it.
Sitting on top of these Cheetos I do not envy who has to set next to me on my flight.
Oh wait! It’s Andrew.
Shit actually let me show you how much his tickets cost. He’s not going to be happy.
Usually a wonderful thing. In a classy manner I guzzle it.
Sitting on top of these Cheetos I do not envy who has to set next to me on my flight.
Oh wait! It’s Andrew.
Shit actually let me show you how much his tickets cost. He’s not going to be happy.
That’s right! For two of us to fly one way we paid 13,000 American dollars 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤣" title="Lachend auf dem Boden rollen" aria-label="Emoji: Lachend auf dem Boden rollen">.
Hope Andrew enjoys getting up every 5 minutes because I have to go to the bathroom.
That’s over 1400usd PER HOUR in the air.
Paid for the flights by doing this btw - https://twitter.com/ofwudan/status/1204533020079935494
https://twitter.com/ofwudan/s... class="Emoji" style="height:16px;" src=" https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤣" title="Lachend auf dem Boden rollen" aria-label="Emoji: Lachend auf dem Boden rollen">
Hope Andrew enjoys getting up every 5 minutes because I have to go to the bathroom.
That’s over 1400usd PER HOUR in the air.
Paid for the flights by doing this btw - https://twitter.com/ofwudan/status/1204533020079935494
. Hope Andrew enjoys getting up every 5 minutes because I have to go to the bathroom. That’s over 1400usd PER HOUR in the air. Paid for the flights by doing this btw - https://twitter.com/ofwudan/s... class="Emoji" style="height:16px;" src=" " title="That’s right! For two of us to fly one way we paid 13,000 American dollars https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤣" title="Lachend auf dem Boden rollen" aria-label="Emoji: Lachend auf dem Boden rollen">. Hope Andrew enjoys getting up every 5 minutes because I have to go to the bathroom. That’s over 1400usd PER HOUR in the air. Paid for the flights by doing this btw - https://twitter.com/ofwudan/s... class="Emoji" style="height:16px;" src=" " class="img-responsive" style="max-width:100%;"/>
Gin. Fuck you.
Haters gna hate.
Suiciders gna suicide.
Suiciders gna suicide.
Unlimited cakes and nachos.
Heart attack enroute.
Please tell my dogs that they’re good boys and I’ll miss them forever.
Heart attack enroute.
Please tell my dogs that they’re good boys and I’ll miss them forever.
Deserts done.
Im in too deep.
Noting seems to work.
I’m hard to kill.
Now I know how robin williams felt when he was 90% passed out from hanging himself like a dick.
Im in too deep.
Noting seems to work.
I’m hard to kill.
Now I know how robin williams felt when he was 90% passed out from hanging himself like a dick.
Somehow I’m still here.
Boarding the plane soon. So it’s back to bags of candy! Wooo
Boarding the plane soon. So it’s back to bags of candy! Wooo
I’m hallucinating about how viral this thread will go when I actually die...
Nobodies trying to stop me anymore.
I’ve gone beyond.
Nobodies trying to stop me anymore.
I’ve gone beyond.
Champagne in a water glass?!
A WATER GLASS.
As an Englishman this offends me. @BitterCaptain I fully expect you to chastise the heathens of United airlines.
6000 dollars to sit in this chair and they use the wrong glasses?
If this suicide attempt doesn’t kill me I’ll sue.
A WATER GLASS.
As an Englishman this offends me. @BitterCaptain I fully expect you to chastise the heathens of United airlines.
6000 dollars to sit in this chair and they use the wrong glasses?
If this suicide attempt doesn’t kill me I’ll sue.
I’m dead.
