Bakugou is a podcaster whose show revolves around giving people overly blunt relationship advice.

But he cant take his own tea when it comes to his closeted feelings.

Nah man.

Katsuki Bakugou is the exception to everything he tells everyone, obviously.

He's fine.

Even if he wanted to put up with someone else's shit-

He wouldn't.

He's just here for a good time and to scoff at the misery of the people seeking his advice.

Okay, maybe his show is overly cynical-

But he climbs the podcasting charts, the sponsors come out of the woodwork, and he gets to make a living for being an asshole.

This is the life.

So, why does he feel so miserable?

It couldnt be the silence after he stopped recording

Or the emptiness of the 3rd story apartment he returned to alone

This was a self created solitude.

He should be happy.

Because he didnt think he could survive another hurt

Like the one he experienced when Eijirou left.

"Your last episode was a /pleasure/."

Katuski looked up from the menu to meet the disapproving gaze of his mother.

"What?"

"You really think it's funny to publicly tell people they're selfish for wanting children because they're just adding to climate change? What's wrong with you?" She snapped, plastic red nails clicking impatiently against the table.

"People need to stop breeding." Katsuki replied, lazily stirring the cream into his coffee.

"Youre-"

"You dont /have/ to listen to the show, you know."

"So you're never having children? /Really/?"

"Not this again."

Katsuki knew better than to accept lunch invites from his mother.

Despite their less than perfect relationship, the poor women tried, so Katsuki obliged.

"I'm worried about you." Mistuski offered heatedly, crossing her arms and leaning back against the booth.

"Oh so /thats/ why you called me? Here I thought you were trying to follow your shrinks advice. I dont need your bullshit-"

"Katsuki, I know you've been hurt but this podcast thing-"

Katsuki felt his gut drop

"What the fuck did you call me for? For some kind of intervention? You were that bothered by me talking about over population contributing to Global Warming? I'm stating facts!"

"I'm just wondering when you're going to get a /real/ job?"

"Its 2019, podcasting is a legitimate career." Katsuki fired back

"I just wish you would think about going to therapy instead of telling into a microphone weekly?" Mistuki sighed, squeezing the bridge of her nose.

"I'm about to leave if you dont stop."

She was dancing around the subject, Katsuki could feel it.

His mother finally yielded

"I just want you to be happy."

"I AM happy." Katsuki snapped back, wadding up his straw wrapper and flicking it at her. "Fucking /elated/."

"I saw Eijirou's mother at the store the other day." Mitsuki abruptly changed the subject

Oh. THIS was the real reason for the impromptu lunch.

"So?"

This conversation had just made a hard right into territory he was terrified to address.

"Did you know hes moving?"

Katsuki grit his teeth

"Good."

"He seems happy."

"Great."

"He's single, apparently."

Katsuki stirs his coffee a little faster

"Oh you mean the relationship that over lapped ours didnt work out? /Bummer/."

Mistuski falls silent.

The rest of lunch is strained.

His mom updates him on his cousins pregnancy, his dad's promotion, and offers up the idea of a family trip in the summer.

But Katsukis insides rock back and forth.

/Happy?/

Breakups /happen/- whether you want them to or not. A point he makes clear to his listeners all the time.

Sometimes love just isnt enough to keep two people together.

And despite the advice he so freely offers on his podcast about "moving on" and "getting the fuck over it"

Sometimes your boyfriend leaves you for his coworker, and you secretly stew in your own rage and heart break for three years.

Katsuki flops on his bed, blinking as he watches the ceiling fan turn and turn and turn,

Waiting for the denial to compartmentalize the "Eijirou thing" once again.

It's fine because

Katsuki is happy, too.

Hes happy because hes 27, college debt free, and single as a pringle.

So why was he so...

Miserable?

Miserable at the thought of Eijirou just waltzing around with that stupid smile, terrible idealism, sharing his heart with everyone so earnestly.

Katsuki finds himself at his recording station.

"This is GZ, And this weeks patron episode is going to be a little bit different from what I normally do."

To be honest, he wasnt quite sure what he was doing- or why he was doing it.

"Yeah, this weeks episode is dedicated to my ex."

But Kastuki never claimed to be mature.

"So, Eijirou, since you have my number blocked- if you're listening to this episode-"

Deep in the miserable lump of clay he passed off as a heart

"Fuck you."

Katuski hadn't moved on.

Unsurprisingly the next day Katsuki wakes up feeling worse.

The flurry of notifications all across his social media inquiring about this mysterious ex didnt help.

Who was Eijirou? How long had they been together?

All questions that were non of anybody's God damn business.

******

"I'm Eijirou Kirishima!"

"I dont care."

The library was crowded, but could this dude not find anywhere else to sit?

