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I had to clear it with Mooks that I could tell this story. I think it’s an important perspective for us white folks to hear.
A guy asked her out. Just to go to McD’s and hang out. She invited him here, “let’s get McD’s and come chill here!”
He was super resistant....
A guy asked her out. Just to go to McD’s and hang out. She invited him here, “let’s get McD’s and come chill here!”
He was super resistant....
She couldn’t figure out why. Maybe he was a creep? Maybe he had poor intentions? Maybe he was a weirdo.
So she asked him.
Turns out, he’s black. And he was worried her parents wouldn’t be okay with a person of colour coming to the house to chill with their daughter...
So she asked him.
Turns out, he’s black. And he was worried her parents wouldn’t be okay with a person of colour coming to the house to chill with their daughter...
And Mooks was like “what?!? No! I live with my mom and she loves everyone and my dad is cool too!”
And she told me, and I was like “what in the shit?! Of course he’s welcome here! What on....” and then it hit me, like a brick to the face....
And she told me, and I was like “what in the shit?! Of course he’s welcome here! What on....” and then it hit me, like a brick to the face....
Clearly it’s happened to him before, that he’s gone to a home and been UNwelcomed.
Mooks was confused and like “why would he even ask that?” And I was like, “my sweet, loving girl, this guy has likely faced folks who didn’t want him there, and his safety hinged on your answer”..
Mooks was confused and like “why would he even ask that?” And I was like, “my sweet, loving girl, this guy has likely faced folks who didn’t want him there, and his safety hinged on your answer”..
And then I kinda cried a bit. Cause while I worry about my daughter and her safety for all kinds of reasons - I don’t worry that the colour of her skin puts her at an even higher risk of harm than being a young woman.
And here is this young man, who has to double check to make sure it’s SAFE for him to go to someone’s house. That parents aren’t going to lose their minds because a nice, polite (handsome) young black man is coming to hang out with their kid.
Think about that...
Think about that...
So as much as I see it in the news and hear about experiences of poc, I was still shocked that someone *might* fear me.
Me!? And then I related it back to what I say about to dudes who “not all men” me: it’s hard for folks to know which one of us are safe or unsafe.
Me!? And then I related it back to what I say about to dudes who “not all men” me: it’s hard for folks to know which one of us are safe or unsafe.
In the end he came by - they hung out, we all listened to terrible 80-90’s rap for a bit. He thanked me for being “cool”.
The reminder here is: it’s not always easy to tell who safe people are, so do everything you can to try to see their perspective and be kind.
The reminder here is: it’s not always easy to tell who safe people are, so do everything you can to try to see their perspective and be kind.
