Unlike many of my sisters here, I partake in penis on occasion, and not without enthusiasm. This does not in any way alter the fact that Penis™️ is a broadly problematic brand. I realise that this makes Some Men sad, but that cannot be helped anymore now than <enter x> years ago.
This re-branding exercise of Penis™️ WILL FAIL, because a significant minority of men insist on misusing the one they were issued. Analogies with guns volunteer themselves at this point. “It’s not the gun, but the criminal”, etc. SO FUCKING WHAT?

A gun pointed in your direction
is an immediate cause for alarm, and so, quite frankly, are surprise penises.

Situationally, it doesn’t particularly matter to women whether it’s the penis or the man wielding it that is the problem. The entire package of surprise penis plus man is unwanted. NO THANK YOU.
No amount of superficial revamping of either penis or man will change this.

The surprise element of strange and/or unexpected penis will never be redeemed. It is never wanted, very rarely funny, and an immediate trigger of fight or flight; instinctive physiological reactions.
So, for absolute clarity, in the event that this message in a digital bottle ever reaches a man who has the not entirely original idea that maybe *his* surprise penis will be different, and welcome, I say “Hold it right there, Mr. In your pants. To yourself.”
Random Mr-or-not-so-Mr: you cannot do ANYTHING AT ALL to reframe your penis in the frame of another person’s mind, not even if that type of person has been sold to you as a handy penis case by the media/porn/sex industries.

We, actual women, have our own minds, lives and agency.
You might as well give up trying. In fact, PLEASE give up.

We decide when or if your particular penis is an instance of Penis™️ we are willing to reframe as meaningful and welcome in our intimate lives.

This is because it typically comes with consequences. Some of which are
fundamentally nice or creative, others problematic and even potentially deadly, NONE of which are low-effort.

You know as well as we do that we are expected to take responsibility for these consequences.

So no. WE frame penises that enter our remit. This is not going to change.
Oh, another thing: the problems associated with Penis™️ are old, and women have developed a wide range of tactics for deflecting, repelling, escaping and, if necessary, deflating surprise penises. Many of these are deceptive on purpose, so as to not trigger aggression and danger.
None of these are signals or indications that surprise penis is suddenly ok, or that Penis™️ has had a fundamental brand update.

So keep it to yourselves lads, until such a time the lady in question lets you know in no uncertain terms that it is a welcome addition in the scene.
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