"Come ON. Its finals week, were in this together. Talk to me! I can't look at my A and P review anymore-"

"Maybe if you HAD looked at it a little more, you wouldnt be guzzling caffeine and attempting to cram it into your fucking skull to make an A so you can get a 60 in the class."

"How'd you know that?!"

"You've been bitching to your friend for the last 30 mintues? You talk so damn loud, I'm sure everyone in the library knows what an idiot you are. Now shut up and leave me alone."

The man across from him let's out such a genuine laugh that Katsuki feels his irritation involuntarily simmer down.

"Man, you are a savage. What's your name?"

Katsuki ignores the question, promptly covering his ears with his head phones

He doesn't have time for this, there's an organic chemistry exam to ace.

The strong hand is tapping his wrist has Katsukis anger flaring back up

"WHAT?!" He shouts louder than intended, ignoring the glares from other students around them

"Is your name Goku?"

"No?! Why-"

"Saitama?"

"I'm not telling you!!"

"Naruto?"

"Stop guessing cartoon characters!"

"You're not leaving me a choice!! I want to know your name!!" The red head pouts, scratching at the obvious black roots coming in along his hair line

"Get an A on your final and /maybe/ I'll tell you."

"Ooooo. You're on!"

"Now, leave me alone."

******

Izuku sighed loudly.

"Its been three years, and surprise, you're not over it, just like I've been telling you-"

"Can we not do this right now."

A beat of silence.

"Why did you come over here, then? To eat the food /my/ wife made for /me/ and terrorize the cat?"

"No, I came over here to /escape/."

"You created your own problem when you posted that episode."

Izuku turned back to his work, annoyed with his friend, but not to the point of kicking him out, yet.

Katsuki cleared out the notifications on his phone for the thousandth time that day, before walking over and slamming his hand down on the desk next to Izukus keyboard.

Slowly, he lifted his hand and walked into the kitchen.

"You didnt tell me roundy could cook." Katsuki added nonchalantly, spooning more of the luke warm casserole from the dish to his bowl.

Another sigh of exasperation escaped Izuku as he rolled in his chair to look at Katsuki from his position in the living room.

"First off, stop calling Ochako that. Second, you still have the /ring/, and you expect me to believe you're fine?" Izuku called after him, holding up the rose gold band almost in disgust.

"It was /expensive/-"

"-They have a return policy!"

"Its not that weird, 24 was too young to think about filing taxes together /anyway/."

Izuku fiddled a bit with his own ring

"Yeah, what would your listeners think?"

Katsuki took an aggressive bite of his food before plopping down on the couch

"Shut up."

"No! What would you tell someone who kept the ring from their ex- almost fiance?"

"To sell it and stop being a moron."

"So. Sell it and stop being a moron?"

Katsuki shoved Izukus shoulder roughly.

"What?! I thought you were supposed to be... I don't know. More well adjusted than that?" Izuku leaned back in his chair, curiously looking up at his friend. "I thought your podcast was your outlet?"

Katsuki growled and took another bit of food. "How many times do I have to tell you I'm FINE."

"/This/" Izuku gestured towards the ring "is not what a fine person does. Making an angry podcast is not what a fine person does." Izuku shrugged "I've been saying it for 3 years."

"I came over here for advice, not for a god damn lecture."

"My advice? Talk to him. You never for closure because things were so bad."

Katsuki winced internally, poking at his food.

/so bad/.

Eijirou had successfully ruined the one thing that meant everything to him.

So... guess it really was /that/ bad.

"I'd rather choke." He answers finally.

Izuku huffs to himself.

And the food in Katsukis mouth suddenly tastes rotten.

"I'd take back that ring then. Definitely worth something."

"Dont tell me what to do."

****

"How did you find me?!"

The red head from the library a few nights ago had some how managed to track him down on campus.

"Dude, I'm telling you, you're like. UA Yik Yak famous."

Here he was, looking way too damn pleased with himself, triumphantly holding his physics final up over Katsukis head.

"Dude. I'm telling you, you're like.. UA Yik Yak infamous."

"That's stupid"

Katsuki snatched the crumpled test out of Eijirous hand and looked it over.

90%

Maybe this guys wasnt a complete idiot-

"I told you to get a 100."

"You said get an A!!"

"I'm not telling you anything, go find someone else to stalk!!!"

Katsuki slung his back pack over his shoulder, stomping in an exaggerated way off towards the bus stop.

He really hated losing.

But more than anything,

What was this guy trying to do?

****

Katsuki had officially gone radio silent on all of his social media.

Maybe posting an angry rant calling out his ex by name wasnt the most level headed move-

But sometimes it felt good to be petty.

In the middle of recording the latest episode- His phone dings for the Zillionth time

Its Denki asking him if he still wants to go with the rest of the squad to the New Years Eve party

Katsuki promptly replies 'Hell no'.

He hated drunken social gatherings.

'You sure? Eijirou is gonna be there. Hes popping in to say goodbye'.

****

Katsuki despised drunken social gatherings.

But here he was, at Jirous graduation party out of guilt- feeling like a fish out of water.

Shamefully Kastsuki promised he would at least make an appearance. To save himself the grief, he showered, put on his least wrinkly band tshirt, and was now drinking in the back between the bathroom and the exit.

"There you are!"

Katsuki plucked open the tab of his PBR and turned on his heel. His face twisted into a grimace of annoyance as he spotted the source; a very wobbly looking Eijirou crossing the room of college kids.

No no no.

This night could absolutely not get any worse.

"Why cant you just take a hint?!" Katsuki snapped, ducking into the tiny bathroom and locking the door before Eijirou could reach him.

This was much too romcom for his taste.

"Oh come onnnnnn!" Eijirou slurred above the music. "First off, theres only one bathroom, second, I gotta pee, third, it's real unmanly to not hold up your end of the bargain!! Its the principal!"

"You're talking to me about principals when you're literally stalking me?!"

"Yeah!!!"

With a swig of his PBR, Katsuki flung open the bathroom door to stare the other in the face.

Eijirou stood awkwardly in the door way before him, broad shoulders causing the light of the hall to illuminate him like some sort of frat-boy angel.

"I'm going to end you." Katsuki growled.

Covered in a thick layer of Axe cologne, Eijirous cheeks were tinted pink from alcohol consumption. He had a slight tilt to his sharp smile, and the roots of his hair had clearly been touched up in a hurry.

"Tell me your name, and then you can do... /whatever/ you want."

It was probably the lethal combination of exhaustion from the semster and the cheap beer flowing through his blood-

"Katsuki."

But Katsuki answered.

And the the triumphant smile that followed-

"Nice to meet you, finally."

Had him just a little weak in the knees.

****

"I recieved a DM from a girl asking me if being upset at her boyfriend for not kissing her under the mistletoe at her family's Christmas party was dumb."

Katsuki leaned back in his roller chair and sighed deeply

"My answer is that you're both stupid. Talk it out like fucking adults. If you're mad about that, its clearly not about the mistletoe. Theres other shit going on you're shoving under the rug."

Lately, talking about the same thing every week was wearing on him.

He continued to speaking into the microphone moving through the most absurd questions of the week,

Absently spinning the engagement ring like a top. He counted the seconds in his head before it would fall down back onto the table.

The goal was to make it to 10, but it always petered out at 7.

Katsuki was bored.

/Depressed?/

No.

Bored.

New Years Day was just as uneventful as the rest.

He yawned loudly and stretched up towards the ceiling, shutting his eyes for a moment as a wave of exhaustion washed over him.

New year, new you?

No.

New year, same bullshit.

That was probably going to be the title of this weeks episode.

Katsuki had never been a believer in new year resolutions.

His goal to be the best at everything he did remained the same no matter what time of year it was.

And that was something he took pride in.

Coping mechanisms? Deku could fuck off with that. Those were for people who had something they needed to deal with.

He slammed the ring down on his desk and got up out of his chair to make himself a cup of coffee.

Katsuki didnt need to deal with anything that wasnt directly related to his goal.

For the first time ina few days he opens up his personal instagram to scroll through the pictures of his close friends.

Sero proposed to Mina.

But he was wearing a spiderman hoodie-

Tacky.

Katsuki scrolled by without giving it a Like.

Deku and Ochako did a matching christmas sweater photoshoot-

Lame.

Aoyama decided to ditch his gender for the new year-

Cool.

Hitoshi got a cat-

Alright.

Momo was very hung over-

Gross.

And suddenly-

There in the middle of his phone screen was a familar set of pearly whites and goofy hair.

Who posted this?

"DENKI?"

Eijirou looked different. So different. Taller? Broader? Happier? Older?

Katsuki couldnt think about it. The picture alone was enough to make his gut churn.

Horrified by his friends betrayal, Katsuki quickly closed the app and locked his phone.

He really hated surprises. And this was the most unwelcome surprise he could've imagined.

Denki was about to get an earful.

His mom had been right-

Eijirou was doing fine

Without him.

****

"Dude, do you ever smile?!"

"I AM smiling?!"

"THATS your smile?!" Eijirou exclaimed over the dull roar of the bar scene around them.

Somehow hed been convinced to climb into the low quality photo booth at the back of the bar. He sat crammed against Eijirou-

(The guy he was definitely /not/ dating. )

-posing awkwardly and attempting to prevent himself from having a good time.

"Shut the hell up! I'm done." Katsuki yelled back, ducking under the flimsy black curtain.

A moment later Eijirou was behind him, holding up the film roll between his fingers for Katsuki to see.

"Its sort of endearing. You know. The scowl."

"Stop making fun of me!"

Eijirou took a swig of his beer before leaning and planting a wet kiss on the blondes over heated cheek.

"I'm just trying to get you to relax."

Katsuki aggressivly wiped his cheek, ignoring the fluttering his his chest as Eijirou smiled directly at him.

"I'm relaxed. In REALLY relaxed." He snapped back, snatching the picture from his not boyfriend.

The pictures weren't bad.

Kind of... sweet, actually.

"These are terrible." Katsuki shoved the item back at Eijirou who let out another hearty laugh.

"/I/ look good." He proclaimed folding the picture and pocketing it. "Its fine, you dont have to be photogenic, babe."

Katsuki frowned deeply and finished his drink.

"Dont call me babe." He grumbled.

"You've spent every night at my place this past week." Eijirou retorted with a pout, walking up behind Katsuki and hugging his waist. "What am I supposed to call you?"

Katsuki didnt answer.

****

Katsuki: Delete that photo, fuck face.

Pikachu: he asked about u

Katsuki: I dont care, don't tell him anything about me.

Katsuki locked his phone, tossing it on the bed before stomping into the kitchen to grab his ice cold take out left overs.

Three years since he'd seen that smile in person-

And it still made him so damn weak.

He returned to his bedroom after warming his food up, flicking on the over sized TV to catch up on his trash TV.

The Bachelor was a great reference for his podcast material.

His phone dinged just as the opening credits started on the screen, and Katsuki reflexively looked at the message.

Pikachu: dude will u chill. how long are u gonna hate him? U had a part in the break up, too.

Katsuki narrowed his eyes at this phone screen, the food in his mouth suddenly tasting sour.

Who the hell did Denki think it was?

Katuski: Delete that picture, and my number. Asshole. Don't text me ever again.

Katsuki turned off his phone and threw it in an unspecified direction, angrily pouring Sriracha over his left overa.

/His/ part in the break up?

No.

/His/ part was being the asshole who thought Eijirou was endgame, and the other man had /allowed/ him to believe that.

He'd tried so hard, too hard to make it work.

Hed wanted to make it work with Eijirou more than he'd every wanted anything in his life.

/What if that was the problem?/

***

"Boyfriend?" Eijirou yelped, clearly caught off guard.

Katsuki turned around as he yanked the shirt in his hands back over his head.

"I- yeah? What, is that /not/ what we are?" He snapped defensively, suddenly beyond embarrassed.

It'd been a slip of the tongue, really. But there wasn't any use in trying to back pedal.

"No, no! We- I mean. That's what I've been telling my moms..." Eijirou shifted in his postion seated on the bed, grabbing the comforter to cover himself.

"Your moms know about me?" Katsuki arched one thin eyebrow.

Eijirou didn't answer right away. Instead he chewed on his lip and began to fiddle nervously with the comforter.

"Yeah? We've been doing /this/ for a month." Eijirou answered, gesturing between them.

Heat crept up Katsuki's neck.

"I just. Didn't know how else to explain it to them?" Eijirou offered sheepishly. "I know we hadn't talked about it yet..."

Katsuki rolled his eyes, slightly annoyed but mostly endeared by Eijirou's honesty.

"Okay, well- as I was /saying/ since you're my /boyfriend/ I want you to go with me to this stupid lame party my friends always throw every new year."

He turned just in time to see Eijirou wrap the blanket around his head, the brightest smile he'd ever seen painted across blushing cheeks

"Katsuki Bakugou is my boyfriend, give me a moment to process this, dude."

"Oh my god, will you fucking /chill/?"

Eijirou flopped back on the bed, curling himself into the mass of covers as he rocked back and forth.

"You are a child."

Katsuki couldn't help but laugh at the over reaction.

After a moment, Eijirou sat back up, a feral grin replacing the sweet on from before.

"Come and kiss me, boyfriend."

Katsuki couldnt deny Eijirou anything when he used that tone of voice.

***

HELLO HERE IS THE LIST OF TAGS IN CASE YOU'RE NEW

Rated M // Miscommunication, accusations of cheating, college drinking, anger pining, breaking up and making up, bitter Bakugou, HAPPY ENDING.

Top of the thread: https://twitter.com/KB_Shark/status/1203064889872437255?s=19

***

"You cant tell people who to hang out with, Kacchan." Deku rolled his eyes

"I can when its my back stabbing ex boyfriend." He snapped, pouring himself another mug full of coffee

Bakugou had just come off a grueling recording session of answering peoples questions and he was exhausted and just needed to /vent/.

"Thats not how this works."

"Yes, the fuck, it is. Denkinwas MY friend before he was Eijirou's-"

"And he's still your friend! It wasn't like Denki was the one who told Eijirou to turn your proposal down."

Katsuki falls silent